Feeling Uncomfortable

[Guest]

I am 14 and my 27 year old cousin from india has been living with me and my family for about over a year. I catch him staring at me all the time and it makes me self conscious because other people have noticed that he stares at only me all the time. I know he won’t try to rape me because he has too much to lose if he did but I am always uncomfortable. I showed my parents a picture of him staring because they didn’t belive me but they said “what do you want me to do?” I have built a wall and act stubborn so I dont seem weak in front of him. I’ve been going to the school couselor since fall and she called my parents after a long time to say that it needs to be addressed. My counselor said kindly that she thinks I am being a little paranoid and everyone thinks so too. But how come other people have noticed then?! I feel so self concious and stupid bc he doesn’t even talk to me. He avoids me everywhere like I am a plague or something. I didn’t talk to him either bc i didnt know what to do. But a few weeks ago my family talked to him (mostly me) and i felt like i was the one being told what to do, not him. They treated it so... idk i guess so lightly and like it was my fault or something. My dad said i could call him out when he doesn’t try to be normal and talk to me. When i do, my mom says i need to respect him even though she knows the situation. Why is he like this? Is he pervy or does he have a crush on me or something? I feel so self concious and uncomfortable at home and i should NOT have to feel that way at my own home. He has taken my hobbies at church from me. He dances better than me. He has taken up on running which was also mine. He does guitar better, which i play. He’s taking everything that makes me, me away. My parents even call him “son” in indian language. Every one says his staring is cultural but then how come he is only staring at me?! PLEASE HELP! I dont know what to do.

[ccsmod6]

Thanks for reaching out to us. We know how hard it can be and we’re really glad you came to us since we’re here to help. This sounds like a really tough situation, and feeling uncomfortable like you are, especially in your own home has to be weighing really heavy on you. We are here 24/7 if you want to talk and we are at 1-800-786-2929.
Without knowing more details or talking more with you, we can’t really answer how your cousin is really feeling, but we can give you some options to hopefully make you feel better. It sounds like you’ve tried quite a few things already but there are always options. One of the things you mentioned is that your parents and you tried having a conversation with him, and sounds like it didn’t go that well. One option might be to have another open conversation with your parents and to let them know how that made you feel and how you’re feeling in general. If they know how this is affecting you, it could make a difference. During this conversation, you could also have the discussion on the hobbies and how that’s making you feel. If you have other family that is close to your parents you could always talk to them as well and have them talk to your parents. A service we offer here also is conference calling with parents, so if you think that could help, please call us and we can facilitate that discussion.
There is the option of talking to your cousin directly also, but not sure how comfortable that would make you feel. If you know anyone that knows your cousin you could talk to them as well, and have them talk to your cousin. Talking to friends can also sometimes help. You mentioned he took your hobbies but maybe there are some other hobbies or activities you might be able to take part in. Sometimes things as simple as listening to music or watching movies can really take your mind off things.
Hopefully we’ve provided you some options, and if you want to call and talk with us, please do call us at 1-800-786-2929. We’re here to listen. Here to help. Best of luck!