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  • Im 18 and I want to move out but I have nothing

    I turned 18 this month. My life has been horrible all throughout high school, being forced by my parents this way and that. They forced me to go to private school, didnt believe me when I had learning disabilities, then finally i was tested right before I graduated and I have disabilities. I had an amazing boyfriend who would do anything for me, he was my best friend, but my parents found out I spent the night at his house and they told me I cant see him anymore. Its against their beliefs and religion, not mine. I have been beyond depressed ever since, and so my parents sent me to a therapist who told me I have high levels of depression. I have tried to convince my parents to let me see him again but they say if they find out I see him they are kicking me out. Im tired of them controlling me. Living at home makes me suicidal with so much negativity. They always told me they would never force their religion on me but they ground me and take away my phone if I dont go to church. I feel like a criminal under constant watch. I have no idea what to do.

    I want to move out but I have hardly any money, no car, and no job. Im at a loss for what to do.

  • #2
    RE: Im 18 and I want to move out but I have nothing

    Hi,

    Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. We are always here to listen and here to help in any way that we possibly can. From your post on our public bulletin board, it sounds like you’re going through a very hard time right now. We are sorry to hear that things are so difficult living at home. It can be very frustrating to have your parents not listen to what your option is and how their changes affect you. Sounds like they are mostly keep you from seeing your boyfriend and make you go to church against your will.

    We are not legal experts, however, since you are 18 years old as of this month you can leave your house without parental consent because most states set the age of majority at 18 which would technically make you an adult and not a “runaway.” It sounds like you are wanting to move out of their house but aren’t sure how to go about doing so. One option that you do have is that you can look at different resources in your area that help young adults get jobs and places to live, particularly Transitional Living Programs. Another resource that might be found in your area could provide counseling and other types of support for people in similar situations. You can look these up online or we would be happy to look them up on your behalf if you call us. We have a database that we’ll be able to look up resources based on your city and state.

    We can be reached 24/7 at (800) RUNAWAY (786-2929) and are available on live chat through our website daily from 4:30- 11:30pm CST. We would be happy to help you look for appropriate resources in your area.

    Best of luck!
    Last edited by ccsmod6; 06-23-2015, 04:04 AM.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    info@1800runaway.org (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      I will be 18 in November

      I will be 18 in November and I plan on moving out when tht time comes. My boyfriend and his family all agreed that they would take me in and help me get my life sorted out. The way things are right now I don't have much. I hav been thru abuse and whatnot and the hardest thing to deal with was tht I was so young that no one I told would believe me. Now my mother has been married to this guy for almost 5 years and I work around the house constantly and nothing can be out of place or I'm told I'm lazy or insulted and I feel stupid. They refuse to let me get a permit or anything of tht sort and even go so far as to keep a car they say is mine as long as I become responsible. ask anyone and they will say I am responsible as can be. I take advanced classes and I work my hardest and pass every one of them. But I'm under so much stress at home that it's hard for me to do anything so one thing will b missed or I'll forget to do something and then everything is blamed on me like it's solely my fault. This guys baby chickens have been dying because it is hot and they run out of water so fast so he tells me tht I never water them so I'm the reason they're dying. I can't handle the stress and plan on leaving, but I'm unsure of how to bring it up to my mom. I will be leaving on a day that this guy is at wok because I don't know him well enough to know what he could do in the event he's at home when I leave. My boyfriend and I by that time will have been together for a little over a year and me moving in would be the fourth time I've seen him the entire time we hav been together. It's all because my mom and her new husband want to control me because they've gone so far as to not allow me to use internet or texting so my boyfriend gave me a phone to keep in contact with him. I just need help in how I will break the news to my mother because I know tht for me to just walk out an not say a word would not go well

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: I will be 18 in November

        Hi there,
        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options. You seem to be developing a plan to leave when you turn 18. Often it may help to talk through a plan and make sure a back up plan is in place.

        We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice to offer assistance through the online forums. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

        Be safe and take care,

        NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        info@1800runaway.org (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          ...

