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I want to get away from my family everyone either mentally hurts me or they do physically my dad is horrible my mom is toxic and just makes everything my fault and never understands that I can't be with her and my step dad he hit me with a door and pushed me grabbed me and left several bruises and marks on me same with my dad I can't take it anymore I want to leave what can I do I don't want to go to Foster care I want to have a job and live on my own but idk what to do I need help I can't keep living with them I can't never mentally heal myself until I can get away
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[5:52 PM] Nick Harris
Hello, thanks for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline. We are so sorry to hear that you’re dealing with all of this. You do not deserve to be abused, in any way, ever. It takes a lot of courage to open up about these types of situations. It is understandable to be apprehensive about the foster care system. However, there are likely other, safe options available to you. You may want to consider reaching out to Child Help (https://www.childhelp.org/). They provide a variety of services and support for children facing any type of abuse .National Runaway Safeline has a large database of resources ranging from information on emancipation to local mental health counseling, as well as everything in between. However, in order to give you the most appropriate/accurate information in your area, you’d have to reach out to us via phone (1-800-Runaway) or live chat (1800Runaway.org).We’re really glad that you reached out to us and hope to hear from you on our hotline or live chat. Good luck with everything.
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I am 14 soon to be 15 my dad is not physically abusive but he is emotionally and verbally abusive. He's very manipulative and try to control me every moment he can my mother isnt in the picture but she tries to reach out and he pushes her away. He makes me feel like I'm being suffocated and his mood swings are crazy one minute hes mad at me then the next hes telling me how much he loves me. The only people I had in my corner where my brother and his wife. But due to the fact that my dad is the way he is my brother has turned into him and his wife has had enough and is leaving him. I know she cant take me with her because she's not blood related to me but shes like the mother i've never had. And when shes gone well im scared to live in my house alone without her. The thought of getting emancipated has run through my head or running away but I dont wanna do something reckless. I dont cut or anything like that but I'm scared that if I'm left alone with them both well i dont know what will happen I want to think my choices through. But recently i want to run away just leave it all but I dont have any money or a place to go.Comment
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Thanks so much for reaching out to NRS. It sounds like your dad is volatile and emotionally abusive, and it's understandable you would be afraid to live with him and your brother after your stepmom is no longer in the house.
One option you have is to report the abuse you are experiencing to the authorities. You can do this by telling a teacher or counselor at school, or contacting your state's child abuse reporting hotline. Another resource is an anonymous hotline called Child Help, who can answer any questions you have about the abuse reporting process and take a report over the phone if you choose. Their number is 1-800-422-4453.
If your stepmom is open to it, you could also talk with her about the possibility of getting partial custody of you or visitation. If you want to give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 to talk more about your situation, we can provide free legal aid resources in your area. A legal resource is also a good place to start to talk about emancipation, although that is usually difficult for minors.
We can also brainstorm some other options and talk through ways to keep you safe if you do decide to leave, like youth shelters. We are here for you 24/7. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for help, and shows how strong you are that you are thinking ahead.
Stay strong,
NRS
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hi I'm 15 and My mom is a very emotionally and mentally abusive She takes control of my life and mostly all my friends left me because of her The one friend that I still keep in contact with wants to help me escape her grasp But I'm too scared And soon enough we're going to move far away And then I'll never be free When I first came out to her as trans and pan she threatened me and said "If you don't become straight right now I will beat you every day until you are", She uses a belt to intimidate me into doing things right away and She always tries to put me down and say that I look like my father and I act crazy like him ( he's in jail) Even though I don't know him I know that he's not crazy And my mom is just saying this to control me, maybe she's putting all this on me because of what her father did to her But I can't take this anymore I tried to kill myself twice already But I have an amazing girlfriend and I can't just leave her in this world alone and I have a best friend who supports me but I don't know how long I can hold onComment
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Hi there,
Thanks for reaching out to NRS. Based on all that you’ve described, this could be a reportable abuse case. Seeing through mental abuse and control can be excruciating and nauseating. We hear that you’re being told by her that your reality is not real and she’s forcing you to become straight—and threatened with physical abuse alongside it. You never deserve any kind of abuse, emotional or otherwise. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to prove than other forms of abuse because CPS usually relies on physical abuse signs when conducting an abuse investigation.
