Thinking about leaving

[Unregistered]

My whole life my dad has had ridiculously high expectations for me. My mom was sick for thirteen years and passed away last year. Ever since then things have been worse with my dad. For my onths after she passed he emotionally abused me to the point where I started self harming and almost took my life one night. I would work so hard to keep my perfect 4.0 GPA and keep him happy but nothing was ever good enough. He would always find a way to tear me down and make me feel like a worthless disappointment. The summer wasn't horrible because my brother came back from college and we took care of each other. However, my brother leaves for college in a week, the same day I start back to school. I am only sixteen and will be stuck alone in this house with my father. I am terrified. He has already been worse and worse towards me in the past couple of weeks. Whenever we're alone it seems he just tears me down. I told him I was concerned about my course load for next year and wanted to switch it around a bit. He yelled at me for being lazy and told me to go away because he "shouldn't have to deal with my problems." I am often scared to be in the same room as him, especially when no one else is around. I sometimes am afraid he may physically harm me or violate me. I am hoping to go across the country for college and find a way to pay my own way so I never have to deal with him again. However I don't know if I can emotionally and physically handle being here with him for the next two years, especially since my brother isn't really gonna come back so much anymore because of my dad driving him away. I was just wondering what my options might be to get away from my dad and his emotional abuse. I don't want to get back to the place where taking my life seems like the only answer. I need to find a safe way to be rid of his torture. Please help me.

[ccsmod4]

Thinking about leaving

Hello,

Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.

It sounds like you have been experiencing a hard time at home with your father.
First let us say you have our condolences on the passing of your mother.
It can be a difficult situation to cope with. Have you or your father ever had grief counseling?
Sometimes counseling can be a service that provides a safe place to express your feelings and share your emotions. It sounds like you had some support from your brother being home but he will be leaving soon and it will be just you and your father.
You do not deserve the type of treatment that you have been receiving from your father, sometimes people have difficulty dealing with the loss of a love one and project negative emotions on to others. Could your father be having a very hard time coping with your moms passing? It’s not an excuse for him to neglect your feelings or present a threatening environment. You should feel safe and secure at home.

We are glad that you reached out to NRS as a way to explore options and express your feelings.
We understand things can sometimes be so overwhelming that there might be thoughts of suicide as an answer. You are very brave and courageous.
(National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255 24hrs)

We can assist you with exploring options for your future. It sounds you plan on going to college but just not sure you want to stay with your father during the interim.
Your brother has been great support now are there any other relatives that might step up and offer help to you and your father? An option to explore could be grandparents or other relatives that might be willing to let you stay with them for a period of time.
Does that sound like a possibility?

You are welcome to call 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or visit 1800Runaway.org (NRS live chat) to continue discussing your situation and look for options for a plan.
You are important and we hope you continue to look for positive steps to cope with your situation.
When you are ready NRS is here to listen and here to help.

Take Care,
NRS