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  • I Need to Get Away

    I am a sixteen-year-old girl. I live with my mother and father. For the past few years, we've been getting along very badly. We can't spend more than a few hours together. Our latest fight was about my parents making me go to church, despite the fact that I am not religious. This is something my mother takes very seriously and spent over an hour yelling about me about how it was her authority and she didn't care what I thought about it and that I had no rights and because they were providing for me, there is nothing I can do about it. What made me really angry though is the fact that my father doesn't care too much about the whole thing, but won't stand up for me because he is afraid of my mother, and he has told me this. This is what pushed me over the edge. I am headstrong, and I'll admit it.

    My parents are highly political, however often on opposite ends of the spectrum. The house is consequently full of constant fights . I spend most of the time in my room, and I hate to come out at all because every time I do they find ways to degrade and belittle me. My mother got a higher title at her job and my grandparents are suffering and she takes care of them and then yells constantly at us for all the crap she puts up with there. She says we don't help out, even though I do half of the housework, in addition to all my schoolwork at an advanced school. Trying to keep up with everything makes me feel like I'm drowning. Everything I do, she criticizes. My father has withdrawn and says that we have killed his spirit and he's not going to joke anymore or do anything and all he does is sit in front of the television and my mother just yells at the both of us, but I know how my father feels. They both make fun of everything I like or find interesting and I feel like I'm stupid for liking it.

    They just make me hate myself, like I should be hated, and like I'm doing something wrong when I know I'm not. They make me feel like a bad person. And they are headstrong too. They never tell me that they're sorry or show affection for me, except saying they're proud when it gets to the end of the year and I have all A's. They provide for me; I've got all I need, but I feel at home everywhere else but here. I feel like a prisoner or something. I've been putting up with it for five years and even though I've said I'm only stuck with it for two more years, I know I will go crazy if I have to. I already feel like I'm going insane. I need to run away, but I don't know where I can go or what I can do. I have some money, about five hundred dollars. I live out in the middle of nowhere, though, a long ways from anything or anyone I know. I can talk to friends about it, but they can't help me and I can't talk to family. No one in the family is trusting with things like this; they've been through this with their children and would tell me it's not bad, but they don't know it from the kid's point of view. Do you have any tips for running away? I've tried planning, but I don't even know where to start. I'm pretty smart and realistic about the whole thing; I know it'll be unbelievably hard.

    Also I threatened to report them before, but my mom works at social services. She just laughed and said, "That won't do any good; it just goes back to me there, and you know what I'll say." Which is also a problem if I get caught running away, because I don't want to come back. I know that they are emotionally abusive-- I shouldn't feel this way around them if they aren't-- but it's nearly impossible to prove.

    And a question about the hotline: if I call, will it show up phone or cell phone bill? Does it cost extra?

    Thanks.

  • #2
    Re: I Need to Get Away

    Thank you for posting a bulletin. It sounds like things have been rough for you at home with your parents. We are glad that you felt comfortable in reaching out to us during this difficult situation. It seems like has been hard when there are disagreements, and both sides are standing their ground. Your dad also seems to be affected by the yelling to the point that he has been tuning out. Has there been a time when you feel that you and your parents were able to spend time together without fighting? We are sorry to hear that your parents have been making fun of you and making you feel stupid. That is not a good feeling to have, especially when it comes from our parents. Yes, it does sound like you have been experiencing some emotional abusive. You can make a report to Child Protective Service, and the person that is being reported on will be contacted by them. Either way with your mom working for social services or if you are make a report about the emotional abuse; she would know.

    At this point, it sounds like you are planning on running away, right? It is good that you have thought about some things like talking to others and having money. We are can help you consider what you feel are options for you, but we do not have tips in running away. Before running away here are some things to think about:

    • What else can I do to improve my home situation before I leave?
    • What would make me stay at home?
    • How will I survive?
    • Is running away safe?
    • Who can I count on to help me?
    • Am I being realistic?
    • Have I given this enough thought?
    • What are my other options?
    • If I end up in trouble, who will I call?
    • When I return home, what will happen?

    We are here 24/7 and completely confidential, where you do not have to give your name and we do not have any caller ID. There is no cost in contacting us. We can help by doing a conference call (3-way call) if you wanted to make a report with Child Protective services, being here to listen and process through the situation with you. You are welcome to call us at 1800RUNAWAY (786-2929) if you would like to talk in more detail about your situation.

    You can also call Covenant House at 1800-999-9999 or via email at: http://nineline.org/nineline_contact.html . They can help with finding shelters in your local area or if you are just wanting to talk. They are also free and confidential. You can view their website at: http://www.nineline.org. We wish you the best and look forward to hearing from you!

