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  • Family issues

    Hello, and thank you for your time. If it wouldn't be too much trouble, I would like your opinion on my current situation, please. This is sort of a long story.

    My name is Mason, and I am an extremely depressed transgendered teen (15 years old). My parents, although they haven't kicked me out, aren't very understanding. I try and talk to them, but they refuse to talk with me about things that truly matter. My dad, my mom, and my sister refuse to use my preferred pronouns which, honestly, is very stressful. I understand that this can be hard, and maybe it wouldn't be as stressful if they simply would try. The only time they use my preferred name and/or pronouns are when they are using them to mock, degrade, or make fun of me.

    When I was about 6, I was raped and molested by my older brother, who was about 16, more than once. When I finally came out and told my mother, a few months ago, why I have such a fear of my brother, she admitted to already knowing and not doing anything about it. She told me to get over it, that it was years ago, and that I need to start showing my brother that I care about him. He lives with us now, which fills me with an extreme amount of anxiety and fear, but when I try and talk to her, she defends him, saying he was a "little boy that was curious about sex," despite him being in his mid-teens. He is 25, about to be 26 in December, and none of his girlfriends are ever above the age of 17 and are usually below that age. She never does anything about the things he does wrong.

    My parents are constantly fighting over everything. My dad constantly tells me how much he hates my mother and is going to leave the moment I turn 18. He constantly puts me down for any mistake I make, nor does he let me forget the fact that I'm going to grow up to be a failure, and that I already am. He always tells me that I'm going to grow up, drug-addicted (despite me never having done drugs a day in my life), in and out of jail, and probably living on the side of the road in a box. He never tries to talk to me and see why my grades are slipping or if I'm okay, and honestly he doesn't care. I try and keep up with school work, but they always interrupt me when I'm trying to do homework and give me more important things to do. Also, I can't focus or concentrate. I tell them that I can't try any harder than what I already and they tell me "you're not trying though," or "try harder," or "you're just stupid." There's always my personal favorite of "maybe we should put you in the 'special' classes with the other retards," which frustrates me to no end. They have really horrible views about African Americans and special needs kids.

    My mom was drug addicted the entire time I was growing up, always getting pills and sharing them with my two brothers and my sister. She would make me sit in bathrooms with her while she smoked her share of the pills, making me talk to her so nobody suspected and would blow the smoke in my face when she responded. I hated the feeling I got afterwards. I think the only reason she doesn't do them as often is because since we moved, she no longer has that direct access to them.

    My brothers both have anger issues. You never know what'll tick them off, or if you're going to get hurt when you do. They get violent sometimes, and have to be physically restrained. You don't know if they'll choke you, beat you, or pull a knife (though they won't actually stab you, stuff like that is extremely scary because you don't know if this is the time they will).

    I almost never get to be alone. My mother refuses to let me be home alone, and I almost never get to go anywhere by myself. I'm lucky if I get to take a walk and if I do, she usually has my dad call and tell me to come home within twenty minutes. I lock myself in my room most days because I get really bad anxiety around them. If I want to go to a friend's house, either she or my sister drop me off and the same goes for picking me up.

    Everyone in my house has me do everything for them. I wash their clothes, I make them something to drink, I grab them the remote or the phone, I make them something to eat. Then they complain that I am ungrateful and never help out. My mom even has me rub her feet for her after a day at work.

    It makes me so sad that my own family can cause me so much depression, anxiety, and sometimes anger. I get really, extremely angry sometimes and I feel bad for being angry so I bottle it up. Sometimes I bring up these issues to my mom or ask if I can maybe see a therapist, but she just brushes off my concerns as nothing. Everyday, I dream of getting away, of leaving here and being away from them. That makes me feel like a horrible person because they do keep a roof over my head and food in my mouth, and even though it difficult to see it as so, they're my family whether I like it or not.

    I don't know what to do anymore, and I'm not sure how much longer I can stay here. Thank you for your time.

  • #2
    RE: Family issues

    Hello Mason,

    Thank you so much for reaching out to us. It sounds like this is a very overwhelming situation, but know that we are here to listen and want to help. It can be hurtful and difficult to feel like your family doesn’t want to understand, especially when it seems that you’ve been through so many difficult situations. Remember that you do not deserve to be treated poorly for any reason, and you do have options.

    It’s understandable that your family’s unwillingness to use your preferred pronouns is upsetting. You do not deserve to be made fun of for your preferred pronouns for any reason, and the fact that you are making an effort to be patient with your family despite the mocking is truly admirable. One resource that might be helpful for this situation is the Trans Lifeline, which you can call at 1-877-565-8860. You should not have to feel misunderstood or isolated because of who you are.

    It seems like your relationships with family members can take their toll. It is unfortunate and unfair that you were raped and molested by your brother, especially since your mom does not seem willing to listen or talk to you about it. There is a resource called RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) that would be able to help you deal with this, and you can call them at 1-800-656-4673. Nothing you ever did or will do justifies your brother’s actions and mother’s reactions. You deserve to be believed and taken care of.

    Sometimes it can become really difficult to live with people who put you down or have anger issues. It sounds like your family takes a lot out on you, which is never something you should have to be subject to, especially when it is so frequent. You do not deserve to be made to do everything for your family, spoken down to, nor hurt when your brothers get angry. With all of this happening, it’s completely understandable that you would want some alone time, and you definitely deserve to have that. It’s unfortunate that your family does not make that easy for you. It sounds like you do your best to take care of yourself and do your best in school, even when things are difficult, and for that you are very strong. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is an agency that could assist you in staying safe and navigating these things you are facing at home. You can call them at 1-800-799-7233, and they will be there to talk.

    Drug abuse can be a scary thing to witness, and it seems to be stressful that your mom is experiencing that. It is not fair that she made you witness her addiction, and the fact that you remain clean and are willing to talk about it is brave. There is a group called Families Anonymous that exists for situations like this. Their phone number is 1-800-736-9805, and they will be able to help you navigate this topic.

    We know this is a lot of information, but we want to make sure you are receiving the support you need and deserve. Remember that nothing you have done justifies the pain that you are coping with. The fact that you reached out to us and shared this is, again, incredibly admirable. It seems like you have a really good head on your shoulders, which is really great. It’s reasonable that you aren’t sure how much longer you can stay at home, so if you would like some shelter resources, or even to talk through this in more depth, we encourage you to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are here 24/7 and would be happy to work through this with you more. Additionally, you can chat us online any day from 4:30pm-11:30pm at www.1800RUNAWAY.org . Again, know that you have options and that there is hope. You deserve to be taken care of, and there are many people who are here to help you.

    Best of luck,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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