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Im 18 and I want to move out but I have nothing

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  • ccsmod13
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for reaching out to NRS and we appreciate you sharing your situation with us. It sounds like your family makes for a very painful and stressful environment at home, but you have some concerns about leaving. The good news is that at 18 in most states you are considered a legal adult with the legal freedom to choose where you live. Your parents cannot legally force you to stay at home and you are not obligated to return to them. Leaving can still be a big decision to make at any age, but you would know better than anyone what might be best for you. Your mental health and your well-being deserve to be a priority.

    Having a solid plan about what you are planning on doing might be a good idea so that you can think about what will and will not be possible and work for you. Considering certain factors and aspects for your plan might help you make your decisions about your next steps: where are you going to be living, what's your role in the house, are you going to be working/going to school, will you be paying your share of the bills/rent, a back-up plan in case your living arrangement does not work out and you need to leave. Taking this step toward independence can be a huge step to take and we want you to be as safe as possible when making your decision.

    You mentioned not yet having a license and your parents might be making it difficult for you to obtain your social security card or birth certificate. The following website has a field guide for how young people can obtain a State ID and a cope of your birth certificate. https://nn4youth.org/learn/resources/state_ids/ .

    If you want to leave but you are concerned that your parents might cause too much stress if you go to your boyfriend's house, we are happy to help you explore other housing options. We can look in our database for housing resources in your area including shelters and transitional living programs. These can provide a stable place to live while you work toward being independent. If you would like to explore these options further, please do not hesitate to contact us directly by phone or through live chat.

    We truly want to be a support for you as you decide on your next steps. We are available 24/7 to listen and help as much as possible. Please do not hesitate to reach out again by phone or chat if you would like to talk more in-depth about your situation and explore your options. You can contact us by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or use our live chat services at www.1800runaway.org.

    Stay strong and take care,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Im 18 and my mom has constantly emotionally & verbally abused me since middle school. I Have a boyfriend and he and his family are willingly trying to take me in but problem is that my mom and his family have had issues in the past and our mom constantly go at it. And I want to move in with my boyfriend and his family. I just don’t want to disappoint my dad. All I’ve ever done is try to make my mother satisfied and it never works. I’ve tried talking to multiple people and they all turn their backs on me and go right to my mom. I feel so alone and I want to leave. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have a car or a license. I want to leave but I know my mother will cause havoc with his family and try to drag me back home

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod0
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there,

    Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Be safe,
    NRS

    Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hello, I am 18 years old as of now and I believe all the decisions I want to make like renting hotel rooms & having girls over . Being out when I want to be , being the person I want to be is showing that I may need to get out and move since my parents can manipulate me into doing things or else theirs a consequence of my belongings being taken away or not being able to get rescued while in need of help.
    I am a great son , very nice to everyone they know . My moms more understanding than my dad , my dad is logical , nice but at the same time the rules and pressure they put on me is all a ladder of higher expectations that I'm settling for to be the perfect son. I already created a new room of my own with all my belongings nice after collecting so many things for years since my family is used to collecting things and never throwing them out . I've kept them from hordering since my parents are too old to pick up and move things to clean rooms.

    I love what I have here at home but I want my own freedom and not the sugarcoated version of freedom with me going to a hotel room for one night and coming back the next day. I want road trips , a house where people can come over and enjoy without being judged of being nor race. I have a job and I suck at saving but I have said since a git, I will be moving out between 18-20 and my dads already considering me grown since I'm doing whatever goes against his principles and rules which aren't even bad , like wearing certain clothes gets him fired up. Seeing a certain girl makes him mad even if he doesn't know the full relationship. It's a lot but the whole point is I have good talent , I am working and plan on continuing to work more places.
    I wish I could just walk out that door but where to go , I don't know , all my belongings have to come with & I have to find a way out . One of the trucks I have are available to take and call mine , I can buy my car from my uncle and have it in my name. Whatever the case, I just don't want to keep being controlled when my own room and hanging out time is my relief.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod4
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello,
    Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

    We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you would like to somehow leave your parent’s home but not sure how to do so. We are sorry to hear about you being in an abusive situation at home. You do not deserve to be abused and it is not your fault that you had this happen to you. We understand how difficult a situation this is for you. Please remember that it is important to exercise self-care.
    Not having the support from your boyfriend is understandably however there are services available that might be able to provide some support through counseling.

    SAMHSA Disaster Distress Helpline: Call 1-800-985-5990 or text TalkWithUs to 66746 to connect with a trained crisis counselor.

    NRS is here to listen and here to help.
    We would be glad to speak with you about strategies or options that might help you to cope better with your situation.

    We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more about your situation and we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

    You did a wonderful job reaching out today. Good for you.
    We look forward to hearing from you.


