I'm 16 and need to get away from a toxic household

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It seems like your mom doesn't understand how important it is to you that you continue seeing your therapist. It could be a good idea to have a conversation mediated by the school counselor/social worker, a trusted friend, or a family member to help clear the air. If you’d like, you can also call us directly at 1-800-RUNAWAY and we can set up a conference call with your parents so one of our trained crisis workers can act as a mediator.

We know that stressors like this can be overwhelming at times and it sounds like you have turned to self-injury as a way to cope. It’s totally understandable that you would want to do something to give you a feeling of power and control when you may feel hopeless. To Write Love on Her Arms is an organization dedicated to supporting people who use this coping mechanism on their road to self-realization and recovery. You can check them out by going to https://twloha.com/.

It sounds like you have a really strong relationship with your dad and that he is a good support in your life. It may be beneficial to speak with your dad directly about your desire to live with him. Sometimes custody transfers will need to go through the family court system and it may be beneficial to speak with a legal advocate. If you need help locating a legal aid group near you you can check out https://www.lawhelp.org/find-help/. You may also want to talk to a legal professional about what parole would look like if you were to move in with him.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you (like new mental health resources), please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

Stay safe,
NRS

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Not really sure how to start this off to be honest. I'm fifteen and I can't seem to find a way out of my home. Pretty much like everyone else on here, depressed, anxious, frustrated maybe even a bit scared. My mom and her boyfriend have gotten stuck in a thirty year contract on a new house in which we are all forced to be around each other no matter where we are. I have no privacy and no contacts to reach out to for any support and help. I don't have a phone, only a school laptop. I have been in counseling before and she was just a doll but, the last day of counseling me and my mom had a fight in her office and haven't done it since. It's been at least three to four months with no one to reach out to. I have also tried my school counselor but she said that she wasn't oh how did she word it, " I am not a licensed mental health therapist, so I am not able to assist you in that way." Here is the whole conversation start last year on October 16, 2020 I just copy pasted it from email.

"I'm not sure if you are the counselor but I kinda need someone to talk to. Whether it helps or not. I have counseling that isn't related to school and I kinda need more than once a week to talk to someone. I've had too many problems and they are just accumulating. My mom doesn't really care a lot about how I feel but when I take my feelings into my own hands it's not good. So I just need someone else. And I don't want my mom to know if I'm getting another resource for my help because she wouldn't approve. It also doesn't help that I'm in online school and don't have another way except for email to get any help. So if you are the counselor I'm struggling and need a little help."

"What is the counseling that you are referring to that is not related to school? Do you currently see a licensed therapist for mental health counseling? And you see him/her once a week- how long have you been seeing this person? Can you tell me more about what your problems are? First and foremost, do you feel like you are safe right now, or are you worried that you are a danger to yourself? Can you also tell me how you know that your mother would not approve of you seeking help?"

"that's a lot... Well I see a lady in ******* on Monday's once a week and only have an hour with her so it's not a lot. I'm pretty sure she is licensed. I've been seeing her for more than a month. I've got some stress at home and for online schooling which I didn't want to do but was forced into online because that's what my mom wanted me to do. I'm not sure sometimes I feel like I could just blow up. Not blow myself up, just my emotions have gone out of proportions. My mom wouldn't approve because she wouldn't be there to hear the conversations going on or at least know what the topic being talked about was. She doesn't like not knowing what's being said. Which I like it like that so that she can't twist what's being said or manipulate the conversation."

"My best suggestion is to talk about these things with your counselor in your weekly meetings. When things come up between sessions during the week, you could try journaling as a way to still get your thoughts and emotions out. I am not a licensed mental health therapist, so I am not able to assist you in that way. What I can do is provide you with some online resources for managing anxiety/depression. I also highly recommend for you to communicate with your mom about how you are feeling. Do you think you could talk to your therapist about your feelings about your mom too? She may be able to help you and your mom communicate in a way so that both of you feel heard and feel like you are able to compromise and get what you need from the other person. If this is not an option and you are not feeling safe at home, please let me know! If you would like the online resources, I will gather some for you and send them to you."

"alright."

