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I'm 16 and need to get away from a toxic household

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  • Guest
    Guest replied
    hi I’m 16 and me and my sister have grown up for the past 11 years with alcoholic parents but recently it’s gotten way worse. sometimes our parents will push each other and it scares me sometimes that they’ll start hitting and pushing on us next. and we are constantly being yelled at about anything you can think of. and this is all mainly my mom but my dad just lets her do it and doesn’t hardly ever stop her. i have been told many times by mom that I can move out if I think I’m better than her and since I’m just so perfect but she doesn’t remember anything she says or does the next day or 10 minutes after for that matter like maybe a week ago my mom got in my sisters face and started to punch her while drunk but my dad stopped her. I’m just so tired of the constant stress and being emotionally and mentally abused by my mother every single night. I want to leave but they do love us and sometimes things are okay when they let us hang with friends but my mom thinks we should love them because we get everything we want and more and she works so hard for us and we have it made but she doesn’t understand that what we have in life doesn’t even matter when I come home to this every night. I don’t even like telling my mom I love her anymore because of how she is. i also don’t like her touching me at all bc she always wants to hug on me after she just got done yelling at me for 2 hours. my mom is also are always very rough on me about my boyfriend and tell me I need someone new and he’s trash and a white thug and I’m a 4.0 gpa cheerleader. and I have a job and can drive but they pay for my insurance and stuff but I just really think about leaving all the time bc with school and cheer and work I’m stressed out enough as it is without having to come home every night dealing with my very strict dad and alcoholic mother. i would just like to know if there is any way I can leave at 16 and maybe live with a friend or someone.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod16
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi,
    Thanks for reaching out; we are glad that you did. It sounds like things are really awful there for you being treated like a slave and not allowed friends, on top of the toxic language used on you.

    It sounds like you got away for 5 years, but are now back. It's difficult for us to offer any real help here on this public forum. We work best with people when we can have a conversation with people. You can chat us through this website or call our hotline at 1-800-786-2929 (1-800-runaway). We truly look forward to hearing from you soon.
    Sincerely,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I just turned 16 and my whole childhood consisted of toxic language and toxic people. I got away from it for 5 years then went back to it. He wont let me do anything, he treats me like a slave. I can't have friends. unless he gives it the okay.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod5
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thanks for reaching out to NRS. Based on all that you’ve described, this could be a reportable abuse case. Seeing through mental abuse and control can be excruciating and nauseating. We hear that you’re being told by her that your reality is not real and she’s forcing you to become straight—and threatened with physical abuse alongside it. You never deserve any kind of abuse, emotional or otherwise. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to prove than other forms of abuse because CPS usually relies on physical abuse signs when conducting an abuse investigation. 
    That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be. If Child Protective Services (CPS) opens a case, sometimes they decide to remove minors from the home, while other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made.  The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to CPS directly, so if you’re ready to do that we at NRS are here to assist.
    --------------
    Concerning running away, it sounds like you are at a crossroads—on the one hand, it’s frightening to run because of what might happen, but on the other, it sounds like you might not get a better chance than where you are right now. It’s understandable you’d be afraid with so much uncertainty, and you know your experience better than anyone else. For either choice, what are the pros and cons? What would your reality be like if you left or if you stayed?
    Some questions to consider: You mentioned your friend, have they discussed the plan? Where would you all go? When would you leave, and how would you leave? How would your girlfriend fit into the scheme of things? Sometimes an outside perspective can help, too. Is there anyone in the community that you trust and can speak to confidentially like a doctor, school personnel, or club?
    If you are open to options, the National Safe Place http://www.nationalsafeplace.org/ might help. They offer “Safe Places” for youth in need. If you want, they will listen to your case, make arrangements, and provide resources to help you. Or even if you just feel like talking in-person to someone and need a safe place to stay, they are there for you. However, they will likely get CPS involved if you choose to disclose.
    ------------
    Lastly, that you are hanging on for your girlfriend in the midst of your pain is a testament to your character. Often it can be easy to feel don’t have what it takes, but, even in this short of a message, you seem incredibly brave and kind. It sounds like you’ve tried everything you can think of at this point, and reaching out for more support was a smart choice you made. Battling thoughts of ending your life can be an uphill battle, yet your authenticity is admirable.
    If you haven’t, you might want to try the Trevor Project (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/ ) or the Trans Lifeline (http://www.translifeline.org/). Both provide confidential support and empathetic listening ears. The Trevor Project specializes in helping LGBTQ+ youth considering suicide; the Trans Lifeline is run by Trans people for Trans people. Although they are for people who identify as LGBTQ, the volunteers are trained to help you in all sorts of life circumstances, especially suicidal thoughts.
    • Trevor Lifeline (866.488.7386) operates 24/7
    • TrevorChat.org is available daily from 3-10pm EST
    • TrevorText (202.304.1200) is available weekdays from 3-10pm EST
    • Trans Lifeline (877.565.8860) change depending on day