    Take care,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hi, I turn 18 early November and I am living in a household where my mom throws emotional abuse at me and always brings up my mental illness and PTSD and uses them against me. I have been depressed for a long time and don’t see myself getting better anytime soon. I need to move out at 18 for my emotional wellbeing, and I have about 800$ and a part time minimum wage job that's on pause due to COVID19, and no vehicle. I've been doing lots of research on how to move out but I'm stressed that I will not be able to make it. On top of thinking about moving out, my parents are going through a divorce, a lot of my friends left me, and my boyfriend is in jail. I have possible places to stay but I'm not 100% sure on how long I would be able to stay. My mom constantly threatens to call the cops on me and threatens to ship me to my dad who lives in Cali which has physically abused me. I'm tired of living this life and have been a cutter for almost 6 years now. The person who saved me was my boyfriend and now my parents won’t let me contact him, even though I am able to due to advice he gave me. I am stressed and have so many questions like - Would I be able to manage a full time job with paying Bill's and going to high school full time with extremely hard classes? How do insurances work if I were to disconnect with my family at 18? How do I put up with an emotionally abusive mother? Am I able to stay with a friend until I turn 18 without my parent’s consent? I am very troubled and in a dark place and I could really use some advice, thank you
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 05-20-2020, 07:47 AM.

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  • ccsmod6
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are going through some pretty complicated stuff with your dad. There seems to be a lot of pressure on you and it makes sense to feel a little scattered or confused.

    As far as we understand, once you turn 18 you are a legal adult unless you are in NE, MS, or AL. As a legal adult, you have the right to live where you please so you could move out if you felt like that was the best option for you.

    It might be worth it to think through all of your options and all of the consequences before making your decision, though. We would be happy to talk you through what is going on and what you can do to get an outcome that makes you happy and safe. If you have any other questions or are interested in talking more about your situation, please don’t hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

    Take care,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hey I am turning 18 in 2 months. And I just now became a senior. I have been with my boyfriend almost 5 months And my dad and grandmother want me to finish school and I want to finish as well but I wanna move out I wanna be with him my dad took me in three years ago but he is very protective over me I love him but I wanna be with my boyfriend I hate being away from him and dad always pressures me about what I'm gonna do after high school... I still don't know and I need help what do I do

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod6
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We hope that you are okay and that your relationship is going well. We would be happy to help you in whatever way we can. We can provide referrals to mental health resources, shelters, legal advocacy, among other things. We can also just talk you through whatever your situation is and help you figure out what your options are. We aim to empower youths and we prioritize their safety and their well-being. If you are interested in anything that we have to offer, please don’t hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

    Take care,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hey I'll be home I in 2 months and I have been dating this guy for almost 5 months

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thanks for reaching out to us. Even though you may think your situation looks small in comparison to other posts you read on here, please know that we value what you've shared and you have a right to feel upset by everything that's going on at home. It sounds like a very stultifying and anxiety-provoking environment. It's good that you are opening up about it, even if it's just here on this message board. Expressing yourself is so important, and you have a right to be heard.

    We assume that you are still in high school and might not currently be in a situation in life such that you can just pick up and easily move out (although since you are 18 you DO have the legal right to do so). Perhaps you can think about taking steps in the right direction that will help you feel empowered to do what you feel is best for you. Maybe that's finishing school and finding employment so as to afford to move out. Although that might seem daunting, it is possible if you take things one step at a time. Of course, we never tell anyone what to do, so this isn't advice. But it's just one option that you have.

    One way of moving out that a lot of youth aren't aware of is enrolling in a transitional living program (sometimes abbreviated TLP). TLP's sometimes are connected to shelters and you would likely go through an intake process with a counselor. They can assist you with getting your feet on the ground and usually the housing is less expensive than if you were looking for a place on your own. If you give us a call, we can look for TLP's in your area. But it's up to you.

    Whether you decide to move out or not, it might be good to sit down with someone you trust and get their support on this matter. Maybe that's someone you already know -- like a teacher or school counselor, for instance. It's usually good to have as many people as possible support you: friends, relatives, a therapist, basically a network of support. Again, if you give us a call, we can help look for counseling resources for you. Or perhaps there's some other resource in our database that you might find helpful. Even if it's just to talk, we are here for you. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY and we are confidential and here 24/7. Or you can chat with us via the portal at www.1800runaway.org.

    Please stay safe. Things can get better. We hope to hear from you soon to see how we can assist you further.

