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Thinking of Running Away.

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  • Thinking of Running Away.

    Hey there,

    I am 15, 16 in a few months, and I have been thinking of running away for quite some time now. I grew up in a family of 4 where my older sister (20 now) was always considered the perfect child. I constantly felt alone, and when I mentioned this to my parents, they would call me 'Silly' and tell me I was wrong. Just note that I have ALWAYS had over protective parents.

    My problems started when I reached middle school. I watched everyone around me have this freedom than I wanted. I slipped into depression and started cutting and drinking early 6th grade. (Currently in 10th) People in school would call me horrible names, teachers would ignore me in class, and my parents would ground me for months at a time for making B's on my report card.

    By the time of 8th grade, I was threatening suicide. I had a few failed attempts before this, but my friends never thought much of it. Around November of 06', my cutting problem got much worse and one of my friends brought it to the attention of the Principal. I spent an hour or so in her office and it wasn't friendly. She had her vice principal hold my down so she could check me for cuts, scars, etc. She told me how people like me ruined the school system. One of the things that got to me the most was that she said things like, 'You have mental issues. You need to be put in a mental hospital.' along with many other comments that were uncalled for. My mother was called, and I was sent home.

    My dad was out of town, like always, that night. He's never home much because of his job. He still doesn't know to this day what happened. My mom checked my arms, stripped my room, took away everything, and then pulled me out of school. I became homeschooled then. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone, or do anything without my mom being there. She found me a 'Suitable' homeschool friend which I became very close with over a few months. The girls mom soon discovered my past, and hated me. I decided to go to church with them to kind of make up for everything, but then went downhill. Her mom started telling lies about me to the church, and I was ultimately shuned by everyone. I haven't spoke to my friend in over half a year. All during this time, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with this guy.

    I spend everyday locked in my room, on my laptop for 14+ hours a day because it's honestly the only thing I really can do. My dad is never home, but when he is, we start fighting as soon as he walks in the door. In the end, he always says, 'I am the adult, and you are just a kid. Your opinion doesn't really matter, therefore I win and conversation is over.'
    My mom never really stands up for me. Every once in a while, she might add in something like, 'It's not her fault' or something.. but then she'll back down.

    I am not allowed to have friends really. Both parents say I am 'To Young' to be with people. Whenever I do get the chance, my mom is right by my side and adding comments to conversations. She's recently developed a horrible habit of speaking for me, or she will talk about me when she knows I am beside her.

    I will be sitting on the couch, dad in the chair, mom at the door.
    Dad: Where is (insert name here)?
    Mom: I don't know..
    Me: I'm right HERE.
    Dad: Did you hear something?

    Both my parents are extremely sarcastic, and it hurts. I will tell them how I feel, and they tell me that I am acting stupid (only in vulgar terms) and need to grow up. I have set them down numerous times, and it all ends the same way. I am a child, and I have no say in anything. My parents will be talking in the same room as me, and I'll comment on something..and they say 'We are having a FAMILY discussion. You're not involved.' It's quite sad, really. My mother tunes me out completely, saying that I never told her something or that I am lying because she never said that. Her mother is the same way. (Known to have called me a Poor Excuse for a Granddaughter, Vulgar words, and laugh at me when she makes me cry)

    They have put me on many pills as well. Anger, Depression, Even some for Sleep. I have panic attacks often, anixety problems, and I'm extremely paranoid.I have developed Anorexia over the years as well. I'm getting to the point where I am physically ill because of the lack of love, belief, human contact, etc. My mother has also been known to make me take her prescription Panic Attack pills.

    I do not feel comfortable in my own home anymore. A 50 year old man has been living with us for about 12 weeks now, and I am scared. My mom will NOT kick him out, just because he is a friend of my dads. I think he is moving out Wednesday morning though. Not completely sure.

    I have thought that running away was a stupid idea, but for the past few months I have packed my bags several times. I have decided to NOT leave unless I have a full safe plan. I have recently found a Runaway Center an hour away from my place, and I am considering going there. I am also considering asking my parents if I could stay there for a while until I figure things out further. They will more than likely say no, but I hope they don't.

    If I did run away, I have a place to stay...but it's 600 miles away. My (sorta kinda) Ex Boyfriend has over $1,000 saved for us and he has always wanted me to be with him in his town. If I ran away, I would either stay with him, or at the Runaway Center an hour away.

    I would really really like to stay at the Runaway Center, and I know it would hurt my parents, but they cause me so much emotional pain..and I think it would be best. Please, what are you opinions? I have obviously given this alot of thought, I just need some courage.

    -Automatically Wrong

  • #2
    Re: Thinking of Running Away.


    Thank you very much for being brave enough to detail your story and share with everyone whatss going on in your life. Sounds like you are not in the best situation and the people around you don't seem to be supportive in any way. Is there anyone that you can count on to be there for you emotionally?

    Hopefully you already know this but the way you are being treated is not ok. Your parents should not be treating you that way and judging by the way you are describing things, you do not deserve it. No one does. Do people outside of home know how your family treats/neglects you? What do you think would happen if you told someone you really trusted?

    The good thing is the way you are trying to plan / think options through. Most people just get up and go without thinking twice but you seem to at least be doing well enough to think clearly. Getting a safe proof plan is the best thing you can do. How possible is it that you will go to either the shelter or your Ex-boyfriend's place? How long do you plan on staying away? Just so you know, if you do leave, your parents might file a runaway report on you which means you will be listed in the police database as a runaway.

    It's really difficult to try and figure out what options you'd be willing to go through oyu think you can call into the hotline? We are an anonymous and confidential hotline so details that you decide to share with us will not leave the call center. If you are willing and able, please call us 24hrs a day at 1800.RUNAWAY.

    Please contact us so we can better serve you and see what can be done to get you to a better place.

    Best of luck,

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


    • #3
      Re: Thinking of Running Away.

      Thank you for replying so soon.

      I'm glad to say that instead of causing harm to the people around me, I talked to my mom on the way to town. I told her I had something very important to talk to her about, and then told her that I would like to make my way to the Runaway Center. She asked me why, of course. I simply replied with, 'I do not feel like I am doing the best I can in my life. I would like to get away for a week or so and think things through.'

      She said she would check it out and seriously consider letting me go. I'm extremely glad that she listened to me for once, and I really think that she will let me.


      • #4
        Re: Thinking of Running Away.

        Thanks so much for writing in again and keeping us updated. It’s great to hear that you were able to have a conversation with your mom about the runaway shelter and that she is really considering letting you go. Sometimes it can really help to have some time away to be able to think about options and take a break. Hopefully you and your mom will be able to look into the program further and work something out.

        Remember that we are always here if you need us. If you need to post again that is okay, but you can always call us 24 hours a day at 1-800-RUNAWAY. If you need to talk about the situation or discuss options you can always contact us. Best of luck with everything and take care.
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!


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