hating my step dad and my mom treating me differently

[Guest]

My mom met my step-dad in late 2018. Most of that year was kind of a weird time for my family because both my siblings had recently been kicked out and I was living alone with my mom for the first time in my life. They moved back in in 2019, but anyways... She met this guy and within a month she asked me if it was okay if he moved in with us. I thought it was really nice of her to ask my opinion and how I felt about him moving in. I said no and that I wasn't really comfortable with it yet. She moved him in anyways.
There's a ton of general info I could write about my stepdad to show the type of person he is but I think the best example of his personality was the way he handled a situation with my sibling. After a freak accident my stepdad has to rush my sibling to the hospital. Despite my sibling now being (minorly) crippled for life because of his injuries, my stepdad decided to leave my freaked our mom and us at the hospital because my mom made a lighthearted joke about how my sibling (who had gone into shock on the way there) said that the car ride to the hospital felt like forever. My stepdad yelled something about how us stepchildren were "never going to accept him" and just left. That's the type of behavior that really makes you lose respect for a person. In general, I think he's a racist asshole with low self-esteem and anger issues. But recently my mom has been really pushing me to be my step-dads friend because it hurts his feelings that I ignore him. I'm haven't rejected him or been rude to him or anything and I'm generally a pretty anxious and quiet person but I do try to avoid conversation with him because a lot of the time it's uncomfortable and unpleasant. She's punishing me for not talking to him by not allowing me to go to concerts (music is a huge part of life) until I "change my behavior towards him." But I'm really not sure how to. I mean, sometimes you don't enjoy being around certain people and that's fine. I never signed a contract of marriage with the guy, I don't have any obligation to be his friend. My mom knows that I'm not super fond of him from convo's me and her have had. I don't understand why she would punish me all of the sudden. I'm guessing it's because he said something to her about it.
It's not all bad having a step-dad. He helped convince my mom to let me take a little summer vacation alone across the US to see my girlfriend when I was like 100% sure she was going to say no. But I mean, that's about it on the positives. I'm happy to see my mom in love but I just wish the guy was a better person.

[ccsmod10]

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
We hope to hear from you soon.

Be safe, NRS

[Guest]

She yelled at me cuz the new ap we got had only 2 bedrooms and one giant living room I told her to let me and my sister have the biggest bedroom cuz we need space since we ain’t even allowed in the living room because of her boyfriend since he likes to insult us when we go there. And she told me that if I didn’t like living with her that should just go live with my dad and that I spend all her money anyways and that she doesn’t even need me anyways and wouldn’t even get sad or cry if I was gone and that broke me and made me feel like ******** and I started calling her selfish and telling her she only cared about herself

[ccsmod0]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We are so sorry you are having problems with your mom and your living situation. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe, NRS

Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

[Guest]

My stepdad is a dick. He messes with me, wont pick me up for school, says things that makes my super upset and my mom always sides with him. They harass my brother and I and i feel like i have to protect him. im 14 and he's 12 and i can not take it anymore. I was not ok with their marriage and i feel like im trapped. I have talked with my dad about it he said that but theirs nothing he can do. What do i do im so upset

[ccsmod6]

It sounds like you are really hurt by the way your stepdad is treating you and your brother. You and your brother deserve to be treated with respect. It makes sense that you want to leave a situation like that. You mentioned you reached out for support from your parents and haven’t seen any results. We are here to listen and can discuss what options you might have to deal with the situation. Feel free to reach out to us. We are available via phone at 1 800-786-2929 or chat at our website 1800runaway.org.

[Guest]

My mom divorced my dad 4 years ago and I swear she changed so much! I had to move away from my dad and my mom started dating and I was fine with that, because she talked trash about my dad and made me think that he was a bad person, so she started dating this one guy and he seemed cool until, I found out my mom was 33 dating a 53 year old AND lying about my dad! Like WTH mom! So then he moved in with us, almost died more than once, and changed my mother. My mom pays like 0 attention to me, my bro, and sis now! I don't know why she's always in her room but she is. I've had thoughts of running away, finding out a way to live with my dad, and suicide! Because of my mom and stepdad.

I have no one to talk to about this/need support

If you understand thanks, if not that's ok

same here man

[ccsmod13]

Hi there,

Thank you for your response to another user’s post. Often forums are a place of support and understanding for many youth. It often may be validating and helpful for users to read similar situations as well as exchange feedback to one another. For anyone experiencing any difficulties or challenges, the National Runaway Safeline encourages youth to reach out to our 24/7 crisis support line either by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or live chat at 1800runaway.org for immediate services.

