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  • 17 and my parents make me suicidal

    I just turned 17 this past month and i have had a change of direction. I have decided to stop smoking pot and quit cigarettes.
    in my past, since i was 15 i have snuck out late at night to smoke, drink, party, and have sex. i always make sure i am safe, and nothing bad has happened under those circumstances. i wouldn't go out every weekend and even had months between my partying or even just smoking with my best friend. My parents have taken my phone many times for this and i have even owned up to the police for my mistakes. the one that hit me the hardest was my best friend moving because of my bad decisions. her mother has her medial marijuana card and would sometimes supply us with weed. but it wasn't that often. I miss her so much and my parents think that her and her family (and even my other friends and their families) are irresponsible and disrespectful.
    I have manic depression, anxiety, and i am always thinking about how dying would be better than doing most things that don't bring me happiness. i am always considering suicide as an option and it's always like it's less than 2 feet away from me. I have been medicated with anti depressants since March of 2017, but i had a very bad anxiety attack over Cinco De Mayo weekend and told my school counselor that i need to go to vocational rehab. I was sent to a facility in tucson for 7 days, and went back into school the following day i got back. I don't feel like it helped me at all, besides the fact that the doctor there changed my medications to a therapeutic level. when i got back my parents took my phone until the week before July 4th. things were going okay, until i go caught sneaking out again in september. I couldn't go out a lot after that and couldn't complete assignments for my photography class. in october, i took my phone without them knowing and snuck out again. they took my phone and my stepdad kept it in his desk at work. i haven't snuck out since then.
    heres a list of what my parents have done that have pushed me closer and closer to suicide:
    -accused me of stealing money
    -mom called me a "********ing idiot" for not cutting up my brother's noodle
    -stepdad has smacked me multiple times, including while i had hot soup on my lap
    -stepdad slapped me in front of company for having scissors on the floor
    -mom says she's not falling for my bull******** about killing myself
    -stepdad has huge double standards when it comes to how he treats me v. my mom
    -stepdad has tried to molest me, denies it, and even DCS hasn't done anything about it
    -mom called it "accusations"
    -told me i'm disrespectful/ungrateful for "bad grades" (B's and C's)
    -mom is tired of "bending over backwards for me" (where ???? when ???)
    -mom told me to ******** off for not doing my laundry
    -mom told me i'm a "disgusting slob" for not cleaning to her standards
    -called me the "leech" of the family
    -told me i'm just like my paternal father
    -mom says that my therapy sessions are bull******** and my therapist is getting a biased view of the story
    -mom told has lashed out about how angry i make her
    i mean i could really go on about this in detail
    recently has been the worst of times, overall. I have recently had a friend blame me for his mistakes that included drugs, which was 100% false. I was drug tested by my mom and she told me that she knew i was stealing and lying and doing drugs again. I have been trying to get clean since the new year, and I am. they still haven't given me my phone back since october and she lectured me again about how disrespectful/ungrateful i am and how she is done with my bull******** and she's ready to send me to my grandparents. Little does she know that as soon as i turn 18 i'm disappearing for good.
    Today, i had my first hair cut since june, which came out to ~$40 including tip. My stepdad comes into my room and says "no bull******** no lies, have you been taking money from my savings mug?" (which is the money he uses to refill is beer kegs) and i say yes because my schools' culinary classes hace opened a coffee shop this year, and a 12 oz coffee is $2.50. I told him that i have taken $6 as most for a hot coffee, but continues to accuse me of taking $60. I tell him that i didn't even know there was ever that much in there and the last time i took money from it, there was $12. this is the 100% truth and my mom says "that's probably how she's buying her weed." I haven't bought my own weed since november. my mom doesn't trust me, doesn't want to pay for anything expect meals and water bills, and is contemplating sending me to the grandparents. I might just die this year, either by throwing myself in front of a bus, or slitting my wrists, or just by wishing on a freak accident. i'm honestly just trying to make it to 18 so i can disappear and never come back.

