My 14 year old sister

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My sister's life has been virtual hell since she was 7 years old. She was sexually abused by my mother's boyfriend, and when my sister was 10 or 11, the abuse finally came to light and my mom's boyfriend was forced out of the house. My sister has never backed down from her accounts of the abuse, her stories have never changed. My mom's boyfriend denies it all, even failed a lie detector test, but the state decided there wasn't enough evidence to convict him, so they dropped all charges.

Last year, he was pulled over at 3am by a state trooper for speeding at 95 MPH in a 25 MPH zone, roaring drunk with his then 4 YEAR OLD SON in the back seat. My brother and sister were removed from my mom's care because the state considered her to be neglectful by leaving the kids in my mom's boyfriend's supervision. My brother went to a foster home and my sister came to my place for a month. My sister (understandably) had a mental breakdown, and since we didn't qualify to foster her (my SO has a criminal history) she had to fly all the way out to Nashville (from Oregon) to stay with our oldest sister and brother-in-law. She stayed there until just after Thanksgiving, when she flew back to Oregon. My mom had gained custody back when the state's neglect charges were found to be untrue.

My mom booted her boyfriend out for a long time, only having anything to do with him because they have a son together. But recently she has been staying with him at his grandmother's (he's 38 and leeching off of his grandma...no job, no car), and leaving my brother in his care while she has been working for the forestry service. This has left my little sister pretty much unsupervised, and though she's only 14, she's admitted dabbling into drugs and alcohol, hanging out with high school boys.

And now my mom has moved her moron boyfriend back into her house, and the minute he came within my sister's presence, he's picked a fight with her. She left, has been staying with her friend since Saturday and now mom's boyfriend is saying she can't come back. To her OWN HOUSE. Where all of her possessions are. And this is right before school begins. I can't get ahold of my mother, and my boyfriend flat out refuses to let my sister come up here because of her behavior last year.

I don't know what to do.

[ccsmod1]

Re: My 14 year old sister

Thanks for sharing a little of your sister’s story with us. It sounds like she’s been through way more than any 14 year old should ever have to go through. She’s lucky to have family like you that does care and wants to help. From what we gather, Child Protective Services has been involved on a number of occasions but in the end your sister is supposed to be living with your mom. It’s probably so frustrating and confusing for her to be moving around so much, and then end up back in your mom’s home after all that’s happened.

Has CPS been contacted since your sister was told she can’t come back home? Obviously, this could be considered a form of neglect, so she does have the right to contact them again. It’s also understandable if she doesn’t want to contact them again considering the fact that they haven’t helped keep her safe from mom’s BF in the past. There’s another organization, Justice for Children, that works specifically with youth and children when the government agencies fail to protect them from abuse/neglect. Their number is 1-800-733-0059. They may be able to offer you some guidance on how to proceed from here. If your sister does feel like contacting CPS is an option for her, we can definitely help her make that report. If she were to call us here, 1-800-RUNAWAY, we could conference a call with her to the local CPS. Even if she doesn’t want to make a report, if she just needs someone to talk she’s absolutely welcome to call us anytime. Someone is here 24/7.

On a side note, has your sister ever sought help to deal with the sexual abuse? This is something that can be very traumatic and there is definitely help out there for her if she chooses to use it. There’s a great organization, RAINN, which works specifically with those affected by sexual abuse. They have a hotline, 1-800-656-4673, which connects callers to a local hotline or center. They also have an online chat at their website, http://www.rainn.org.

You obviously care a great deal for your sister and only want what’s best for her. We hope that you’re able to find a way to keep her safe and in a stable environment. You’re welcome to call us here yourself if you want to talk more in depth about any of this or need any more resources.