    NRS is here to help through all of this. We encourage and welcome you to call or chat online with us. We can help you through any process, we can discuss more options for coping, and offer other resources like shelters in your area, too.

    We’re rooting for you!

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    hi I'm 15 and My mom is a very emotionally and mentally abusive She takes control of my life and mostly all my friends left me because of her The one friend that I still keep in contact with wants to help me escape her grasp But I'm too scared And soon enough we're going to move far away And then I'll never be free When I first came out to her as trans and pan she threatened me and said "If you don't become straight right now I will beat you every day until you are", She uses a belt to intimidate me into doing things right away and She always tries to put me down and say that I look like my father and I act crazy like him ( he's in jail) Even though I don't know him I know that he's not crazy And my mom is just saying this to control me, maybe she's putting all this on me because of what her father did to her But I can't take this anymore I tried to kill myself twice already But I have an amazing girlfriend and I can't just leave her in this world alone and I have a best friend who supports me but I don't know how long I can hold on

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thanks so much for reaching out to NRS. It sounds like your dad is volatile and emotionally abusive, and it's understandable you would be afraid to live with him and your brother after your stepmom is no longer in the house.

    One option you have is to report the abuse you are experiencing to the authorities. You can do this by telling a teacher or counselor at school, or contacting your state's child abuse reporting hotline. Another resource is an anonymous hotline called Child Help, who can answer any questions you have about the abuse reporting process and take a report over the phone if you choose. Their number is 1-800-422-4453.

    If your stepmom is open to it, you could also talk with her about the possibility of getting partial custody of you or visitation. If you want to give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 to talk more about your situation, we can provide free legal aid resources in your area. A legal resource is also a good place to start to talk about emancipation, although that is usually difficult for minors.

    We can also brainstorm some other options and talk through ways to keep you safe if you do decide to leave, like youth shelters. We are here for you 24/7. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for help, and shows how strong you are that you are thinking ahead.

    Stay strong,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I am 14 soon to be 15 my dad is not physically abusive but he is emotionally and verbally abusive. He's very manipulative and try to control me every moment he can my mother isnt in the picture but she tries to reach out and he pushes her away. He makes me feel like I'm being suffocated and his mood swings are crazy one minute hes mad at me then the next hes telling me how much he loves me. The only people I had in my corner where my brother and his wife. But due to the fact that my dad is the way he is my brother has turned into him and his wife has had enough and is leaving him. I know she cant take me with her because she's not blood related to me but shes like the mother i've never had. And when shes gone well im scared to live in my house alone without her. The thought of getting emancipated has run through my head or running away but I dont wanna do something reckless. I dont cut or anything like that but I'm scared that if I'm left alone with them both well i dont know what will happen I want to think my choices through. But recently i want to run away just leave it all but I dont have any money or a place to go.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod16
    commented on Guest's reply
    [5:52 PM] Nick Harris
    Hello, thanks for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline. We are so sorry to hear that you’re dealing with all of this. You do not deserve to be abused, in any way, ever. It takes a lot of courage to open up about these types of situations. It is understandable to be apprehensive about the foster care system. However, there are likely other, safe options available to you. You may want to consider reaching out to Child Help (https://www.childhelp.org/). They provide a variety of services and support for children facing any type of abuse .National Runaway Safeline has a large database of resources ranging from information on emancipation to local mental health counseling, as well as everything in between. However, in order to give you the most appropriate/accurate information in your area, you’d have to reach out to us via phone (1-800-Runaway) or live chat (1800Runaway.org).We’re really glad that you reached out to us and hope to hear from you on our hotline or live chat. Good luck with everything.