Thank you, NRS

[Guest]

She yelled at me cuz the new ap we got had only 2 bedrooms and one giant living room I told her to let me and my sister have the biggest bedroom cuz we need space since we ain’t even allowed in the living room because of her boyfriend since he likes to insult us when we go there. And she told me that if I didn’t like living with her that should just go live with my dad and that I spend all her money anyways and that she doesn’t even need me anyways and wouldn’t even get sad or cry if I was gone and that broke me and made me feel like ******** and I started calling her selfish and telling her she only cared about herself

[ccsmod13]

Hi there,

Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like being at home has been very overwhelming and stressful for you recently. Home is supposed to be somewhere you feel safe and you do not deserve to be talked down to or threatened in any way. We want you to know that you are not alone and we are here to listen.

NRS is a safe and confidential space for young people to receive support and resources. We are a non-directive and non-judgmental space for you talk through your situation and explore your options. We are here 24/7 to listen and help.
Our email and Bulletin services are different in that we can only respond twice. If you would like to talk more in detail about your situation and receive immediate help, we encourage you to reach out to us through our hotline at 1-800-786-2929 or use our live chat services at 1800runaway.org (click on the CHAT button on our website homepage).

We look forward to hearing from you soon so that we can help,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi this has been really hard to share but my step dad who I had known for about 6 years I think? At first I hated him but then I realized I had to deal with him. My half sister was born 2 years ago and now my mom is pregnant again and I did not want another sibling at all and is not planning to help with it. I am so pissed because my stepfather has always had anger issues but he is from turkey and has a heavy accent so sometimes it is hard for people to understand him. He has been acting like my father lately btw i'm 12 and a girl (gonna turn 13 soon) I get that hormones make my feeling worst than it is but every time i've tried to tell my mom or him I did not appreciate it my mom makes me apologize since "he has been there for you for 6 years HE IS MY FATHER" My bio father just got out of jail even though i do have his number anytime I try to have a connection with him my mom gets angry with me. My mom loves this man even though he has hit her before (only once) My mom is not that great eighter she had me at 18 but she is a very manipulative, childish, and hypocritical person to the point where I'm always h=being the parent again im 12 !!! Not once in my life have I seen her take care of my 2 year old sister for a whole day and my sister is wild and i mean WILD. At this point I don't what to do I've suggested therapy for everyone but I did therapy because I apparently had mood swing but to me I think that's just apart of a normal tween/teens life.I constantly find myself crying with a locked door or just staying in my room to get away from my mother because all she does is complain and its annoying she constantly calls me names like selfish,annoying,lazy, always making ecuses, and liar and the best part is she lets my step dad calls me these names as well her excuse is well your gonna have to learn because people are always gonna put you down but you can tell they mean it. Also I feel that parents should support you and guide you through life but at the same time family is the last people who should be making you feel like jumping of a building. I am 100% sure that I have adhd or a d d and I do have anxiety also i'm pretty sure I have depression but that's another story, she wont get me tested because she "does not wanna waste her time on something like this" I don't know what to do and I just don't know what to do and feel pressure of my chest just writing it and trust there more (I don't wanna call a line because I don't want to be taken away from my family and all my friends)

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.

Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

We hope to hear from you soon.

Be safe and stay strong,

NRS

[Guest]

I dont know where I am posting this too, but I'm reading so many story's that. I can relate to so much. My dad died 3 years ago, my mom and I were devastated. After time, she moved on. She still misses and loves him but she has been doing better. I love my mom. We do everything together. We would tell eachother almost everything. We used to be so close. But and then she met this man. I was confused. I didnt understand. I thought she loved my dad. But she moved on. I dont want to put his real name out there so I will call him "Ronald" (I just picked a random name, haha) but, Ronald and my mom loved eachother so much. I wasnt a fan though, once they got engaged Ronald started acting like my parent, and my mom started acting different. She was still loving and sweet but she was just... different. Over the while I started hating him more and more. Every time I see them touch, kiss, i go to my room and cry myself to sleep. I dont want her to be with him, I want her to be with my father. He is my favorite person ever. I told her about this a few times. But all she says is "I'm sorry you feel that way" I know she misses my dad but, I feel like I let him down. That his perfect little girl is now a boy... He used to call me his little princess. He wouldn't be proud of me, anyways, sorry, I'm getting off topic. When I came out as transgender to my mom, we got further and further apart. I started asking people for help and the people who support me, the people who she wouldn't let me talk to. I asked out this girl that I liked. I think I was in love. Dramatic, I know. But she was okay with me being transgender so I cant talk to her, my best friend from 1st grade. My councilor, just because she gave me the LGBTQ help number. This got so out of hand that I almost killed myself several times. I have no one. I was even on the newspaper. With my transgender problem. I'm afraid someday I will actually kill myself because my mom is taking away people I love. This all started when my stepdad joined the family. I know some of this isnt about me hating my stepdad but I just need advice. Anyone. Please...

