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  • My Dad Choked Me

    I have always known my Father as the one who always agrees with me, who is smart, kind, and would only hit as a normal would do. But lately this side of him is slipping. He's been more agitated, aggressive, and ignorant. I've been too scared to tell, but around 2-3 weeks ago I had a nasty case of ring-worm and wore leggings. My family then took me to the beach, and as any normal child would do, I complained. When we were about to leave, I was waiting in the car for the rest of my family when my Dad walked up to my, and just choked me. I was terrified and couldn't breathe. I had to suffer through the smell of alcohol (I don't know if he was sober or not) as he gave me a speech. I couldn't breathe at all- it's too hard to even think about it. After that incident he was more... touchy. Anything I do would set him off and there I was running from his hand- again. I've been too scared to report him because of what he said after he choked me. He basically said if I tried to report him he would lie and say he has ptsd. If he has it or not, I don't know. But I want to go. I feel like I'm tip-toeing around him constantly. Just this morning I went to the door and said, I'm off to feed my friend's cat who would be gone for a little bit, and he freaked out. He told me he was going to "teach me to not do anything on my own" he stood up and I ran. I was so scared that he was going to hit me. I feel I am too young to be this mature (I am thirteen) but I was forced to grow up because of my father. Not only is it him, but my mother, and sister supported him choking me, and more than once I have been verbally abused by sister (Calling me fat even though I am underweight because I was born that way, etc.) Just today I woke up drenched in water that my sister had dumped on me. I also fear for my future. I told my dad what I wanted to become and what college I was planning to go to, and he said you are only going to this college and becoming a professor. If you don't I won't support you in any way. I am honestly just tired of living in constant fear and stress. I would like to go somewhere (run away basically) but I am not sure if what they're doing is abuse or not. I also know that I am a minor and if anybody harbours me they're in danger of the law. I live on a military base and that doesn't help at all whatsoever. Plus if my dad found out about me trying to leave I'd be in deep trouble. If I ever do run away, I don't want family therapy, I want to go. I know that my dad will just take me home right after and everything is back to how it was. I need help. Is what has been happening to me abuse? If it is what do I do?

  • #2
    re: My Dad Choked Me

    Hey there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It seems like you are going through a rough time right now. We want you to know that we are here to listen and to help you in the best way we can. It sounds like you have been through a lot with your family lately and we are glad that you are exploring your options by reaching out for help.

    We are so sorry that you have had to experience this kind of stress at home. Home should be a place where you feel comfortable and safe. You deserve to be cared for and not put in situations that make you feel threatened. We aren’t legal experts, but generally speaking from what you’ve described, some states would consider this abuse. You are very brave for telling us your story and trying to get information to help yourself. We want you to know that you have options.

    You said that you’ve been too scared to file a report against your dad. This might be a hard thing for you to do, but in the long run this might be an option that can help you and keep you safe. If at any point you feel unsafe, you can always call 911. If you don’t feel comfortable making a report at this time, there is a hotline called Child Help USA that might be able to tell you if what you’re going through would be considered abuse in your area. They would also be able to help you talk through other options based on your situation. Their phone number is 1-800-422-4453.

    If you do come to the decision to file a report against your dad, here are some ways to file a child abuse report:

    • Contacting your local police department. If you are being abused, you can contact your local police department and an officer can come out to your home and a case worker can potentially be called to the home and file an abuse report with you.
    • Contacting the Child Help USA hotline at 1-800-422-4453, there are counselors available there 24/7 who will be willing to talk to you about the abuse and would be able to give you more information about filing a report and what that looks like.
    • A school counselor/social worker or teacher are typically mandated reporters, which means that if you disclose any abuse to them, they would be mandated to file an abuse report.
    • If you were to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) we would also be able to file an abuse report with you. Typically we would contact your counties Child Services agency and walk through that process with you.

    No one deserves to live in an unsafe environment and we are sorry that you are experiencing this right now. Always remember your safety is important and you matter. We are glad that you took the time to reach out to us to see what you can do to help your situation. We will always be here to listen and help in the best way we can. If at any time you need someone to talk to, just give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), we also have a live chat service which is available every day from 4:30 PM to 11:30 PM CST. We wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

    Stay strong!

