I want to either die or run away

[Unregistered]

I really want to get away from my house. I absolutely hate that area of my life. I recently had very bad suicial tendencies throughout 6th grade up to 8th grade and I'm going I'm to 10th grade now and I'm basically 100% recovered. I'm always happy except when my dad is around. I live with just him and my sister (me and my sister are really tight) but he really makes me h a t e being part of my stupid `family`. Many of the things I say he gets angry at me for and when hes angry I feel like he's either going to kick me out of the house or hit me. I have a semi solid plan if I run away the only thing is I need money. I'm 14 almost 15 so I don't have any means of an income. There's a Waffle House I've stayed over night before with friends, I would be able to stay there some nights and I have friends houses I could sneak in over night & some of their parents don't care so I could stay there a weekend or so. My rich friend would probably even pay for a Holiday Inn (39$ a night) for a night or so. I have a good plan I just need my own money. The only thing with this is I still want to continue my education and I can't go to the school I'm enrolled in for the fall when school starts. I Don't know what to do, I just want to get out of my house and away from my dad because I really feel like he's going to hit me soon. My mom was abusive for years so I don't doubt anybody to hit their own kid. I've considered suicide but I don't want to die anymore I love every aspect of my life except my home life. Someone please give me advice other than that I should talk to my dad bc he hasn't been really sober around me or my sister in a good 2 weeks and that's when he's angry the most. Thank you to anyone with advice♥

[ccsmod9]

RE: I want to either die or run away

Hello,
Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you have been having quite a hard time at home lately and you are not comfortable around your dad because he gets angry and you are afraid he will hit you. You should feel comfortable in your own home. It is great that you have so many friends that you can rely on to take you in. One thing to think about is if your dad filed a runaway report you could be picked up by the police and returned to him and whoever you are staying with may be charged with harboring a runaway. Also, a lot of hotels require someone of age to book a room. It may be worth also thinking about whether or not leaving is your best option and how long you pan to stay gone for. Have you ever thought about talking to another adult (family member, friend’s parent, etc.) or someone at school about what is going on? You should not be fearful in your house because your dad is under the influence of alcohol. If he, or anyone, is abusive in any way (verbally, physically, mentally, or otherwise) you have the right to make a report. For more information on reporting you can contact us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453. Likewise, if you need to talk to someone regarding depression or suicidal thoughts you can contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. It sounds like you also may benefit from seeing a formal counselor. They can be really helpful when it comes with learning ways to cope with stress and ways to deal with your father.
The decision to leave is yours to make and we are always here to talk about what is going on or if you need help finding ways to keep safe. We hope this helped and we hope to hear from you soon. Good luck.
NRS

[Guest]

I want to commit suicide

[ccsmod1]

Hello there,

Thank you so much for having the courage to reach out to us for help. We are here to listen and support you in any way that we can. It sounds like you are thinking about harming yourself or ending your life. It takes a lot of strength to reach out for help, and we are so glad that you did. Your life has worth and our top priority is your safety. If you feel this is an emergency you could consider calling 911 for emergency assistance. We are here to listen and support you in any way that we can, and we can help you find resources that can help you cope with these feelings. You do not have to face this alone, and there is so much help out there for you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, the National Suicide Hotline could be a good resource for you. You can check them out at www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org, or you can call 1-800-273-8255 for help and support any time. You can also call us 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) if you need to talk.

[Guest]

I have been fighting this disease for a while now!! I have been on all the different medications, which all cause side effects!! Weight gain!!! I am already dealing with not liking myself! Weight gain only makes it worse!! Then they give me drugs to help with depression, anxiety and the weight gain. Soooo I trusted the Dr!!! And come to find out the combination of drugs can cause more depression. Which it did! I ended up swallowing a lot of pills and went to sleep! I will NEVER forget the moment of waking up the next morning thinking holy ******** how? Why? What the? And also wondering why after I told my husband what I did he just layers down next to me and went to sleep!! He never tried!! And he had no clue of how much or what I had taken!! I went to work that morning as if nothing had happened until I started seeing things, getting sick throwing up!! I came off all anti depressants as of that day! I hate pills!! But I was exercising 3 days a week!! I was loosing weight feeling better about myself! And then I find my husbands girlfriend!!! I have stayed with promises of him trying! We have gone to therapy for him to do nothing!!! I have tried to leave and still come back! I act fake and happy in front of all friends!! But I don’t exercise anymore right now. My workout friend recently quit her job and my child has recently expressed how much I am away from home!! I already feel guilty for working as the only woman in my family to work full time!! Sometimes I feel like I am only here for the money! My husband makes good money! If I leave my child and I will not have things like, fancy car, boat, golf cart, 4 wheelers, I nice home, a full tank of gas, a full meal every time!!! I did not grow up with any of these things!! And yet my heart, my soul my will to live is crushed a little more each day that I realize my husband, my middle school/high school sweet heart don’t love me anymore! How pitiful do I sound?

[ccsmod10]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS