I NEED some help!

[Guest]

I am a 17 year-old, (turning 18 in 7 months) and I am a Senior in High School. I have a GPA of 3.25 and I am the President of my Drama Club. I am good person, and I have a lot of friends, but I can’t seem to confide in any one other than my boyfriend. He has helped me through so much. But my house has become a prison to me. I can’t live in my house anymore. They are driving me insane. My parents are both emotionally abusive, and are always making me feel bad. I have tried killing myself, so they can be rid of all the things that cause them problems in their life. I was took to a Psychiatric hospital because of it, and when I was in the hospital they were so nice, infront of everyone, and also to me. But it seems that they always act different if we’re in a crowd, then when they do at home. I hate how they’re always trying to act like we’re a great loving happy family. My mother and father also bi-polar and suffer from clinic depression.
My mother and father both had gastric by-pass last year, at the same time. So I was the one who had to go to school, do the house work, get my work done from school, and attend to their needs for a long period of time. And their always saying that I never help around the house, I need to start helping out more and etc. And my dad always tells me to do the dishes and do the laundry because if I don’t then mom will be mad at me. When he stays home all day, and just watches T.V. I hate it!
I had a job and sometimes I had to work late, but mom and dad would get mad and say that they don’t want me out that late, even if it’s for work. But my brother who is only 2 years older than I am can stay out till 3 in the morning? He goes to college and has a job, but they treat me completely different from him. He is allowed to spend the night at his girlfriends house, and he’s allowed out anytime. But I have to be home by 10 p.m. He’s allowed to be alone with his girlfriend in his room when they know that they’ve had sex. But I am not allowed to alone in my room with my boyfriend, just because they think we’re doing things.
Another thing that they keep doing is they would say that I am fat, and put me down. And also make me feel like I am a horrible daughter. I can’t take it anymore! I am trying to do the best that I can. Last year I took college classes while taking care of them, and believe me I was up the entire night dealing with high school and college work, taking care of 2 grown adults and house work. I need help!!!!!!!!!!
Another thing that bothers me is that I feel like my boyfriend’s family cares more about me than my own parents do. Sure there are families out there that have it way worse than I do. But I can’t help to feel like I am being treated completely unfair.
Is there anything that I could do about any of this? And by the way I do have witnesses to my parents blaming me for everything. I need help! Any insight to what to do legally would be helpful.
I am ready to leave my house. And I have money to support myself, and boyfriend’s family said they would help me in anyway possible.

I need some help!

[ccsmod6]

Re: I NEED some help!

Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Switchboard. We are glad that you were able to reach out to us today and we hope that we are able to offer you the support you are looking for. From what you shared about yourself, it sounds like you have a lot of great qualities. You should be proud of your GPA and your Drama Club activities. It must be really frustrating to work so hard for your accomplishments, but still not get the recognition you are looking for from your parents.

From what you shared with us, it sounds like some of the conflict between you and your parents is surrounding your responsibilities and privileges around the house. Last year your parents’ surgery put you in a position where you had to take on extra responsibilities around the house that may have been an unfair burden on you. Furthermore, it sounds like you are still taking on these extra responsibilities in terms of doing the laundry and dishes. Are there other things that you are required to do around the house? It is really impressive that on top of doing all of this housework you are still maintaining your GPA and working your own job!

Given all of your responsibilities, we can understand why it might seem unfair and unreasonable for your parents to give you a 10 o’clock curfew and not allow you and your boyfriend to alone in your room—especially since your older brother has the freedoms that you want. When was he allowed to do these things? What do you think your parents reasoning is behind their rules for you? Even though it may seem like there isn’t a big difference between you and your brother, since your brother is over 18 he is a legal adult. That means that that while your parents are not legally responsible for this well-being and care, they are for you. You mentioned in your post that you are going to turn 18 in 7 months. Do you think that things will be different for you once your turn 18? What are your plans?

Aside from the issues of house rules, it also sounds like your parents aren’t very nice to you. You definitely don’t deserve to be called names and be emotionally abused. It sounds like it is really frustrating for you that your parents will be nice to you in public or in front of other people, but then when you guys are alone they treat you badly. How have you been dealing with this? You mentioned that you have tried to kill yourself previously. Is that something you are thinking about now? If you want, you can always call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK if you are worried that you may try and hurt yourself again.

All in all it sounds like you are dealing with a lot of issues. It sounds like the pressure is building and you are ready to leave your house. At the end of your post, you asked us if there is anything you can do to get out of the house legally. Unfortunately, minors can only leave home legally through 3 different routes: (1) with their parents permission (2) removed from the home from CPS or (3) through emancipation. You mentioned that you would have means to support yourself if you left home, so it may be emancipation could be an option for you. But, since it is only 7 months until you are legally able to leave on your own we aren’t sure if emancipation would be able to help before that as it can be a long process. If you would like information about emancipation in your state, you are welcome to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We could also talk about ways to make home better until you do turn 18 and help you come up with a plan for what you will do after you move out. We aren’t here to tell you what to do and our biggest concern is what you want to see happen. Plus, our hotline is anonymous and confidential.

Best of luck,
NRS