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I'm 16 and need to get away from a toxic household

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  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello!
    Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline. It takes a lot of courage to seek help when you are going through a difficult time. Your safety and well being is important to us and we want to help you have the best options to address your concerns. Abuse and neglect, emotional and physical, are traumatizing and you and your sister do not deserve to be treated in such ways.
    As you mentioned, the treatment you are enduring living with your grandma is not anything one should have to go through. It is good to know that you have people that are willing to help and support you. However, as you are not at a legal age, if your grandparents were to file a runaway report you would possibly be brought back to them. An option you do have is to contact child protective services again to discuss possible options for you and your sister. If you want to explore that option more www.childhelp.org is a great place to learn more. In addition, our call and chat services can provide you with more tailored information to better help you. We will be able to offer you support and guidance through the different options that you have.
    Once again, thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline. We appreciate you taking the step to find out more information regarding your concern. We are a 24 hour service that provides immediate guidance and support through phone and live chat, feel free to contact us.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hi im 15 and im living with a toxic grandma I've been living with my grandma for sometime about 6 to 7 years for about 3 years she and her husband never hit us but afterwards me and my sisters been punched kicks beat against a wall my grandma husband should been gone cause he hit my aunt and she died a month or so later but she still talkes to him. Well me and my sisters are just getting sick of tired of how our family treats us and my oldest sister has a baby on the way i dont want it to grow up and stay here to get beat on to my boyfriend said i should tell children service i did but they say they cant do anything about it at this point i just wanna run away and live with my boyfriend mom or my best friend mom they both said they would take me in could i move out at 17? But things are getting worse and im not sure what to do cause when i fight back the police are called and they said i hit them first or something no one listens to me i just need some real advice

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hello im 16 and my mom is toxic I can't be myself around my her because she judges me. I have to pretend to be someone else that I am not. I help around the house like sweep mop do laundry but she says im lazy that I don't want help out. She said its my responsibility to taker care of my younger siblings. she calls me names and she made me feel insecure about myself.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod3
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there.

    Thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that it can take a lot of courage to reach out for support, and we're glad you took that step. It sounds like things at home, particularly between you and your dad, are pretty tough right now, and we're sorry to hear that. You deserve to live in an environment where you feel safe, comfortable and where your basic needs are being met.

    Filing a report with CPS can be a scary and overwhelming process, especially when you can't really know what will happen next. With that, having a basic understanding of how CPS works might be helpful to you in deciding if that's a route you'd like to take. It's important to know that one of the primary goals of CPS is to keep families together, assuming the children in the home are not in imminent danger. So it's generally not their first move to take a child out of their home and place them elsewhere. Instead, they may try to put other measures in place to ensure your safety, and to ensure that the issues at hand are being addressed. For example, that might mean requiring your father to take you to the dentist and otherwise get the medical care that you need. If he isn't taking you because you don't have medical insurance or for other financial reasons, that might mean helping him get set up with insurance through your state. Ultimately what next steps they decide to take are based on their findings from their investigation, as well as what they think would be in your best interests.

    If this is something that you're interested in doing, you can file a report on your own, by contacting us here at NRS for support, or by telling a safe person of the abuse (like a teacher, school counselor, therapist, etc.). Each person that I've listed is considered a Mandated Reporter and has a legal obligation to contact CPS when there are any suspicions or indications of abuse. We understand that moving forward in this process can be scary, but want you to know that your safety is critical. These are folks who will prioritize that. If you have any questions about filing a report, what it entails, or would like to learn more about child abuse in general, Childhelp is another great resource to utilize. They're a child abuse hotline and you can reach out to them by texting or calling 1-800-422-4453, or by chatting with them live at www.childhelp.org.

    If you'd like to chat in more detail about your situation, please feel free to reach out to us directly by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY, or buy chatting with us live at www.1800runaway.org. We're available 24/7 and are always happy to listen, and to help.

    Take care.

    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I’m 16 and i live with my dad and brother my moms currently in prison till February of next year. So my father is mentally abusive towards me. He won’t let me go to a doctor nor a dentist. My teeth are rotting to the point where I have nerve pains in my face. He’s always threatening me with my freedom and manipulating me tell me “I feed you dont I, you have cloths don’t you, well I guess I’m a bad father then” ect. I am not mentally ok to wait another full 2 years to leave. My mental health is so bad. I harm myself some times to the things I over hear him say about me. We’ve had child protective services called on us a few times but he sat next to me and told me to tell them it’s all a lie. He makes me nervous and I’m genuinely scared of him some times. Some days he’s so mad at me he won’t speak to me and other days he acts like nothing Evan happened. He started drinking alcohol again and I think that’s some of the cause. But I’m scared to call child protective services cuz I don’t want it to be a fail and I’m stuck here without no help or freedom. Please tell me what I should do I really need to get out of this house.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod13
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us here at NRS and we appreciate you sharing your situation with us. You have has a difficult relationship with your aunt and have been feeing mistreated and hurt by her. We understand that not having access to your support system can make that much more challenging to cope with stress and tension at home. It sounds like there is a lot that you are faced with and you are thinking that leaving is one of your only options.

