I'm 16 and need to get away from a toxic household

[ccsmod3]

Hi, thank you for reaching out. It does sound like your household is toxic and that there are a lot of fights and arguments between mom and brother to the point that it keeps you up at night. It also sounds like you have been battling depression since you were 12 and that can make it harder to still go to school and try to get good grades. We are also sorry to hear that your auntie passed a week ago. It sounds like you have a lot going on and that it can be overwhelming. We are here to support as best as we can, so if you would like to reach out and talk more about what you have been going through and possible options to help, please either call our hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat us online at 1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

Hey I'm currently living in a toxic household,i live with my mom and my older brother.They have bad arguments to the where I can't sleep,last night they were arguing because my mom said that he stole her money.It gotten so bad that she had to call somebody because he was pushing the door on her.My auntie passed away 1 week ago and ever since then she sounds like she in destress.She still look good but it sounds like she tired and lost her voice.I'm currently 16 and suffer from depression since i was 12.My mom stilll expect me to go to school and get perfect grades even though it's hard to when you don't get enough sleep.

[ccsmod15]

Hey there,

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are glad that you are reaching out for help—that takes a lot of bravery. It sounds like you are going through an extremely difficult time right now with life at home with your parents. We are sorry to hear that home isn’t a place where you feel supported and loved unconditionally. You deserve to feel safe at home and not experience yelling and physical harm on a daily basis.

It sounds like you are considering your options on how to best deal with this situation. While we do not blame you for wanting to change your situation, we do want to mention some things so you can make the best decision for you. And, although we are not legal experts here at NRS, we can do our best to offer some suggestions about if you were to consider leaving home before turning 18 years old: If you go to stay at a friend’s house without parental permission for over 24 hours (the exact timing depends on which state you live in), you parents could potentially file against your friend’s parents with something called “harboring a runaway.” This is a legal term for kidnapping. Might sound extreme, we understand. If your parents don’t know this friend and do not know where to look, they could also file a missing child report to their local police department. Law enforcement will collect basic information about you that will go into a national database, and they can then return you home in the event you are found.

That being said, we can offer temporary youth shelters for you in your local area, but given your age, your parents may still need to consent for you to stay there. If you call us (1-800-RUNAWAY) or reach out via chat at 1800runaway.org, we’d be happy to provide those resources for you.

Another option to consider is something called “Emancipation.” Emancipation makes a minor youth a legal adult before they reach the legal adult age (this varies from state to state). While we are not legal experts here at NRS, it is important that we inform you that emancipation can be a costly and lengthy process. In addition, to become emancipated in most states (not all states offer emancipation), a youth must be able to prove in court that s/he can take care of her/ himself financially, s/he have a place to live and are mature enough to care for her/himself. In any case, if you would like to be provided with more options or would like more information do not hesitate to reach out to us at the NRS chat at 1800runaway.org or the NRS phone number at 1-800-786-2929.

Also, perhaps consider if there is anything that you can change right now to reduce time spent at home. Perhaps, join an afterschool program or sports team to reduce the number of hours you have to be home or find an activity or even job that could give you more freedom and less time spent at home. Many towns and cities have organizations such as a “Boys & Girls’ Club” (www.bcga.org or (404) 487-5700 or YMCA ((732) 290-9040) which is a place where you can meet people your age afterschool, enjoy your time, but remain away from home until later in the evening. This may allow you to meet new people in a way that seems “normal” to your stepmom who may be more controlling when it comes to where and who you can spend time with. In other words, you can obtain freedom by doing it in such a way that mom doesn’t feel entirely threatened.

You can also consider calling us here at NRS or reach out to a school guidance counselor to file an abuse report at Child Protective Services (CPS). You also deserve to be listened to about the anxiety you face. If those feelings come again, there is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline available 24/7 at 988 and the Mental Health American Agency that can help you locate a local mental health support group at 703-684-7722. Perhaps try locating an Alateen program in your local area, this is a support group for teens whose parents are alcoholics. Check out their site here: https://al-anon.org/newcomers/teen-corner-alateen/ where they have an online chat. We care that you receive the mental support you deserve.

We are here as support to help through this challenging time. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

Be safe,
NRS

Hello, I'm 16 and I live with my parents and younger sister. My parents always force me to do something I don't want to do and they threaten to physically hurt me if I do something wrong. I have been slapped in the face and beaten with wooden spoons, my laptop, a belt, and many more. My father especially takes away my electronics thinking it will help me and my sister solve our problems but it doesn't and makes me stress out even more. My younger sister has a bad attitude and is a very toxic person. Always throwing me under the bus and making me take the blame for things. I have major anxiety and my parents believe it's a thing I can just shake off and they don't understand. My grade for math isn't doing well and I'm constantly afraid of my father one day finding out about my math grade because if he does he will hit me and take away every single privilege I have. I am trying my best but it is still not good enough. My father is also an alcoholic and gets mad all the time and he is also a cop so I don't know how to ask for help since he is already in the workforce where they are SUPPOSED to help you. My mother also goes with everything my father says so I can't ask her for help. I just generally don't feel safe or happy in this household. What should I do?

[ccsmod16]

Hi,
Thanks for reaching out; we are glad that you did.
Your post doesn't give much information on your situation. We do hope you will call us or chat us in hope that we can locate local parenting resources for you.
We do hope to hear from you soon,
Sincerely,
NRS

I’m a mom who isn’t loving or caring, who do I call to have her placed?

[ccsmod16]

Hi,
Thanks for reaching out; we are glad that you did.
In all but 3 states, you are an adult at age 18 and can leave without permission and there is nothing they can do to make you come back. You can google the term "Age of Majority" and your state name to discover if you are an adult at 18.

