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Moving Out to Live w/ Grandparents

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  • Moving Out to Live w/ Grandparents

    hi, I’m 16 and for awhile I’ve been considering moving in with my grandparents for my senior year. My parents/family are by no means abusive, they have tried their best to provide me with the best environment possible. however, they are very overprotective as a result (ex., my mom grounded me because my friends were laughing in the car when i called her, claiming it was unsafe). there have been a lot of problems in my family since i was a kid, my parents and mom/sister fight constantly and while i rarely fight w them (although i am sometimes rude and provoking, so im not totally innocent), i find myself skipping dinners so i dont have to eat with them, of being so angry that i have to react physically by tearing up paper or crying. recently i lied about going to a party where drugs/alcohol were present (saying i was going over my friend’s house) just to rebel a little bit. i didn’t do anything or even have a fun time, so i dont think i’d do it again. i feel bad about it, but my parents don’t let me do a lot: i can’t have a boyfriend, go to concerts w/o a chaperone, control most of my money, or even get a job, with the excuse these are unsafe or will destroy my grades. I have straight A’s and am in the top 5% of my class in a relatively competitive high school, so i don’t feel as though the latter is just.

    in addition, my mom expects me to get a PhD or doctorate eventually. i dont know if i even want to go to grad school, and i feel like my path has been set up for me since I was born, basically to be like my mother, who is a Turkish immigrant and comes from far less ideal prospects than myself. I understand she wants the best for me, but it still makes it feel constricting. my entire life is built around professional success. i feel like i never got to be a kid.

    i see a counselor for anxiety/panic attacks and while mental illness runs in my family, its generally in the vein of alcoholism and depression, and i dont feel as if my prescence in the household is helping me.

    my grandparents live across the country and i dont want to leave my friends. i dont even really want to leave my parents. i love them and cant picture my world without them. theyre great people, i just dont know if i can live with them anymore. i dont want them to feel like bad parents or embarrass them. i live in suburbia and i feel like there would be a lot of gossip, and it would destroy my mom, considering my sister (who is an adult) is also moving out. im scared and i dont know what to do. i love my parents and don’t want to hurt them. what should i do?

  • #2
    Hi there,

    Thanks for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline and sharing a little bit about what is going on. You gave and have a lot of insight into how you family impacts you and what another option you may have with your grandparents. It seems like you care a lot of about your family, your schooling, and your own mental health. You are working hard to balance the three but seems overwhelming at the moment, which is understandable. We are here to listen and support you in any way that we can.

    You mentioned living with your grandparents and I would encourage you to think about what you hope to get from living with your grandparents, maybe think through the pros and cons of staying at home in comparison to staying with your grandparents. Also, thinking through what would need to change at home for you to feel like you can stay there until you graduate.

    It sounds like your parents have a lot of influence and are wanting the best future for you. Although this is great they are supportive , once you turn 18 you will have the right legally to make your own choices, but before then you can start thinking independently and take into consideration all of the values, lessons, and experiences your family has taught you to become your own individual.

    In regards to your mental health, it looks like you already are seeing a counselor and have developed some coping skills that are healthy. One thing to consider, if you haven’t already, is to ask your family to do family counseling. If you call into us a 1-800-RUNAWAY we can look into resource for you or you can do your own research at SAMHSA.gov or 1-877-726-4727. In addition to counseling resources ,we can talk through your situation more specifically and help you think through your options. We are here to listen and know you are not alone in this.

    Wish you all the best and stay strong!

    -NRS

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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