I'm thinking about running away from my parents

[Guest]

I’m 16 going on 17 in September.


I’ve been having issues with my family for a while now, starting with both my dad and brother bullying me for my weight which lead to some suicidal thoughts at the age of 8. After that I never really healed from it and I stayed in that mental state for a long time. Thankfully it hasn’t reached any physical actions yet on both my parents side and mine.I’ve never been a bad kid or a bad student. I have straight A’s in higher level classes, all of my teachers and leaders love me, I was in multiple sports for a very long time, I'm an artist, basically I'm a very good kid. Yet when I bring home all this good news I get “and?” as a response. It’s never enough, I'm never enough. I asked my dad if I ever would be and he straight up told me “no you will never be enough and you need to get rid of that weak mindset.” At the time I was doing dishes and my parents were sitting on the couch and tears started to form and all my mom did was sit there. I proceeded to break down about it for the next few weeks and had to get comfort from teachers and friends who were more like family to me than my own parents. My family considers me my dad's soft spot because I never got the physical punishments like my brother. Instead I got the constant degrading, emotional, mental, and verbal abuse. As I mentioned earlier, I'm an artist, I've always had a love for it but I didn't get good at it until I started realizing I was being hurt by my own family.


In 2020 my parents found out about me being a part of the LGBTQIA+ and my relationship as well. They decided to ground me for it and expressed that they expected my relationship to fail because I was not allowed to see her outside of school. Fortunately for me we haven't and they continue to prevent me from seeing her. This has included threats of military school, moving, and or a restraining order against my girlfriend as well as other methods. When they first found out my dad made remarks such as “It’d be easier if you were pregnant” “This is very selfish of you” and even when we were having heart to heart conversations he would explain to me that the main reason he would not accept me was because it meant he would not get grandkids from me. Mind you I have an older brother soon to be 21 which logically will be the only one to pass on the last name that is so important to them.


At my age my mom went through similar issues with her mom except instead of homophobia stopping her relationship it was racism considering my dad is black and my mom is white. I brought this up to my dad because I was confused as to how their relationship could go through that and decide to put their own daughter through it as well. My dad would claim that he didn't understand why my mom made the choice to continue to be with him even when her mom forbade it. From this conversation with him I learned that no matter the pain that he could see he was causing me, I would gain no sympathy from him.


It’s gotten to a point where I don't even want to be home anymore. I make plans as much as possible to avoid being with them. I sometimes feel bad about it because if you were to take away the homophobia and “abuse” then I would have a great family. We don't see eye to eye on religion or sexuality or politics but you don’t have to do that to be able to have a healthy or stable relationship. But then I remember the nights where I cry so hard I can't breathe and I go to school the next day running on 2 hours of sleep.


Recently things have been getting worse as they’ve realized that I have no intention of going to college after I finish highschool. Meaning constant reminders of my soon to be failure of a life and my worthlessness. I do have plans after highschool that I am extremely excited for but have little to no support from my parents. The most recent major conflict ended with multiple threats including taking away my phone in which I paid for, taking away my car in which i also paid for( my dad claims that there is no legal proof that I paid/pay for it so he can do so), taking away my money in which im hoping goes towards me moving out as soon as possible, and making me quit my job if I did not become submissive. With my current mental state I'm not sure how much longer I can be in such a toxic household. I know running away is considered a law violation and can result in law enforcement interaction. I have no family I could go to considering they would all turn me back to my parents. I dont know what to do anymore. I just want to be free from them.