          Omg wen I read about your problem it surprised me how the same exact is going on with me, my parents are divorced and I lived with my dad and my bf slept over and he found out and moved me to another state to live with my mom, my bf gave me a phone to keep on contact with him and we still talk, him and his family will help me move back and I've been trying to leave the religion for a very very long time but my parents argue with me and they're forcing me to stay in the religion.. I'm still working on that but next month I turn 18 and I'm planning to move back to Cali (my home) very soon no matter what.. Best of luck to you tho and if you ever need to talk I'm always here ^~^

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Im 18 and I want to move out but I have nothing

            Hello there,
            Thank you for taking the time to post on our bulletin board and thank you for offering your encouraging words. It sounds like you were going through a rough time but your boyfriend and his family have been supporting you. We are happy to hear that things are working out for you. If you even need anything else please let us know. 1-800-RUNAWAY
            Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

            National Runaway Safeline
            info@1800runaway.org (Crisis Email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

            Tell us what you think about your experience!
            https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

            Comment


            • #7
              Will be 18 in August 2017. Urgent

              Hello. I have been dealing with my parents' abuse for the entirety of my life. It was physical abuse at first, from ages 4-12 because of my father. He was an alcoholic. My mom always tried to cover it up. When i was 13, it stopped, but he would continuously act up. I lost a pet because of him. Since i was 13, i've been dealing with Emotional and verbal abuse. I am 17 now, and I am still talked down to, publicly humiliated, and pretty much on house arrest by my dad's word. when i'm upset because of an outside reason, they don't seem to care unless it affects my ability to clean up or care for my two other siblings. I am very depressed and often think about suicide. I have applied to various jobs but they've never contacted me back, or never replied. I want to move out as soon as i can, but i just don't know where to start or who to talk to about this. If you had any advice, i would be so grateful.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Im 18 and I want to move out but I have nothing

                Thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Services, we’re here to listen and to help. It was very brave of you to speak up and share what’s been going on. It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot – you must be a very strong person. Please know that no one deserves to be hurt like you’ve described; it’s wrong, and you deserve to feel safe, physically and emotionally, and supported at home. It sounds like you didn’t get the support you had anticipated from your mom, as you mentioned that she tried to hide the abuse, and that you also lost the comfort of a pet. We’re hopeful that you had another source of support to help you cope, like a friend or another family member or someone you trust and can talk to. Please also know that NRS is always here 24 hours a day to listen and to help you explore options.

                You said that you’ve been feeling depressed and sometimes think about suicide. Have you talked to anyone about how you feel? If you continue to have similar feelings, you may want to consider calling National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK; they are a great resource and have counselors who specialize in this area available 24 hours whenever you need to talk to them. It sounds like you’ve been thinking about moving out to get into a better situation, one that is right for you, and that you’ve been considering how you would be able to support yourself financially. It’s good to think about those things, because it can help to ensure your safety. There may be other alternative housing options available to you if you feel you need to leave, such as a runaway youth shelter or transitional housing that helps youth get on their feet. We have a database of resources that we could search to help you explore those options if you like. If you find you need something immediately, there is a service called National Safe Place (http://nationalsafeplace.org/) that you may want to consider contacting if you are in crisis or need a place to stay – they have places across the U.S.
                You also mentioned that you are 17 – in many states (not all), the age of majority is 18 – meaning that at age 18 a person in that state is considered a legal adult, and has more options/flexibility in deciding where to live. You can find out what the legal age is for your state at this online resource: www.sexetc.org – click on Action Center, select “Sex in the States” on the drop down and click your state in the map to see the legal age for your state. Even if you are not close to turning 18, there may be several options available to you; we’d be happy to talk you through some of those options to help you evaluate which is best for you.
                One last thing: have you considered or have you already reported the abuse you mentioned? It’s not okay for you to be subjected to that; if that is something you wanted to explore reporting, we can help walk you through to the process or connect you to someone who can answer questions about that process if that’s something you wanted to do.
                We hope this was helpful to you, and want you to know that you do have options and we’d be happy to help you explore those. Know that we are here 24 hours a day 7 days a week to answer any questions we can. Best of luck to you and we hope to hear from you soon.
                Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                National Runaway Safeline
                info@1800runaway.org (Crisis Email)
                1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
                https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                Comment


                • #9
                  my mom said i can't move out when i'm 18

                  so i was talking to my mom a few days ago about moving out when i'm 18 and she said i couldn't and said yeah mom i can but i hate the way i'm getting treated right now nobody listens to me i'm always the one doing chores i have no privacy and forced to spend my money i've earned so my question is does my mom have a say so in if i can move out when i'm 18

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    RE: my mom said i can't move out when i'm 18

                    Hello There!

