I'm Miserable

[Zach]

My name is Zachary , and I'm 15 years old going on 16. Allow me to just say that I am absolutely miserable living with my adoptive parents. My father has lymphoma. On a near daily basis, he says that he's "tired of it all" and has even said that he wants to die. I understand that he is undergoing immense agony, but he is not a very nice man to me. Our family is so f****** dysfunctional that sometimes I wonder how the hell we manage to remain together. He is extremely strict with me. He gets infuriated whenever I'm on social media. Hell, it's been a battle with him since Day One. I don't have as much privileges as the average teen has. I don't want to come off as ungrateful, but seriously, this needs to addressed. Just yesterday as I came back inside the house from walking the dogs, my Dad confronted me. What seemed to be a simple question led me to believe that something was truly wrong. He asked me what the time was in a very nasty tone, to which I replied "10:30 am". He went berserk, shouting at me, demanding to know what I was doing on Facebook at that time of day. He then proceeded to say that I'm a moron, and ordered me to go to my room. He then stormed into my room and said he was "sick and tired of my s***" and he said that I was a mean, nasty individual and that I'm a lazy sack of s*** who doesn't help around the house at all. Which is true. Quite frankly, I don't feel like helping out around at home anymore. Why the f*** should I? Most of my weekends are spent in near total social isolation, as I have no friends to hang out with. He says that he doesn't care anymore, then why should I? Looking back on my life, I thought it was great. I was adopted, into a loving home with great people. I was 3 then. Then everything went f****** downhill when my Dad was diagnosed with lymphoma. His whole demeanor changed, as he treats everyone in the family with a cold, abrasive nature. Including me. He was diagnosed back in 2008, right at the time I was in fourth grade. From the beginning, I was an exceptional student, earning straight A's. Once I entered middle school however, everything changed. The social atmosphere in middle school was entirely different compared to elementary school. Soon I began to worry about trivial things, like owning trending technology, that sort of thing. I would always complain to my parents why they couldn't get me a decent electronic device, rather the hand-me-down devices I received. My grades took a nose dive. I went from a straight A student to a straight B student. Which isn't necessarily terrible, but now I realize that I deliberately allowed myself to settle for less than what I could truly accomplish. I entered high school with a new attitude supplied with unwavering determination. I had an all Honors schedule, (gifted in English) with the exception of math, as I had Algebra I regular. I have six classes total. In the first nine weeks of school, I earned 5 B's and 1 A. In the second nine weeks, I earned 4 A's and two B's. In the third nine weeks of school, I earned 5 A's and 1 B. I ended the year (the fourth nine weeks of course) with 5 A's and 1 B. I accomplished so much in so little time. But that's beside the point. I'm still miserable, because I'm incapable of enjoying the daily amenities life brings, all because of my Dad. I hate that he has cancer. The disease has transformed my Dad into a passive-aggressive monster. I regard him as a f****** prick. He is the very root of my misery. It's sad, because my relationship with my parents is diminishing at an alarming rate. I don't even so much as glance at my Dad. He took away all of what meager possessions he got me just this past year, and all I'm left with is my s***** desktop computer that constantly freezes. My mother is no picnic either. She may not be as irrationally aggressive as my Dad, but she's annoying. I treat her with disrespect and malice. I snap at her every time she speaks to me. She's nothing but a unreasonable b**** who has the same extremely irritating habit of taking away my possessions, just as my Dad does. Neighbors that live close by think ill of me. A family friend named Wendy speaks to me and tells me that I owe my Mom respect. Fact of the matter is, I just don't care anymore. I absolutely hate my current situation. I don't regard that woman as a mother anymore. And I sure as hell don't give a flying f*** about that stupid a****** that is my pitiful father. My therapist says to fix things with my family, to help out around the house more often, and to fulfill my daily chores. But I just don't see what the point of it all is anymore. I live a life of loneliness and sorrow, as I have no one to comfort me. It is mediocre. I'm frustrated. To begin with, I never had all the great things other kids possess. I'm not entitled to any of the abundance of opportunities that I witness other teens have at my school. I don't even have a smart phone for crying out loud. I have to look over my shoulder whenever I go on social media, or else my a****** of a father will become enraged. I'm missing out on my life. Whereas others are having fun and enjoying themselves, I'm suffering, and it's all because of my Dad. I tried being considerate, but my parents never want to meet me all the way. I'm going to focus every ounce of my being into my education, so that I may attend a prestigious university. As soon as I'm 18, I'm getting the f*** out of this s****** that is my home. Maybe out in the real world I can find solace, comfort, and relaxation. Maybe, just maybe, I can finally enjoy myself and do whatever the f*** I want, without some stupid b**** and and prick breathing down my neck. I just can't wait to leave, and forge my own life. For now, I'll have to endure two more years of this senseless b*******, then I can emerge out of this hellhole and finally live my life the way I see fit.

[ccsmod13]

RE: I'm Miserable

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline and sharing with us some of what has been going on. We are very sorry to hear that your dad has been diagnosed with lymphoma and it sounds like he has changed for the worse. No matter what is going on, no one deserves to be mistreated and told on a constant basis that you are doing wrong. We are so sorry to hear that this has happened to your family and that you do not have the support that you want and need during this time.

Living at home must be tough with everything going on, your dad saying that he does not want to be on this earth anymore and your mom not really being there for you. We understand when you say that you are miserable and no longer enjoy living with them. It sounds like it used to be nice before your dad was diagnosed. We would like to offer a resource for you to call for when you need that extra support in regards to your dad’s diagnoses. The American Cancer Society hotline is a place that you can call and they are there to support you and possibly give you resources that me beneficial to you. The hotline is 24/7 at 1800-227-2345, they also have a chat service Monday-Friday 7am-6:30pm CST and that can be reached at http://www.cancer.org .

It is really great that you are doing well in school. It sounds like you have really turned your grades around and that you are motivated to do well in school so that you can get out of the place you are living. One option you have is to talk to someone at school about how you are feeling and see if they have any insight on your situation. This could be a trusted adult at school or outside of school, a teacher, counselor, a friend’s parent, anyone that you trust. Maybe they can be a mediator between you and your family and help you come to a solution to having a better life at home. It sounds like your media access has been an issue, this is something that you can talk to that trusted adult about and see if there is a solution. If you not feel like you trust anyone, we have a service here that might be able to help. It is our conference call service where you were to call us, we call out to your parents, and then we do a three way call. This is a way for both your voices to be heard and to hopefully come up with a tolerable solution.

We hoped this helped and if you would like to discuss your situation in greater detail you can call us on our hotline or chat with us on our website. We look forward to hearing from you and we wish you the best of luck.

NRS