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  • overwhelmed

    So i'm 17 years old. It all started last year. I was a sophomore and i felt so lonely and awkward. I had just a few friends and i was always comparing myself to others, wondering what i should be doing and making up excuses for why i couldn't or shouldn't do things. like why i never did sports or joined clubs or took ap classes. I felt isolated and beneath everyone. I thought homeschooling would fix everything. I thought it would be fantastic. The problem is i didn't do very much research. Looking back I've realized hs wasn't nearly as bad as i thought it was. But I've screwed everything up. At the beginning i just had no motivation to do work. Quickly though that turned into anxiety that gets worse everyday. I have only a certain amount of time to get everything turned in a graded, and I've exceeded that time frame. The anxiety is swallowing me. I wake up and go to sleep scared to death of what is going to happen. Every time i think about it i think to myself, How could you be such an idiot and procrastinate so long? and the online school is almost $2000. I think to myself about how i've wasted so much money when could have just toughed the year out at public school. I can only submit 1 assignment a day and it takes several days to grade and i will fail the course if there are blank assignments by the end of the course. They're so boring too. I've already told my mom i'm done because every few days she'd ask if i was done and started to get irritated. Now she asks me when i need to register. She blows up about little things so i can't even imagine how she'd react to this. In addition next year she planned on taking me on vacation for my graduation so i feel awful about that too. I avoid talking to her in fear she will bring up registration. My dad is so much easier to talk to but i'm too ashamed to talk about this. I was secretly hoping maybe we'd win the lottery and it would be okay but that of course hasn't happened. So I've thought about running away among other things but that is really a long shot and near impossible considering my personality and i have no one really to stay with. But this school thing has me so close to a nervous breakdown. I'm so incredibly ashamed. I had good grades before all this and i would probably pass a few classes if i get them done now but now i'm thinking what's the point? A lot of the time i think, "your problem is nothing compared to everyone else's. how can you be so selfish?" I don't know what to do at all. any advice is very much appreciated.

  • #2
    RE: overwhelmed

    Hello there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are in need of some support, and we are very glad that you contacted us; we would like to help as best as we are able. It seems that you are under quite some stress regarding your schooling. From what you shared, it sounds like you have had some mixed feelings about being home-schooled because of the pressure to complete assignments by specific deadlines. It sounds very overwhelming to experience such high levels of anxiety. What are some things that you feel would help in managing assignments? What are some things that you also feel would help ease your stress? Sometimes it may be helpful to start assignments early. This way the pressure to complete multiple assignments may be at a more manageable level if majority of the assignments have been started. Oftentimes it is also helpful to write down weekly assignments on a calendar to get a better sense of how much is due within a certain time-frame so that you may plan accordingly. And, partaking in hobbies or interests in between school lessons may be helpful in relieving some stress and worry. It may help to ask yourself what makes you relaxed and calm and to try to find ways to incorporate self-care into your busy schedule. How would you feel trying these things?

    It sounds like all of the anxiety is causing you to want to run away, but you’re having mixed feelings about leaving. It’s great that you reached out for some help as you’ve noticed a spike in your anxiety. It seems you are looking to find ways to improve your current situation. You did mention that you may be able to talk with your dad because he is easier to talk to, but you shared that you feel ashamed. Perhaps opening up to him about how much stress school is causing for you may help to find ways to work through your current struggle. Your family may have some helpful suggestions to help you get through the program. If you’re finding that you cannot talk to your family openly, we are always here for you 24/7 by phone to talk more about your situation and explore ways to help your situation. Oftentimes, talking about how you’re feeling may help clear some of the tension and anxiety you may be experiencing. We can be reached at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We also have a live chat service where you can chat with an NRS worker about your thoughts, feelings, and concerns.

    We cannot tell you what to do as we like to leave the conversation open to our callers and chatters so that they may come up with the best option for themselves. Please know that you are not alone in this and that we are here to listen and to help. We may also be able to provide resources in your community such as counseling where you may be able to speak with a professional about coping styles to help manage your anxiety as well as talk about any of your concerns.

    If you would like to talk more, please reach out by phone or chat. We wish you luck and look forward to hearing from you soon.

    Take care,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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