That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be. If Child Protective Services (CPS) opens a case, sometimes they decide to remove minors from the home, while other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to CPS directly, so if you’re ready to do that we at NRS are here to assist.
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Concerning running away, it sounds like you are at a crossroads—on the one hand, it’s frightening to run because of what might happen, but on the other, it sounds like you might not get a better chance than where you are right now. It’s understandable you’d be afraid with so much uncertainty, and you know your experience better than anyone else. For either choice, what are the pros and cons? What would your reality be like if you left or if you stayed?
Some questions to consider: You mentioned your friend, have they discussed the plan? Where would you all go? When would you leave, and how would you leave? How would your girlfriend fit into the scheme of things? Sometimes an outside perspective can help, too. Is there anyone in the community that you trust and can speak to confidentially like a doctor, school personnel, or club?
If you are open to options, the National Safe Place http://www.nationalsafeplace.org/ might help. They offer “Safe Places” for youth in need. If you want, they will listen to your case, make arrangements, and provide resources to help you. Or even if you just feel like talking in-person to someone and need a safe place to stay, they are there for you. However, they will likely get CPS involved if you choose to disclose.
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Lastly, that you are hanging on for your girlfriend in the midst of your pain is a testament to your character. Often it can be easy to feel don’t have what it takes, but, even in this short of a message, you seem incredibly brave and kind. It sounds like you’ve tried everything you can think of at this point, and reaching out for more support was a smart choice you made. Battling thoughts of ending your life can be an uphill battle, yet your authenticity is admirable.
If you haven’t, you might want to try the Trevor Project (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/ ) or the Trans Lifeline (http://www.translifeline.org/). Both provide confidential support and empathetic listening ears. The Trevor Project specializes in helping LGBTQ+ youth considering suicide; the Trans Lifeline is run by Trans people for Trans people. Although they are for people who identify as LGBTQ, the volunteers are trained to help you in all sorts of life circumstances, especially suicidal thoughts.
• Trevor Lifeline (866.488.7386) operates 24/7
• TrevorChat.org is available daily from 3-10pm EST
• TrevorText (202.304.1200) is available weekdays from 3-10pm EST
• Trans Lifeline (877.565.8860) change depending on day
NRS is here to help through all of this. We encourage and welcome you to call or chat online with us. We can help you through any process, we can discuss more options for coping, and offer other resources like shelters in your area, too.
We’re rooting for you!
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I just turned 16 and my whole childhood consisted of toxic language and toxic people. I got away from it for 5 years then went back to it. He wont let me do anything, he treats me like a slave. I can't have friends. unless he gives it the okay.Comment
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Hi,
Thanks for reaching out; we are glad that you did. It sounds like things are really awful there for you being treated like a slave and not allowed friends, on top of the toxic language used on you.
It sounds like you got away for 5 years, but are now back. It's difficult for us to offer any real help here on this public forum. We work best with people when we can have a conversation with people. You can chat us through this website or call our hotline at 1-800-786-2929 (1-800-runaway). We truly look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
NRS
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hi I’m 16 and me and my sister have grown up for the past 11 years with alcoholic parents but recently it’s gotten way worse. sometimes our parents will push each other and it scares me sometimes that they’ll start hitting and pushing on us next. and we are constantly being yelled at about anything you can think of. and this is all mainly my mom but my dad just lets her do it and doesn’t hardly ever stop her. i have been told many times by mom that I can move out if I think I’m better than her and since I’m just so perfect but she doesn’t remember anything she says or does the next day or 10 minutes after for that matter like maybe a week ago my mom got in my sisters face and started to punch her while drunk but my dad stopped her. I’m just so tired of the constant stress and being emotionally and mentally abused by my mother every single night. I want to leave but they do love us and sometimes things are okay when they let us hang with friends but my mom thinks we should love them because we get everything we want and more and she works so hard for us and we have it made but she doesn’t understand that what we have in life doesn’t even matter when I come home to this every night. I don’t even like telling my mom I love her anymore because of how she is. i also don’t like her touching me at all bc she always wants to hug on me after she just got done yelling at me for 2 hours. my mom is also are always very rough on me about my boyfriend and tell me I need someone new and he’s trash and a white thug and I’m a 4.0 gpa cheerleader. and I have a job and can drive but they pay for my insurance and stuff but I just really think about leaving all the time bc with school and cheer and work I’m stressed out enough as it is without having to come home every night dealing with my very strict dad and alcoholic mother. i would just like to know if there is any way I can leave at 16 and maybe live with a friend or someone.Comment