    18 is usually the age you are able to leave home without permission from a legal guardian. If you leave home as a minor, your aunt has the option to make a runaway report with police. Running away is not illegal, so you would not be arrested. However, it is a status offense which means your aunt can ask police to return you home if you are found.

    The easiest way to leave home is with your aunt's permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, trusted adult, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your aunt. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.

    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. If you would like to talk more in detail and explore all of your possible options please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best

    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I am 17 years old I live with my aunt who is extremely toxic to me she will not let me see no family,friends or let anyone come over she does not accept me being bisexual i tried to tell her how i feel and she didnt accept it im truly depressed and i need to get away

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod13
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi, we are glad you reached out to us for help. It is very stressful dealing with a step-parent and that can change the whole family dynamic. Not having your birth Mom in your life must be a constant challenge for you. It sounds like you are overwhelmed with a lack of parental support and no immediate control to make your options work.

    We know you have limited opportunity to reach out to us directly but we hope you can try to find a way to chat with us through our website or call us on our crisis hotline at (800) RUNAWAY. Both are completely confidential and available 24/7.

    We would like to talk with you about how to come up with a plan to work around the obstacles you described and explore some other options as well. We can help you come up with strategies to have some different conversations with your therapist. We can also help you work out a plan to move in with your Aunt. We can also help you figure our some tools to help you manage your anger over the little things. There are resources we can refer you to and they can help you and support you in figuring out things with your sexual identity.

    We know things must seem very overwhelming for you right now and it is so difficult to see workable options with all the limitations in your house and being 15. You deserve a safe, stable and supportive home life. We want to help you get that. We hope to hear from you soon. Good luck.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hello, im a 15 year old living in a house with 8 other people and the relationship I have with some of them is not very healthy. My birth mother hasnt been in my life since I was in second grade and a few years ago my dad remarried. The relationship between me and my step-mom is verry complicated and stressfull. One second shell be happy with me and tell me how much she loves me then the next shell tell me how im such a bad rolemodel for her kids and my sisters. She verbaly abuses me and dosnt accept the fact that im gay. Ever since she moved in her morals have been shoved down my throught constantly. Her morals and the morals I grew up learning from my aunt and my grandmother are DRASTICALLY different. Also, I have been seeing the same therapist for about two and a half years and shes been a big help, but resently shes been telling me that im over reacting and my parents are just reacting out of fear.

    I have no freedoms in my home. Im not allowed to speak my mind withought being imedeatally shot down and punished for how I feel. I also suffer from depression and anxiety and I have attempted to commit suicide twice and have selfe harmed. I have nuthing that is my own. My parents have taken away all of my divices and I have no contact with people outside my house. They constantly go through my things and question me when I cry. Its litterally so annoying because if i have a rough day im not allowed to cry aloud or else my siblings will snitch on my an d my parents think im gonna kill myself. Since i have a high negativity threshold, I tend to explode over little things. Im also haveing a lot of friendship and sexual confusion and my parents have done NOTHING to help.

    My grandmother has told me on multiple occasions that I need to talk to someone about moving in with her. My aunt (who I have a VERY strong relationship with) has told me that my parents are in the wrong and that the way that I am is okay. My parents have litterally dissowned her because of that. I also have friends who tell me that they wish my parents were better and that the way tat their acting is hystaricall. And now my parents tell me that I need to stop lying to my friends and quit ******** talking on them. Ive tried praying and ive tried medatating but I feel like the lord isnt really helping me.

