i dont know what i'm supposed to put here

[Unregistered]

basically in the past 3 years my mom has become really emotionally abusive and my dad doesn't care. i'm not allowed to talk unless i'm happy or i get sent to my room. when i show any emotion whatsoever she laughs at me and calls me a 2 year old. she calls me stupid and annoying regularly and says her life would be better without me then she just expects me to be completely happy constantly.
in addition to that, my dad is ridiculously strict and a strong christian. i've been homeschooled my whole life so i haven't been properly socialised, as i've only had one friend. he also doesn't let me have my phone in my room at night, which used to be the only thing keeping me alive as a distraction. i've been really unhappy and kinda always on the verge of crying, which doesn't help since i'm not allowed to.
i can't really talk it out because they think their parenting is perfect and they don't let me have opinions.
the only way i see out of this is running away or killing myself, but if i ran away i wouldn't have any friends house to stay at. i'd like to at least try to run away before i resort to suicide but i don't know how to safely do it. or how i could make it permanent.

[ccsmod0]

re: i dont know what i'm supposed to put here

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out today and posting some of your story with us. It sounds like you are going through so much with your dad and mom right now. It sounds like you’re feeling trapped at home. It’s understandable that you’re feeling so overwhelmed. It’s clear that you don’t feel supported by the people that you live with and it’s got to be so frustrating to live in a place like that. You’re smart for reaching out for some guidance. So let’s see how we can support you.

It seems like you’re thinking through what options that you have available to you. Our number one goal is that you’re safe no matter what you decide to do. If you are feeling like you want to kill yourself, it can be important to get the support that you’re looking for. One resource that might be helpful to you is the National Suicide Hotline (1-800-273-8255) or you can chat with them through their website (www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org). They have a lot of experience with people who are feeling trapped – a lot like what you are feeling – and are there to talk with 24 hours a day.

It can be difficult to run away permanently without a stable place to live or without a source of money. Sometimes what people do before they leave home is think about a way that they could make some money. It sounds like if you left home, you wouldn’t want to come back. Making sure that you have a solid plan can be helpful next step for you.

If leaving home permanently isn’t something that could happen for you, thinking through how to get a break from your family might be helpful. If you’re looking for a safe place to go for a few nights, you can check out www.nationalsafeplace.org to see if there is a place close to you.

Please know that we are here to support you through this time too. Taking a look at what other people have posted on this forum might be helpful for you to know that you aren’t alone. There is support for you and we’re glad that you’re asking around for it. If you’d like to talk more about anything else, please call or chat with us. You can call us 24 hours a day at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat with us through our website (www.1800runaway.org) from 4.30pm-11.30pm central time.

We look forward to your call or chat.

Best of luck to you,

NRS