Thinking about running away

[Guest]

I'm a 15 year old girl on the verge of leaving everything behind. Too much has been going on in my life. I have to say it all started with my mother, an opinion of her from me would be "wreckless, stupid, immature, and not understanding." I won't go that far back before i was born, so I'll start to when i was around 5. That was when i was learning what sex and drugs were. Yes, that's pretty young for some people but i guess you could say I was a smart cookie. Anyways, my mother and father both did drugs, I think that's how they first hooked up. All their friends did it and back then i started to know it to. My mom cheated on my dad with some other guy, though my mom and dad never got married. Every night I could hear an arguement, sometimes they'd keep me up all night. Then sometimes my dad would would move out for awhile and I'd get to visit him on the weekends. My mom worked as a stripper at a night club. My father was in and out of work all the time. Then when I was around seven, we moved, well me my mom and my brother. My dad moved somewhere else. Though we still got to see him on the weekends. My mom was in and out of relationships for awhile, but kept going back to that one guy whom she cheated on with my father. He moved in with us taking up our space and critisizing me and my brother for not doing anything right. All he did was sleep and eat our food, I don't even think he had a job. But soon I learned he did drugs too. And for a few years we lived like that, not at all understanding what was happening to my life. Soon we got evicted from yet another house and now living in the house I am today. Soon after my mother married that guy who had been living with us, but he didn't live in this house, he lived down the street with his mother. I soon learned that he sold drugs to people, even underage kids! I knew he had weapons and wasn't the nicest person to have around. My mom even helped out delivering drugs to people. Recently, my mother has even been cheating on her now husband, and he has even cheated on her. She doesn't even care that I know she does drugs, or any of this. She has also started drinking alcohol. And she has hit me few times drunk. I have a feeling that our landlord doesnt like us or knows something that i probably do too, and we'll be evicted again. My father lives a town away but i still see him, my brother is now of age to get a job or car or house and help out the family with bills, but refuses. I wish I was old enough to get money, I would certainly have run away by now. A job, car and money is all i need. But too far out of reach.

This has all happened in my life, sometimes i can't stand it and take a walk, but that's not enough anymore, they don't understand how this is on me.

[ccsmod7]

Re: Thinking about running away

Thanks so much for writing in and sharing your story. For being only 15 years old it sounds like you have dealt with a lot in your lifetime. It’s not always easy opening up about these kinds of situations and you should be very proud for being able to do so. It sounds like life at home has never been an easy thing, and that your mother has not made things much easier. You said that your mom has been involved with drugs for basically your whole life. Considering everything that has been going on it’s completely understandable that you have thought about leaving. Do you feel safe at your home? If you did decide to leave have you thought about where you would go? Do you have a safe place that you could stay at? A friend or another family member? You mentioned that your dad is still in the picture and that you are able to see him on weekends. How is your relationship with your dad? Would you be able to stay with him? What do you think your mom would do if you left? Do you think she would get the police involved and make a runaway report?

This probably seems like a lot of questions, but sometimes it’s good to look at everything in the situation in order to make a decision. You mentioned that you sometimes go for walks when home gets to overwhelming. Are there other things that you do when you are getting frustrated that help? What do you think would be your ideal situation or what would you like to see happen? Do you think there is anything that would help make home a better place for you to be? In the end we are not here to tell you what to do. But rather to discuss the situation and talk about options or resources that may help. If you want to discuss the situation a little more in depth it may help to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are a completely confidential hotline and are available 24 hours a day. If you are not able to call in you can definitely leave another post if you have other questions. In the meantime, stay safe and take care, and we look forward to talking with you.

[Guest]

Re: Thinking about running away

I do feel safe at home instead of on the streets. I always thought I'd stay at my friends for awhile and see how that goes, or move in with my dad, but that wouldn't be the best thing for me either, he doesn't live in the best community and I'd have to go to a pretty horrible school (well for a white kid that would haveto go to a black school). My relationship with him is okay, but he does drugs too and that's not something .. I feel good about. I have also thought moving in with other family members that have better communities, but I don't want to impose on them. I've always had problems sharing my feelings with other people. If I left without telling my mother, she would probably call everybody I know, and if they knew nothing, I'm sure she'd call the police.

My ideal situation would be for my mother to understand why I act like I don't like her, and for her to listen to me and to stop what shes doing to do those things for me.

[ccsmod7]

Re: Thinking about running away

Thanks for writing in again and answering some questions. It’s good to hear that you feel safe at your house, but it also sounds like you are frustrated with things at home. You mentioned a couple of options that you have thought of if you left. It’s good to know that you have a few safe places you could go if you did decide to leave. Now you did say that you’ve thought about living with other relatives. Are there any other family members that know about the situation that you are dealing with? You said that it is sometimes hard for you to talk about your feelings, but do you think at some point you may feel comfortable going to another family member and talking with them about what is going on? It is not always easy to open up about your feelings, but we do want you to be proud of yourself about being able to open up in this forum.

You mentioned that your ideal situation would be for your mom is better understand what you are going through and basically why you are feeling this way. Do you think that there are any ways of communicating with your mom about how you are feeling? Have you tried to talk with her, and if so what is her usual response? If she doesn’t respond by talking, do you think there is anything else that would help? Perhaps writing her a letter? It’s really frustrating because in the end she is the one that is going to have to make these changes. Her actions are by no means your fault or your responsibility. Sometimes it can help to think about the things you can control and how those things might be able to help the situation. And the great thing is that you are doing that right now by trying to reach out to someone and talk about the situation. As said before we are always here to listen and help in anyway we can. If you get to the point where you feel comfortable enough, you can always give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY and talk about the situation a little more in depth. Remember we are here 24 hours a day so you can reach us anytime. Take care.