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Venting and Wondering What to Do

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  • Venting and Wondering What to Do

    I am currently crying while I am writing this, been in a sad mood ever since I got home from work.
    General details: 21 year old female, graduated with a bachelors, on my way to law school (waiting to hear back with acceptance/rejection)
    For as long as I can remember, I have strived to follow what my parents asked of me, mainly my mom
    I thought this was right to avoid any conflicts
    Because of this I did well in school, got straight A's in high school and did well in university as well, accepted into honors program
    Finances were always an issue and I went through college financed by financial aid
    Even dorming or living with friends near campus had my parents plan how to pay, because I wanted to experience new things
    I liked living off campus because I got to be independent
    Waiting for law school, I'm back to living with my family (parents and siblings) to save money, even now my parents are doing what they can to save to pay for law school for me
    I work part-time 15 hours a week and most of what I make I do save up, but the thousands of dollars I would have saved up to move out or travel or to pay for law school myself, my mom takes to pay for car insurance, various bills and such
    She says she will give it back to me (she has written down $16,000 owed to me)
    I would move out but I do not think I could manage financially, especially with paying for law school coming up in the future. My mom also has access to my checking account/savings account and all of my credit cards, because she basically pays the balance and sees what everything is spent on
    I should mention as well that my mom is a bit controlling: any where I go, I must tell her where I am going, from what time to what time, who else will be there, etc.
    I know. I am 21. I am an adult. But going up with this routine, I just follow it
    Even now I stand up for myself, argue with my mom, telling her I want to move out
    She blames my boyfriend and my friends, saying they changed me
    No. I just use my voice now.
    My boyfriend has a plan once he gets a full time job (he is currently studying for CPA) to pay for law school tuition or for a place to live together
    I appreciate it, but I don't want to burden others.
    I don't know what to do. Staying here living with my mom makes me depressed, I sometimes get so sad I imagine what it would feel like to cut myself, it would probably feel better than hurting on the inside.
    I know this was unorganized. I just wanted to get as much detail out as possible.

    Thank you for reading.

  • #2

    Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you are going through a lot, so it is understandable that you are feeling this way.
    First off, if you are ever feeling like cutting or hurting yourself, know that there are people out there you can talk to. You can always call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
    Figuring out finances and how to pay for school is difficult. Especially with the current cost of education. It sounds like you aware, but know that at 21, you are a legal adult and are allowed to live and go wherever you want. You are also legally able to open your own bank account. It sounds like this is pretty hard to do though, growing up with the routine you’re in now.

    Maybe you can talk with your parents or your mom about how you are feeling lately as a result of following these house rules. If you were interested, we have a conference call service where we can talk with youth and their parents together on the phone. Some people find this as a helpful opportunity to tell someone how they are feeling and what they are struggling with, with someone else on the phone to be an advocate. If you were interested in trying this, you can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929).

    We can also connect you with individual or family counseling resources in your area that are affordable. It may help to talk with a professional therapist about what is going on either just to vent, or to get some advice. Feel free to give us a call and we can look into this option.
    It sounds like you are a very motivated person and that your boyfriend is a valuable source of support for you. We wish you the best of luck during this hard time and hope to hear from you if you are interested in the options mentioned above.

    We hope this response was helpful! We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey.

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    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
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    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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