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Im 18 and I want to move out but I have nothing

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  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hi, I turn 18 early November and I am living in a household where my mom throws emotional abuse at me and always brings up my mental illness and PTSD and uses them against me. I have been depressed for a long time and don’t see myself getting better anytime soon. I need to move out at 18 for my emotional wellbeing, and I have about 800$ and a part time minimum wage job that's on pause due to COVID19, and no vehicle. I've been doing lots of research on how to move out but I'm stressed that I will not be able to make it. On top of thinking about moving out, my parents are going through a divorce, a lot of my friends left me, and my boyfriend is in jail. I have possible places to stay but I'm not 100% sure on how long I would be able to stay. My mom constantly threatens to call the cops on me and threatens to ship me to my dad who lives in Cali which has physically abused me. I'm tired of living this life and have been a cutter for almost 6 years now. The person who saved me was my boyfriend and now my parents won’t let me contact him, even though I am able to due to advice he gave me. I am stressed and have so many questions like - Would I be able to manage a full time job with paying Bill's and going to high school full time with extremely hard classes? How do insurances work if I were to disconnect with my family at 18? How do I put up with an emotionally abusive mother? Am I able to stay with a friend until I turn 18 without my parent’s consent? I am very troubled and in a dark place and I could really use some advice, thank you
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 05-20-2020, 08:47 AM.

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  • ccsmod6
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are going through some pretty complicated stuff with your dad. There seems to be a lot of pressure on you and it makes sense to feel a little scattered or confused.

    As far as we understand, once you turn 18 you are a legal adult unless you are in NE, MS, or AL. As a legal adult, you have the right to live where you please so you could move out if you felt like that was the best option for you.

    It might be worth it to think through all of your options and all of the consequences before making your decision, though. We would be happy to talk you through what is going on and what you can do to get an outcome that makes you happy and safe. If you have any other questions or are interested in talking more about your situation, please don’t hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

    Take care,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hey I am turning 18 in 2 months. And I just now became a senior. I have been with my boyfriend almost 5 months And my dad and grandmother want me to finish school and I want to finish as well but I wanna move out I wanna be with him my dad took me in three years ago but he is very protective over me I love him but I wanna be with my boyfriend I hate being away from him and dad always pressures me about what I'm gonna do after high school... I still don't know and I need help what do I do

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  • ccsmod6
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We hope that you are okay and that your relationship is going well. We would be happy to help you in whatever way we can. We can provide referrals to mental health resources, shelters, legal advocacy, among other things. We can also just talk you through whatever your situation is and help you figure out what your options are. We aim to empower youths and we prioritize their safety and their well-being. If you are interested in anything that we have to offer, please don’t hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

    Take care,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hey I'll be home I in 2 months and I have been dating this guy for almost 5 months

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  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thanks for reaching out to us. Even though you may think your situation looks small in comparison to other posts you read on here, please know that we value what you've shared and you have a right to feel upset by everything that's going on at home. It sounds like a very stultifying and anxiety-provoking environment. It's good that you are opening up about it, even if it's just here on this message board. Expressing yourself is so important, and you have a right to be heard.

    We assume that you are still in high school and might not currently be in a situation in life such that you can just pick up and easily move out (although since you are 18 you DO have the legal right to do so). Perhaps you can think about taking steps in the right direction that will help you feel empowered to do what you feel is best for you. Maybe that's finishing school and finding employment so as to afford to move out. Although that might seem daunting, it is possible if you take things one step at a time. Of course, we never tell anyone what to do, so this isn't advice. But it's just one option that you have.

    One way of moving out that a lot of youth aren't aware of is enrolling in a transitional living program (sometimes abbreviated TLP). TLP's sometimes are connected to shelters and you would likely go through an intake process with a counselor. They can assist you with getting your feet on the ground and usually the housing is less expensive than if you were looking for a place on your own. If you give us a call, we can look for TLP's in your area. But it's up to you.

    Whether you decide to move out or not, it might be good to sit down with someone you trust and get their support on this matter. Maybe that's someone you already know -- like a teacher or school counselor, for instance. It's usually good to have as many people as possible support you: friends, relatives, a therapist, basically a network of support. Again, if you give us a call, we can help look for counseling resources for you. Or perhaps there's some other resource in our database that you might find helpful. Even if it's just to talk, we are here for you. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY and we are confidential and here 24/7. Or you can chat with us via the portal at www.1800runaway.org.

    Please stay safe. Things can get better. We hope to hear from you soon to see how we can assist you further.

    NRS
    Last edited by ccsmod15; 03-24-2020, 06:34 PM.

