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  • I'm 16 and need to get away from a toxic household

    Hi, I'm 16 and currently live with my parents. I suffer from depression and self-harm, and my parents won’t get me help and refuse to believe that I need help, and I have asked many times for help but they refuse to give it to me, and because of this they have taken my phone, personal laptop and my bedroom from me, in hopes that my behavior will change when in fact it makes it worse. My parent have very strict rules on me and only me, my litter sister is allowed to do whatever she wants and never gets in trouble very often. My parents aren't physically abusive, but they aren't the nicest people, over the years I can only remember being hit twice and choked twice. I haven’t had a bad life with my parents but as of late all me and my parents do is fight about everything. My father has come close to hitting me and he has on more than one occasion told me to get the hell out of his house. I would leave but I made a promise to my girlfriend to wait till the end of this year, but things have changed. Her living situation is way worse than mine and I would do anything to help her get away from her abusive parents, and she is of age to where she can leave but she refuses to leave because she’s worried about being able to support us financially. I’m worried that her step dad will sexually abuse her again and really just want to get her and myself away from our toxic households, I’m worried that if we don’t get away from our current lives that one of us is going to end up killing themselves, but I’m worried about money and getting a job, school and were we are going to stay. I would love some help.

  • #2
    Re: I'm 16 and need to get away from a toxic household

    Thank you for writing us at the National Runaway Safeline where we’re here to listen and here to help. We appreciate your taking the time to reach out to us for help. It’s remarkable that you are adamant about receiving the resources you need to overcome your depression and self-harm. We commend you for it. It’s too bad that your parents are not responding in the way that you need. It’s also great that you have the support of your girlfriend as well! It must not be easy to want to stay in a home where you feel unfairly targeted for discipline and your pleas for more support are ignored.

    Since you are 16, you are still underneath your parents’ guardianship. This means that you would be committing a status offense if you chose to leave home. Your girlfriend and anyone else who helps you leave could be charged with harboring a runaway. Your parents could file a runaway report and report that you are missing with the police. As you may be able to see, leaving home when you are beneath the age of majority has consequences. You’re being very patient with trying to wait at least until you finish school.

    It’s regrettable that you and your girlfriend have not been having the best experiences at home. If you are worried about abuse escalating with your girlfriend, have you considered reporting her situation to the National Child Abuse Hotline? You can make a confidential call so that they can investigate and do what is best to keep your girlfriend safe from being sexually abused again by her stepfather. To report suspicions of child abuse you can call 1-800-4A-CHILD. To learn more about what happens when you make a report, click the link below:

    https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/

    Additionally, your girlfriend can also call the National Sexual Abuse Hotline if she’d like to talk more about what happened to her or receive any other supports. The phone number is 1-800-656-HOPE or 1-800-656-4673.
    You’ve been doing a great job thus far dealing with all of that you are currently going through. If you or your girlfriend ever get to the appoint where you are contemplating suicide, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). Wanting to end a horrible situation is a feeling that many people have. Perhaps talking to someone from this line may be useful.

    By you thinking about such things as how you both will make a living and where you will live, it shows that you have a very mature mindset. Have you ever considered learning whether your state allows emancipation of minors? This could offer you a legal way to leave home and become independent from your parents. Seeking emancipation can be quite costly. You would have to prove that you can take care of yourself and manage your own home and money. To learn more about emancipation and find legal aid near you, click these links below:

    http://ctlawhelp.org/a-teenagers-guide-to-emancipation

    http://www.lawhelp.org/find-help/

    http://www.nolo.com/legal-encycloped...ces-30144.html

    As for finding jobs, have you hear about job corps? It is a job training program that offers its participants on site housing. You can learn more about Job Corps below:

    http://www.jobcorps.gov/home.aspx

    National Hotline- 1-800-733-JOBS (1-800-733-5627)

    We thank you again for writing us! We are available 24/7. If you’d like to discuss more, we encourage you to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929) or chat with us daily from 4:30pm-11:30pm CST. We hope to hear from you soon! If not, we certainly wish you and your girlfriend the absolute best!