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      my dad is trying to mess up my life and he hits me all the time and tells me i was a mistake he tells me he loves me and he tells me he hates me i dont know what todo but i dont want to move away from my boyfriend and hes telling me im going back to my moms, started all this stuff just because his girlfriend (Now Ex) didnt think i liked her i just dont know what to do anymore im just about to give up on life

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi there,

        We’re really glad you reached out to us, and we want you to know that no one deserves to be hit or treated that way, no matter what the situation is.

        If you are ever injured or afraid, you can always call 9-1-1. Another option is to file a child abuse report, which is something we can help you with or can give you information about if you want to give us a call. We know this can be difficult to talk about, but we are here to support you however we can and to try to help you stay safe.

        We can talk through options that you have, and other resources, like a relative, teacher at school, or another adult that you might trust, as well as options about alternative places to live if that’s something you’re thinking about.

        We are here 24/7, so feel free to give us a call anytime at 1-800-786-2929.

        Stay Strong,
        NRS
        Last edited by ccsmod9; 02-08-2017, 02:32 PM.
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          Today, I got in an argument with my parents, and as I was walking away to do what I was asked, my dad grabbed onto my sweatshirt(more my arm), and grabbed the sweatshirt so it would choke my neck, I told him to let go of my because it really hurt, but he kept gripping me and yelling about how I have to be more respectful. When he let go he kept yelling at me that I was pushing his buttons and that I needed to stop being rude. My mother said that he wasn't choking me and was just grabbing my arm, but it didn't feel that way. This hasn't happened before but I feel really scared and I don't want to leave my room just in case he gets mad and grabs me again. Is what he did my fault? I knew he hadn't been drinking since I was with my parents earlier playing cards game. I don't know what to do since I don't want him or my mom to get mad at me since I'm saying that he hurt me.

          Comment


          • #6
            Hi there,

            Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

            You may also be able to report any mistreatment to Child Protective Services. We are not experts on the issue, but generally once it's been reported, social services will either decide whether or not to take the case and further investigate. If they do take the case, they will send out someone from child protective services to do an investigation (interviewing people in the household) and from there they will decide the level of danger within the household. It generally ranges from no danger (the youth stays in the home, some services are given, and the case is closed), moderate danger (they will provide family services with possible temporary displacement) and high danger (they will remove the youth from the home and offer certain services).

            If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering.

            Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

            If you would like to talk more in detail please call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat us through our website 1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon.

            Be safe,
            NRS
            Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

            National Runaway Safeline
            [email protected] (Crisis Email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
            Tell us what you think about your experience!

            https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

            Comment


            • #7
              Okay not quite a teenager, I'm 23 but me and my children live with my parents still and I hope y'all can give me some advice if I did the right thing or not....

              Two nights ago my 3 year old woke up screaming from a nightmare, and my father got mad and started blaming it on me. He told me to go outside with him and fight him "like the man I'm trying to be" (I'm a transgender man). After I denied him and was trying to calm my daughter down he swung at me, grabbed me by the back of my head (I have collar length hair) and drug me down the hall where he tripped and fell and started choking me.

              I had to go back to their house seeing as though I have no job or money, and my mother told me "when he fell he grabbed me so I wouldn't break my neck" and that I was acting like an animal towards him. (I was swinging at him and trying to get his hands off my neck and out of my hair while he was dragging me). And that he never drug me down the hall.

              Mind you she was outside on the porch the duration of the fight until we fell and he started choking me. Which is when I called the cops. And she said I'm trying to frame him and that I ruined his life because he's got a criminal record now..

              My 3 year old saw him drag me off the bed by my hair and when I told mom that she said I've already conditioned her to say that? Like what the ********?

              He's always been emotionally abusive and he's made empty threats of knocking my teeth in and the such all my life but this is the first time he's acted on it.

              He's got a court date in the max 3 months and I'm honestly scared that I'm gonna be the one sent to jail over this....