We do hope that you will chat us through this website to discuss your situation further.
We truly hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
NRS

Hi I'm 18 and I live in a toxic household. My parents don't trust me anymore due to past event and I want to run away. I don't have anyone to go to. They took away my phone and I can't contact my friends. I want to live with my friends but am too nervous if they won't accept it. I just want to feel good again. I've been developing suicidal thoughts. Please somebody help me

[ccsmod1]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS) and sharing the situation you are in with us. We are terribly sorry to hear that your mom has been treating you this way and saying these things to you. We understand the emotional toll and heartache this type of treatment causes and we want to make sure you are able to get your mental health and well-being in a better place. Please know that you can never be too emotional and that crying is a cathartic release, which is a healthy thing to do. We encourage you to stay close to things that bring joy and comfort into your life. For example, any supportive friends or family nearby or perhaps a pet, hobby, movie, music, etc.

We hear you when you say you have been wanting to run away for 2-3 years but have been scared. We understand that the way your mom is treating you has you wanting to get out of that environment; rightfully so. It sounds like you may already be aware that there can be a lot of investigation involved in CPS cases, making it more difficult for much to happen in the outcome for some cases.

With that being said, we welcome you to please reach out to our online chat service, found on our website at www.1800runaway.org or give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We would be thrilled to have the opportunity to provide direct support for you, where we can talk with you further about the situation and explore potential resources that may be viable for you at this time.

We are here for you. You deserve to feel supported and to spend your days smiling. We wish you all of the best and look forward to the opportunity to hear from you. Please be safe.

Sincerely,
NRS

i’m 14 and my mom is awful. she’s single so it’s just me and her living together. she has terrible anger issues and she takes everything out on me. she doesn’t hit me but she yells at me constantly and tells me everything’s my fault. when i cry because she’s yelling at me she tells me i’m too emotional. she gets angry at the smallest things which then leads to her yelling at me. i’ve wanted to run away for about 2-3 years but was too scared to. i can’t call cps or tell anyone because they won’t take me seriously, and even if they did, my mom would be so angry. i just want to get away from her but i don’t know what to do. also once when she was mad she said i’m the reason she can never be happy.

[ccsmod15]

We are glad you reached out to us for help. It sounds like you life has been very unstable with your Mom. That must take quite a toll on you both mentally and physically. You have been in a very difficult position with your Mom throwing you out and then lying that you run away.

It is totally understandable that you want to get out of that situation with your Mom. It sounds like you have a good working plan to get out and to your friend across the state. While you are not doing anything illegal by running away, there is a small chance your friends could get charged with harboring a runaway. That is usually very unlikely.

We want to make sure your plan to leave and stay out is as safe as possible. We also want to help you consider other options that may be available to you like transitional living. You also have some additional options because no matter what your Mom says, throwing you out is neglect. You have options for help from Child Protective Services and if you talk with the police first they may be able to help.

We would like to discuss all that in more detail with you. You can reach us 24/7 either on a chat through our website or by calling our crisis hotline at (800) RUNAWAY.

We hope to hear from you soon.

I’m 16 and my mom has kicked me out countless of times .. but then lie to the police and said I ran away each time . This time I’ve been out the house for 2 weeks so far . I’m moving to my friends across the state but I don’t want them to get In trouble but I have no where else to go . She has been mentally abusing me for years and I tried to commit many times but she says it’s all in my head that I’m crazy and make things up . Idk what to do .

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation. If you ever need assistance calling out to CPS to make an abuse or neglect report please call is at 1-800-RUNAWAY.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

I'm 15 and my mom and step dad constantly fight due to that people kick us out of places were staying. My stepdad hits, chokes, spits, and throws stuff at my mom during fights. And he just justifies himself they both do drugs and they spent rent and food money on drugs. My mom and Stepdad both have hit me in the past and threatened to kill me or hurt me really bad. The rest of my family isn't in contact with me and don't care theyre also horrible people. My mom won't leave him because we have no where to go and he provides us with money and everyone where we live doesn't like us. I'm scared and I don't want to go into foster care and I don't want to be anywhere near anyone in my family because they're just as bad as my parents. My mom mentally abuses me and I've told her about my mental state and she saw my cuts on my arms and threatens to throw me in a mental hospital where she said I'd be raped and murder. He's has hurt her really badly and I don't know what to do I have no one to turn to and I have no where to go.

[ccsmod15]

Hey there,

It sounds like you’re feeling threatened by overbearing parents and alone—and. It’s understandable that you are desperate for a change. It seems like you’ve shown plenty of resilience, and it’s wise of you to seek help. When you are already struggling mentally or emotionally, not having the support you need can make it torturous. We realize that you have the will to leave but don’t have the resources because your parents are controlling your options.

First of all, we’re sorry to hear that you have been abused. Please remember that you deserve to feel loved and cared for, 100%. What you have described may be reportable against your parents. We at NRS can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. A report may entail a CPS worker coming out to investigate to ensure your safety. You may be removed from the home, or a number of different actions could be taken. Additionally, you may find ChildHelp (https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/ ) useful in explaining your options and what could happen.

Secondly, you may like The National Safe Place. This organization provides access to immediate help, a safe place to go, and supportive resources for youth in need. To see if there are any safe places near you listed, you can:

look up your city and state on their website (www.nationalsafeplace.org) or

text the word “safe” and your current location (address, city, state) to 4HELP (44357). For immediate help, reply with “2chat” to text interactively with a trained counselor.

Last (in this message) but not least, you may find NAMI’s website or hotline help you find https://nami.org/home.

With all of this said, we encourage you to reach out to us directly as we cannot respond more than twice to a forum or email. You can chat with us online or call us by phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). In fact, if you reach out, we can look for legal aid resources, find emergency shelters, and explore more options,

Stay strong and best. Again, thanks for reaching out,

NRS