    Theres so much more but because im doing this at school i dont have much time left. I really appreceate you for your time in reading this. Thank you. )

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod0
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on with your mom. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options. It seems you want to know some information on runaway laws.
    While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
    The easiest way to leave home is with your parents' permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your parents. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.
    We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). If you would like to look into further emotional support options, you can text with a crisis worker at the National Alliance on Mental Illness 24/7 by texting "NAMI" to 741741.
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    hey im 16 yrs old im going to be 17 in a month i live in georgia if i were to tell everything that has happend between me and my mom this would be a newspaper so long story short i live with my mom shes always emotionally abusing me and the household is veryyyy toxic i have been wanting to move out since 14 yrs old i have been thru so much here from self harming to overdosing to being touched etc. but i have a really close relative i can live with we stay in communication my mom doesnt know bc she hates my aunt bc me and her are close if i leave without my mom knowing when i turn 17 to live with my aunt in which i would be in wayyy better condition there than now would i get in trouble can they make me come back what do i do

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod1
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there,

    Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It seems like your mom doesn't understand how important it is to you that you continue seeing your therapist. It could be a good idea to have a conversation mediated by the school counselor/social worker, a trusted friend, or a family member to help clear the air. If you’d like, you can also call us directly at 1-800-RUNAWAY and we can set up a conference call with your parents so one of our trained crisis workers can act as a mediator.

    We know that stressors like this can be overwhelming at times and it sounds like you have turned to self-injury as a way to cope. It’s totally understandable that you would want to do something to give you a feeling of power and control when you may feel hopeless. To Write Love on Her Arms is an organization dedicated to supporting people who use this coping mechanism on their road to self-realization and recovery. You can check them out by going to https://twloha.com/.

    It sounds like you have a really strong relationship with your dad and that he is a good support in your life. It may be beneficial to speak with your dad directly about your desire to live with him. Sometimes custody transfers will need to go through the family court system and it may be beneficial to speak with a legal advocate. If you need help locating a legal aid group near you you can check out https://www.lawhelp.org/find-help/. You may also want to talk to a legal professional about what parole would look like if you were to move in with him.

    If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you (like new mental health resources), please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

    Stay safe,
    NRS

    We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Not really sure how to start this off to be honest. I'm fifteen and I can't seem to find a way out of my home. Pretty much like everyone else on here, depressed, anxious, frustrated maybe even a bit scared. My mom and her boyfriend have gotten stuck in a thirty year contract on a new house in which we are all forced to be around each other no matter where we are. I have no privacy and no contacts to reach out to for any support and help. I don't have a phone, only a school laptop. I have been in counseling before and she was just a doll but, the last day of counseling me and my mom had a fight in her office and haven't done it since. It's been at least three to four months with no one to reach out to. I have also tried my school counselor but she said that she wasn't oh how did she word it, " I am not a licensed mental health therapist, so I am not able to assist you in that way." Here is the whole conversation start last year on October 16, 2020 I just copy pasted it from email.

    "I'm not sure if you are the counselor but I kinda need someone to talk to. Whether it helps or not. I have counseling that isn't related to school and I kinda need more than once a week to talk to someone. I've had too many problems and they are just accumulating. My mom doesn't really care a lot about how I feel but when I take my feelings into my own hands it's not good. So I just need someone else. And I don't want my mom to know if I'm getting another resource for my help because she wouldn't approve. It also doesn't help that I'm in online school and don't have another way except for email to get any help. So if you are the counselor I'm struggling and need a little help."

    "What is the counseling that you are referring to that is not related to school? Do you currently see a licensed therapist for mental health counseling? And you see him/her once a week- how long have you been seeing this person? Can you tell me more about what your problems are? First and foremost, do you feel like you are safe right now, or are you worried that you are a danger to yourself? Can you also tell me how you know that your mother would not approve of you seeking help?"

    "that's a lot... Well I see a lady in ******* on Monday's once a week and only have an hour with her so it's not a lot. I'm pretty sure she is licensed. I've been seeing her for more than a month. I've got some stress at home and for online schooling which I didn't want to do but was forced into online because that's what my mom wanted me to do. I'm not sure sometimes I feel like I could just blow up. Not blow myself up, just my emotions have gone out of proportions. My mom wouldn't approve because she wouldn't be there to hear the conversations going on or at least know what the topic being talked about was. She doesn't like not knowing what's being said. Which I like it like that so that she can't twist what's being said or manipulate the conversation."

    "My best suggestion is to talk about these things with your counselor in your weekly meetings. When things come up between sessions during the week, you could try journaling as a way to still get your thoughts and emotions out. I am not a licensed mental health therapist, so I am not able to assist you in that way. What I can do is provide you with some online resources for managing anxiety/depression. I also highly recommend for you to communicate with your mom about how you are feeling. Do you think you could talk to your therapist about your feelings about your mom too? She may be able to help you and your mom communicate in a way so that both of you feel heard and feel like you are able to compromise and get what you need from the other person. If this is not an option and you are not feeling safe at home, please let me know! If you would like the online resources, I will gather some for you and send them to you."