              Comment


              • #8
                I'm 16 year old female and since I was little my dad has threatened to choke me and he's abused me a couple times,once he started dragging me around the floor by my wrists and threw a chair at me,I'm scared of him and my mom doesn't do anything,she hits me sometimes to,I don't want to live here anymore but my mom keeps saying there's nothing you can do he police can't help you,I'm scared to stay in my house

                Comment


                • ccsmod16
                  ccsmod16 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Hi there,

                  Thank you so much for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We’re so sorry that you’re in an abusive household. What you’re going through must be extremely upsetting and frightening for you. Nobody ever deserves to be abused, under any circumstances.

                  You do have the right to contact the police or Child Protect Services and report your parents’ abuse. If you report the abuse, a caseworker will probably come to your home to talk to you and your parents about what is going on. The case worker will then make a determination about the best way to address the problems they identified—that may mean providing counseling services, removing you from the home, or offering some other remedy.

                  We can’t guarantee that Child Protective Services will always be able to prove that there is abuse at home. It may help you to make the case if you have a written record of all the times that you have experienced abuse. You may also want to take photos of any marks, cuts, or bruises on your body after you’ve been abused. Any evidence you can provide to support your claim that you’ve been abused will help a caseworker make an informed and appropriate determination.

                  We understand that not everybody feels comfortable contacting Child Protective Services. Also, Child Protective Services isn’t always able to prove that there is abuse at home, which may keep young people in unsafe environments. In either of those cases, it’s important that young people have a support network. You may want to reach out to a school counselor or trusted adult to talk about what’s going on. There’s also a support hotline called Child Help that provides information, resources, and support for young people in abusive situations. Just know that if you speak to somebody else about the abuse at home, they may make an abuse report to Child Protective Services, so you may want to be careful about what you disclose.

                  Again, we are so sorry about your situation. You deserve to feel safe and loved at home. Our liners are available 24/7 to talk to you at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). Good luck!

                  Best wishes,
                  NRS

              • #9
                My step father just recently strangled me and hitting me over the head with his hand and saying if you ever speak to your mother like that again I will ******** you and your brother up

                Comment


                • ccsmod7
                  ccsmod7 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Hello there, thanks so much for reaching out. It is wildly not okay that your stepdad strangled you and hit you over the head seemingly because you talked your mom. You so do not deserve to be harmed in anyway. If you need medical attention or are feeling like your immediate safety is in jeopardy please call 911.

                  You do have the right to report the abuse to child protective services. They typically take physical abuse pretty seriously. If they find the abuse highly dangerous they would remove you from your stepdad's custody. You might call the expert child advocates at Child Help 1-800-422-4453 to learn more about your reporting options. You can also call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY if you would like our assistance with calling out to your local abuse hotline.



                  Please do not hesitate to call us so we can best help. We can look for a safe place for you to go, provide support, and go over your options.

                  Your safety and well-being are our top priority and we truly want to help.

                  Best of luck,

                  NRS
                  Last edited by ccsmod7; 09-19-2017, 07:21 PM.

              • #10
                (I am a concerned friend) Recently, I had a friend tell me that her father has been choking her and smashing (breaking) her personal belongings, her television, dresser mirror and laptop. I told her that she needed to talk to our school resource officer, she went to the guidance counselor and they wouldn’t let her speak to the officer, they filed a report and nothing has been done... How can else can I direct her when no one else seems to be?

                Comment


                • ccsmod6
                  ccsmod6 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Hi there,
                  Thank you so much for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like your friend is in a very difficult and potentially dangerous situation. It’s good of you to want to help your friend and reach out on her behalf.
                  First of all, if your friend is ever in immediate danger, she should not hesitate to call 911. Nobody should ever have to put up with any sort of abuse. Your description of her father choking her is physical abuse. You’re right to encourage her to reach out to her school guidance counselor. We’d urge your friend to continue to reach out to them. They should be providing emotional support, advocating on her behalf, and be guiding your friend through the process of reporting abuse. Another resource we’d provide for your friend is the National Child Abuse Hotline. They can be reached by phone at 1-800-422-4453 or online at childhelp.org.
                  We’d also encourage your friend to think of other trusted adults in her life who may be able to support her in this situation – potentially her mom or other siblings, relatives such as aunts or uncles, teachers, principals, or coaches. These adults can help work to make sure that your friend is safe.
                  There are also a couple of services at the National Runaway Safeline that we’d encourage you and your friend to utilize. First, we have a telephone hotline that you can call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. This number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929). We also have a chat service that is available through our website daily from 4:30- 11:30pm CST. We will be best able to assist you or your friend through one of these services. We can also help you go through the process of reporting abuse.
                  Finally, your support, friendship, and guidance will be very valuable to your friend. Please continue to care for her as you have been doing. Thank you again for contacting us. Take care.
                  -NRS

