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14, I want to live with my mom

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  • 14, I want to live with my mom

    I want to live with my mom but my dad won't let me.I'm 14 and in California I can go to court. My dad makes my life as well as my mom's harder. He only wants to have me in his custody because of his ego. My mom divorced him while I was 11, and he has kept on successfully pushing back the dates because he knows I can go to court now.
    When I was little, he never took care of me- at all. He suddenly wanted to take care of me when my mom presented him with a divorce. He yelled at me for being sick because he didn't want to take care of me. Whenever I even think of staying with him I'm filled with sudden thoughts of suicide. I've told him that he gives me anxiety and I want to kill myself because of him, he told me,"go ahead", and if I did that he'll tell the principal of my school to 'tell everyone'.
    We've argued near a graveyard; he rolled down his window and yelled, "Go haunt _____". He says when he dies he will haunt me too.
    His family hates me, calling me retarded and that I'll result to nothing.
    Whenever we argue on the road or I don't reply, He'll pull over onto the road and argue until I say that I was wrong and he was right. We once stayed on the freeway for an hour until he gave up and continued driving. He's pulled over on the freeway more times than I can count.
    He tried to take me on vacation, which I didn't want to because all we do is argue and he forces me to do things I don't want to. I said I didn't want to go, and he turned off the wifi and power, and followed me around in the house, even when I was in the bathroom. He tried taking away my phone, and when he saw my phone, he'd wrestle me to try and get it. I closed the door to my room and he slammed it open on my face. Desperate to not go, I called the cops. That was a stupid decision. The cops came in the house and told me that my dad has the right to do anything in the house, including taking away the phone that my mom bought me, or taking anything I had; I told them that he was following me around- they replied with,"He can go wherever he wants- it's his house." In the end I was forced to go, and experienced the worst vacation in my life. He has followed what the cops have said since. He sits in my room almost all the time claiming that he has the legal right to do it, and that i'm free to call the cops if I disagree.
    Now, whenever I don't want to go out, he'll turn off the wifi and power until I go, and follows me around yelling at me.
    He walks into my room like it's nothing; even when I'm changing- I'll tell him to get out because I'm changing but he told me it's my fault I'm not changing somewhere else and he has the right to be in the room. He recently set my bedtime to 10:00. When it hits ten he'll turn off the lights. I was staying up studying one night, so I turned the lights back on. He broke the lights because he was angry that I wasn't ready to sleep at that time. If he finds things underneath my bed, he'll take it and throw it onto my bed, even if it's not my mess.
    He can't even take care of me properly- he can't cook, so he makes his sisters cook for us on school days, I don't eat. I can hear them arguing from my room all the time. On the weekends, he makes us eat at restaurants all the time; my younger brother is overweight because of this now. Whenever I tell him that it's unhealthy, he just pulls over on the road and argues, "That's your job. You need to cook."
    Whenever I say that I want to stay with my mom he says, "Wait until you become 18."
    He also doesn't understand how much pain I am in while menstruating, and made me walk for 2 hours while my cramps were bad. He just says, "If the women in my work can go while on their period, you can hike on yours." He also restricts what I wear to school. I can't wear sweatpants or leggings- he won't take me to school if I do.
    The only times I cry now are because of him; and he just stares at me while I cry.
    I'm sorry this is so long - I'm asking for help since I've kept this bottled up since I was 11- only 1 of my friends know of this issue. He's done so many more things. I'm so desperate because he's trying to keep me for christmas when it's on my mom's custody day. I've been looking forward to celebrating with my mom, but he's taken that away. I just want to know if what he's doing is acceptable, and how to get out of his custody.

  • #2
    Thank you for contacting us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are going through a lot right now. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for help and we are glad that you chose to contact us.
    We are sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you at home that is making you thinking about taking your life. If you ever have thoughts about hurting yourself you call always call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or call 911. Your life matters and we are here to support you through this overwhelming situation. If you would like you could always call us at our 24 hour confidential hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) and we would be happy to speak to you and explore your options. It is certainly not ok for your dad to walk in your room when you are changing or follow you in the bathroom. Menstruation can be a hard time, and your concerns are understandable. It is not ok for your dad to treat you like that. Sometimes talking to friends or family members or school counselors can be helpful. If it might be an option for you, you could consider filing an abuse report. You could call the Child Help Hotline 1-800-422-4453 and they can provide you information on filing a report. It might be helpful if you could record any of these incidences on your phone in order to have a proof, since in many cases they can be hard to prove in court. Would it be possible for your mom to petition, to become your primary legal guardian? If you call us we would be happy to provide you any legal aid resources.
    This can be all confusing and overwhelming. You are not alone and we are here to support you through this process. We wish you the best and we are here to support you through this process.

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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