Please help I just need a new life

[Depulsive]

Hi I don't really know how to begin. Well I'll start of by saying my story. I am Jackie 14 years old and I can't live like this anymore. My father died when I was 8 ever since that day Everything goes wrong for me. My mom beats me, that's the sad truth. She calls me words and honestly I've taken pills and cut because of this. I feel so stuck I feel like I can't breathe. My moms parents are nice sometimes but I feel like they hate me I have a sister and 2 brothers and I know everyone in the family likes her better. She's thin pretty smart and nice. Either way this summer my mom and my grandparents decided that me and my sister should live with my aunt and uncle and I thought that was the best idea. I thought everything would change and I would be happy. That wasn't the case tho I came up here and I stopped getting beat physically but not emotionally my aunt hates me I know it. I am a bit slow and they get pissed at me because of it. I have a cousin up here and she just makes me feel like crap. I have scars running down my legs and I've honestly thought of just ending it all, but I know I have a future I just need a clean start. I want a nice happy life. I don't want a family, it hurts too much to have one. Everyone wouldn't care if I was gone maybe just my mom but she'll get over it. No one cares of what I feel I am a bit overweight and I constantly get told that I am fat and I don't even have a self esteem anymore I don't feel comfortable anywhere I feel like I don't belong. So when I found this website I found hope. All I want is to move possibly out of the country or at least my state. I want to finish school. I want to get a job right now so I will support myself. I don't want anyone to see me run away tho. Please help please tell me how I can leave with my clothes. Do I have to leave behind my electronics? Do I even bring clothes? Am I going to be happy? All I want is to be happy and safe! Will I meet anyone else or will I be all alone? Please I just want out and honestly typing this sounds emotionless but trust me when I say I cry every day and think of ways to end it all. Thank you.

[ccsmod4]

Hello,
Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.

It sounds like you have been going through a very tough time at home with your mom and now with your aunt. You do not deserve to be physically, verbally or emotionally abused.
Your feelings matter and should be respected by others.
It is understandable that you suffer from low self -esteem but it took great courage to sit down and write your post to NRS. You took initiative and advocated for yourself. Good for you.
It sounds like you feel that there is a better life waiting for you. That's good. You are doing a great job by looking for more positive ways to cope with your situation.

Running away is an option many have considered but it also may not be the only option.
We understand that you may be feeling fed up, frustrated and hurt by all of the negativity that has surrounded you. You are entitled to your feelings. What’s also important is your safety and how you will survive life on the streets.
Talking things out might be helpful with coming up with options and formulating a plan.
Does that make sense?

You can call 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or visit www.1800Runaway.org (NRS live chat) to speak to us about your situation. How does that sound?

Something you might like to know

There is support for anyone suffering from abuse and thinking about or turning to self-harm as a means of coping.
Here are a few options:

Two write love on her arms:

https://twloha.com/

Crisis Text Line:

http://www.crisistextline.org/who-we-are/

Suicide Prevention Life line:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

As we stated these referrals provide support in times of crisis.

We hope that reaching out to NRS has been a good thing for you and we hope to hear from you soon.

Take Care