I'm 14 and have my heart set on running away from home

[Guest]

Hi, I’m 14(15 in two months) and for a long while I’ve been contemplating running away from home. I haven’t exactly had the best life, my father who was abusive in all ways but physical(Only on rare occasions) is in prison, I live with an emotionally unstable mother who has recently begun dating again, and two brothers who I have failed in every way as a role model. For two years after my father’s first court date we were stuck, hardly any money and a depressing atmosphere clouded us. I accepted it and moved on within the first year but no one else did and within that time I had to watch as my family broke off into pieces and went off to their separate corners. During that time I lost all of my friends and the majority of my remaining sanity. I have panic attacks whenever I am reminded of the past and my brain has completely shuts off whenever I’m around my family, I can’t think or concentrate and I’ve basically given up on life. I don’t want to admit it but my remaining family is the source of my problems.
I’ve done all my research; made a list, and am gathering resources such as money and items. I’m waiting until after winter and until I am 15 so It's easier for me to get a job. I want to reach at least a thousand in savings. I found a location and have a solid plan to get there. I don’t plan on staying away forever just until I have control over my own life.
I’m looking for advice and options, Because right now, I have no other options except killing myself, which I don't really like the idea of doing.
Help?

[ccsmod2]

Thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline, it takes a lot of courage to seek help. We are very sorry to hear about the issues going on within your family. It must be difficult for your family to have to adjust to your father being in prison. You mentioned that if you don’t leave home, you have no other options except killing yourself. Your life is worth living, and there are other options for you. Talking to someone about those feeling could help, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) is a great resource for help and support. Running away is not illegal but since you are a minor, you parents have the right to file a runaway report. With a runaway report, if the police find you they would return you home unless you express to them that you live in a unsafe environment. If you left home and decided to stay with a friend, they could get in trouble for harboring a runaway. If you would like to discuss the reasons as to why you want to runaway or you have any additional questions, please feel free to contact us directly via our 24 hour crisis hotline (1-800-786-2929), email, or live chat.