I hate my stepdad

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time right now. If you feel unsafe or violated please call the police.
If you have any other questions or would like to explore your options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to support you and to listen. Best of luck!
NRS

I hate my step dad he tried getting me to be his misses when I am married to my fantastic husband and it's not a nice feeling I cant even go see my mum at her house as I don't trust him

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It sounds like your mom isn’t listening to you when you are trying to express your thoughts and feelings about your current state of affairs between you, your mom and stepdad. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your mom so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

Stay safe,
NRS

I hate my stepdad so much, he’s sarcastic and rude to me all the time. May I mention he’s 52 with my mom being 37? Recently I heard them fighting about something, so I listened.It sounded like they were fighting I don’t want to be told that it’s none of my business. I’ve hated him from the beginning. Every single time that I try to voice a concern to my mom AND MY MOM ONLY about how he gets “sensitive” and “rude”, She says that it’s just because he’s never had a daughter before and because he’s an old cop. I just needed something to vent to, if I really wanted to I could just move in with my dad. Sorry if this was long and I know it was probably cliché, but what can I do...

[ccsmod2]

Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are dealing with something very difficult at home with your stepdad. You don’t deserve to be yelled at or threatened with random punishments. Finally, being called a waste of time, money and space -- well, of course that’s not true! You are so strong to deal with this. Just try to remember he doesn’t define your worth, and you won’t be living with him forever.

It sounds like there has been no physical abuse from him, you don’t fear for your safety and you have are being provided for with what you need, right? We understand that he’s often unfair to you, but your situation could be a lot worse. We often are contacted by individuals your age with much more difficult, unsafe living situations.

Moving on to what you found, this gets a little trickier. You found out some things about your stepdad that are pretty bad, no lie. But you found them by snooping on him. Think about how you would feel if he was searching your computer and search history.

Of course, it doesn’t feel good to think about your stepdad cheating on your mom, but telling your mom about this will certainly, in your words, “devastate” everyone. There’s also a chance your mom won’t believe you and your stepdad will likely be very angry about you talking about. You’ll have to think hard about this and determine if it’s worth it. This could be a very explosive situation. Besides, if you have these suspicions and were able to find this out, it’s possible your mom will also find out soon if she hasn’t already.

Now...getting back to the first issue you mentioned...the shouting, the threats of punishment, the bad things he’s said about you. Aside from trying to not give your stepdad the ability to define you by internalizing it when he makes remarks like this, think about how you can remove yourself from the situation when this happens. Perhaps you can move to another part of the house, or go to a friend’s house. Or maybe there’s somewhere else nearby you can spend more time at until things cool down.

You are in a tough situation. It can also be a lot worse, and we think it’s a good idea to really think through your next steps before you do anything.

Thank you again for reaching out to us and we hope this has been helpful. If you’d like to discuss this anymore, please don’t hesitate to call us at the National Runaway Safeline. You can reach us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I’ve never met my real father. He kinda just bolted when he found out my mom was pregnant. Anyways, six years later of it just being me and my mother, my stepdad came along. He was cool at first, and I really liked him up until my parents marriage, But since then, he’s drastically become worse. He’s constantly threatening punishments, going behind my mothers back with punishments for stupid stuff that don’t deserve punishment, and is always negative and yells a ton. My mom tries to help, but most of the time it just makes it worse. Now all that sounds bad right? Well recently I’ve been noticing that he clears his search history an awful lot. So one day I saw an opportunity and looked at it when he left the room. There I found all sorts of cheap sex ads on Craigslist for women in our area. So here he is, not only being a jerk to me and sometimes my mother, but I am pretty sure he’s having an affair. I’m not sure if I should even bring it up to my mother because I’m afraid of what will happen to me and my 3 year old sister. Not only would I get in a ton of trouble but it would devastate my mom and my sister. On top of all that, he’s spent the last week calling me (in short) a waste of time, money, and space. I just don’t know if I can deal with it any longer. Please help.

