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I want to run away, but I'm too scared to

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  • I want to run away, but I'm too scared to

    My parents and I have had a rocky relationship since I started middle school and I've grown into an independent and free-spirited person that my parents don't seem to approve of. They want me to care about school more that I do and when I talked to my mom about it the other night, she called me shallow and said that her and my dad didn't raise me to be like that. I tried to explain that school seems like a waste of time for me because my dream job is quite unconventional and nothing I will learn at school will ever prepare me for it. She got pissed and told me there's nothing wrong with being a well-rounded student.

    I tried to tell her that this is the reason that I'm never honest with her or my dad because they never listen and they always find a way to get pissed at me instead of trying to understand. After the whole argument, I felt like a piece of ********. I talked to my friends about it and they said I didn't deserve this kind of treatment and this isn't the first time something like this has ever happened. However, this is the first time I've ever told someone about it.

    I really want to leave home for my sake. Maybe for just a day to take a break from my parents, but the thought of how they would react when I came home terrifies me. There have been times that I haven't been able to find my dad while being picked up and my phone is dead and I have no other way to contact him, and when he found me, instead of showing that he was worried about me, he started yelling at me. Like it was some kind of inconvenience. Like he could've done something more productive instead of driving around, trying to find me. When I tried to tell him what happened, he kept getting more and more angry and he wouldn't listen to what I was saying. I thought he had left me there (because he's threatened to do it before) and he kept demanding to know what time I saw a car that looked like his drive away. I kept telling him my phone was dead and I couldn't check the time. The problem with my phone is that it dies at 50% if I'm not using wifi. I've tried to get a new phone before, but my parents won't have it.

    I'm just so done with them and I want to talk to one of my teachers to see what they can do, but what if nothing can be done? What if I have to live with my parents and I can't prove that I'm being abused? Just thinking about almost being free and then being reeled back in only to have the manipulation, the yelling and the micromanaging be ten times worse kills me. I've contemplated grabbing my dad's steering wheel and jerking it so we crash and I've thought about jumping out of my window that's two stories up. I'm nearing my end and I don't know how much longer I can hold off.

  • #2
    Reply: I want to run away, but I'm too scared to

    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS).

    We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed or maybe harming yourself.
    We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 immediately.

    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this.
    We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
    If you would like to talk more in detail please call 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in.

    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Be safe,
    NRS

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat which is open every day from 4:30p to 11:30p CST and can be accessed here:

    National Runaway Safeline
    info@1800runaway.org (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

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