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      thanks

      thanks for the information this should help both me and my girlfriend. ^~^

      Comment


      • #4
        Thanks

        Glad to hear it. Remember we're here 24/7 and you can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY anytime.
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          What do I do if I'm 16 years old and need to get out of my house my parents won't except me as a lesbian and she won't let me get a job so I can pay for a emancipation idk what to do but its very toxic here there always arguing and she doesn't except me
          But she won't let me leave
          Last edited by ccsmod4; 09-25-2020, 02:16 AM.

          Comment


          • ccsmod4
            ccsmod4 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hello,
            Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

            We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on.
            We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

            We want you to know that you are strong for having gone through so much already. It is perfectly okay to deviate from what others or the common population believe to be “normal”. Your bravery and resilience is so admirable. You are so strong for having gone through so much without having the acceptance that you do deserve for just being you. Remember that you are not alone. If you ever want to talk more about what you are experiencing or get additional support we are here 24/7 at 1800-RUNAWAY or our live chat service. The GLBT National Hotline at 1-888-843-4564 is another option to gain great support from those that are familiar with the issues and experiences of those that are also a part of the LGBTQ community. You can access their number and website link below to utilize all the other possibly useful resources they have to offer: http://www.glbthotline.org/ 1-888-843-4564.

            NRS is here to listen and here to help. If you would like to discuss strategies and or options to try and manage your situation, please contact 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or www.1800runaway.org

            Take care,
            NRS

        • #6
          I’m 17 and I need to leave my toxic household. I’m constantly locked up at home with no freedom or social contact. It’s to the point where I’ve almost relapsed a few times and had mental breakdowns everyday. My mom won’t let me get a job to make some money for myself because she thinks I’ll go somewhere else and she won’t teach me how to drive because she said it’ll give me too much freedom. How do I leave a toxic household that constantly drains me with no money and as a minor. I just want to escape and make my own life.

          Comment


          • ccsmod6
            ccsmod6 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hello, thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what is going on. It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time. It can be frustrating not being able to work and make money to support yourself. It may be a good idea to consider having a conversation with your mother and expressing your concerns to her. It is important for your mother to understand what is important to you. If you are thinking about leaving home, you may like to consider reaching out to friends and family members to secure a place to stay. We are not legal experts, however, we do have a lot of experience working with runaway youth. It is our understanding that running away is not illegal. Your parents may file a runaway report, and the police may bring you back home to your mother’s house if they find you.

            We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help you by telephone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice on the forum to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail, please call or chat us soon.

            We can be reached at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runawar.org (click on the chat button).

            If you are at risk or any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

            Be safe,

            NRS

        • #7
          I'm 13 years old and my mom constantly yells at me for no reason. I can't tell her about me feelings stressed or me having mental breakdowns almost every week because she won't believe me. In 6th grade I was self-harming and when she found out, she got a razor and pierced it into my skin like she was trying to kill me. I want to leave but I don't know how. I have also been really stressed about school because they haven't been giving me the grades I would normally receive during actual school. She thinks I'm lying and that I don't care. She took away my phone and is going to take away my laptop soon too. This just makes me feel a lot worse. She has also said things to me about my dead father. I guess she's going through stuff and from time to time will always say "If it was me and not your dad would you be happier?" and I can't answer that because of course I wouldn't be happy either way. She would always find a way that if I do reply with "no" she would say "So you're happier with me then." She is currently looking through my phone right now and she is probably never going to let me get it back because of the jokes I make with my friends. I just need somebody to help me. She has even tried to kick me out of our old house in 5th grade.

          Comment


          • ccsmod4
            ccsmod4 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hello,
            Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

            We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We are sorry to hear about your father. It’s a terrible thing to lose someone so close to you. Especially at an early age.
            It is times like these that would be nice to have a listening ear.

            It is also important that you remember to exercise self- care. You showed some by reaching out to NRS. Good for you. What you have been experiencing sounds very sad and very, very unfair.