[ccsmod7]

Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and we understand it takes courage to reach out for help. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/.

We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

Hey guys,
i absolutely hate my so called "step dad" he constantly tells my mum lies about me to make her hate me and threatens to bash me and calls me names. I try to talk to my mum but she doesn't listen and doesn't act like she cares, she says I overreact and he doesn't say all this bad stuff to me. When I was about 10 his kids would call me horrible names over text, I would show him and he would say that I was bullying them, and another time one of them threw rocks at me and he just stood and watched (my mum was at work at this time). He also made us move from my hometown and friends, then tells everyone I'm HIS kid which I am not and that I'm such an awe full kid and will turn out to be a druggo or a runaway when I'm older. My mum forces me to message him even though she knows how much I hate him. Can someone give me a contact name I can give him that might help me when he messages?

[ccsmod15]

Hello,

Thanks for reaching out to us. We’re so sorry to hear that things have been so difficult at home, and we’re glad that you felt comfortable reaching out for support. It sounds like the situation at home with your mom & her boyfriend has gotten really complicated in a short amount of time. We can understand how it can be confusing and even a little frustrating when you see your mom struggling to find the right partner, because she’s looking for someone that will fit in with her AND her family. It sounds like you’ve tried to talk to her about the situation, but the conversation got a little heated and you said things that may have hurt her feelings, in addition to having to deal with some friend drama. Sounds like a really overwhelming situation! Thinking about approaching your school counselor is a great idea, and we would encourage you to explore whether there’s a school social worker or a school psychologist that might be able to help as well. From what you described, you’re experiencing a lot of change and that can make things like friend drama feel extra challenging.

If you don’t feel comfortable reaching out to anyone at school, you can always try giving us a call. We won’t tell you what to do, but we will do our best to listen and help you figure out what you can do to cope with so much going on in your household. Whatever you decide, know that we are here for you. We won’t tell you what to do, but we will do our best to help you stay safe with whatever you decide to do. You can reach out to us 24/7 by phone at 800.RUNAWAY (786.2929). We are also available every day via chat. We’re here to listen, here to help. Stay safe!

-NRS

okay, so my problem is NOT as big as the first their ones I’ve read and I feel like no one else’s story is like mine. I’m very confused. My moms boyfriend has not done anything wrong kind of. I’m eleven and he is only 23 or 24. My mom is 36. Anyway he thinks I’m bratty because I’m sarcastic with a lot of people and I chose to be with him. Bad idea, he thinks I’m being disrespectful. Like one time he asked me a question that wasn’t his business and I answered still with no while walking out he door to greet my mom. Then he said no, come back I asked you a question. And I said “ I know I said no” and not in a rude or mean way. He said okay. But then when me and my mom and my 10 year old sister got inside he said can u speak to you? I said sure not knowing and he basically said I was being very very disrespectful to him. I was so caught in the moment and now I don’t feel comfortable talking to him basically at all and if he talks to me I answer a quick and short response. Now, I’ve tried talking to my mom and she said that I’m just a kid which I get and she also said that her opinion is what matters about her life. Not really sure about that one. In the past a few weeks ago I tried taking to my aunt and my mom got mad and upset. Every time I try to talk to my mom she says I’m being rude or irrational. And I’m not trying to be and don’t really think I am. I also have a 13 year old brother. He just doesn’t really mind anything. Now the really hard part about this is that my mom has been through a lot of boyfriends and she says each one is “the one” but they aren’t. Now with this one specifically she says she’s gonna marry him and I haven’t met his family but my mom has and apparently they told her they were getting married in a few weeks after only have been dating for 2 months. Now my mom decided to say her wedding is this weekend in a few days and I don’t know what to do. I said really hurtful things like I don’t want to go and I hope you don’t get married and say no but she always says that my opinion doesn’t matter. I don’t feel comfortable talking to. Him or her about this anymore. I can’t talk to family or she’ll be upset and I’m starting to think about the school counselor. I really need some advice and quick please. Thank you! Oh and ps I do tend to cry all my feelings out and I do have friend drama and I’m a little overweighted for an eleven year old girl.