  • #2
    Hey,
    Thank you so much for writing in. It sounds like you’re in an incredibly difficult situation and that there’s a lot of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, as well as gaslighting. None of this is okay. No matter what your family says, none of this is your fault and you did nothing to deserve this treatment. It sounds like you’re doing your best to make positive change in your life, and it’s frustrating that your family doesn’t acknowledge your effort. You deserve better.
    You mentioned that you’ve been considering suicide. Please know that you are not alone and that you deserve to feel supported and loved. If you ever feel like you’re in immediate danger of hurting yourself, you can always call 9-1-1. Another resource that you might find helpful is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255. It sounds like you have a therapist who advocates for you and who you can share some of your feelings with, which is great. If you ever want to talk about how you’ve been feeling in a more confidential setting, please feel free to call us at 1-800-786-2929. We’re here day and night to listen and to help as much as we can.
    You mention that you’re “just trying to make it to 18” before you leave. In the time leading up to that, it can be helpful to spend as much time as you can taking care of yourself. That looks different for everyone, but it might include reading, writing, making art, listening to music, talking to friends, or anything else that might be comforting to you. You might consider joining clubs or extracurricular activities so that you have a chance to stay out of the house more. Sometimes teachers at school stay late to do work—you might consider asking a teacher if you can stay in the classroom with them to do work on your own so that you can stay in school longer.
    We want to let you know that you don’t deserve to be somewhere that is unsafe. It might be an option to leave before then. Running away is not a crime, and generally there would be no legal consequences. If your parents file a runaway report and the police are able to find you, they may return you home. That being said, if you let them know there is abuse going on at home, they’re supposed to investigate that situation and are not supposed to return you there until they’ve investigated. It can also be helpful if you stay at an address that your family is not aware of.
    Thank you again for writing in. You sound like a really strong and resilient person, and we hope things work out. You are worthy, intelligent, and capable of great things. You can get through this. If you ever want to talk, please give us a call. Stay safe.
    Last edited by ccsmod5; 02-03-2018, 09:23 PM.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      You are not alone

      Comment


      • ccsmod7
        ccsmod7 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you for your response to another user’s post. Often forums are a place of support and understanding for many youth. It often may be validating and helpful for users to read similar situations as well as exchange feedback to one another. For anyone experiencing any difficulties or challenges, the National Runaway Safeline encourages youth to reach out to our 24/7 crisis support line either by phone or chat for immediate services.

        Thank you,

        NRS

    • #4
      Hey I'm also experiencing this as well, but in a different situation.. . When I think back on how things have been with me and my mom (or my father sometimes), i'm mentally scared for my well being.
      I'm a adopted, and I feel as though my parents are telling me lies about my biological parents. In fear that I might runaway...
      I asked my friends about it and they said that adoption centers don't really tell the new parents about the life of the child, but only some general information about that child. For the biological parents privacy or course.

      There have been time were my mom would get mad at me for my "messy" Room. . She would take all the things in my closet and start throwing things at me, then telling me to pick it up..
      But lately it's been getting more worse, I want to kill myself, because I'm disgusted with myself, and feel as though I should parish. And the only thing that is keeping my self from doing it is my friends and my pets and hopes of future opportunities. I'm currently 14 at the time, soon Turing 15 in April.

      Lately, when I mention that I am interested in, and want to do someday, she rejects me. .. When I said I wanted to be an artist or sell art one day, she says that I can't
      my brother is currently an artist and my mom. . Completely supports him, and when it comes to mentioning how "talented" He is, she doesn't even mention me and my interest in it, more than 10 this has happened. . I keep on bringing it up, and the same answer comes from her.

      I have trouble sleeping and waking up in the morning because I'm so fried and depressed. I am sometimes grumpy in the mornings. But his one time my mom was telling at me saying how she is done dealing with me, she says she loves me, and that I should stop lieing to her, and that she bended over backwards for me and this is what she gets.

      One morning when almost the same thing happended, we got in the car headed to school where she works, and were I go to, and she started yelling at me (again) and she threw a T-shirt that was lying around in the car, and my reflex threw it back. She turned around, and did a motion like she wanted to choke me, I was scared for my life, there has been other times like this and I want to run away : ( ...... . Please help.

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi, and thank you for contacting NRS. We’re so sorry to hear about what you’re going through – it’s tough, and no one should have to feel rejected or discouraged, afraid for your safety, or depressed about your future.

        It’s good that your friends, your pets and your hopes have kept you from doing anything to hurt yourself. Your life and your future are too important to take lightly. If at any time the thoughts about killing yourself come back, please have this number at hand: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You have a lot to handle, and it’s hard to stay strong through all of that. Have you thought about counseling, or talking to someone who can help you?

        Here’s another idea: if you think it would be helpful to have a good conversation with your mother, so she can understand what you’re experiencing, we could moderate a call. Meaning you can call us, we conference call her in, and then we help guide the conversation, keeping things neutral and trying to reach a good plan for going forward. How does this sound? Call us if you think it could work. We’d be happy to provide you some referrals for counseling in your city if you want; just reach back to us by phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY, or by chat at www.1800runaway.org. We’re here 24/7 and we’d really like to see you build a strong support system to face what’s going on at home.