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Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation. If you ever need assistance calling out to CPS to make an abuse or neglect report please call is at 1-800-RUNAWAY.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS
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i am 15 and i get emotionally and verbally abused at home by my 2 very toxic parents when either of my parents gets mad they take it out on me he has physically abused me before but no one does anything cause they think of it as a joke even when I have to leave to another room to cry the pain out and when they do see me crying they get me in even more trouble they have gaslighted me called me horrible names and have even stolen my phone (which they did not pay for nor do they pay the monthly bill for) I was going to run away last night and I went to shower and when i came back They had stolen my money.I have many witnesses that have seen and heard the way they talk to me and the way they treat me.I was going to get emancipated and all i needed was a job to be able to prove that I would have an income,they made fun of me when I would be trying on clothes to wear for interviews and would tell me i wouldn't last a week.I had many jobs in line that would help me a lot and once they had seen that I had my stuff together they made up a lie so they could keep me in their control.I once left school for the first period because I had a mental breakdown and my brother snitched me out and my parents took me out of school and put me into the independent study program I just want to get away from them and never go back when i had planned to move out they gaslighted me but my father told me if i wanted to eave that there was the door but that i wouldnt be welcomed back to live with him i shouldve taken the opportunity when i had the chance.Comment
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Hey there,
It sounds like you’re feeling threatened by overbearing parents and alone—and. It’s understandable that you are desperate for a change. It seems like you’ve shown plenty of resilience, and it’s wise of you to seek help. When you are already struggling mentally or emotionally, not having the support you need can make it torturous. We realize that you have the will to leave but don’t have the resources because your parents are controlling your options.
First of all, we’re sorry to hear that you have been abused. Please remember that you deserve to feel loved and cared for, 100%. What you have described may be reportable against your parents. We at NRS can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. A report may entail a CPS worker coming out to investigate to ensure your safety. You may be removed from the home, or a number of different actions could be taken. Additionally, you may find ChildHelp (https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/ ) useful in explaining your options and what could happen.
Secondly, you may like The National Safe Place. This organization provides access to immediate help, a safe place to go, and supportive resources for youth in need. To see if there are any safe places near you listed, you can:
look up your city and state on their website (www.nationalsafeplace.org) or
text the word “safe” and your current location (address, city, state) to 4HELP (44357). For immediate help, reply with “2chat” to text interactively with a trained counselor.
Last (in this message) but not least, you may find NAMI’s website or hotline help you find https://nami.org/home.
With all of this said, we encourage you to reach out to us directly as we cannot respond more than twice to a forum or email. You can chat with us online or call us by phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). In fact, if you reach out, we can look for legal aid resources, find emergency shelters, and explore more options,
Stay strong and best. Again, thanks for reaching out,
NRS
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I'm 15 and my mom and step dad constantly fight due to that people kick us out of places were staying. My stepdad hits, chokes, spits, and throws stuff at my mom during fights. And he just justifies himself they both do drugs and they spent rent and food money on drugs. My mom and Stepdad both have hit me in the past and threatened to kill me or hurt me really bad. The rest of my family isn't in contact with me and don't care theyre also horrible people. My mom won't leave him because we have no where to go and he provides us with money and everyone where we live doesn't like us. I'm scared and I don't want to go into foster care and I don't want to be anywhere near anyone in my family because they're just as bad as my parents. My mom mentally abuses me and I've told her about my mental state and she saw my cuts on my arms and threatens to throw me in a mental hospital where she said I'd be raped and murder. He's has hurt her really badly and I don't know what to do I have no one to turn to and I have no where to go.Comment
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Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation. If you ever need assistance calling out to CPS to make an abuse or neglect report please call is at 1-800-RUNAWAY.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS
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I’m 16 and my mom has kicked me out countless of times .. but then lie to the police and said I ran away each time . This time I’ve been out the house for 2 weeks so far . I’m moving to my friends across the state but I don’t want them to get In trouble but I have no where else to go . She has been mentally abusing me for years and I tried to commit many times but she says it’s all in my head that I’m crazy and make things up . Idk what to do .Comment
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We are glad you reached out to us for help. It sounds like you life has been very unstable with your Mom. That must take quite a toll on you both mentally and physically. You have been in a very difficult position with your Mom throwing you out and then lying that you run away.