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe, NRS

So, I just found this site and I'm hoping I could as well gather some help for my situation even though I tried many times before and somehow I always get stuck thinking about wether or not I should say something, but in even when I don't I can't help, but feel this gnawing feeling eating away at me and I'm tired of feeding it. This feeling started since the time my mother and my father have gotten they're divorce and I'll admit that situation has really killed me to the point where I wasn't even doing great in school (basically, failing my grades nothing more) and where I just stopped caring about everything because I know that we'll never be a family I've never had and this feeling increased so badly when my step dad came into my life and it hurt me so bad when I heard they had a wedding meaning they're permanent and I tried to shake the feeling away because I wanted my mom to be happy, but before they gotten married he was a druggattic and she done somewhat of that when she was with him, but now that I'm living with them they're no longer in that sorta thing, but when they were doing that he once pushed my mom and hurt her while my younger sisters where living with them so my sisters called my dad when I was living with him at the time and he got mad when my step dad was taunting my dad through the phone so he went there not to save my mom, but to save my sisters from that horrible experience and they came home and they stayed with us for a few days, but when a stepmom came into the picture I just started feeling numb because I felt like she was taking my dad away and considering how close I felt to dad it hurt so bad, but then we had a half brother now and I adore him, but the thing is considering the fact that before my half brother was brought into this world me and my step mom weren't so very close so we didn't get along very well and it just got up to the point to where I was forced to live with my mother and my step dad now. my bio dad and i still talk and i'd go visit him every summer and christmas as much as possible and now that im living with them i just can't stand, but hate the fact that my mother and my step dad tries to get me to hug him or say " I love you ", but that never felt right and I only wanted to have 1 dad in my life and knowing that he's all I need and considering that my stepdad touches me like gives me a hug unkowingly or when he tells me to come to him and give him some "loves" it just hurts me to feel like I've betrayed my father even though I haven't done so and I love my dad most because unlike my mom and my stepdad he doesn't even ask anything about what they do he only asks if my well being is great with them, and my stepdad is so annoying too when he constantly repeats himself 10x just to get his point across and knowing how my mother has changed and became more of a strict parent she constantly keeps saying that she'll let up and be less restricting she hasn't changed at all. I tried to express and discuss the way I've viewed and felt things it just keeps ending in the same result of " Oh, well..." or " get over it " i just can't seem to and now that I'm 16 I'm still being treated as a 12 or 14 year old and it just sets me off and considering that I'm the oldest in the family I'm forced to carry all these responsibil ites and I just can't seem to do anything that a normal teenager would like going out with friends or being able to have these abilities where you don't even have to ask your parents to most things like playing the video games whenever you like or getting on the computer whenever you like, but she knows that I constantly keep telling her that i know better and I'm not going to ruin my life with such bad choices, but she's not letting me to do
such things. She even forces me sometimes to do things I feel very uncomfortable doing or when she forces me to go somewhere I don't wanna go to because I have nothing to do with that place and I'll just feel bored and an outcast. Or that I just want to go back to live with my dad. I constantly feel restricted in a bubble that just won't pop and I poke it and knowing this it makes me feel angry and anxious and just so ready to flee and be free. There are times that I wish for my legal age to come already and she even makes to the point to where when I wish that when I finally turn 18 on my birthday the first thing I'm doing is getting the hell out of there and never look back... I don't wanna sound like I'm exaggerating or anything, but now that I got all this out I feel a little lighter, but even though I've tried getting it all out millions of times before its still no use when after a few days of going through the same cycle it just builds up again and I'm done feeling like I'm digging myself a hole I'll never climb out of... How exactly do i deal with this or what should I do?

- Who ever made this site I'd like to say thank you.