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I want to get away from my family everyone either mentally hurts me or they do physically my dad is horrible my mom is toxic and just makes everything my fault and never understands that I can't be with her and my step dad he hit me with a door and pushed me grabbed me and left several bruises and marks on me same with my dad I can't take it anymore I want to leave what can I do I don't want to go to Foster care I want to have a job and live on my own but idk what to do I need help I can't keep living with them I can't never mentally heal myself until I can get away

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest
    Guest replied
    im 16 my parents are verbally and sometimes physically abusive. i have a autistic brother that they cannot handle they are always cussing and screaming at him and they do the same with me. My mom and father has physical abused me , my brother gets whooped and not any regular whooping i mean hits on head back arms legs etc they don't care i really just want them to go away forever

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod2
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello There
    Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a really difficult time and we want you to know that you are not alone.

    What you have described sounds like abuse and you do not deserve to be treated that way. You do have a right to make an abuse report and you can do that by calling Child Help at 1800-422-4453. You can also talk with a school counselor or a teacher and they would provide support and help with a report. Lastly, you can always call us and we can help you with making an abuse report.

    We are here for you if you want to explore options or just need someone to vent to. We are available 24/7 by phone or by chat. Best of luck!

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I am 14 years old and I hate living with my parents all my mom does is control my life and she controls what I wear what I eat and where I go. And when she gets mad she will hit me and slap me. She always try’s to pick out all the things I’m doing wrong every single day and she just doesn’t doesn’t understand me. And she’s always saying for me to leave and she regrets adopting, same with my dad he always says that to me and he always hits me and would throw stuff at me if I don’t d9 something he asks right away. He’s always saying he can’t wait for the day I move out and when I turn 18 there kicking me out.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod7
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems like your home life is abusive and taxing to your mental health.

    You are also within your rights to report any abuse happening inside the home, www.childhelp.org can be a great resource when looking to report abuse, and we can also assist you in filling out an abuse report if you call or chat us. National Alliance on Mental Illness (https://nami.org/Home) is a great resource for those struggling with self-harm or mental illness as well. A guidance counselor, close friend, or trusted adult can also be a good resource for coping with difficult situations.

    We are here as support through this challenging time and we can best help by having a conversation with you either by phone on our hotline or chatting us through our website. We truly hope to hear from you soon so that we can listen and help.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    hello, I'm female and 17 years old. I've lived in a physically and mentally abusive household since I was born. They refuse to let me and my sister get a job or our licenses. We both suffer with mental illnesses, I have BPD and cannot be treated properly until I'm 18 but also refuse to believe I have it. I also deal with severe self harm. They call the police on us regularly and lie to them about situations that occur, they will put their hands on us first and flip it the other way around once the police come. I can't deal with this much longer and it just keeps getting worse and worse.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello, thanks for reaching out to us at NRS.

    It sounds like it has been really scary living in an environment with both of your parents, considering all of the abuse you have experienced there, so it makes sense that you are looking for options to get out. Please know that you do not deserve ANY abuse, and you have the right to report it to Child Protective Services whose job it would be able to intervene and work to ensure you are safe. If you want help with reporting, you can either call our hotline (800) RUNAWAY, or you can call the National Child Abuse Hotline yourself at (800) 422-4453. If you’d prefer, you can also seek out a mental health, medical, or school professional, or if you are in immediate danger, you can call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.

    If you don’t want to report at this time but are looking for other options out of the home, do you think your mom would consent to your staying with your cousin if you tried sitting down and having a conversation with her about it? Perhaps involving the cousin or any other supportive family member could help in bridging the communication and come to some compromise, acknowledging that it seems like everyone is experiencing heightened tensions at home.

    There is also an option of staying at a shelter. Some shelters are required to notify your parental guardian; however, some do not, and you can always ask beforehand. To do a search for all shelters, you can go to homelesshelterdirectory.org, or you can call our hotline (800-RUNAWAY) and we can look into nearby youth shelters in your area.

    It makes sense that you want to make a change to your living situation, and you don’t have to go through this alone. Please do not hesitate to reach out and let us know how we can best help you.

    Good luck,

    NRS
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