It is totally understandable that you want to get out of that situation with your Mom. It sounds like you have a good working plan to get out and to your friend across the state. While you are not doing anything illegal by running away, there is a small chance your friends could get charged with harboring a runaway. That is usually very unlikely.
We want to make sure your plan to leave and stay out is as safe as possible. We also want to help you consider other options that may be available to you like transitional living. You also have some additional options because no matter what your Mom says, throwing you out is neglect. You have options for help from Child Protective Services and if you talk with the police first they may be able to help.
We would like to discuss all that in more detail with you. You can reach us 24/7 either on a chat through our website or by calling our crisis hotline at (800) RUNAWAY.
We hope to hear from you soon.
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i’m 14 and my mom is awful. she’s single so it’s just me and her living together. she has terrible anger issues and she takes everything out on me. she doesn’t hit me but she yells at me constantly and tells me everything’s my fault. when i cry because she’s yelling at me she tells me i’m too emotional. she gets angry at the smallest things which then leads to her yelling at me. i’ve wanted to run away for about 2-3 years but was too scared to. i can’t call cps or tell anyone because they won’t take me seriously, and even if they did, my mom would be so angry. i just want to get away from her but i don’t know what to do. also once when she was mad she said i’m the reason she can never be happy.Comment
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Hi there,
Thank you for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS) and sharing the situation you are in with us. We are terribly sorry to hear that your mom has been treating you this way and saying these things to you. We understand the emotional toll and heartache this type of treatment causes and we want to make sure you are able to get your mental health and well-being in a better place. Please know that you can never be too emotional and that crying is a cathartic release, which is a healthy thing to do. We encourage you to stay close to things that bring joy and comfort into your life. For example, any supportive friends or family nearby or perhaps a pet, hobby, movie, music, etc.
We hear you when you say you have been wanting to run away for 2-3 years but have been scared. We understand that the way your mom is treating you has you wanting to get out of that environment; rightfully so. It sounds like you may already be aware that there can be a lot of investigation involved in CPS cases, making it more difficult for much to happen in the outcome for some cases.
With that being said, we welcome you to please reach out to our online chat service, found on our website at www.1800runaway.org or give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We would be thrilled to have the opportunity to provide direct support for you, where we can talk with you further about the situation and explore potential resources that may be viable for you at this time.
We are here for you. You deserve to feel supported and to spend your days smiling. We wish you all of the best and look forward to the opportunity to hear from you. Please be safe.
Sincerely,
NRS
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Hi I'm 18 and I live in a toxic household. My parents don't trust me anymore due to past event and I want to run away. I don't have anyone to go to. They took away my phone and I can't contact my friends. I want to live with my friends but am too nervous if they won't accept it. I just want to feel good again. I've been developing suicidal thoughts. Please somebody help meComment
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Hi,
Thanks for reaching out; we are glad that you did.
In all but 3 states, you are an adult at age 18 and can leave without permission and there is nothing they can do to make you come back. You can google the term "Age of Majority" and your state name to discover if you are an adult at 18.
We do hope that you will chat us through this website to discuss your situation further.
We truly hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
NRS
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I’m a mom who isn’t loving or caring, who do I call to have her placed?Comment
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Hello, I'm 16 and I live with my parents and younger sister. My parents always force me to do something I don't want to do and they threaten to physically hurt me if I do something wrong. I have been slapped in the face and beaten with wooden spoons, my laptop, a belt, and many more. My father especially takes away my electronics thinking it will help me and my sister solve our problems but it doesn't and makes me stress out even more. My younger sister has a bad attitude and is a very toxic person. Always throwing me under the bus and making me take the blame for things. I have major anxiety and my parents believe it's a thing I can just shake off and they don't understand. My grade for math isn't doing well and I'm constantly afraid of my father one day finding out about my math grade because if he does he will hit me and take away every single privilege I have. I am trying my best but it is still not good enough. My father is also an alcoholic and gets mad all the time and he is also a cop so I don't know how to ask for help since he is already in the workforce where they are SUPPOSED to help you. My mother also goes with everything my father says so I can't ask her for help. I just generally don't feel safe or happy in this household. What should I do?Comment
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Hey there,
Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are glad that you are reaching out for help—that takes a lot of bravery. It sounds like you are going through an extremely difficult time right now with life at home with your parents. We are sorry to hear that home isn’t a place where you feel supported and loved unconditionally. You deserve to feel safe at home and not experience yelling and physical harm on a daily basis.