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Im 18. I feel bad for coming on here and typing because reading some of these posts make my situation look small. But my parents are strict. Most times my mom doesn't seem to care if there's something going on with me just as long as i clean and get school work done (in her eyes) I should be fine. It seems that she thinks As long as she's okay, everyone else is okay. And it's just not true. I d want to move out but I never want to move out in a bad way. Even though I'm responsible, she says i'm not because of something (little to me) like cleaning my room. But my grades are good and my chores get done. Especially with everything going on with online school the strictness seems worse. She always says something about everything. Rarely does she ever try to genuinely check up on me. I do have other siblings too. I have 2 sisters, My whole entire life rules were very strict and enforced. Nobody in the house drinks or does drugs, we don't hang around the wrong people. She won't let me get a job even before the corona virus situation. I only have my permit. I don't get to practice driving enough. My mom doesn't listen to me when i propose new ideas. The first thing she does most days is yell in the morning. I like to close my door and have it locked like most teens. I just like to be alone away from them but today my stepdad unscrewed my sister's and my door hinges so we don't have a door anymore. My mom's parenting style doesn't fit me or my sister's at all. They don't know how bad at parenting they are. They bought a dog just to barely let the dog out. They don't take the dog out on walks or take to the dog park or any of that. She doesn't get to travel around the house. She always stays in her cage all the time. ALL THE TIME. Unless shes eating or outside using the restroom. I get so uncomfortable around my mom and my step dad that I don't like to be downstairs when they're downstairs. It just doesn't feel right.I don't know what it is. They have a hard time wanting to understand. Both my twin sister and I were diagnosed wit anxiety and me with anxiety and depression. And she never thought of trying to change her parenting approach. It doesn't sit well with me. I credit her for the good times because there are many good times but there are bad times too. Like kind of how it feels in any family. It just feels different to me. Sometimes I feel like maybe there's something wrong with me, maybe if I was perfect I'd be good enough. Now when it comes to parents I just want to be left alone. She has control of my phone and when my data turns off. I feel like the only thing i've learned is her constant fear. I learned fear from observation. And fear is her reason why I can't have freedom, whether she she knows that or not. She observes every tedious thing we do. And I know it has a direct path into my life because I unknowingly carried on her qualities into a relationship. That relationship ended. It's hard to have fun. I can't even create fun because I wasn't allowed to have fun. My important years seem to have been a waste. And after years of parents being strict telling me I can't participate in things, I stopped doing almost everything. But mainly out of hopelessness and later on depression and anxiety.

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  • ccsmod6
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear that you and your mother aren’t getting along to a point where you do not want to stay at home. It isn’t appropriate or necessary for her to call you names or treat you like you aren’t worth anything. Everyone deserves to be treated with love and respect and you are no exception. It is also understandable that you feel frustrated with how your mom is interfering with your independence.

    As an 18 year old, unless you are in the states of Mississippi, Nebraska, or Alabama, you are entitled to live wherever you please because you are legally considered an adult. It might be a good idea to reach out to friends or family and see if anyone would be willing to help you find a safe living situation outside of your house. That being said, running away might also mean that you are leaving some things behind at home. If your mom is paying for your phone bill, she might cut off your service or if you are on her health insurance, she may remove you from that. It would be a smart idea to maybe make a list of what you stand to gain and what you stand to lose by leaving and figure out which option is best for you.

    Additionally, we can try to find transitional living programs or youth shelter programs that may be able to help you support yourself temporarily if you are interested. If you want to talk more about your situation and what options you might have, please don’t hesitate to give us a calla t 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

    Take care,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    i am 18 i want to move out but i dont have any money and i cant stay with my mom because it is just not a good place and i am still in high school and i think about running away but i wish there was another way but running away seems like the best thing because i have no money. and i know it is not safe but i get called names at home and i get treated like i am worth. and my mother says if i say i love you to a boy she will kick me out and it is not fair she brout me a phone and i meet a guy on a dating site and i told him that i love him my mom took my phone away

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes a lot of courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options because of the way your dad treats you and your mom. Since you stated that you are 18, you may (depending on your state) be legally considered an adult, which means you can leave at any time. You stated you want to leave, but are unsure of where to go since you are going to college and also work but don’t feel you have enough money for an apartment and are worried about your mom as well. Let’s discuss some options if you stay. Would your mom and dad be open to doing family therapy or if you feel like you dad might not go, would you and your mom be comfortable going to therapy together? Another option is contacting the National Alliance on Mental Illness (1-800-950-6264; text NAMI to 741741) to speak with a confidential help line that may help with your feelings and issues you are facing. NAMI can provide local referrals for treatment facilities, support groups and other local resources in your area. If you decide to leave, do you have any family members you could stay with or friends/acquaintances you could potentially get an apartment with? Furthermore, if you or your mom are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. Hopefully some of these options can help.

