I don't know what to do

[Guest]

so im 15 and I'm really insecure. I use to dream of running away as a kid, and that never really stopped. things aren't really bad in my family so thats why I'm wondering if this is all just in my head. my mother is christian and very strict, I'm not allowed to date or really hang out with friends. when I was 12 I was talking to a guy at midnight and he asked personal questions. my mom saw the texts the next day and threw me on the stairs and called me a slut and a brat. It kinda stuck with me and I started cutting that day. things were okay for a little bit in terms of my mom but I was still very damaged. I eventually got my phone and makeup back. 2016 and 2017 started getting not so great again. my mother says I always look sloppy and it looks terrible, or I look like crap all the time. she makes these small comments especially about my acne and it hurts me so much and ruins my day. I try really hard to look okay but ig its not enough. Im a sophomore in highschool and dual enrolling, and things have gotten worse. I'm really bad at math and got a F in my math class. I also struggled with the responsibilities of my college classes on top of failing the math class. I miss a couple exams and failed a college class. I also think I might of failed another college class, I'm too scared to check. It was so bad and I feel so stupid and worthless. my mom yelled at me constantly to bring it up and told me I'm stupid. I told her I got two A's and a C in college because I'm scared to tell her the truth, and even then she yelled at me that I'm a idiot and got really mad and took my phone away again. I just keep getting more and more depressed and have almost constant thoughts of suicide. I can't talk to her about it and I'm too scared to run away even though I really want to do it. I don't want to get caught, it would make things worse. What should I do?

[ccsmod4]

Reply: I don't know what to do


Hello,
Thanks for contacting the national Runaway Safeline.

We are sorry that you are having such a tough time at home. It takes a lot of courage to reach out at an emotional time like this.
It sounds like you are very frustrated and afraid for what you mother might do next.
You must feel like you are under a lot of pressure to achieve at school and home.
There is no excuse for you to be called names and have your mom attempt to put you down.
You don’t deserve that. We hope you don’t feel that this behavior she has towards you is your fault, because it’s not.

It sounds like you have found some refuge in self -harm but there are other ways of coping with a bad situation.
You might consider taking a walk, writing or listening to music.
It helps to have support. Your feelings are important and you have the right to feel offended.
if you would like to explore other options than cutting contact - To Write Love on Her Arms: www.twloha.com

Things may be tough now but suicide does not have to be an option.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a problem that is temporary.
Talking helps to release some of the feelings of frustration and look towards options for coping.
One place of help you might consider when having suicidal thoughts is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
You might also consider counseling as one option to explore. Most schools have counselors or social workers for students in crisis.

Often having a safe place to vent can be helpful with easing tension.
If you would like to speak more about your situation and explore some options, please contact NRS.
Our contact number is 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or live chat with us at www.1800Runaway.org

You did an awesome job reaching out today. Good for you.
Remember NRS is here to listen and here to help.
We hope that your situation gets better and we look forward to hearing from you.

Take Care,
NRS

[Guest]

Thank you