[ccsmod16]

Hi,
Thank you for reaching out; we are glad that you did. It sounds like you have survived years of emotional and verbal abuse from you dad, and that your mom isn't able to give you any emotional support either. It sounds like your dad also physically abused your siblings. We are so sorry that you are being treated this way. You don't deserve it at all. He treats you this way because of who he is, NOT because of who you are. He has some pain or anger or something inside that prevents him from being any other way than to hurt others as a way to either deflect his own pain or anger away from himself, or as a way to feel better about himself. Whatever the case, he treats you this way because of himself, not because of you.
As far as how he is treating you for being part of the LGBTQ community, his remarks show again that your personal self is only about him. You don't deserve that either. Your mom may be afraid of him and is passive to protect herself.
What you do have, what you have earned by being your excellent, warm, intelligent, brave self, is the support of teachers and friends who see you and respect you as you really are.
You have been so brave and so strong to survive so much already and we hope you can feel proud of yourself for that, because you deserve to feel that way. We do our best work with people when we can have a conversation with them. We want to listen and help you discover what your options may be. We hope that you will either chat us through this website, or call our hotline at 1-800-786-2929 (1-800-RUNAWAY).
For now, you can reach out to www.thetrevorproject.org which is a mental health site for LGBTQ youth. They have a chat as well and are also available 24/7 like we are.
We truly hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
NRS

[Guest]

I'm 15 turning 16 in about 6 months. my life isn't hard compared to others in fact I'm quite well off. My parents however are so off and on with me I don't know how I feel about them anymore. they treat me like I'm a failure when I have bad grades and instead of offering help they threaten to take away everything I have to communicate with my friends. I've been playing lacrosse for about my whole life and I have to admit I'm quite burnt out. They make me try out for a bunch of teams and don't give me a say in if I want to play. I hardly feel like they care about me and for the first time this summer my dad called me a failure and that my future will be terrible I will never be like him, (good income and nice house/life), and that I'm awful at school. This was after a Lacrosse game and we lost and he made me feel terrible. I cried when I got home and wanted to run away. But I never have. I would never run away or commit suicide as I feel like it doesn't make the pain go away but gives it to others. They made me play football this year which I don't really like. The only thing I enjoy about it is seeing my friends. I hate it, I don't get home till around 6:30 pm every night from school. I've been on and off with my girlfriend for a while but we finally stopped around august this year. I've missed her but I try to move on and not be a pussy because if I do, I'm scared my dad will think I'm a failure and won't love me. I've felt like ever since I and my family moved my life has just gone downhill from there. I've felt hollow as a person and I don't feel like I've felt love other than when I'm away or with my girlfriend. Sorry for all this rant, I haven't been able to talk to someone ever about my problems and I feel like if I do to anyone I know I'll be a loser and that I'm weak and a pussy. I'll go back to my main point. I feel as if my parents just are nice to me because they have to see me. they are nice to me when nothing bad is happening but when I have bad grades they see me as a failure and a nobody. I just want to feel like I belong. I just want to turn 16, drive away and live in the woods. I just want to talk to someone. I miss being wanted, As much as I hate her for what she did, The only person who made me feel like I belonged was my girlfriend. now I cry every now and then about how I'm a loser and a failure. (I'm sorry for this I just want to talk to someone. the other posts I've read have had it much worse than me and I just need to toughen up. Thank you for taking the time to read this.)

[ccsmod3]

Thank you for reaching out to NRS, we know it’s not an easy thing to do. Everyone deserves a space where they can vent and talk about what’s going on in their life. No matter how “good” you have it, your feelings and the problems you’re dealing with are just as valid as anyone else’s and deserve to be heard. I’m sorry you haven’t had the support your’ve been looking for from your parents, thats not easy for anyone to handle especially while going through other things. None of the emotions you are experiencing make you weak or less then. You mentioned just wanting to talk/or vent and we can offer that space to you further if you’d like. You can contact our our 24/7 crisis support line either by phone or chat and speak to someone more about what's going on.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

We hope to hear from you soon.

[Guest]

hi im 11 and i really want to run away but i never get the guts to do it. My parents are so mean to me my mom will scream at me for no reason and she is emotionally and mentally abusive. My dad is basically the same but he is like a little nicer than her he will curse me out and he and my mom will lock me in my room and starve me but i also have a dog that a really love and want to take care of and i dont want to leave behind. I also have a older sister that already moved out but i dont know where to go if and when i run away.