The next month I had sent her an addition email stating that I had gotten worse and I don't believe she responded to that one. My mom has had the cops called on her several times and social services as well and I have still not been placed in a new living environment. I have relapsed several times back onto smoking and self harm. Stupid, I know I try not to do either because I know I'm only hurting myself and no one else. I have also landed myself in probation for the next few months. I got into an altercation with my younger sister and hit her over the head with a broom. Didn't leave any marks. (She is 13). I've been on it for a few months I believe and it has turned into hell. My mom and I had and argument after I had already been on probation and the following week took me up to the local court house and made me sit down with my P.O. She said if I keep arguing with my mom and not obeying her every command then I will be sent to detention/juvey. Keep in mind my argument with my mom also involved my mom's boyfriend and he ended up pushing me after I had tried to stick up for myself in a three way argument. Then I blacked out and the first thing I remember is being on the other side of the kitchen where the argument had taken place. The next morning my mom aggressively walked up to me and showed me a bruise on her arm and said that I hit her. She is crazy enough that she could have either done it purposely to herself or she had fallen in her wood burning stove again. She does stupid things when she drinks, so like three out of seven days. I believed her only for a second until I remembered what my step sister had said to me about my mom's boyfriend. He had supposedly hit his ex wife and lied about putting his hands on her. Plus, I have never given my mom a mark in my whole life. So many things weren't adding up for me. I still am unsure of what really happened that night.

My past to be honest now thinking back has always, even since I was like three, has been really abusive when it comes to my mom. My biological dad is the only sane adult in my family but my mom won't let me see him because he is in Florida and I am northwest from Florida. I do love my dad and he loves me and is more than capable of taking care of me. He is not on any substances and puts his heart into trying to be here when his is in Florida.

For crying out loud my mom's boyfriend doesn't even want me around. All he does is talk about how awful I am to everyone he knows and calls me horrible names like "Psyco b*tch" and has told me just for wearing red lipstick that I look like a hooker, right in front of everyone except my mom. I have countless videos of him screaming and me crying and my brother, sister and I feeling unsafe at times. Every night for the past week he has been arguing with someone or trying to put someone down in the most horrible ways. He tries to make everyone that isn't him sound dumb and a lesser of him. He has also found a way to take a beautiful and intriguing religion and turn it into a cult. He has said multiple times that "God" has said to him that he would be important in the end times. Hahahaha! He is ********ing nuts! My mom thinks that he is someone brought by God himself and almost worships the dirt he walks on like he's Jesus or something. What on earth.

I'm sorry for this rant, I really am, and to anyone who may be reading this I promise there are so many more of us out there whether they decide to be vocal or silently take the abuse. I won't anymore and nor should anyone else! If someone happens to read this and is taking what's happening to them I have a lot of respect for you and there is nothing you should be afraid to say on here. To those who are vocal about what is happening to them I have a lot of respect for you as well and I hope you tell people about your story and educate more people on abusive households. I never mean to offend anyone just passing my story to the next person who is willing to listen and possibly help. Thank you.

[ccsmod15]

Hey there,
Thanks for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It sounds like you are having a tough time at home. We are here to help you in any way we can.

You said that your mom said you will be beat if you do not do things perfectly. Abuse is never okay, and no child should have to live in fear of physical abuse or experience emotional and verbal abuse. Childhelp is the National Child Abuse Hotline, and they are a great resource for children who are experiencing abuse for resources and to potentially file an abuse report. Their number is 1-800-422-4453 and their website is www.childhelp.org. If you ever find yourself in immediate danger, please call 911.

It sounds like your doctor has referred you to go to therapy but your mom has not let you go. If you are currently in school, your school might have some resources to connect with therapy or might allow you to schedule appointments with your school counselor of social worker. SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) also has an option on their website where you can locate services, and some therapists offer sliding scale for payment. We are happy to call out to any you might find with you to see whether they allow a number of sessions prior to requiring parent consent. If you are interested, their website is findtreatment.samhsa.gov and their referral helpline number is 1-800-662-HELP (4357). If you would like us to look into this with you, you can call into us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), and we can call out together.

It is great that you are looking to stay with your grandparents. You mentioned that CPS told you to look into that as an option. If you have any proof of that, like a voicemail or email, or could ask the person you spoke to for that suggestion in writing, it might help you if your mom decides to make a runaway report.

We are happy to talk through how you plan to safely leave home or anything else you would like to talk about if you call into us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are a 24/7, completely confidential safeline. Here to listen, here to help.

Best of luck,
NRS

Hi, I'm 16 and I live in a very toxic household. My mother and I do NOT get along. My doctor said that I need therapy 4 times now and my mother does not allow me to go. I have 3 horses and do not know what to do. She has told me that I will be beat if I do not do things perfectly. I've tried to talk to her and every time I get yelled at. My father does not see what is happening and let's my mom walk over him. I've called CPS 3 times and nothing have happened. I'm looking to move in with my grandparents in May. However I'm scared as to what my mother might do. CPS has told me that I should look into moving in with my grandparents. I'm concerned as to what might happen if I do move out. Please give me some help as I need help with this. I wish I could stay with my parents however this is not okay.

[ccsmod15]

Hey there,
Thanks for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. You made a great first step to finding the help that you may need. It sounds like you are going through a lot and the people around you are not being supportive. You deserve to be treated with respect, to experience acceptance and to feel safe.