    NRS
    Last edited by ccsmod15; 03-24-2020, 05:34 PM.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Im 18. I feel bad for coming on here and typing because reading some of these posts make my situation look small. But my parents are strict. Most times my mom doesn't seem to care if there's something going on with me just as long as i clean and get school work done (in her eyes) I should be fine. It seems that she thinks As long as she's okay, everyone else is okay. And it's just not true. I d want to move out but I never want to move out in a bad way. Even though I'm responsible, she says i'm not because of something (little to me) like cleaning my room. But my grades are good and my chores get done. Especially with everything going on with online school the strictness seems worse. She always says something about everything. Rarely does she ever try to genuinely check up on me. I do have other siblings too. I have 2 sisters, My whole entire life rules were very strict and enforced. Nobody in the house drinks or does drugs, we don't hang around the wrong people. She won't let me get a job even before the corona virus situation. I only have my permit. I don't get to practice driving enough. My mom doesn't listen to me when i propose new ideas. The first thing she does most days is yell in the morning. I like to close my door and have it locked like most teens. I just like to be alone away from them but today my stepdad unscrewed my sister's and my door hinges so we don't have a door anymore. My mom's parenting style doesn't fit me or my sister's at all. They don't know how bad at parenting they are. They bought a dog just to barely let the dog out. They don't take the dog out on walks or take to the dog park or any of that. She doesn't get to travel around the house. She always stays in her cage all the time. ALL THE TIME. Unless shes eating or outside using the restroom. I get so uncomfortable around my mom and my step dad that I don't like to be downstairs when they're downstairs. It just doesn't feel right.I don't know what it is. They have a hard time wanting to understand. Both my twin sister and I were diagnosed wit anxiety and me with anxiety and depression. And she never thought of trying to change her parenting approach. It doesn't sit well with me. I credit her for the good times because there are many good times but there are bad times too. Like kind of how it feels in any family. It just feels different to me. Sometimes I feel like maybe there's something wrong with me, maybe if I was perfect I'd be good enough. Now when it comes to parents I just want to be left alone. She has control of my phone and when my data turns off. I feel like the only thing i've learned is her constant fear. I learned fear from observation. And fear is her reason why I can't have freedom, whether she she knows that or not. She observes every tedious thing we do. And I know it has a direct path into my life because I unknowingly carried on her qualities into a relationship. That relationship ended. It's hard to have fun. I can't even create fun because I wasn't allowed to have fun. My important years seem to have been a waste. And after years of parents being strict telling me I can't participate in things, I stopped doing almost everything. But mainly out of hopelessness and later on depression and anxiety.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod6
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear that you and your mother aren’t getting along to a point where you do not want to stay at home. It isn’t appropriate or necessary for her to call you names or treat you like you aren’t worth anything. Everyone deserves to be treated with love and respect and you are no exception. It is also understandable that you feel frustrated with how your mom is interfering with your independence.

    As an 18 year old, unless you are in the states of Mississippi, Nebraska, or Alabama, you are entitled to live wherever you please because you are legally considered an adult. It might be a good idea to reach out to friends or family and see if anyone would be willing to help you find a safe living situation outside of your house. That being said, running away might also mean that you are leaving some things behind at home. If your mom is paying for your phone bill, she might cut off your service or if you are on her health insurance, she may remove you from that. It would be a smart idea to maybe make a list of what you stand to gain and what you stand to lose by leaving and figure out which option is best for you.

    Additionally, we can try to find transitional living programs or youth shelter programs that may be able to help you support yourself temporarily if you are interested. If you want to talk more about your situation and what options you might have, please don’t hesitate to give us a calla t 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

    Take care,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    i am 18 i want to move out but i dont have any money and i cant stay with my mom because it is just not a good place and i am still in high school and i think about running away but i wish there was another way but running away seems like the best thing because i have no money. and i know it is not safe but i get called names at home and i get treated like i am worth. and my mother says if i say i love you to a boy she will kick me out and it is not fair she brout me a phone and i meet a guy on a dating site and i told him that i love him my mom took my phone away

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes a lot of courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options because of the way your dad treats you and your mom. Since you stated that you are 18, you may (depending on your state) be legally considered an adult, which means you can leave at any time. You stated you want to leave, but are unsure of where to go since you are going to college and also work but don’t feel you have enough money for an apartment and are worried about your mom as well. Let’s discuss some options if you stay. Would your mom and dad be open to doing family therapy or if you feel like you dad might not go, would you and your mom be comfortable going to therapy together? Another option is contacting the National Alliance on Mental Illness (1-800-950-6264; text NAMI to 741741) to speak with a confidential help line that may help with your feelings and issues you are facing. NAMI can provide local referrals for treatment facilities, support groups and other local resources in your area. If you decide to leave, do you have any family members you could stay with or friends/acquaintances you could potentially get an apartment with? Furthermore, if you or your mom are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. Hopefully some of these options can help.

    We are here as support to help through this challenging time. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

    Be safe and best of luck,
    NRS
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