                    Thanks for reaching out to us via our online forum. It sounds like you are doing a great job to try to prepare for the future. There are a lot of youth with similar questions in similar situations such as yours. Below is quoted response from NRS regarding he same issue of leaving home at 18.



                    Originally posted by ccsmod4 View Post
                    Hello,


                    In most states the legal age to become an adult and independent of your parent or guardian is eighteen.
                    Unless there is some legal issue that keeps you under your parent’s guardianship you should be able to move out on your own.
                    It might be a good idea to consider a plan for survival during this time so you have a safe place to stay and some type of employment to take care of yourself.
                    If you wanted to talk more, plan for the future , or just get any type of additional support you can always call us at 1800-RUNAWAY or live chat with us.
                    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                    National Runaway Safeline
                    info@1800runaway.org (Crisis Email)
                    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                    Tell us what you think about your experience!
                    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Im 18 and I want to move out but I have nothing

                      I don't know who amongst my allies could help me. I don't know how I can leave. I live in the sort of neighborhood where you can hear gunshots almost every night. I cannot drive. Covenant House is so close, but it' not like I could reach out my door and open theirs. Any teacher or older friend I could tell might be a friend lost. I know they care about me, but the abuse is mostly emotional and they are likely to underestimate it. If I just packed up and went, what of my hamster? I don't think I could live without the only creature that will never condescend to me.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Im 18 and I want to move out but I have nothing

                        Thanks so much for reaching out for help. You don't deserve to be emotionally abused, and it is understandable that you are thinking about leaving. It sounds like you have been through a lot and you are feeling alone or like your friends or family won't be supportive of your decisions, which sounds really difficult and painful. We are here to listen and support you in any way that we can. Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. It sounds like you are close to Covenant House, which may be an excellent resource. We suggest calling them ahead to see if they have room, or to get on a waiting list for their transitional programs if possible. We help youth get into shelters all the time, so you can always call us directly and we can call out to Covenant House and other resources for you and help you figure out how to get there. We are here to help however we can to help you make a plan to stay safe. As for your hamster, perhaps you have a friend or relative who might be able to care for them if you end up staying somewhere you can't take the hamster. It takes a lot of strength to move out on your own, especially leaving an abusive home situation. Please don't hesitate to give us a call or reach out online. We are looking forward to hearing from you soon, and wish you the best of luck.
                        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                        National Runaway Safeline
                        info@1800runaway.org (Crisis Email)
                        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                        Tell us what you think about your experience!
                        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          So I turn 18 in 9 days I am getting a car from my grandpa don't live with my parents I've been with my grandpa sense I was 9 or 10 he's extremely manipulative and can be abusive when stood up to he beat on my brother for standing up to him he scares me and I want to leave because I can't handle being disrespected and abused anymore I have a house to go to with a family member and I have all the money to fix my car i am just having a hard time telling him in leaving without him freaking out and getting mad and trying to be time to stay by manipulation or taking my car is there anything I can do that can help get me out without upsetting him or any way to just leave

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I'm 18 I want to leave my house but I'm afraid I'm not able to be stable finatiallly. My house is living hell my mom kicked me out the house so I have tomorrow to look for place to stay,but now I tell her I found it and she denies me to leave the house for a month can she really do that or can I call the cops they can help me and make my mom understand I could leave now ? Please help me

                            Comment


                            • ccsmod2
                              ccsmod2 commented
                              Editing a comment
                              Hey,

                              Leaving home with no resources can be scary. It's understandable to be worried about what will happen next. Unfortunately we are not legal experts so we can't tell you what the police can do with your situation. It is likely that since you are 18, you would be considered a legal adult able to make your own decisions. With no income, you may not be left with a lot of options besides trying to reach out to a friend or looking for emergency shelter. That means, if you decide to leave you may want to consider how you would support yourself while you are gone. And what you might want to think about if your mom tries to stop you. We can't tell you directly what you need to do in either of those cases, so you may want to really think about who can help you in that situation. If there are any resources you feel we can help with, let us know.

                              Best of luck,
                              NRS

                          • #15
                            Man I'm giving up truly I'm 18 years old I have nothing and no we're to go what do I do I have no where to go I truly need help

                            Comment

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