    ~NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: I Need to Get Away

      Thank you. I didn't decide to not run away... but I'm just not going to, at least now. I decided I did not have much means to make it by, and it could potentially ruin the rest of my life... but there is definitely a problem that I need to have evaluated. I can't be near my parents or talk to them anymore at all for any reason. I hate going home and take refuge at school. At least I have a place where I feel okay. I have recently been wandering off without thinking and feel like I'm losing control. So I think I need a therapist. They are expensive, but I think I need it to keep it together; last night I felt like I was having a breakdown and it's really scary, and I don't feel like I can function. So I was wondering if anyone has any ideas how I could introduce this to my parents in a way that would give me a chance, when I can't even talk to them now because of the whole mental problem? I need a way to live through this and something needs to change.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: I Need to Get Away

        Hello,

        We are honored that you continue to reach out to us in this time of need and we commend you for all the great things you continue to do for yourself despite the crisis you are having at home. The fact that you seek refuge in school is not for anyone to judge because at least you are doing something productive and not just wasting your life away. You sound so mature and well put together even with the struggles you are having and we hope by finding ways to reach out to others that you can put some of the conflicts at home to rest and move on with your life. You deserve the chance to be close to those you love and even though life at home is not ideal, it sounds like you can gain much by having a listening ear that truly care about your issues. You stated that you cannot speak to your parents for reasons that you cannot be around them and that you decided to not runaway right now. It is a good start to at least recognize that you were not ready to make such a big move without a proper plan.

        At the National Runaway Switchboard, we care a lot for your safety and we are glad that you at least took the time to reevaluate your position before getting yourself in danger by leaving without knowing what that world will be like. Now that you have decided to stay and being that only you know for sure how much you can take at home, we appreciate your honesty with your feelings about not stretching yourself too thin. You are only human and your thoughts about your life right now as it stands, are all valid. We are never going to judge you here and we hope that you can also find the time to reach out to us by phone to get the chance to vent with someone who is going to be impartial. Sometimes holding in your real feelings about your pain and suffering only leads to stress and you risk the chance of blowing up at the wrong time. By processing your thoughts with someone, you are able to see clearly what you want out of the situation and can start beginning to heal in the process. It is good that you were able to recognize that you need help and are willing to seek a therapist.

        Do you know if you are able to see one at school? Sometimes, school counselors can help but it is not for sure how much they are able to not tell your parents because it has been said that they are not entirely confidential. One way to see a therapist is by using your parent's insurance. Do you have access to this type of coverage? We were wondering if you are having a hard time talking to your parents if you are able to start a conversation about a topic that each of them enjoy and incorporating some of that into sometime else to get there attention first and letting them know what you are feeling after they are warmed up to you? Have you thought about writing them a letter instead? What if you suggest to them the importance of family therapist and going together to solve some of the issues you are having? It helps to have someone in the middle to mediate, that way you are not force to speak without the support of someone professional guiding the conversation and making rules that enables constuctive conversation. It is up to you but what do you think these options?

        The last thing we wanted to note was the possibility that you can one day find yourself missing the relationship you once had with them. By getting caught up in school and finding other ways to distract yourself you are certainly on the right path because this is certainly one way to cut down on stress. We know this is stretch but what is the possibility of finding yourself missing home when you are out for long? Someone when you are away from home, you tend to miss it. What can you do to get away for long whether it is going on vacation or visiting another relative? The point we are trying to make is that once you are done with school and life has not change much, what might you do then to still fill your days with other distractions? We hope that you can take some of what we suggested and think clearly about how to approach them. it could be that they really miss you too being that you spend so much time away. Is there someone you trust that is able to come to mediate a conversation with you and your parents? We hope that you can get what you deserve out of the whole situation. We are here to for you if you need someone to listen and can be reached at 1800RUNAWAY 24 hours a day. Please stay strong and we hope to hear from you soon. Good luck.

        -NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: I Need to Get Away

          Unfortunately, our school doesn't have a school psychologist or school counselor. I would like a therapist because I feel uncomfortable talking about things like this to people who aren't my friend, but would know me out of a purely therapudic setting, which is why I would hate to be in family counseling. I have asked this question to quite a few people, and I will find out about my insurance before I ask.

          As for my relationship with my parents... I'm not away much. I probably spend more time physically with them than most kids, but I just don't talk anymore. Because I go to an advanced school that's farther away from my house than public school, I naturally spend a bit more time during the school day there and more time in transit. I don't anticipate ever getting a driver's liscence (I have panic attacks when I drive) and so I can't go anywhere without a ride.

          I don't know what I'll do. Thank you, this has helped me. Just knowing there are places like this helps me. Thanks.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: I Need to Get Away

            You're welcome. We're glad it helps to know that we're here if you need someone to talk to.

            That's a bummer your school doesn't have a counselor you can go to. It sounds like you're pretty determined though to find a way to see a counselor. Hopefully everything works out if/when you decide to talk to your parents.

            If you need anything else, remember we're 24/7.
            Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

            National Runaway Safeline
            [email protected] (Crisis Email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

            Tell us what you think about your experience!
            https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

            Comment

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