    We are here as support to help through this challenging time. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

    Be safe and best of luck,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hello,
    I’m 18 years old and my dad says he can’t wait for me to get married so we can move out. He says I’m the reason we are poor. He says a variation of this to me every week. It hurts. He yell at my mom and verbally abuses her any chance he gets. I think he has some sort of anger issues. He accuses my mom of cheating all the time whether that’s be when she is at work or even the other going to pen dot and laughed at a joke the male worker there said. He got mad for the whole day and took it on me when he got home. Today is his birthday, I got him some gifts and balloons and he’s not even going to acknowledge it. He says that we don’t even like him why get him presents and started ranting about the stuff that we did wrong within the past weeks and year. Everything just came out. Since I’m 18, I would love to move out but it’s going to be tough because I am currently going to college. I do have a job but i know that’s barely going to get me an apartment or anything decent. But is there a way I can leave? And especially these past few weeks, it’s been tougher than ever. I cry nonstop because I feel bad for Mom and I can’t say anything back to my dad and I’ve got tests coming up and I just can’t seem to focus. I don’t know what to do. I just want to leave. Help.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod8
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello –

    Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to reach out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline on our public forum. We are always here to listen and here to help in any way that we can. Hopefully we can help you out during your time of need. We are so sorry that you and your sister are subjected to that abuse by your father. No one deserves to be threaten or treated that way at all.

    Like you have probably seen in other threads or even this one that we go over the general runaway laws a lot. Now considering that information, once you are now 18 years old, you would be considered a legal adult and can’t be forced home and your parents can’t file a runaway report with the police as leaving home won't be considered "running away". Simply just leaving home to live in another location.

    Now if you haven’t told them where you are or have cut all communication with your parents, they can call the police still but to file a missing person’s report rather than a runaway report. It wouldn’t affect you at all though because they don’t normally come up on background checks. You can always go to the non-emergency police and tell them that you aren’t missing. Again, as an adult, you have the right to decide where you live and your parents cannot force you to do anything.

    The thing you want to keep in mind is that once you do choose to leave, how that is going to impact your relationship with your family like you stated. Being okay with what happens is completely up to you. Having a solid plan about what you are planning on doing it might be a good idea so that you can think about what is reasonably possible for you to do and want isn’t. Factoring in these kinds of thoughts into your overall plan, again can possibly help you in your choice.

    We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I am 18 and I want to move in with my boyfriend

    I’ve always been raised to please my dad regardless of what he’s done to me and my siblings. We had all been through abuse by him. My sister and I had been through the most; physical, emotional, mental, and verbal abuse. We both want to leave so badly but she has college and work so she’s trying to get settled. Me on the other hand, I had enlisted for the Navy but even though I’ll be shipped off soon, I still have to go by my parent’s rules and they had told me to not see my boyfriend anymore because he ‘looks’ like the type to abuse me. Which is not true because I’ve known him for over a year and i know he’s not like that but my dad would always assume and try to get every single thing his way. I’m sick of it. I love my parents but I had been told by my father that if I leave, he will cut me off from his life for good. I don’t want that but if that’s the best choice, then so be it. I haven’t been happy in so long and I want it. And my boyfriend makes me happy and knows I’ve been abused and still am. I love my parents but I want to leave for good. I cant take this anymore. I leave 03/02 but anymore time spent at home will have me going suicidal and extremely depressed. I dont want to feel that anymore. I really dont...

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  • ccsmod1
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there,

    Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It sounds very frustrating for your parents to give you such mixed signals. You mentioned that your parents threatened to hit you when you express yourself. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do.

    It’s important to consider all the possibilities that can occur if you leave home. You will need to plan out how you will cover basic necessities like travel, food, clothing, etc. If you have a place to go in mind, it’s good to see what the expectations of the living arrangement will be like; rules, the amount of time you’re allowed to stay, if you’re expected to contribute financially, etc. Living on your own can also bring about many safety risks. You will need to consider ways that you can protect yourself from physical harm as well as the possibility of sexual and labor exploitation. This can all influence your decision to leave.

    It seems like your parents are under the impression that they are open to talking about issues that you're facing but they really aren't. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your parents so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

    If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

    Stay safe,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I’m 16 and I just want to get out of my parents house like right now. They never listen they never care about what I say and they’re the ones saying “ come to us when you have problems. Come to us when you’re feeling bad or lonely..” and every time I just try to say something they’re always like “yea if I punch you maybe that will make you come to your senses. You don’t know what suffering is.” Please help I don’t want to spend another night here please... I lost everything I loved I lost my reason to just get out of bed and try one more time I don’t want to stay here but I have no money I have no friends I have nothing and school is just making it worse all I do is skip classes and cry because I don’t want to go back home and I don’t want to stay in school .. I just need help right now..
    Last edited by ccsmod1; 11-11-2019, 08:46 AM.

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