[ccsmod15]

Thanks for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. You made a great first step to finding the help that you may need. It sounds like you are going through a lot and the people around you are not being supportive. You deserve to be treated with respect, to experience acceptance and to feel safe. It is understandably confusing to see your mom find another person to marry and have him suddenly trying to act like a father, then to also come into the feelings that you are transgender and not see the support from your mom that you normally expect. It seems like it’s been hard dealing with her change in support and your bond when you are essentially the same person even if you might identify a certain way she isn’t expecting.
We want you to know that you are strong for having gone through so much already. It is perfectly okay to deviate from what others or the common population believe to be “normal”. You’re bravery and resilience is so admirable. You are so strong for having gone through so much without having the acceptance that you do deserve for just being you. Remember that you are not alone. If you ever want to talk more about what you are experiencing or get additional support we are here 24/7 at 1800-RUNAWAY or our live chat service. The GLBT National Hotline at 1888-843-4564 is another option to gain great support from those that are familiar with the issues and experiences of those that are also a part of the LGBTQ community. You can access their website link bellow to utilize all the other possibly useful resources they have to offer: http://www.glbthotline.org/
It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe and stay strong,
NRS

[ccsmod16]

Hi, thank you for reaching out; we are glad that you did. You are going through so very much grieving the loss of your dad; the relationship with your mom changing so much; the new step-dad; coming to understand your gender identity; being cut off from supports. You are going through so very much. You deserve your life, and you will have it. Killing yourself would prevent your future self having love and joy and freedom. The website www.itgetsbetter.org was made for youth like you - there are thousands of videos from LGBTQ adults who were youth like you with stories you would recognize. They are the proof and the promise that it does get better.
There is also www.thetrevorproject.org another place for LGBTQ youth to find mental health support, especially if you are feeling suicidal. They have a chat and a phone number.
We want you to know that we are here for you too, 24/7 in a way where we can have a conversation together. We can hear the pain you are in and we are here to listen and help.
You can call 1-800-786-2929 (1-800-runaway) or reach us by live chat via www.1800runaway.org
We truly hope to hear from you soon. We believe you and we want to help you.
Sincerely,
NRS

[Guest]

My mom´s boyfriend, who is essentially my stepdad, moved in august of 2020 along with his two kids. They had just started dating two or three months ago so it was all a little sudden. Both his kids are so awful and make me feel bad about my interests, looks, and weight. Recently my mom has begun to become more strict like him. I only have 1 hour on my phone every day, and she shames me for eating. This isn't like her and I'm beginning to think that I'm the problem. I hate myself and this situation, what should I do?

[ccsmod6]

First of all thank you for reaching out, it show a lot of courage. It sounds like recently you and your mom have not been connecting like you have been in the past. It understandable to be frustrated and disappointed that you are not getting the support you deserve. In no way does someone have the right to make you feel bad about the way you look, your interest, or weight. If you are ever feeling pressured about your weight you can always reach out National Eating Disorder Association their number is 800-931-2237.

We do have a conference call option where you could call in and we could facilitate a conversation between you and your mom and talk about the issues that are currently going on in the household. Remember you are not alone, and you should never feel pressure to change who you are for other people. Stay strong and good luck and remember you can always reach out to us directly by calling our 24-hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

[Guest]

my stepdad was in my life when I was 4, keep in mind it's just me my mom, and my big sis in the house now I'm 11 and he just points out little thing and he likes to get my big sis in a lot of stuff he calls me slow dumb and stuff like that and then he always asks me to go get this and this but he never asks my older sis btw she is 18 now ohh and now I have a 1 /2year old brother and I wish he will just get out of my life but no and he a cheated on my mom like 5 times and she doesn't care but when he points out stuff he tells my mom and she gets mad and hit me and she calls me a ********** a lot in front of he and I know he's cheating again so I'm going to take his phone and see who is the girl and blackmail him and btw I'm 11 and still don't have a phone because he says I can't be trusted but I'm gone blackmail him for a phone and more stuff but wish me luck !!!!!!

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It seems like your mom doesn't fully understand how her relationship dynamic is affecting you. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your family so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

Stay safe,
NRS

We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think