what do i do? plz help me

[Guest]

I'm 15 and my family life is horrible. For a great majority of my life i was physically and verbally abused by my father. Thank god we got a DCF case and my father stopped drinking and the physical abuse stopped, but the verbal and emotional abuse is worse than the physical abuse ever was. Sometimes I wish my dad would just hit me again, and never stopped until I died so i wouldnt have to suffer anymore. I have 2 brothers who i love very much and they were abused too. But for the most part i received the brunt of it. The worst part is that my mom would have let the abuse continue, but they found bruises on my brothers neck which started the DCF case. I have always been very angry and rebellious towards my mom because she never left my dad. It makes me upset that she would rather choose an abuser who she loves over the safety of her own children. So many times i have been left bruised and bleeding, and still to this day my father makes me feel bad for not "getting over it" already. Although what has happened to me in my life has left me with severe depression and anxiety, i still have managed to succeed in school, but now it's become too much. Sometimes i contemplate drugging the whole family so we all die so we dont have to suffer anymore. recently i have come across some money which would give me the opportunity to go live with a friend in another state. I would be happy there, but i would also get caught. I want to go over there, but i wouldnt want to hurt my parents, because i have ran away and they were devastated. I dont want to talk to a counselor, because then my parents would be mad at me and i dont want me and my brothers to go into foster care, or my parent to go in trouble, because despite everything theyve done to me i still love them very much. recently they said they will try to be better and they asked for another chance. But i know it will happen again. What do i do?

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,

We’re so sorry to hear that you’re facing abuse at home and struggling with your mental health. No one deserves to be abused or made to feel unsafe. Your health and safety are important, so thank you for reaching out to us and making your wellbeing a priority.

It sounds like you’ve been in this situation for a long time and are looking for ways to get out without hurting your family. It’s very admirable that even with everything you’re going through you still care deeply about your brothers and parents. That said, your own life and happiness are important, and it is okay to prioritize yourself if you need to.

You said that your family already had a DCF case concerning your dad’s physical abuse and drinking. Though DCF is already involved, it is always an option to file another abuse report, and if you’d like to pursue that option we can help by calling us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (726-2929). You can also call Child Help at 1-800-273-8355 for more options and resources.

We know you said you don’t want to talk to a counselor about what’s going on. Another possibility may be to reach out to other relatives or your out-of-state friend and their family about what’s going on and see whether they can help you if you need somewhere safe to go.

You deserve to be listened to and supported through this, especially with struggling with depression and anxiety. If you don’t have access to support right now at home, there are a few resources that may be able to help. SAMHSA is a hotline with access to local free and low-cost mental health resources, and can be reached at 1-877-726-2929. You mentioned having suicidal thoughts as well. If you’re ever thinking of hurting yourself, please know you can and should reach out, to 9-1-1, to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or to our number or chat.

Thanks again for reaching out to us, and know you can call anytime to talk through your options and situation in more detail.

We wish you the best of luck,
NRS