Tired and done

[Unregistered2]

Hi I'm 15 and I want to run away from home . I'm sick of the conditions in this house. I fight with my mom everyday. It all started when I told her I was being sexually abused/molested by someone close. She never took it or me seriously. It took her 3 whole months to do something about and still here I am with no conclusion. She always says I'm ungrateful and I don't appreciate the love and support she gives me (because of what happened). But she does none of those things. Not just one day can go by and we don't fight. She shows no love for me and I'm sick of it. I don't want this kind of life anymore. I sit in a locked room every night and she couldnt care. What kind of "caring" mother would just let it be? You never know what I could be doing in there. Next day you'll find yourself your dead daughter. If it were my child I would make sure they're okay. I always come last in this family . whether they're sexist or its just older sibling favoritism. Its brought me to a point I'm beginning to have hate for my older brother. Its like he's so perfect and I'm just there.I want to run away; somewhere far from my home so I won't be close and the police won't find me . shell have police find me not because she's sad I ran away or for my "good will" but so she can make sure I get in trouble and get my punishment. That's how it always is . I've thought about going to a shelter but it seems scary and I don't want anyone to see me . I don't want anyone to know. Rumors,gossip, etc (school). And school. I still have to go to school. Schools almost ending but if I get caught (since of course the investigation will probably start at school) then I'll just come back to the same awful home and then have to go to a school where now people talk about and judge me, my life will be even better. Ive thought about staying at a friends house but theres none thats parents will let me stay. They dont want to get in trouble. And my one friend lives too far away. I have no money. I thought I would just take money. And I need to find a good secluded area to sleep in where I won't be bothered. But I know its dangerous to live this way. I don't want to get caught up in street life; human trafficking .

Please help. I don't know what to do or where to go and how to go.. I've thought of just calking family services but I don want to end up in the foster care system. The system is awful and corrupt. Just to end up in The same situation ;the chance of being physically , sexually, and verbally abused all over again , how nice.

[ccsmod3]

Re: Tired and done

Hello and thanks for reaching out on our bulletin boards. We’re very sorry to hear about everything you’ve been going through, especially the sexual abuse/molestation. We imagine it took a lot to share this with your mom and frustrating since it took her 3 months to take any type of action. Please know you don’t deserve any type of abuse and there is support out there. We are here to listen and offer support to the best of our ability and there are other organizations too.
RAINN: https://www.rainn.org/ offers help to sexual assault and abuse survivors and there’s also Childhelp of America: https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/ which deals with all types of abuse.

Beyond the abuse, it sounds like there are other issues that are also affecting you. You mentioned how you come last in your family and how you aren’t sure if they’re sexist or just favor your older sibling. Either way, it doesn’t sound like you feel supported at home. We’d also like to check in on your comment about your mother finding a dead daughter. We’re here to support you whether you are just venting your frustrations or if you are feeling suicidal. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline also offers help and support for young people. More information can be found here: http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.

You sound very intelligent and like you’ve thought a lot about what it would mean to run away. You share valid concerns with not wanting to get caught up in street life, human trafficking, or in the same situation of physical, sexual, or verbal abuse. At the same time it sounds like school is important to you which is great. We’re definitely here to further discuss your situation and hopefully go over some options and get to a plan. If you prefer to talk online, we offer Live Chat every evening and have begun a trial session overnight. We hope this response provides you with a start and hope to Live Chat with you soon. Good luck!