[ccsmod7]

Hi, that sounds like a really hard situation, so thank you for reaching out to us today.

It can be really difficult to be in a living situation where you aren’t getting along with your family members. While it can be really challenging, there are some things you can try in terms of coping with the situation that you’re in. You can always try to find someone to mediate some conversations with you and your step-father, either with an adult you both trust, or a counselor. If it does get to the point that you’re considering leaving home, you can always reach out to us to talk about the logistics of that, and to think of ways to stay safe.

We’re available 24/7 and we’re here to help. You’re going through a lot right now, but you’re not in it alone.

Best,

NRS

My stepdad is the most annoying, destructive, bipolar, narcissistic person I’ve ever met. He hates me and he shows it. He doesn’t mind to show he hates me in front of my mom but when other family members come along he puts on a bs mask no one believes but everyone goes along with. Last time the family said something about my happiness he made us move and kept me away from my family for 3 1/2 years and still never said sorry TO ANYONE. He told me that he was the “Head of the Household” and said if I even said my family members names I would be punished I hate him

[ccsmod16]

We are so sorry you are going through all of that! It sounds really hard. Everyone deserves a supportive environment. It makes sense that you would be upset, since you didn't get a say in your current living situation, and it sounds like there are constant conflicts with your stepdad, and that he doesn't respect your boundaries. On top of that, you're grieving. It is really hard to deal with people you are close to passing, let alone suddenly, like what happened to your teacher and your friend. That sounds really traumatic. So you're really dealing with a lot, and it's great that you are taking steps to get the support you need.

It's also great that you are acknowledging those suicidal thoughts, and we're glad that you've laid them aside. Still, if those feelings do get overwhelming, though, we want you to have some resources to call. There's the Suicide prevention lifeline. This can just be a number to call when you're overwhelmed. 1-800-273-8255. The National Alliance for Mental Illness also provides support via text. Text them at 741741. And we are available 24/7, so you can always call us. Our # is 1-800-786-2929.

Maybe, a first step could be to think about what your ideal situation would be. Think about how you'd like your life to be. You mentioned that some people saying that you should leave and live with your dad were really not supportive. If you define what you would want, even if it seems hard to get to, then maybe we can break it down to steps to get there.

Secondly, everyone needs good sources of support. Think if there are people who do provide that for you in your life. People who listen to you, and respect your opinion. Reaching out to them, and making time to talk to them might be important. If you can't think of anyone, think if there's people who have done a little of that and been kind. It might be a matter of reaching out, saying you need support, maybe to a relative, to friends, or people at your school.

And we have a database of resources for counseling, including free and sliding scale counseling if you call us. Consider if it would be helpful to have someone to talk to about the hard things you are facing, both in your family, and the trauma of your friends deaths.

Similarly, consider if family counseling might be a help to you, your mom, your stepdad, and sibblings. We also have free and sliding scale resources for that if you call us. Consider if there might be a way to work out better boundaries, and talk out the support you need, with your family and a counselor.

Also, if you haven't already, you could try approaching conversations like that on your own, or with the support of an adult you trust, like another relative. For example, it's possible that your mom doesn't understand how your current situation has been affecting you. Think if there's a time when you're both not too stressed, that you could set aside to approach your mom about how you've been feeling. You could talk about the tragedies and how they've affected you, how your stepdad's behavior affects you, and the support you need. Maybe you two could come up with some ground rules for how he should act, and some specific things your family could do so you feel more supported. Sometimes conversations like this can help make things change.

Lastly, you mentioned running away. We want you to have the contact info for National Safe Place just in case, for whatever reason, you feel like you need to leave. You can text "safe" and your current location (address, city, state) to 4help (44357.) They will reply with a location of a local business that is part of the safe place program, where youth can go when they are in crisis, and the number for a local youth agency. You can also text "2chat" to chat with a councelor.
We are so sorry that you're going through what sounds like a really difficult time. We hope some of these ideas are a help to you.