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I may have no choice but to go back to my abusive father

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  • I may have no choice but to go back to my abusive father

    I'm 14 and currently living with my mother and 2 siblings. My brother is 11, and my sister is 4. My parents recently divorced, and currently we're living off child support ($2,800 per month) with no way to get out of the situation. My father, now living with his pregnant wife, is a former drug addict and wasn't around for roughly half of my life. He filed for custody not too long ago, saying my mother was unfit for parenting. Currently they have joint custody. It looks as if my mother is losing and I'm likely to be living with my father by this time next year.
    My father is abusive. While he wasn't when he was married to my mom, he became violent and short-tempered beginning with when he came off drugs. Over the years since then he's physically and emotionally abused me. He always apologizes afterwards, but that does nothing to stop it. It's become less frequent as of late, if only because his wife is watching out for it, but I fear it will resume once I have to start living with him again.
    I've debated as to running away before. I tried it once, but had to go back as I'd forgotten my medication (Asthma). I'm currently trying to acquire the things I'll need to survive after I run away, but this will take time. I plan to leave spring of next year, probably during February or March. January at the earliest. Once I leave, I mean to head towards Wisconsin to be with a friend. I met this friend online, but I am sure they're who they say they are and trust them.

    I'm not here for advice as to how to deal with the situation I'm in at current. I've tried talking to my father, the only one that could actually change anything, and he's either gotten violent or ceased to listen. There's nothing to be done there, even if he says he's a changed man. There's no one I can talk to nor ask to help me. The only thing I want advice for is how to put my plans into action. As I've said, I'm heading to Wisconsin. This is over 300 hours by foot, and, as this estimate was given by Google, I doubt it will be that short. I'd like suggestions as to how I should shorten this time and get away without worrying my mother a terrible amount, although I feel that is unavoidable.

  • #2
    Hi there,

    Thanks for reaching out. We know how difficult it can be to talk about difficulties in your life, but we appreciate that you did because it means you can get some help.

    It’s a shame to hear that you’ve experienced some abuse from your father and that you’ve seen him struggle with drug addiction. Even if it’s happened less frequently lately, it still makes sense why you would fear living with him. We want you to know that abuse is never okay, and it is never your fault. You deserve to feel safe and cared for in your home, and abuse prevents you to feel like that. You can call us at 1-800-786-2929 if you ever want to speak about experiences you’ve had with abuse, or if you would ever like to file a child abuse report. You can also reach the National Child Abuse Hotline to get 24/7 help at 1-800-422-4453.

    We’re glad you’ve thought of a plan for running away. Youth who run away can be exposed to dangerous situations on the streets, and we want to prevent that. One way to keep these dangers at bay is to have a plan and a backup plan for running away. You might want to consider all things that might go wrong, and find ways to keep yourself safe if those things do go wrong. For instance, you might want to think about accessing shelters if you find out you are not able to stay with your friend at a certain point. You may also wish to become acquainted with resources that help runaway youth obtain food. We can help you find resources for these issues across the country, and also give you some general information about running away. Feel free to call us 24/7.

    Hopefully this was a helpful response, but we encourage you to reach out to us again if you need further assistance. In the meantime, we wish you the best of luck.

    -NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
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