It sounds like you are considering your options on how to best deal with this situation. While we do not blame you for wanting to change your situation, we do want to mention some things so you can make the best decision for you. And, although we are not legal experts here at NRS, we can do our best to offer some suggestions about if you were to consider leaving home before turning 18 years old: If you go to stay at a friend’s house without parental permission for over 24 hours (the exact timing depends on which state you live in), you parents could potentially file against your friend’s parents with something called “harboring a runaway.” This is a legal term for kidnapping. Might sound extreme, we understand. If your parents don’t know this friend and do not know where to look, they could also file a missing child report to their local police department. Law enforcement will collect basic information about you that will go into a national database, and they can then return you home in the event you are found.
That being said, we can offer temporary youth shelters for you in your local area, but given your age, your parents may still need to consent for you to stay there. If you call us (1-800-RUNAWAY) or reach out via chat at 1800runaway.org, we’d be happy to provide those resources for you.
Another option to consider is something called “Emancipation.” Emancipation makes a minor youth a legal adult before they reach the legal adult age (this varies from state to state). While we are not legal experts here at NRS, it is important that we inform you that emancipation can be a costly and lengthy process. In addition, to become emancipated in most states (not all states offer emancipation), a youth must be able to prove in court that s/he can take care of her/ himself financially, s/he have a place to live and are mature enough to care for her/himself. In any case, if you would like to be provided with more options or would like more information do not hesitate to reach out to us at the NRS chat at 1800runaway.org or the NRS phone number at 1-800-786-2929.
Also, perhaps consider if there is anything that you can change right now to reduce time spent at home. Perhaps, join an afterschool program or sports team to reduce the number of hours you have to be home or find an activity or even job that could give you more freedom and less time spent at home. Many towns and cities have organizations such as a “Boys & Girls’ Club” (www.bcga.org or (404) 487-5700 or YMCA ((732) 290-9040) which is a place where you can meet people your age afterschool, enjoy your time, but remain away from home until later in the evening. This may allow you to meet new people in a way that seems “normal” to your stepmom who may be more controlling when it comes to where and who you can spend time with. In other words, you can obtain freedom by doing it in such a way that mom doesn’t feel entirely threatened.
You can also consider calling us here at NRS or reach out to a school guidance counselor to file an abuse report at Child Protective Services (CPS). You also deserve to be listened to about the anxiety you face. If those feelings come again, there is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline available 24/7 at 988 and the Mental Health American Agency that can help you locate a local mental health support group at 703-684-7722. Perhaps try locating an Alateen program in your local area, this is a support group for teens whose parents are alcoholics. Check out their site here: https://al-anon.org/newcomers/teen-corner-alateen/ where they have an online chat. We care that you receive the mental support you deserve.
We are here as support to help through this challenging time. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
Be safe,
NRS
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Hey I'm currently living in a toxic household,i live with my mom and my older brother.They have bad arguments to the where I can't sleep,last night they were arguing because my mom said that he stole her money.It gotten so bad that she had to call somebody because he was pushing the door on her.My auntie passed away 1 week ago and ever since then she sounds like she in destress.She still look good but it sounds like she tired and lost her voice.I'm currently 16 and suffer from depression since i was 12.My mom stilll expect me to go to school and get perfect grades even though it's hard to when you don't get enough sleep.Comment
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Hi, thank you for reaching out. It does sound like your household is toxic and that there are a lot of fights and arguments between mom and brother to the point that it keeps you up at night. It also sounds like you have been battling depression since you were 12 and that can make it harder to still go to school and try to get good grades. We are also sorry to hear that your auntie passed a week ago. It sounds like you have a lot going on and that it can be overwhelming. We are here to support as best as we can, so if you would like to reach out and talk more about what you have been going through and possible options to help, please either call our hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat us online at 1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS
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