              • #11
                Just today after school, my dad told me about how when I go to a doctor to see if I need medicine to help me concentrate, how if they didn't prescribe me anything, he will beat me for "lying to him". I' miss when he was the sad that was my hero and not someone I despise, or am afraid of. That' about all I can say, I can' see because I keep crying.

                Comment


                • ccsmod15
                  ccsmod15 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Hello, thanks for posting today. It sounds like living with your dad is really difficult and that he may be hurting you, or at least threatening it. You do not deserve to be hit or threatened. We are here to help!
                  First, with what you described about your dad threatening to hit you, you have the right to file a child abuse report on him through child protective services. Child Help (1-800-422-4453, childhelp.org) is the national child abuse hotline and they can provide information on how to file a report or get custody transferred to a safe adult like another family member or friend. Someone at school like a counselor or teacher can help you file a report too and we can conference call with you to make a report if you wanted to call us here. We are here by phone 24/7: 1-800-786-2929.
                  It also sounds like school may be tough right now and you’re having trouble concentrating. A lot of teenagers have these issues and see doctors or therapists for it. Perhaps it will be helpful to talk to your doctor about this today and mention what your dad said if you are comfortable.
                  We have counseling services and support groups in our database too so if you are interested in that, give us a call or live chat us 4:30-11:30pm central time daily.
                  You are strong and brave for reaching out and are certainly not alone. Perhaps getting extra help from teachers with schoolwork and coming up with a plan with your doctor will be helpful. You do not deserve to be hit or threatened by anyone, especially your dad. If you are ever in immediate danger, you can always call 911 or consider friends, neighbors or relatives whose houses you could run to in a scary situation.
                  We are here to support you. Reach out anytime! Best of luck at the doctor’s appointment!

              • #12
                Asking for a friend, “My dad hit me and I hit back, is this self defense? Or will I go to jail?”

                Comment


                • ccsmod10
                  ccsmod10 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Hi there,

                  Thanks for reaching out to NRS via our forum. We appreciate you looking out for your friend and being a support for them. We hope our response will be helpful.

                  Your friends dad should never be physically violent at home. from what you mentioned, his father is being abusive. If he’s being abused at home, he always has the right to report it. NRS can make child abuse reports, if he’d like our help with it. Talking to school counselors or teachers about his situation, could provide them with additional support. They may also know about other options to him with the situation. Lastly, the national child abuse hotline, Child Help (800) 422-4453 (childhelp.org), could also be a good place to get more information on the reporting process and they have an online chat service as well.

                  Again, thank you for reaching out to us and looking out for your friend. It sounds like you’re doing your best to be supportive. If you or your friend would like to talk more about the situation, don’t hesitate to call out to our 24/7 safeline or use our chatting services.

                  Be well, NRS

              • #13
                My mother is verbally abusive towards me. She tells me I will never be anything. She makes me feel like I am nothing.
                One day I told my mom that I wanted to be a singer, and she said "Yeah, right." Now, I know that being a singer takes hard work and dedication. But I wanted my mother to have faith in me. She always says things along these lines. And afterwards, she clears things up. She doesn't apologize, but she just pretends it never happened. She does hit me, but not to the point where it is considered abusive. Until today. Today my mom got an email from my teacher about my school work. I told her I was sorry, and that I would work on the missing assignments during spring break (which starts tomorrow). But that wasn't enough. I waited for the string of insults to start, but instead, she put her hands around my neck and started to choke me. My Dad had to step in and hold her back. I was so scared, and I don't know what to do. I went to my school counselor once, and she told me it was "tough love". It's gotten to the point where, as a 13 year old girl, I want to run far away from here. I love my family; my Dad, grandmother, friends. But if leaving them behind means I don't have to deal with this anymore, then I'll do it. Please help

