Confused on what I should do

[Guest]

As each year goes by, it just seems to get worse. The name calling. The arguing. The hitting. The hair pulling. The "You should do the world a favor and kill yourself." The anger. The frustration. My mother. My parents have been divorced since I was about nine months of age, so my father has never really been in the picture. Even when he was, I was just being used for his "happy family" montage with his new wife and kid. I told him I no longer wanted any part of it, and cut ties with him. Since then, I've been a little happier. However, life on the home-front hasn't been all the splendid. At around age 12, my life started to go down hill. I'm 17 now. Five years of pain and confusion. My life turned drastically when I was 12. It was the first time I cut ties with my father. My favorite family member died. My grandmother cut ties with me and my mom. My father figure moved away. I lost a friendship. Mom secluded herself to one room in the house and only comes out to go to work. This is also around the time when the hitting began. I was always hit as a child for disciplinary purposes, but they got progressively worse. Because of a messy room, my mom and I would have five hour long heated arguments and my mother would hit me around. One day, she slammed me up against the wall and choked me and even lift me up off of the floor by doing so. She has also left several black eyes on me. She'll yank my hair to the point where large clumps would come out. She's knocked the wind out of me more times than I can count. She calls me useless and worthless and tells me that all I will ever amount to is some trashy person in the trailer park with five kids who all have different daddies and am living with boyfriend of the week who will beat me around as well. She always say that she hopes someone kills me because, even though she wants to do it herself, I'm just not worth going to jail for. My mother is never appreciative, and we but heads all of the time. We'll have two hour arguments on what she wants to eat because she can't make up her mind. I'll give her options. She'll claim that she doesn't want said options and then starts blaming me and saying that I make everything difficult. She also never takes me to the doctor. I am five years behind on my shots even though we pass by my doctor's office every day. The only time she ever takes me to the doctor is if I need x-rays or if there is a strong possibility that I have strep throat. I have been getting at least three major nosebleeds each day with a bad cough that makes my lungs and throat hurt like they are stripped. She just says, "Stop over-reacting. You're a hypochondriac." I have tried running away before but was arrested for it. The police saw the marks my mother had made on me and took pictures, but when I brought it up to my lawyer, she claimed there were no pictures. I only have eight months left until I'm being kicked out. Should I just wait? I feel as if I do something, it will only make things worse because I have no evidence to back myself up.

[ccsmod2]

Thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear that your mother has been abusive towards you. Abuse is never okay, and you don’t deserve to be treated that way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA ( 1-800-422-4453 ) www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody. If you are currently enrolled in school, you could talk to a teacher or school counselor about the abuse. They are mandated reporters so they are required to report your mom.
If your mom files a runaway report and the police find you they will return you home, unless you tell the police that you aren’t safe at home. However, some police do not accept runaway reports for 17 year old’s, you could contact your local police and ask them if they accept runaway reports for 17 year old’s. If you don’t feel comfortable calling the police, we can contact them for you. Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. Please feel free to contact us directly through our 24 hour crisis hotline (1-800-786-2929), email, or live chat.

[Guest]

I feel though that if I do something, they (CPS or the police) will do nothing about it because I have no supporting evidence. My mother has denied information in the past, and they all seem to take her word over mine. I have no nearby relatives and really no friends. I've told my school on various occasions and several teachers have noticed the bruises and even mentioned them. The police are doing nothing about it and neither is anyone at the school. We don't have a guidance counselor, so it is not like I can go to one. No nurse either. The principal over the high school believes that turning to God is the answer for everything. She even said so when she confronted me about self harming. I feel as if there is no longer anyone to turn to. I feel stuck.

[ccsmod7]

Hello there, we're glad you reached out to us, it was very brave of you.

We'll try to help. It's unfortunate that you cannot get support or any help from relatives or friends. It doesn't sound right that the police or the school are not taking action on your behalf. It sounds like the principal doesn't understand what you are going through. It must be so frustrating for you not to have anyone to turn to in these difficult times. It seems that you have tried just about everything to better your situation. You might want to call Child Help at 1800-422-4453 to see what they can suggest. They are child advocates who are experts on the reporting process.

We are also here to talk to you if you would like to call us at 1800-RUNAWAY. We are open 24/7 and are confidential.

Good luck.

-NRS