I'm not sure I can do it

[Guest]

It has been a long time that I've been considering running away. My mom is always playing the guilt thing. She did the same thing with my older sister (who was lucky enough to get away, and leave me behind). She tells my little sisters that with all our arguing that I'm going to end up killing her. She says things like that right in front of me. She does have health issues but she won't go to the doctor so we don't know what they are. She tells my little brother, "always be a good boy, even when I'm gone. I think your sister's and my arguing is going to kill me". I'm just really worried if I do leave something will happen to her and if something does, I could never forgive myself. I'm not stupid or anything, I have a place to go. I would just ask her if I could leave but About two years ago it got really bad here and I asked if I could go live with my aunt(where I'd run to now) and she said the only place I could go was to my gma's house...my gma hates me and is the last person I'd run to. I have no choice but to leave without permission or to stay. I've gone through suicidal boughts(sp) and I've come to terms with the fact that suicide is not an option. I really can't stay here though. I can't kill my mom and leave my dad and siblings with no one. I'm rambling but I hope I got everything important down. I've got my stuff packed, well sort of. Anyways all I'mmlooking for I guess is understanding and someone else's opinion on the situation.

Thanx

[ccsmod3]

Re: I'm not sure I can do it

Thanks for contacting us here at NRS! It seems as if there may be a few situations at home that causes you and your mom to argue a lot and what you are not liking is the fact that she makes you feel guilty about it afterwards. This can be a really difficult time for you as no one deserves to be treated unfairly by having someone make them feel guilty. It is not nice especially to have your mom say things of that nature in front of your other siblings. It also seems as if your mom doesn't mind if you leave home if you go to your grandmother's. Although you feel as if your grandmother hates you, you feel it is okay to go to your aunt's house. That is also an option for you if you need to get out of the house fast. You have a few things planned out and that is good! It Is unfortunate that your feelings about this situation made you suicidal at one point but it is great to know you are not feeling this way any longer. If at any time you do get those thoughts again, you can call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK. If you would like to contact is, you can do so by calling us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY or simply reply back to your post. GOOD LUCK!