[ccsmod3]

Hi, thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you are experiencing mental and emotional abuse from your parents which you never deserve to be treated this way. It’s understandable to want to get away from it. With running away, it is always important to consider your safety and making sure that you would have a safe place to go. It sounds like you have an older sister who has already moved out. It can be an option to try and talk to her about how you are feeling and see if she can help in any way. It can also be helpful to try and talk to any trusted adults in your life so they can help as well and it can also be helpful to talk about what you are experiencing. We are here to support you in any way possible. If you would like to talk more about what you are going through, please call our hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat us online at 1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi, I am 14 years old about to turn 15 in less than two months and I am thinking about running away. My mom and stepfather are always arguing and somehow I always get in the middle of it for no reason. Everytime they argue my mom comes to me expecting my input on their problems. They both act so immature and expect me to act mature and like a decent person. Sure my mom has given me everything, I was really sick and always in the hospital and she fought for me, which I appreciate. However, I feel that she holds a grudge against me because she had me at a young age and had to fight for me to get decent health care. I feel she always throws it up in my face when I do something a little wrong, she says that I'm ungrateful and she should've just killed herself instead of helping me. Anyway, recently my mom and stepdad argued terribly and putting their hands on each other, I personally felt like they were in danger, so I got involved to help the people I love and started screaming and yelling for them to stop, especially my stepdad he thought that it was a joke to emotionally pick at me and he even slammed the door on me while I was standing in the middle of the doorway, remind you I have a leg injury and I had to jump back and my leg has been hurting since, so I started screaming more for him to get out. Today, my mom called me to talk, little did I know I would be blamed for everything. She just started telling me that I was being disrespectful and trying to be grown. I wasn't trying to step out of place, I was just trying to protect the people I love. She even started going as far as saying I'm the reason that she stayed single and not even saying how that's my fault at all, she was just coming at me for no reason. And what really makes me angry is that I was never apologized to for having a door slammed in on me. So now I feel like everything is my fault and that I'm not understood. I've actually been felt like my feelings don't matter because everytime I just want to talk and express my opinion on something I get cut off like no one hears me talking. The reason I haven't run away yet because what child wants to grow up and say they ran away from home. And I also feel as though if I ran away would I be safe? Where would I go, and if people would call the police if they say a random kid walking the streets with a suitcase and backpack. And I also want to make sure if I run away I can really say I was at the end of my straw with everything, because I am sick of the drama and expected to be more mature and decent than the supposed "adults." So, I just really want to know what would be the first steps to take if I did run away and how to make sure I wouldn't be recognized as a kid and found by my parents.

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like the arguments between your mom and stepfather can get really overwhelming and scary sometimes, especially since you are being put in the middle of them. We are so sorry to hear that you are even put in the position where you feel like you need to protect the people you love. You deserve to feel heard and understood. From what you've said, it sounds like there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options. But, it also sounds like you want to know some information on runaway laws before doing so. These are great questions and we are glad you reached out.

While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions. If you do decide to leave home and you need to find a safe place to stay you can text SAFE and your current location (address, city, state) to 4HELP (44357) for help finding a place to stay.

We know you are unsure on whether or not this is the right decision and we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by forum to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

Be safe,

NRS

[Guest]

Hi i need help im 14 and live in Minnesota
my parents started smashing my stuff when they get mad unfortunately i have emotional issues and they overcome me and i have to step away help me

[ccsmod3]

Hi, thank you for reaching out. It sounds like your parents have been responding in threatening ways and smashing your stuff. This is not okay for them to treat you like this and it sounds really scary. We are here to help and support as best as we can, so if you would like to talk more about this or some possible options to help, please either call our hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat us online at 1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

i am 9 and my parents always fight i thinking of running away but i only have ten dollars i have no idea what to do pls tell me if i should run away it will make my life much easier plsssss and thank you so much

