No announcement yet.

My "parents" have been hiding half of my family from me!

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • My "parents" have been hiding half of my family from me!

    I apologize in advance, this story is very long and in depth, but I need help. I feel so lost..

    ..I am 18 yrs old. Before I was born, my mother and my biological father had split up for unknown reasons. 2 years later, my mom and her newly wedded husband gave birth to my little half-sister. I grew up with the mentality that this man was my father. Not literally, I knew he was actually my sisters father but he had raised us since we were so little that I saw him as a father to me. Fast forward 4 years later. My mom and my sister's father are now split up, but not officially divorced yet. It was around that time that my mom began dating my sister's father's brother. So in simpler terms, my sister's uncle. The last time me and my sister saw her father was one Memorial Day weekend, my sisters father was supposed to have us for the whole weekend. When he arrived, my mom and him broke out into a huge fight, and she threw me and my sister into the house. We watched them fight in the street through the window. Then the cops were called. They demanded my sisters father to leave. We never saw him ever again after that. We moved out of state a year later.
    Until I was about 14, I never gave the situation much thought. In my mind, everything was normal, I was just another girl who wouldn't know her father. But I began to grow curious after finding my birth certificate and seeing my fathers name which I had NEVER heard of before. I tried to google him, search for him on Facebook, everything. I got nothing. He seemed pretty much non existent. ...My mom is a...sort of crazy lady. She never wanted to be around me and my sister, never wanted to play with us. At a very young age, I learned not to approach her unless it was regarding something of importance. She was mean and pessimistic. She still is like that to this day. Me and her are not close at all, with the average conversation between us being "Hey, How are you?", "Good" "Okay love you". It all became worse when I turned 16. That year, she lost a lot of friends that she used to be close with. She stopped coming home. She lost a lot of weight. Nowadays, I'm lucky to see her twice a week. My sister was beginning to have suicidal thoughts and started cutting because of this whole situation. When I told my mom she needed to be there for my sister, she stayed out even longer. I started to conspire that she is having an affair. I have attempted to talk to her husband (who i currently call my step dad, aka, my sisters uncle) about the situation but he was always so quick to shoot me down. The most he has said to me is "Yeah, I need to talk to your mother about some things myself." So the both of them were deemed unapproachable be my sister and I. I basically only see her husband now.

    2 years ago, in July 2015, My sister's grandpa (on her side) came to visit us for the first time in many many years. My sister told me that while he was here, her fathers name came into conversation somehow and she asked him and her uncle where her father was. Her uncle quickly shot her down with "Now is not the time to talk about this."

    Fast forward to 2 nights ago. I received a message on Facebook months ago from my sisters father. I didn't know about it at first because I refused to download the stupid messenger app. Anyway, it simply stated, "Do you know who I am?".....I quickly messaged him back with so much excitement, I felt I was finally going to get answers. He told me everything. He waited until I was 18 to try to contact me so that there was no way my parents could involve the cops into this if they were to find out.

    He told me the story of what happened that Memorial weekend, so many years ago. He told me my mother had an affair with his brother, and that this whole thing was just a huge cover up situation. He said my mother claimed that he tried to "kidnap" me. It was all a huge misunderstanding. My mom kept threatening "Cops, cops, cops" so my sisters father called them himself to make sure he got his statement in before anything got twisted. Apparently, his car had not been inspected, had bad tags, and wasn't insured. He told me he didn't have a lot of money at the moment but he didn't want to stop picking us up. We were all he had. He was slapped with "unlawful and reckless child endangerment", which caused him to then get his license suspended, then he lost his job and home and was stuck in a downward spiral for many years. He is currently doing much better now, and is in his own band.

    My mom and his brother completely cut him out. My actual uncle on my moms side was the only one who could give him any info about his own daughter. They cut him out too when they realized which side he was on. They even cut out my sisters grandpa because he was "playing double agent" sending pictures and keeping him updated on our well-being. My mom and his brother were trying the cover up the affair so much that they moved into each community with their collective last names (i.e. "the Smith's") to make it official.

    It gets even crazier: My sisters father had made multiple attempts to reconnect by driving 5 states over to where we live. He attempted to have a meeting with my sisters uncle and my mom. My mom flipped a crap and started talking about a lawyer before she even heard what he had to say. He did, however, have a successful meeting my sisters uncle a few years ago. They met for dinner and his brother promised to re-instate a line of communication but never did. A year or 2 later, and they met again at Dunkin Donuts, and my sisters uncle just listened to him talk then rushed to leave to go back to work. He has alienated himself and us from his whole side of the family.

    Then, My sisters father proceeded to give me information about my father!!! I haven't heard anyone ever talk about him, ever! He gave me his address and telephone number that he found on Then he told me that i have a biological Aunt and Uncle that live literally 30 minutes away from me!!! I have not contacted them yet out of fear...

    I need to leave this house. I feel disgusted that my parents would do something like this, hide my own family from me for 18 years. AND, hid my sisters family from her as well. It's even more disgusting that my mom is having another affair. I don't want me or my sister to be continually exposed to this behavior. I want to go take her to visit her father as soon as possible. I cant trust my parents anymore...I can't even talk to them normally anymore because the thoughts just keep running through my head of how they wronged us. They will notice my attitude soon enough. I need to prevent them from finding out all of this information because my sister is only 16 and I don't know what kind of restraining orders or legal stuff is involved in this. My mom is crazy, if she finds out, Mine and My sisters chance of reconnection is gone. Please I need advice I don't know what to do, Our lives have completely changed....

    I also need advice on the best way to attempt to reconnect with my biological family.

  • #2
    Hi there,

    Thanks for reaching out and sharing of all of this with us. We know it’s not always easy to talk about, and it sounds like you’ve been through quite a lot with your family and that you are feeling lost and looking for some advice.

    We can’t tell you what to do, but we can provide you with some information and things to consider so you can make your own decision.

    Since you are 18, in most states you would legally be considered an adult and thus be able to leave home without any legal consequences. Some things to consider if you decide to leave home are where you would go (a friend, family member, shelter, etc.), how would you get there (transportation), how you would support yourself (do you have a job? how would you buy food, clothes, etc.), and how you would keep yourself safe.

    If you choose to contact your birth father or stay in touch with your sister’s father, that is up to you. Keep your safety in mind, but know that there are no legal repercussions for doing so, since you are 18.

    If you’d like for us to see if we can find some counseling or other services in your area, you can give us a call and we can see if there are any resources in your area. You also mentioned your sister has had suicidal thoughts. You or she may already be aware of this resource, but the National Suicide Hotline is a great resource, and their number is 1-800-273-8255.

    Good luck,

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


    Previously entered content was automatically saved. Restore or Discard.
    Insert: Thumbnail Small Medium Large Fullsize Remove  
    or Allowed Filetypes: jpg, jpeg, png, gif, webp