We want you to know that you are strong for having gone through so much already. It is perfectly okay to deviate from what others or the common population believe to be “normal”. You’re bravery and resilience is so admirable. You are so strong for having gone through so much without having the acceptance that you do deserve for just being you. Remember that you are not alone. If you ever want to talk more about what you are experiencing or get additional support we are here 24/7 at 1800-RUNAWAY or our live chat service. The GLBT National Hotline at 1888-843-4564 is another option to gain great support from those that are familiar with the issues and experiences of those that are also a part of the LGBTQ community. You can access their website link bellow to utilize all the other possibly useful resources they have to offer: http://www.glbthotline.org/

You mentioned that you were considering the options that may be best for you. By all means, if you do fear for your safety either now or in the future, do not hesitate to take the necessary steps to regain your safety. This may mean calling the authorities or possibly reporting the things you may be experiencing. You can reach out to Child Help as a resource for the abuse going on at home if you wanted. Their number is 800-422-4453 or you can chat with them at www.childhelp.org. We can report as well! Other options to think about may be other family members, friends, or a trusted adults that would be able to provide you with support or a safe place to stay. It is great that you thinking ahead. Should you feel like leaving home is best, it may be a good idea to think about how you will provide necessities for yourself such as food, clothing, showers, healthcare and other basic needs. You may want to also consider how your parent’s will react to you leaving without permission. We are not legal experts here, but typically as a minor (under the age of 1 you need permission from your parents to leave home. It is not illegal to runaway, but it would mean that your parents could file a runaway report with the police. This is usually done in an effort to try to return you home as the police are required to do so.

If you can give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY or reach out through Live Chat at www.1800RUNAWAY.org and we can try to find some youth shelters that may be near your city and state by utilizing our database of resources. We can also try to call out to shelters with you or on your behalf to advocate for you.

Stay Strong,
NRS

i'm 15 and i NEED to get out of my toxic household. my mom hits me all the time. she tells me to leave or to kill myself. she also says that i'm not allowed to be gay when i'm living under her roof. she's always drinking and yelling. i struggle with depression, anxiety, and i have a past of self harm. i need help. she's so homophobic and i can't do it anymore

[ccsmod13]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to us – it takes a lot of courage to ask for help, and we will do our best to support you. Please know that you deserve to be loved and cared for, and you also deserve to be treated kindly by your parents.

You mentioned that your mom has hit and choked you. Please know that it is not okay for anyone to harm you like this. We care about your safety, and if you are in immediate danger, calling 911 is an option. Another resource that might be helpful is the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline, which is a 24-hour hotline with resources to aid in every child abuse situation. You can call or text 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). You can also live chat by clicking on the “Live Chat” button on their website, which is https://www.childhelp.org/childhelp-hotline/. You also mentioned that your mom has said very unkind words to you. We care about you, and you deserve to be spoken to in a kind way. In addition to physical abuse, the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline also helps with emotional abuse and neglect.

It sounds like you have tried a lot of strategies to cope with your depression, anxiety, and PTSD such as working out and getting a job. That takes a lot of responsibility, and we are proud of you. The Crisis Text Line has some additional resources and strategies that might be helpful. Their website is https://www.crisistextline.org/resources/#resources-11.

We are so proud of you for contacting us for help. If you would like to talk to somebody at the National Runaway Safeline about your specific situation, we are here to listen and to support you 24 hours/day, 7 days a week. Our phone number is 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also live chat with us via our website, which is https://www.1800runaway.org/.

Hello
I am 16 and I am living in a house with a abusive mom and a dad that does nothing about it, I have done everything by myself since I can remember. My mom has hit me choked me and I have been in hospitals for my depression. I have depression anxiety and PTSD. DCFS has been involved about my mother but they didn’t do anything. My mom has told me I am nothing to her not even considered a daughter. I remember those words for the rest of my life. I have always struggled in school and I have tried talking to my dad and he promises that thing will change but they never do. My parents argue all the time, I remember when I was little and they will always arguing in my room and they still do it. My mom has threatened to take me away from my dad, and she has taking money from my dad. My parents tell me bad things about each other, I just have to sit there and listen and it hurts. I have been in the hospital 4 times, my sister has tried helping me but my mom doesn’t like her, There was one point I couldn’t see her. I haven’t talked to my parents in days and then they yell at me for not doing my school work, just the other day they argued and I had to listen to it. My dad said he is going to call me school to see if I have been doing work. I am so mentally drained and I don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna be in my house any more and I keep telling myself I only have a year and a half till I am 18 but it feels so far away. I have tried working out and going to work to help get away from home and it helps but knowing that I have to go back home hurts. I just got my job and I haven’t got a pay check yet but the only thing my parents do for me is buy for food for me. I do everything else by myself. I wanna know what I can do to get out of my house sooner. I just need help and I have talked to a therapist and a counselor but they can’t help me. I am on so many different meds to help me depression and anxiety and adhd but living in this house doesn’t help anything. I can talking to people about it but nothing going to happen and no body can help me and that’s the hopeless feeling ever. I just need help getting out of this house sooner.