[Guest]

im 9 and i go throw getting yelled getting hurt and getting told to do alot and i suffer from anxiety and i have really bad memory and i want to run away from all of that and just explore the world and i don't want to leave my brother at home because he is autistic and he needs help with talking and i want him to understand what im going threw and i don't want him to deal with what im going threw when he gets older

[Guest]

I'm 12 years old. My mom thinks im a lair cuz ive been not the best kids in school and getting introuble. I dont really want to tell cuz my mom will maybe go to jail but i have to end this and I dont want to live with my dad cuz he dose the same. My mom and dad never ever get along and everything I want to do if my mom says yes my dad says no cuz he js wants to make her mad and so i cant do any sport or any clubs ever. When I was in 5th grade my mom use to beat me. I use to have bruises so I could not go to school or tell anyone or she would be taken away from it. I cry my self to sleep almost every night Im really js sick of it I hope she would know what Im going thru. She took my today but she wont let me give her the real story she would always believe some1 else. I hope anyone reading this knows ur not alone here and ur not the only one so dont be afriad to tell like I js did I came out my space to do this. Bye.

[ccsmod11]

(If you are in danger for any reason, please call the police or go to your local emergency room.)

Hi there,
Thanks so much for reaching out to us. It sounds like you're going through a lot right now and your parents, especially your mom, have been making you feel really really bad and you are scared to talk to her about things that are going on at school. We are so sorry this is happening, and we are on your side every step of the way as you try to get through this.

It sounds like you're going through abuse at home, and you have the right to report it if and when you are ready. Please reach out to us or our friends at https://www.childhelp.org/ to learn more about the abuse report process and for help filing an abuse report.

We really appreciate that you took the time to share your story and that you want other young people to know they're not alone. It sounds like you are a really kind and thoughtful young person.

If you ever need someone to talk to about what's going on, you can reach out to us 24/7 by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or using our online chat feature. We can also help conduct a conference all with your parents if you ever need help talking to them. We hope to hear from you soon, take care and best of luck!
-NRS Crisis Team

[Guest]

I hope I'm doing this right. I am 13 and my dad gets mad when I get low grades. Like, REALLY mad. He yells at me and also grabs me by my arms and moves me roughly. I'm not super set on running away yet, but its on the radar, just barely. My main question is: Is that normal? I mean he doesn't hit me, he just yells and is kind of rough. Usually he is nice but things can make him mad easily. I hate going to his house (my parents divorced for reasons unknown to me) and I just want it to stop. This kinda makes him seem kinda bad, and he's usually so nice, but when it comes to school he gets mad easily. I hate when he gets mad and I try my hardest but its hard to remember things.

[ccsmod3]

Hi thank you for reaching out and we are glad you found us. It sounds like dad gets really mad and aggressive about grades and it is never okay for him to treat you like this. It seems like you do not live with dad fulltime which is helpful. Do you feel safer at your other parents house? If so, it could be an option to talk with that parent about how dad gets sometimes and see how they can help you. We are also here to help and support as best as possible, so if you would like to talk more about this or some other possible options to help, please either call our hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat us online at 1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

Hello. I'm 15 years old, and I've been considering running away from both my homes. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents with all my heart, they have done nothing but love and support me. Though lately I've been figuring things out about their divorce, and I don't trust any of them. My father says he's free and doesn't even want my mother in his life anymore. My mother has a boyfriend, but expects my dad to help out with stuff.. It all started just because my mom wanted my dad to look after the dogs this vacation, but he was planning on going out with friends to hunt. Both of them think the other one hasn't changed since the divorce, though they won't tel me directly. I just want a family. The only reason they still have things to do with eachother, is because of theirs kids, me and my brother. Should I just go? It'd be one less problem for them, right? I don't know what to do. I just want my family. I just want my family.

[ccsmod14]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options. Before making a decision, here's some information to consider:
While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.