        Take care,
        NRS

    • #5
      I've been through some things. Both family things and mental struggles. I've self harmed in the past and have been suicidal before. Lately I've been trying to get better and things seem to be getting better with school, friends, and how I view myself in general. I live with my grandparents and 90% of the time my grandma is there for me and cares for me. But, my grandfather is not the same. Although, he is not physically abusive he is emotionally/mentally abusive. I have experienced both forms of abuse and to be honest, I'd rather go back to being physically abused by my stepdad then emotionally/mentally abused by my grandfather. He uses threats, the silent treatment, yelling, degrading and even goes as far as lying to my grandma about things I have "done". I feel like sometimes my grandfather blinds my grandma causing her to flip out on me sometime. Honestly, I just want to be happy but it's hard to do when the people you thought were supposed to love you don't love you.

      Comment


      • ccsmod2
        ccsmod2 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello there,

        Thank you for reaching out to NRS and having the strength to share your story with us. We are sorry to hear about how your grandfather has been treating you. Ideally, home would be a place where people feel safe, loved, and valued, and you do not deserve to be treated that way. You’ve been very courageous to reach out for help and try your best despite the circumstances.

        It sounds like you are aware of what you can control, in building a positive self-image, participating in school, and fostering relationships with friends. We would encourage you, if you haven’t already, to reach for support from your grandmother and let her know your side of things, from school personnel if you feel like they could be a good resource, and from other loved ones. For your own well-being, participating in clubs and other extra-curriculars could limit your time at home with your grandfather. We would also encourage you to journal or another form of self-care in order to control what you can about the situation.

        If you were interested in professional mental health services, a good resource could be the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) at 1-877-726-4727 and online at samhsa.gov. Additionally, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is a resource with support groups among other services, at 1-800-950-NAMI and online at nami.org. If you feel that you may relapse into suicidal thoughts, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 suicidepreventionlifeline.org could be a resource for that.

        We would love to talk more about the details of your situation so that we can work towards a solution that you find acceptable. If you would like to share more, please feel free to call our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or use our Live Chat.
        We hope this information was helpful and take care.
        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    • #6
      I'm very glad to know that i'm not the only one out their with these problems, and I hope you all get through it safely best of luck to all of you.

      Comment


      • #7
        Hi so I'm in a similar situation. I'm 16 and my grandparents adopted me. With the 14 years I have lived here nothing has gotten better. The have criticized me on ever choice I've made. I'm also bisexual and my grandparent mentally abuse me and have attempted to hit me multiple times. They've only done this because of being homophobic and hating the fact that I'm bi. They've controlled me my entire bit of highschool and middle school. Controlling who I date, where I go, who my friends are. I'm done with it. Since the last two years of stopped eating, cutting my wrists, and I've in fact have already o.d. Luckily I was sent to the hospital and survived. I've tried to do this again multiple times. Is there something I can do to get away from my parents without ending up in a hospital?

        Comment


        • ccsmod9
          ccsmod9 commented
          Editing a comment
          Thanks for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. You made a great first step to finding the help that you may need. It sounds like you are going through a lot and the people around you are not being supportive. You deserve to be treated with respect, to experience acceptance and to feel safe.
          We want you to know that you are strong for having gone through so much already. It is perfectly okay to deviate from what others or the common population believe to be “normal”. You’re bravery and resilience is so admirable. You are so strong for having gone through so much without having the acceptance that you do deserve for just being you. Remember that you are not alone. If you ever want to talk more about what you are experiencing or get additional support we are here 24/7 at 1800-RUNAWAY or our live chat service. The GLBT National Hotline at 1888-843-4564 is another option to gain great support from those that are familiar with the issues and experiences of those that are also a part of the LGBTQ community. You can access their website link bellow to utilize all the other possibly useful resources they have to offer: http://www.glbthotline.org/
          You mentioned that you were considering the options that may be best for you. By all means, if you do fear for your safety either now or in the future, do not hesitate to take the necessary steps to regain your safety. This may mean calling the authorities or possibly reporting the things you may be experiencing. Other options to think about may be other family members, friends, or a trusted adults that would be able to provide you with support or a safe place to stay. It is great that you thinking ahead. Should you feel like leaving home is best, it may be a good idea to think about how you will provide necessities for yourself such as food, clothing, showers, healthcare and other basic needs. You may want to also consider how your parent’s will react to you leaving without permission. We are not legal experts here, but typically as a minor (under the age of 1 you need permission from your parents to leave home. It is not illegal to runaway, but it would mean that your parents could file a runaway report with the police. This is usually done in an effort to try to return you home as the police are required to do so.
          If you can give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY or reach out through Live Chat we can try to find some youth shelters that may be near your city and state by utilizing our database of resources. We can also try to call out to shelters with you or on your behalf to advocate for you.
          Stay Strong, NRS

      • #8
        I’m am a 11 yer old boy I want to play a game with my friends but my mom won’t let crying is not gonna help
        Last edited by ccsmod2; 04-11-2019, 07:32 PM.

        Comment


        • ccsmod2
          ccsmod2 commented
          Editing a comment
          Hey there,
          Thanks for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We are here to help in any way we can.
          You said that your mom won’t let you play a game with your friends. That must be very frustrating to feel like you are missing out on an activity with your friends. You also mentioned that crying does not help. Although it might not change your mom’s mind, it sometimes does help to let out your emotions so that they don’t build up inside. Sometimes when people need to keep their mind calm and occupied by something other than the frustrations of the moment, they find comfort in things like drawing, music, or writing in a journal.
          However, if you are having trouble letting your emotions out in a way that is safe for you and those around you, here is the number from the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255. It can also be difficult to talk to someone on the phone, so if you would like to use that resource but would rather use a computer or phone, you can use a chat option on their website, suicidepreventionlifeline.org. If you are ever in immediate danger, please call 9-1-1.
          It can also be hard to have discussions with parents and feel like your wants, needs, and feelings are heard. If you would like, we offer a conference calling service here at the National Runaway Safeline. You would call into us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), and we could talk to you a bit about what is going on, call out to your mom, discuss the situation with her, and then connect the call. We remain on the line as a line of support for you to keep the conversation productive and compromise-driven. We make sure that everyone on the phone feels heard.
          If you have any other questions or want to talk through anything further, feel free to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are a 24/7, completely confidential safeline. Here to listen, here to help.
          Best of luck,
          NRS

      • #9
        I want to kill myself because I feel no matter what I do a can't make them happy I wish to kill myself so they be able to be happy knowing their oronlpr is gone from their lives a will be a ghost but at least I can't make their lives angry at me
        Last edited by ccsmod6; 05-04-2019, 05:33 PM.

        Comment


        • ccsmod6
          ccsmod6 commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear that you are experiencing such pain in your current situation. It sounds like you are in an especially difficult place and it is understandable that you are feeling such desperation because of that. We know that it is also difficult to reach out during such stressful times but the fact that you have shows a very real resilience inside you. If you want to talk a little bit more about what is going on, we would be happy to listen and help you try to find what you are looking for. We are reachable 24/7 on our confidential hotline 1-800-786-2929 or on chat at 1800runaway.org. Additionally, if you don’t feel comfortable talking to us over the phone, we understand. Another great resource for those feeling deep hurt is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They are reachable at 1-800-273-8255. We know that you have the strength to make it to the next day and we will keep an ear out for your call.

      • #10
        I’m 17. My mother has threatened to kill me and hit me. She doesn’t let me leave the house unless I’m going to school. She accuses me of stuff I didn’t do. She makes me suicidal. I don’t drink or smoke. So what makes her act like this?

        Comment


        • ccsmod2
          ccsmod2 commented
          Editing a comment
          Hello.
          We’re sorry you’re going through such a difficult situation. It’s awful that your mother is saying and doing those things instead of supporting you as she should.
          It’s never OK for a parent to say or do those things and you should never feel trapped in your own home. While we can’t say exactly what’s making her do or say those things, we can help talk you through what’s going on and perhaps give you some options to help. Please give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat with us at 1800runaway.org. We’re here to listen and here to help 24/7.
          If you feel like you might harm yourself, please don’t hesitate to call 1-800-273-8255.
          Remember, you’re not alone and there are people concerned about you and what you’re going through.
          We look forward to hearing from you and wish you the best!
          -NRS

      • #11
        I was told to slit my wrists over having a high c in English I am currently on 20mg of fluoxetine and my mood swings are bad I feel what you feel I am stuck here and I figured a way out that’s not dying if you can take the military careers path test offered for free by your school this gives you paths in not only military but civilian as well and if you want to disappear try this and see how it goes this is my escape plan and it could be yours 2 I haven't decided what I plan on doing yet but if you read this and comment I will give support to whoever needs it please be strong its hard but you can do it.
        Last edited by ccsmod4; 09-21-2019, 02:39 AM.

        Comment


        • #12
          I was told to slit my wrists over having a high c...