[ccsmod0]

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that your friend is struggling with how his parents are treating him and you’re wanting to help him. We are very sorry your boyfriend was abused and did not receive the help and support he deserved. It’s great that your friend has support and concern from you especially since this time is quite difficult for them.

Having a space to vent and explore options may often bring out a solution previously not thought of. We are here as support to help you and your friend through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). There are a few other resources you can provide him. RAINN is an organization that specializes in helping individuals who have also been raped or experienced sexual trauma. He can contact them by phone at 1-800-656-4673 and through their website at rainn.org. Having emotional support is very important, and if he would like someone to talk to at any time day or night, he can text "NAMI" to 741741 to speak with a crisis counselor.

We’re here to listen and to help and hope you or your friend can reach out soon.

Take care,

NRS

Hello, this situation isn't about me but it's my boyfriend, I'm coming on here because I love him and we love very far away. I'm scared to put this out because I don't want any legal action taking in this I don't want to be involved with anything with police or anything, just tryna help. My boyfriend is 13 he's been raped as a child before (young age) and basically he's parents did NOTHING about it to help him, So here I am. They've call him a fag today and reminded him about him getting raped. Idk what to do, he needs help

[ccsmod3]

Hey there. Thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that it can take a lot of courage to reach out for support, and we're glad you took that step. It sounds like things have been tough at home, and we're sorry to hear that.

Because you're considered a legal adult, leaving home now is a decision that's entirely yours to make. If the environment is one that you're no longer comfortable being in, it might be time to begin making the preparations needed to move out. That said, we hear you saying that leaving your brother will be difficult. That's understandable. If you feel like he's at risk in any way because of the drinking problems in your home, it might help to file a report with Child Protective Services. Often times folks are worried that this will mean their siblings will be removed from the home and placed in foster care, but generally speaking, that's not the case. CPS won't remove children from their homes right off the bat unless they're in imminent danger. When they are considering removing children from their homes, they do look at family/friends as options before turning to foster care. One way that CPS works with families is to try and put other measures in place to ensure the safety of the children. This might mean requiring parents to stop drinking and attend meetings for support, family therapy, etc. If this is something that you're interested in doing, you can find your local CPS agency through a quick Google search (ie. CPS agency in California) and following the instructions they have listed on their website to make an abuse report. Sometimes you can complete it online, other times they require you to call.

As far as finding housing--a good starting point is to secure a job and start saving money. This will help you with covering application fees, any security deposits or move-in fees, rent and the actual expenses needed to move. You may be able to consider transitional living programs, though these are typically catered to homeless young adults. If you're in college or going to college is on the table, you might also consider on-campus housing. Often times financial aid will pay for a significant portion of tuition and housing, allowing you to focus less on day to day survival.

If you'd like to talk in more detail about what's going on, please feel free to reach out to us directly by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY or by chatting with us live at www.1800runaway.org. We're available 24/7 and are always happy to listen, and to help.

Take care.

NRS

Never done this before but I think it’s needed, My mom has been a alcoholic since I was 9, He can’t handle his liquor says things to my mom sometimes gets aggressive. I am now 19 and I can’t live under it anymore, i’m falling into despression and I can’t seem to put a smile on anymore. But the worst part is I have a little brother and all I want to so is not be home but then I leave him there with all of that only because this depression is turing into angry and I don’t think I can’t control it anymore. All I wanna do is take my brother and show him real love. I need housing and I need to get out

[ccsmod15]

First of all, thank you so much for reaching out to NRS today. We know it can be difficult and take a lot of courage to reach out. We are so sorry to hear that you are being verbally and emotionally abused at home – you do not deserve that kind of treatment.
In terms of leaving home, if you are above 18 thus an adult under the age of majority, there is technically no consequences for leaving home. To find somewhere to go, https://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/ is a good resource because it provides specifically shelters in your area. In terms of your siblings, if they are below the age of 18, it is still not illegal for them to run away. However, if your parents decide to do so, they may file a runaway report with the police. In that case, the police may go looking for your siblings, and if they find them, they will most likely return them back home.
To discuss your situation more in depth and look into some other potential resources, please feel free to reach out to us – we are available 24/7. You can reach out through livechat at 1800runaway.org or over the phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY(786-2929). We want to help in any way we can.
Best of luck and stay strong,
NRS

What are some ways to leave home, what is to be done with verbal and emotional abuse which shows that life under this abusive household will be terrible ahead? what are the right steps to take as an adult for me, and my siblings?

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation. If you ever need assistance calling out to CPS to make an abuse or neglect report please call is at 1-800-RUNAWAY.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS