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I'm 16 and need to get away from a toxic household

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  • ccsmod5
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,
    Thanks you for reaching out to us, we understand it can be a big step for some. We are glad you reached out. You mentioned experiencing emotional abuse which may be reportable against your mom. Please keep in mind you by no means deserve any type of abuse, emotional or otherwise. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation. That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share. Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made.
    It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. You deserve to have the safe space where you can express yourself and be heard.
    If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Stay strong,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hi, I'm 16 and I live with my single mom, brother, and aunt. I live in a home that criticizes me for everything I do. I live in a sexist and racist household and I'm a black girl so it's not the best situation. My mom and aunt are Polynesian so I'm the one that has to never talk back and be the perfect robot they want me to be. I see how my family treats the other members of my family and how they treat me and it just doesn't make sense. There were times where my brother called my mom a ********** and yelled at her to do things for him and she takes it but if I say or do something she believes is out of line I get told to shut up and get hit. My brother is 21 and he has never done laundry because he is a man. I get called selfish because I don't allow myself to give in to the idiocracy of doing a grown man's chores. I one time reached out to my mom about my self-harm and how I was really depressed and I was scared that soon I was going to commit suicide and that was a really big step for me because I have never opened up to someone like that and I have struggled with depression in silence for about 5 years, but when I told her about it she told me that I was selfish for thinking this and feel this way. She said I felt this way because I don't come out of my room and I never do anything to better myself, then she started body-shaming me and calling me fat and ugly. When I told her this she moved me out of my room and put me in my living room and I was sleeping on my couch for a few months and I became more depressed and more suicidal. They want me to be an emotionless robot that has no feelings that will cook and clean for them but I'm sorry to say that I'm a human being that has no idea how to navigate their feelings. I love my mom but she has no idea on how to raise her kids in an environment that is a safe mental space. BUT WHY HAVE KIDS IF YOU CAN'T GIVE THEM A SAFE SPACE TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS!!!!!

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello,

    Thanks ever so much for reaching out to us. We are so sorry that things at home with your grandparents are so difficult. It sounds like the situation has reached a point where you feel that living away from them is your best option. Although we are not legal experts, we will do our best to share information that might help you decide what would be best for you.

    Generally, 18 is generally the age someone is considered a legal adult in most states. At this age, you would be free to leave home without parental permission. If you are still considered a minor in your state and leave home, your parent/guardian has the right to file a runaway report with your local police department. From what we understand, if you are reported as a runaway and found by the local police, they would return you home or have your parent/legal guardian pick you up. Anyone that you stay with runs the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. Reaching out to the local legal aid or your local police department at their non-emergency number is the best way to get state-specific answers to your questions. If you feel that you are able to support yourself, you may need to explore whether your state offers emancipation and, if so, whether you meet their criteria. These decisions can be really difficult to make. If you would like to speak with someone about your situation, or feel you need help brainstorming your next steps, feel free to reach out to us.

    Whatever you decide, know that we are here to support you. We cannot tell you what to do, but we will do our best to help you stay as safe as possible as you explore you next steps. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

    Be safe,

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I’m 16 and I live with my grandparents, only my grandmother has guardianship over me. They are both extremely mean we are always fighting. They never let me or my siblings out of the house and my grandmother is very mentally unstable. She has many undiagnosed mental illnesses that are very hard to deal with. I have a job and a place to go but I’m scared of getting in trouble and unsure of what exactly to do. All’s i know is that I want to get away from them.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod16
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi, thank you for reaching out; we are glad that you did. It sounds like you have been dealing with, and bravely surviving, a very difficult and stressful home situation. You have already been so brave, and we understand the courage that it takes to reach out to us for help.
    It sounds like you want to leave, to go to live with your online partner, but other people are unsure of the relationship. We can talk over this situation because that is how we work best with people.
    Everyone has their own complex set of problems and we like to have a conversation to help you figure out your options and try to help you solve problems and answer questions.
    You can reach out to us via live chat through this website, or call us at our hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929), both options are here for you 24/7
    We truly hope to hear from you soon.
    Sincerely,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hello. I'm 17, I turn 18 in February of 2022. However, I don't believe I can last that long, as my situation is incredibly stressful and unrelenting. Thankfully, nobody's really aware of my LGBTQ+ relations in my entire family, (female presenting, bisexual) and I'm thankful for that, but it's everything else that makes this unbearable. I don't often hear homophobic or transphobic things, but when I do it feels terrible, even if it's not directed towards me. I have an online partner that I've been with for 6 months and I trust them with my life, I have a friend that we both talk with pretty much all the time, and he's like a better brother to me than my actual brother who takes care of me. My parents are both unable to take care of me, I was adopted at the age of 1, my foster-parents were in there 70's, and my father has passed in 2018. My mother is in her 90's with alzheimer's.

    I cry just about every day. I think about cutting just about every day. I do it for comfort, for warmth, and it feels like I have nowhere else to go. My right arm is consistently red with cut marks and I never feel like my feelings are taken into consideration with anything that happens in my life. I have no control of anything. I've talked to my family about moving out with their consent, but unfortunately have not gotten any sort of satisfying answer. I understand online relationships are scary, but I've called with this person. I've seen them speak, they've sent pictures of themselves, I've had video calls with them and their mother so that we could discuss possibilities of me moving out and what I would exactly need. I know I need my certified birth certificate, my social security card, medicaid card, school transcripts, and at least two things with my name and address on them. We have most if not all of these things, but it's just simply the lack of help that worries me. We've been more than willing to have facetimes and any sort of call to understand the situation better but nothing has moved forward, and I'm honestly afraid to talk with my brother.

    He's a stereotypical factory worker who comes home to yell at me for miniscule things that I've honestly forgotten about. I've talked to him about it and he seemed okay with it once but he brings it up now like it's never going to happen. I talked to my other brother over call, and he's worried about it because of the whole online aspect and moving. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello!
    Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline. It takes a lot of courage to seek help when you are going through a difficult time. Your safety and well being is important to us and we want to help you have the best options to address your concerns. Abuse and neglect, emotional and physical, are traumatizing and you and your sister do not deserve to be treated in such ways.
    As you mentioned, the treatment you are enduring living with your grandma is not anything one should have to go through. It is good to know that you have people that are willing to help and support you. However, as you are not at a legal age, if your grandparents were to file a runaway report you would possibly be brought back to them. An option you do have is to contact child protective services again to discuss possible options for you and your sister. If you want to explore that option more www.childhelp.org is a great place to learn more. In addition, our call and chat services can provide you with more tailored information to better help you. We will be able to offer you support and guidance through the different options that you have.
    Once again, thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline. We appreciate you taking the step to find out more information regarding your concern. We are a 24 hour service that provides immediate guidance and support through phone and live chat, feel free to contact us.

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hi im 15 and im living with a toxic grandma I've been living with my grandma for sometime about 6 to 7 years for about 3 years she and her husband never hit us but afterwards me and my sisters been punched kicks beat against a wall my grandma husband should been gone cause he hit my aunt and she died a month or so later but she still talkes to him. Well me and my sisters are just getting sick of tired of how our family treats us and my oldest sister has a baby on the way i dont want it to grow up and stay here to get beat on to my boyfriend said i should tell children service i did but they say they cant do anything about it at this point i just wanna run away and live with my boyfriend mom or my best friend mom they both said they would take me in could i move out at 17? But things are getting worse and im not sure what to do cause when i fight back the police are called and they said i hit them first or something no one listens to me i just need some real advice

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hello im 16 and my mom is toxic I can't be myself around my her because she judges me. I have to pretend to be someone else that I am not. I help around the house like sweep mop do laundry but she says im lazy that I don't want help out. She said its my responsibility to taker care of my younger siblings. she calls me names and she made me feel insecure about myself.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod3
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there.

    Thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that it can take a lot of courage to reach out for support, and we're glad you took that step. It sounds like things at home, particularly between you and your dad, are pretty tough right now, and we're sorry to hear that. You deserve to live in an environment where you feel safe, comfortable and where your basic needs are being met.

    Filing a report with CPS can be a scary and overwhelming process, especially when you can't really know what will happen next. With that, having a basic understanding of how CPS works might be helpful to you in deciding if that's a route you'd like to take. It's important to know that one of the primary goals of CPS is to keep families together, assuming the children in the home are not in imminent danger. So it's generally not their first move to take a child out of their home and place them elsewhere. Instead, they may try to put other measures in place to ensure your safety, and to ensure that the issues at hand are being addressed. For example, that might mean requiring your father to take you to the dentist and otherwise get the medical care that you need. If he isn't taking you because you don't have medical insurance or for other financial reasons, that might mean helping him get set up with insurance through your state. Ultimately what next steps they decide to take are based on their findings from their investigation, as well as what they think would be in your best interests.

    If this is something that you're interested in doing, you can file a report on your own, by contacting us here at NRS for support, or by telling a safe person of the abuse (like a teacher, school counselor, therapist, etc.). Each person that I've listed is considered a Mandated Reporter and has a legal obligation to contact CPS when there are any suspicions or indications of abuse. We understand that moving forward in this process can be scary, but want you to know that your safety is critical. These are folks who will prioritize that. If you have any questions about filing a report, what it entails, or would like to learn more about child abuse in general, Childhelp is another great resource to utilize. They're a child abuse hotline and you can reach out to them by texting or calling 1-800-422-4453, or by chatting with them live at www.childhelp.org.

    If you'd like to chat in more detail about your situation, please feel free to reach out to us directly by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY, or buy chatting with us live at www.1800runaway.org. We're available 24/7 and are always happy to listen, and to help.

    Take care.

    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I’m 16 and i live with my dad and brother my moms currently in prison till February of next year. So my father is mentally abusive towards me. He won’t let me go to a doctor nor a dentist. My teeth are rotting to the point where I have nerve pains in my face. He’s always threatening me with my freedom and manipulating me tell me “I feed you dont I, you have cloths don’t you, well I guess I’m a bad father then” ect. I am not mentally ok to wait another full 2 years to leave. My mental health is so bad. I harm myself some times to the things I over hear him say about me. We’ve had child protective services called on us a few times but he sat next to me and told me to tell them it’s all a lie. He makes me nervous and I’m genuinely scared of him some times. Some days he’s so mad at me he won’t speak to me and other days he acts like nothing Evan happened. He started drinking alcohol again and I think that’s some of the cause. But I’m scared to call child protective services cuz I don’t want it to be a fail and I’m stuck here without no help or freedom. Please tell me what I should do I really need to get out of this house.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod13
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us here at NRS and we appreciate you sharing your situation with us. You have has a difficult relationship with your aunt and have been feeing mistreated and hurt by her. We understand that not having access to your support system can make that much more challenging to cope with stress and tension at home. It sounds like there is a lot that you are faced with and you are thinking that leaving is one of your only options.

    18 is usually the age you are able to leave home without permission from a legal guardian. If you leave home as a minor, your aunt has the option to make a runaway report with police. Running away is not illegal, so you would not be arrested. However, it is a status offense which means your aunt can ask police to return you home if you are found.

    The easiest way to leave home is with your aunt's permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, trusted adult, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your aunt. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.

    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. If you would like to talk more in detail and explore all of your possible options please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best

    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I am 17 years old I live with my aunt who is extremely toxic to me she will not let me see no family,friends or let anyone come over she does not accept me being bisexual i tried to tell her how i feel and she didnt accept it im truly depressed and i need to get away

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod13
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi, we are glad you reached out to us for help. It is very stressful dealing with a step-parent and that can change the whole family dynamic. Not having your birth Mom in your life must be a constant challenge for you. It sounds like you are overwhelmed with a lack of parental support and no immediate control to make your options work.

    We know you have limited opportunity to reach out to us directly but we hope you can try to find a way to chat with us through our website or call us on our crisis hotline at (800) RUNAWAY. Both are completely confidential and available 24/7.

    We would like to talk with you about how to come up with a plan to work around the obstacles you described and explore some other options as well. We can help you come up with strategies to have some different conversations with your therapist. We can also help you work out a plan to move in with your Aunt. We can also help you figure our some tools to help you manage your anger over the little things. There are resources we can refer you to and they can help you and support you in figuring out things with your sexual identity.

    We know things must seem very overwhelming for you right now and it is so difficult to see workable options with all the limitations in your house and being 15. You deserve a safe, stable and supportive home life. We want to help you get that. We hope to hear from you soon. Good luck.
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