            You do not deserve to be treated this way by your mom. It’s not your fault that she behaves this way. Your feelings are important and they matter.
            You are deserving as anyone that wants to be happy.
            What she did with that razor blade sounds like child abuse and you have the right to report it to child protective services. If you would like to speak with someone about filing a report contact Child help at 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org

            NRS is here to listen and here to help.
            We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat so that we might learn a little more about your situation and how we might assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

            Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).


            Take care,
            NRS

        • #8
          hi i’m 15 and my mom is mentally abusing me and just messing me up from the head and she has lied about my real dad and everything about my other family and made them look bad i have never met my real dad and i’m thinking about running away to be with him if i runaway to a family members house would the police do anything to them ? because i want to be with them and not my mom . when i tell her i need help she refuses and says she doesn’t believe in that and she also says that when i got sexually touched that i use it as an excuse when it’s something that has affected me for a long time and now that my dad (step dad) and her are getting divorced my brother is just changing a lot becoming bad and emotionally changing i don’t know what to do i just don’t wanna live here with her anymore . i’d rather be with my real dad .

          Comment


          • ccsmod6
            ccsmod6 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi there,

            Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on. We know it takes a lot of courage to reach out.

            It sounds like you’ve been through a lot. You are strong and resilient. You don’t deserve to be mentally or sexually abused. We’re sorry you’re going through this.

            The easiest way to leave home is with your mom’s permission, if she has full custody of you. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your mom.

            While we’re not legal experts, because you’re under the age of 18 if you were to leave home without her permission your mom does have the right to report you as a runaway which may result in the police returning you home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions. We can refer you to legal aid resources in your area if you chat with us via our website or call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

            The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If you’d like more information about reporting abuse, Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation. If you ever need assistance calling out to CPS to make an abuse or neglect report please call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

            One really great resource for all survivors of sexual assault or abuse is RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network). You can call them any time 24/7 at 1-800-656-4673, or go to www.rainn.org to use their online hotline.

            If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

            Be safe,
            NRS
            Last edited by ccsmod6; 10-12-2020, 10:51 PM.

        • #9
          Hi, I’m 11, and my parents treat me poorly. They have told me many of times to “kill myself” and I didn’t let that settle well with me. They are always yelling at me for the smallest thing. They always gas light me, and mentally abuse me to where I feel like I’m not worth it anymore. I’ve had thoughts of suicide but I never did it and I’m proud of myself but when I tell them I’m depressed they want to force me to go to a mental hospital when all I want is help. My parents also try to take my phone away, and shut my phone off so I can’t call or text my friends to help me calm down. The only people that actually care for me are my friends. But sometimes I can’t go to them cause I know that they won’t understand what I’m going thru. I need a new family my whole family hates me and is very toxic. Yesterday I made a bad grade and I was trying to fix it but they put it on my report card and that made my parents go thru the roof. Even tho I told them I was trying to fix it at my hardest they still never listens to me and blamed it on me. But they put me in an AP math class that I didn’t want to be in so it technically not my fault. As opposed to me tho trying to fix my grade I couldn’t but I want to file a report to the police about what they have done to me. Because every time I make one small mistake they are so rude to me and disrespect me. They always try to find one way to make me feel bad about myself, and i mean like they slut shame me for the way I dress eve tho I don’t dress like a slut. I have tried to run away one time from my house but they found out, so they took my phone away and put screws on my windows so I couldn’t leave. I believe that they are doing this because they have guilt for themselves so they choose to bring their guilt upon me. I am trying to find a way to file a police report on my parents but I still haven’t found the right one yet!

          Comment


          • ccsmod2
            ccsmod2 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi,

            Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. We are so sorry you’re experiencing this at home. No one deserves to be treated this way. It takes great courage to reach out and we are so glad that you have decided to reach out to us.

            It sounds like you are going through a lot at home. If you feel unsafe or threatened, we encourage you to call 911 for emergency services. If you would like to file a police report, you can call your local police department directly. Another resource available is Child Help which is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can also help you file a police report. They can be reached at 1-800-422-4453 or https://www.childhelp.org/.

