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22 Runaway

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  • 22 Runaway

    I am 22 years old, living in Oklahoma, and I want to runaway from my home. I’ve ran away in the past, back when I was 19. My parents found out that I was gay and I didn’t feel safe going home so I left for two weeks. Now, here I am at 22 doing the same thing. I have a girlfriend and she told me she didn’t feel comfortable coming over here to my house (where I live with my parents) because my parents were rude to her. They won’t acknowledge her presence, and every time she comes over or stays the night, they nitpick and tell me things like, “tell your ‘friend’ not to say things like this” or ‘tell your ‘friend’ not to do things like this.” And it’s frustrating because they tell her how to act and what to say yet, they’re completely disrespectful. I confronted my mom today about it because, whether it’s a girl I’m dating or even just a friend, someone shouldn’t feel like that being a guest in someone’s house. Immediately as I brought it up, I was screamed at by my mom. She told me that of course her and my dad would act the way they do because they’re not comfortable with her, which I can get that. Then when I just tried talking to her about it and how I felt and how my girlfriend felt more, I was screamed at again saying that I was disrespectful and I only care about myself and I completely disregard everyone else. At this point I started crying because I was getting frustrated because I felt like I wasn’t being heard and all my mom was doing was tearing me down for feeling the way that I do. Not to mention, I tried bringing my dad into it because he tends to be the more logical one and I was ignored by him completely. My mom continued to scream and tell me I’m disrespectful and saying that I was calling them bad parents and the bad guys all while I was just trying to communicate with her like an adult. What’s unfortunate with all of this is, I didn’t realize how loud my mom got because when I gave up and went to my room, my girlfriend who was asleep, woke up and heard the argument once my mom started screaming. I should say this isn’t the first time this has happened. This is a regular in this house. Often times my mom and dad point fingers at my brother and I and my mom goes to the lengths of saying that we are the reason my dad is depressed and the reason he tries to kill himself. With all of this building up and the complete disregard of me trying to talk to them as adults, I snapped. My girlfriend and I were crying and she was telling me that I needed to leave this house because my parents are literally breaking me. I’m 22 years old, with a bachelors degree, a good job, and I even help out financially with this house yet I have to ask permission if I can go eat dinner with my girlfriend, or if I can go see a friend after work. If it’s 9pm at night I’m not allowed to leave the house whether it’s a week night or weekend, and if I ask it’s like pulling teeth. I’m not allowed to leave the house whenever I want, even if I just want to run to the store. I’m not even allowed to move until they think I’m ready to leave. I’ve had my job for 6 months and at one point I have my family $6000 to help out financially yet I was still told I am not financially responsible to leave the house or to think on my own. With all of this said, I agreed with my girlfriend. I later vented to my best friend and my two cousins about it and they agree. They all have heard my mom screaming at me and they have heard my dad using his depression against me (example: “you being gay is the reason I want to kill myself”) and they all want me to leave. I guess where I’m going with all of this is, I found a house. I signed the lease today. In two days, while my parents are at work and brother is in school, I’m coming home and packing up my things and leaving. I don’t want them home while I’m doing this and I plan on leaving a note saying what’s going on. Even though my family has treated me poorly, I’m here crying my eyes out because I just feel awful. I feel like it’s all my fault and this plan is making me so anxious that I’m getting sick. It didn’t feel like this at all the first time I left home at 19. Is this natural? Is it okay for me to be worried/scared/sad? I know I’m 22 years old, I have a job, and I now have a place to live, but I can’t help this gut feeling of fear. I want to leave but why am I so scared?

  • #2
    Thank you so much for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you’ve been dealing with so much at home and have been for quite some time. No one deserves to be treated the way that you are and everyone deserves to be accepted for who they are. It also sounds like you have been very mature and respectful to your parents and still care about them even despite all of this. It takes a very strong person to be like that.

    It does sound like you have a lot of people in your life like your girlfriend and your cousins that support you and are there for you. Are there other people that you have reached out to besides them, like a counselor or hotline? One resource you can look into is the LGBT National Youth Talkline at 1-800-246-7743 or at www.glbthotline.org. You would have the opportunity to speak to someone about your fears and they could support you in your leaving your house and anything else that you want help with. We are also here 24/7 and are completely confidential to support and listen as well. It sounds like you have a well thought out and safe plan, you just feel scared and anxious about leaving for reasons that you are unsure of. Have you thought about reaching out to a counselor or other adult that you trust? If you call us, we could try to find mental health resources in your area.
    It’s natural to be worried or scared and to be unsure of your future, but it sounds like you are a very strong person and have already taken the first steps to getting out of a situation that is hurting you. It takes a lot to ask for help and your compassion towards your parents is very admirable. Once again, if you just want someone to listen or you want more help when it comes time to leave, we are here to help with anything that we can.

    We wish you all of the luck,

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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