          HI,
          Thank you for your response to another user’s post on our National Runaway Safeline forum. Often our forums are a place of support and understanding for many youth.
          It often may be validating and helpful for users to read similar situations as well as exchange feedback to one another. It was incredibly nice of you to take the time to respond to one of our poster’s.
          For anyone experiencing any difficulties or challenges, the National Runaway Safeline encourages youth to reach out to our 24/7 crisis support line either by phone or chat for immediate services.

          Take care,
          NRS

          Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

          National Runaway Safeline
          [email protected] (Crisis Email)
          1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

          Tell us what you think about your experience!
          https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

          Comment


          • #13
            I am 17 and see no point to life anymore.
            Im not the best student although I try my best with everything that I do. But for my parents it's not enough. I'm constantly criticized on my grades, how I dress and my eating habits, so much to the point that I start skipping meals to lose weight even though there's not much weight to lose.
            My mother is my biggest critic, whenever she gets angry she tells me how much of a bad person I am, what a horrible human being and daughter I am, and what did she do to deserve a child like me. But she often gets mad over the smallest things.
            I make mistakes too, but as a teenager that is a given although my mother never let's it go.
            She accuses me of stealing, lying, and smoking constantly when I don't smoke at all. No matter how many times I tell her I'm telling the truth she will never believe me.
            She downgrades me so much and often threatens that she will kick me out to the live on the streets if I don't do exactly what she wants.
            I try my best to please her but nothing is ever good enough.
            She's made me hate myself so much to the point where I don't even want to be here anymore. I constantly feel so depressed and like there's absolutely no point to life. I've tried talking to her many times but she never wants to hear what I have to say.
            I once told her that I was depressed and didn't want to be alive anymore and she proceeded to say I was just looking for attention and smacked me.
            I'm planning on leaving when I'm 18 but I don't know if I'll even make it till my 18th birthday.
            I just don't know what to do anymore.
            I'm so ready to die.

            Comment


            • ccsmod16
              ccsmod16 commented
              Editing a comment
              Hey there,

              Thanks for reaching out to us, it seems like you have been going through a lot with how your mom in particular is treating you. Growing up is hard enough without someone you love putting you down all the time, and it is understandable that you have negative feelings and want to get out of the situation soon. Parents especially should be trying to help you instead of putting you down.

              First if you are feeling depressed and potentially suicidal it’s okay to ask for help and if you need help right away you can call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or visit their website at suicidepreventionlifeline.org. We want you to know that everyone matters and that you have worth other than whatever your mother may say.

              It may be worth it to consider counseling or family counseling if you parents can agree to it to help work through these negative feelings and abusive language going on at home. It can be scary and hard, but letting out these feelings in a safe place may help you to get to your birthday so you can get out safe and sound.

              You may want to start planning for what you may need when you can leave home at 18. Such as where to live, how you will support yourself etc. Having a part-time job could also help you stay out of the house and out of conflict with your mom. All while earning money to get out on your own when you can.

              Again thank you for reaching out, if you have more questions or feel in a crisis we are always available over the phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). A parent should be supportive while you are going through hard times, not the cause of the difficulty. It is understandable that you would get frustrated by that and we want you to know that people care and we are willing to listen.

          • #14
            I’m going into my senior year I’m 16 turning 17 in 2 months I’ve always done what my parents ask my gpa is a 97 and I never give them any problems but when I ********ing ask to do anything they just don’t communicate with me or it’s “ I don’t feel like talking abt this” everytimeI try to talk to them. I want to go to fire island with my boyfriend and my friends and we all took off from work, planned the whole damn thing out all there parents are fine w it I’ve been dating my boyfriend who’s 19 for a year and a half And it’s one night and my mom is making this big ********in deal about it and calling my friends mom and she just won’t talk to me I literlly tried talking calmly to her but I’m so sick of her ********ing ignoring me I looked it up and it saying u can leave your house at 16. My parents are really nice people they just don’t understand how to ********in communicate with me and I have a weird relationship with my dad he never rlly shows affection towards me but I don’t care anymore it’s just the fact that everytime I wanna go somewhere then he decides to care and get nosey it just pisses me off to the point where I wanna hop on a plane and LEAVE. And my mom used to be kinda strict when I was younger she got better though but she just randomly freaks out about things now like I don’t know why they care I just want them to STOP

            Comment


            • #15
              Hi there,
              Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options. It seems you want to know some information on runaway laws.
              While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
              We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by forum to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
              Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
              If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
              Be safe,
              NRS
              Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

              National Runaway Safeline
              [email protected] (Crisis Email)
              1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
              https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

              Comment

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