                Comment


                • ccsmod5
                  ccsmod5 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Thank you for reaching out to NRS. Home is a place where you should always feel safe - you don’t deserve to feel unsafe or there, and abuse is never okay, verbally or physically. It sounds like your Mom’s actions have made staying at home very challenging. You’re not alone and we’re here to help.
                  It is concerning to us that you mention your mom hits you. You may consider your right to file an abuse report. You can do that a couple of ways. It sounds like your school counselor may not be the best resource, but if you have a teacher who trust, they are mandated reporters and must report any abuse that they hear about to child protective services. Another resource is the National Child Abuse Hotline, available and confidential 24/7. You can reach them at 1-800-422-4453. We can also help you throughout that process, from having conversations about your options, establishing a plan, or even just to listen if you need to talk.
                  It may also prove useful to have a conversation with another family member about what’s going on at home. If your Mom usually pretends that conflicts never happen, it could be helpful to talk with your Dad or Grandmother about what happened and how it makes you feel. You mentioned loving your family and not wanting to leave them behind. Having an ally within your family that could help you get through this painful time could be really helpful. You’ve shown just through your writing that you’re very good at communicating, but we are also able to help you have these conversations. If you were considering talking to your Mom about what’s going on, we can help you navigate that conversation and advocate for you, including being on the phone together.
                  Another option you might consider is family counseling. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration runs a referral line that can help you find an affordable counselor near your hometown. You can reach them at 1-877-726-4727.
                  Always remember that you are not alone. While things have been very challenging recently, they don’t always have to be that way. We’re always here to help. You are supported.
                  We wish you the best,
                  NRS

              • #14
                So im 13 and I've always been hit and smacked if i pushed my dads buttons and i recently went camping where i got into and argument with my dad and he ended up choking my and throwing me away. Noone say it except me and my dad saw it and when i confront him about it he denies it. My family members don't believe me when i say he choked me. Anything to help would be greatly appreciated

                Comment


                • ccsmod2
                  ccsmod2 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Thank you for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline. We understand that it takes a great deal of courage to seek help. We are very sorry to hear that you dad has hit you. Abuse is never okay, and you don't deserve to be treated that way. If you feel as though you are in immediate danger, we encourage you to contact 911. You have the right to report the abuse. Child Help (1-800-422-4453) is a great resource to discuss your options and to get information on how to transfer custody. If you have any other questions or just want to talk please feel free to contact us directly via our 24 hour crisis hotline (1-800-786-2929), email, or live chat. Please be safe !!!!!!!

              • #15
                I need help please i can't go back to my fathers house he choked me and said he'll do it again. He is violent please help me before it's to late.

                Comment


                • ccsmod0
                  ccsmod0 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Hello,
                  Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like your father has coked you and now you do not want to return home. Rightfully so. We want you to know that you have the right to report what he has done to you. Child Help USA is an information and referral line that can connect you with your local CPS abuse hotline. That number is 1-800-422-4453. If you ever felt like making a report or needed help, we are here to assist with that. We understand that making an abuse report can be intimidating so if you like we can call together to provide support.
                  Additionally, since you mentioned that you do not want to return home, we might be able to help you find local youth shelters that you can go to in the meantime. Just so you know, most shelters are required by law to alert your parents that you are there unless you tell them about abuse or neglect in your home life. If you do report abuse or neglect then they might let you stay there for a few days before contacting guardians or Child Protective Services to file an abuse report. But, this is different for every shelter. If you would like to explore this option more, please give us a call. We can help you locate shelters and help call them with you. You can always call us to talk about what you are going through and receive some support. We provide free, confidential, and nonjudgmental services. Everyone deserves to be respected and loved. 1-800-786-2929
                  We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: We care what you think
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