            We noticed you've had thoughts about suicide and we would like to let you know that you are not alone. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is a great resource to reach out to if you are having depressing or sucidial thoughts. Another person you can talk to is your school guidance counselor, they may be able to help you with your grades and home life.

            This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but know you are not alone in this. We are here as support to help you in whatever way we can. Please do not hesitate to reach out by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chatting with us via www.1800RUNAWAY.org as we can best help by phone or chat. We hope to hear from you soon!

            National Runaway Safeline

        • #10
          my house and family has been mentally , emotionally and physically abusive since i was 3. i’m 16. i have been hurt , taken advantage of when vulnerable and sexually abused throughout my entire childhood since i was 3 years old up to 8th grade. i was sexually abused in foster care. i cant trustmt family or any authorities. i’ve between friends houses. i’m scared for my puppy being at my house because how mean and sick my family has been to past animals. my grandmother which is my legal guardian refuses to put my severely autistic ,very VIOLENT 29 year old creep uncle into a home. he attacks and antagonizes me. he describes to me how he’s going to kill me. he’s given me black eyes and trauma all throughout my life and childhood. i have ptsd , i’ve struggled w major eating disorders , self harm. i’ve hit some terrible breaking points. i almost jumped out of my grandmas car on the road while she was driving full speed bc she wouldn’t leave me alone she made me so mad and kept pushing me w her words. nobody in my family takes me seriously or believes all i’ve told them abt being molested and sexually abused. i’m scared i’m terrified and even my friends are terrified for me. i cant go to authorities or cps bc or cant go back into foster care again. cps ruined my life. i need to escape and get out of my house w my puppy before i get hurt. i could die. my therapist does NOT help me at all and she knows what’s going on. nobody is helping me or taking me seriously i need help i need a place to go i’m so scared for my life and the safety of my puppy and i.

          Comment


          • ccsmod15
            ccsmod15 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi there,

            Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. If you ever need assistance calling out to make an abuse or neglect report please call is at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

            Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

            If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best

            We hope to hear from you soon.

            Be safe,

            NRS

        • #11
          hi im 15 years old and ive been living in a toxic household since i can remember, i am the scapegoat out of 4 kids, unfortunately. my mom has always been a toxic person, she brings her on and off boyfriend back every couple of months and my siblings and i are always the referees in these fights but i noticed that when he's gone, she fights with me instead. she invalidates any stress or anxiety i have from her because she brings up how she had it worse and ths is nothing, she gaslights and says im being dramatic every time lm shaking or hyperventilating in front of her. i have no phone to call anyone, she takes the phone i have, THAT SHE DID NOT PAY FOR and doesnt at all, it is my friends old phone and either way it has no service. im the only kid she still hits really hard, shes left bruises and scratches recently, ive tried working around her but she just takes and takes and takes, i bite my tongue so much but sometimes it seems like i do it for nothing, she always finds a problem. i cant call anyone, im on my school laptop, my sisters are about to be 17 and are trying to get out of the house too. i dont know that wasnt even close to 1 fourth of the story but everything just seems so useless here, ive talked to so many family members but my whole family was raissed like that i just dont see myself putting up with this anymore and i cant even talk to anyone cause my mom makes sure i dont have access to a phone because i just start "drama" about her to my friends, she wont let me get a job either or help me get my permit. she says she does this out of love so i dont turn out like my siters (they just dont listen to her or talk to her, she doesnt take their phone and never has, they talk back but only because they also gave up on trying to change her) my sisters aare the closest people i have to talk too but we're not close enough to cry with eachother so in the end, i just have no solution to this

          Comment


          • ccsmod0
            ccsmod0 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi there,
            Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options. It seems you want to know some information on runaway laws.
            While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
            The easiest way to leave home is with your parents' permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your parents. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.
            We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
            Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). If you would like to look into further emotional support options, you can text with a crisis worker at the National Alliance on Mental Illness 24/7 by texting "NAMI" to 741741.
            If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
            Be safe,
            NRS
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