16 years old and doing everything around the house.

[Guest]

I'm a 16 year old transguy, my parents are divorced and I live with my 59 year old dad. My dad is very sickly and uses a walker to get around, but is still capable of doing everyday activities like getting his coffee.

My dad has me get his coffee in the morning, check his glucose, give him his insulin shot, and his several medications in the morning. Throughout the day I get him food and drinks or do whatever the hell he wants me to do, I tend to over react to my dad yelling and begin to cry and/or tremble for a reason unknown to me. I cook dinner, do dishes or wipe counters down, and before bed I change the battery in my dad's defibulator vest. I am so wiped out from school, that I don't even try to argue with him anymore. The urge to run off and walk to my mom's has gotten stronger in the last few months.

What should I do?

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks for reaching out to us. It can be really difficult to reach out to people you don’t know on the internet, but it can be a great way to receive help. We hope to provide you some help in this time of need.

You sound like you have a lot of responsibilities, and we really want to commend you on all the work you have done for your father. It definitely sounds like you’ve taken on a lot of responsibilities however, and may be overwhelmed. You may want to start finding ways to cope that are healthy. Journaling, reaching out to friends and loved ones, and exploring creative outlets are all great ways to cope with difficult situations, and most people can incorporate some or all of these activities into their lives. You may also want to explain your situation to teachers so they can help provide you accommodations that make it easier for you to learn given your circumstances. Also, if counseling is an option you are open too it as you can ask your school or look for local resources that may be helpful in improving the relationship with your father or situation at home. Hopefully they understand that you’re busy and attending to the health needs of your father.

Walking to your mother’s definitely makes sense given the difficulty of your circumstances. We do not judge youth for wanting to run away; instead, we want them to make informed decisions and to make preparations that ensure safety. We hope that you feel safe in your mother’s care, and we hope that she has the resources to satisfy your survival needs. We aren’t legal experts, so we can’t give you any sort of guarantee as to what legal consequences you will face as a runaway, but in general, a youth who runs away is unlikely to be arrested. However, anyone who houses a runaway youth can be charged with harboring a runaway. This may be especially true if your mother does not have custody over you. You may be interested in locating emergency housing. We can help see if there are shelters available in your community that can provide you a place to stay as well as food and hygienic resources. We also are able to find trans-friendly shelters depending on their availability, which may be able to provide you a more comfortable experience in a shelter environment than other shelters that cater to more predominantly cisgender clients. Reach out to us if you have any questions (1-800-786-2929, [email protected]).
We hope this message was helpful for you. If you are left with more questions or concerns, that’s fine. Just reach out to us 24/7 and we’ll do our best to help.

-NRS