    "alright."

    The next month I had sent her an addition email stating that I had gotten worse and I don't believe she responded to that one. My mom has had the cops called on her several times and social services as well and I have still not been placed in a new living environment. I have relapsed several times back onto smoking and self harm. Stupid, I know I try not to do either because I know I'm only hurting myself and no one else. I have also landed myself in probation for the next few months. I got into an altercation with my younger sister and hit her over the head with a broom. Didn't leave any marks. (She is 13). I've been on it for a few months I believe and it has turned into hell. My mom and I had and argument after I had already been on probation and the following week took me up to the local court house and made me sit down with my P.O. She said if I keep arguing with my mom and not obeying her every command then I will be sent to detention/juvey. Keep in mind my argument with my mom also involved my mom's boyfriend and he ended up pushing me after I had tried to stick up for myself in a three way argument. Then I blacked out and the first thing I remember is being on the other side of the kitchen where the argument had taken place. The next morning my mom aggressively walked up to me and showed me a bruise on her arm and said that I hit her. She is crazy enough that she could have either done it purposely to herself or she had fallen in her wood burning stove again. She does stupid things when she drinks, so like three out of seven days. I believed her only for a second until I remembered what my step sister had said to me about my mom's boyfriend. He had supposedly hit his ex wife and lied about putting his hands on her. Plus, I have never given my mom a mark in my whole life. So many things weren't adding up for me. I still am unsure of what really happened that night.

    My past to be honest now thinking back has always, even since I was like three, has been really abusive when it comes to my mom. My biological dad is the only sane adult in my family but my mom won't let me see him because he is in Florida and I am northwest from Florida. I do love my dad and he loves me and is more than capable of taking care of me. He is not on any substances and puts his heart into trying to be here when his is in Florida.

    For crying out loud my mom's boyfriend doesn't even want me around. All he does is talk about how awful I am to everyone he knows and calls me horrible names like "Psyco b*tch" and has told me just for wearing red lipstick that I look like a hooker, right in front of everyone except my mom. I have countless videos of him screaming and me crying and my brother, sister and I feeling unsafe at times. Every night for the past week he has been arguing with someone or trying to put someone down in the most horrible ways. He tries to make everyone that isn't him sound dumb and a lesser of him. He has also found a way to take a beautiful and intriguing religion and turn it into a cult. He has said multiple times that "God" has said to him that he would be important in the end times. Hahahaha! He is ********ing nuts! My mom thinks that he is someone brought by God himself and almost worships the dirt he walks on like he's Jesus or something. What on earth.

    I'm sorry for this rant, I really am, and to anyone who may be reading this I promise there are so many more of us out there whether they decide to be vocal or silently take the abuse. I won't anymore and nor should anyone else! If someone happens to read this and is taking what's happening to them I have a lot of respect for you and there is nothing you should be afraid to say on here. To those who are vocal about what is happening to them I have a lot of respect for you as well and I hope you tell people about your story and educate more people on abusive households. I never mean to offend anyone just passing my story to the next person who is willing to listen and possibly help. Thank you.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there,
    Thanks for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It sounds like you are having a tough time at home. We are here to help you in any way we can.

    You said that your mom said you will be beat if you do not do things perfectly. Abuse is never okay, and no child should have to live in fear of physical abuse or experience emotional and verbal abuse. Childhelp is the National Child Abuse Hotline, and they are a great resource for children who are experiencing abuse for resources and to potentially file an abuse report. Their number is 1-800-422-4453 and their website is www.childhelp.org. If you ever find yourself in immediate danger, please call 911.

    It sounds like your doctor has referred you to go to therapy but your mom has not let you go. If you are currently in school, your school might have some resources to connect with therapy or might allow you to schedule appointments with your school counselor of social worker. SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) also has an option on their website where you can locate services, and some therapists offer sliding scale for payment. We are happy to call out to any you might find with you to see whether they allow a number of sessions prior to requiring parent consent. If you are interested, their website is findtreatment.samhsa.gov and their referral helpline number is 1-800-662-HELP (4357). If you would like us to look into this with you, you can call into us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), and we can call out together.

    It is great that you are looking to stay with your grandparents. You mentioned that CPS told you to look into that as an option. If you have any proof of that, like a voicemail or email, or could ask the person you spoke to for that suggestion in writing, it might help you if your mom decides to make a runaway report.

    We are happy to talk through how you plan to safely leave home or anything else you would like to talk about if you call into us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are a 24/7, completely confidential safeline. Here to listen, here to help.

    Best of luck,
    NRS
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