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I hate my stepdad

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  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I have the same problem, I hate my step dad, my parents got divorced when I was five(I was the only one of my siblings who saw the final fight). My father never got married but my mom found a guy 2 years later. He had three kids at the time and it was a big change, looking back I never really liked him. They kind of just got married one day and it was always tense. My brother started acting out and another brother treated me inappropriately, but I never told anyone. I’m still not sure to this day what happened with my parents, I was told by my father that she accused him of abusing her and that she cheated on him with the priest at the church. But I know that he has a drug and alcohol addiction and is easily tempered. I’m constantly being told by my mom that he had problems, and over time they got worse. But my step dad treats us like we are scum on the bottom of his shoes, when they first got married he constantly blamed things on my side of the family because “his kids could do no wrong”. If I tried talking to my mom about it she would say that she would talk about it or she would just ignore it. Then they had children together. Our family had now grown to 10 children, and their kids were spoiled the most. My half brothers were twins and would get whatever they wanted, they would yank your hair and kick you, they do it to this day. I have fights with my step dad all the time, I hate when he treats us bad. There was one time where I was playing with my brothers and when I was done it told them to stop horse playing and they didn’t, instead they kept hitting me with these large metal bells and one of them sliced my finger, in the heat of the moment I made a bad decision and threw a remote at my older step sibling, he caught it. But my step dad found out that I threw it and looked me dead in the face and said “I don’t care if he threw a brick at you, you can’t throw that remote” which I pretty much understood as “your life is worth less then that 10 dollar remote” dinner was then served and I didn’t feel like facing a guy who said I was worthless so I sat in the office waiting to get picked up(I had choir later that day) he demanded that I had to eat dinner which I responded with i Am not hungry in a monotone voice. He screamed at me saying I needed to get my disrespectful a** in there, and that if I didn’t do what he said he was going to tell my mom what I did. I refused and my mom showed up to take me to choir, wanting to be the first one to tell her I told her what happened and she said it wasn’t right for him to say that but ultimately did nothing about it. Another time I was talking to my sister about the color of my moms hair (she dyed it) and was saying that I had found a picture of her hair being ginger. He walked in and started arguing saying it was black, we bickered back in forth but it was nothing serious until he got fed up I guess and said “Shut the f**k up you f**king idiot.” I was appalled and shot back with” excuse me what did you just say” he didn’t want to take responsibility for it so he kept going “ I am an adult your a kid, I’m right your wrong” he said. It seemed like he was just trying to get out of it so I told him I was over the argument and that I was mad about him cursing at me, he kept going “ I don’t want a d**b respect lecture from you, I can tell you to go clean your f**king room I can tell you to do your f**king chores because I’m the adult and your the kid” I looked at him and told him I was not going to sit there and have him treat me like that and I was going to my room, as I’m walking off he yells after me “ Wa Wa Wa go cry like a f**king baby, and go to your room and live like the f**king pig you are” I didn’t respond. There have been so many times I had to just simply leave the house and go to a friends( I told my mom) because he would chase me around the house screaming at me and if I locked the door he would threaten to tear it down. He has threatened to call the cops on me before when I walked out even though I told my mom. He did nothing, I only see him three days of the week and I dread when he is home, he plays video games all day and does nothing, when he is playing on the video games he won’t respond, I once needed stitches and was bleeding from my leg so much the rag turned red at firs the ignored me and then when he saw I was bleeding he looked back at the game and continued playing, it took him an hour to finish and take me to the doctor, not our doctor but the one closest to us because he wanted to get it over with, the doctor I went to didn’t know how to do stitches and it got infected, they did a stitch just for fun. However, the most heart breaking thing is that when my step dad and I had a rough week my mom intervened saying that it was causing her emotional strain and she looked my brother and I dead in the face and said “I love you.... But I love him more” I didn’t realize it but at the moment she chose him over us. I feel stuck, I feel like I’m drowning in my own self despair depressed and caged in the solitude of my bedroom. Silence scares me, because when I’m in it all I can think about is not wanting to be here. Everyday I wish I could leaves I wish I had a normal life but really I’m just tired. I’m so tired of it all, I feel like I’m weak and that it’s not that bad because others have it worse, but I just want to sleep. Sorry for ranting.

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  • ccsmod1
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there,

    Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. You deserve to live somewhere where you are safe. You mentioned that your dad has hit you before and frequently threatens to do it again and works to intimidate you. No one should be abused in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. It may also be a good idea to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

    It may be a good idea to speak with your mom about how your dad's behavior is affecting you. You may want to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your mom so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

    If you’d like to go over what’s going on in-depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

    Stay safe,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I really can’t stand my step dad, he sounds aggressive all the time, when he’s too upset he throws things or hits things. It’s very easy to upset him. Today I did something wrong and he said something like “I outta knock you upside the head” and I know it was just a joke but we’ve been in situations where he’s about hit me before. So me making sure he knows something like that will never happen again said “you not touching me” and that made him super upset and got more aggressive with his tone and was like “I outta ground you for saying that right there” and so I was “okay, as long as you know your not putting your hands on me”. I get how I would have sounded rude or petty, but I’m still not over how he almost put his hands on me and bucked up on me like I was a man and I’m a 16 year old girl. He’s about 47. I really scared of him, and I’m scared for my mom. He’s always in my moms face, and raising his voice at her and throwing things when they get in little petty arguments. I think he needs therapy or something for anger management cause its getting really bad. He does nothing for the house financially wise, he uses my moms money on snacks for himself and weed all the time. I don’t know what’s wrong with him, it’s just really concerning and I just don’t like being in his presence. He gets hurt when I don’t say I love you to him or don’t even want to hug/touch him. I know I should be thankful for him cause he’s helped me out with car problems a lot and getting by with stuff. I just never know when he’s going to go off, he’s like a bomb. I’ve tried letting him know before that I grew up in abusive situations and been in plenty more other situations and naturally I’m scared of abuse. And that it’s easy for me to get PTSD if your not carful, and even with that knowledge he’s still buckled up on me and acts aggressive.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod11
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello There,
    Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time. We are sorry that your stepdad treats you poorly you do not deserve to be treated that way. We are also sorry about the passing of your father that can be really difficult. It seems like you and your mother have a pretty good relationship. One option you could consider is talking with your mother on how you are feeling and how this may be affecting you. At NRS we offer conference calling where if you call us we can call out to your mother and help have a conversation. Conference calling allows you to be heard and we are there to mediate the conversation.
    You also mentioned thoughts of wanting to move out with your sister. You could try and talk with your mother and see if this would be a good plan for you. We do want to let you know that if you leave without permission your mother does have the right to file a runaway report. We are not legal experts but in most cases if the police do find you they most likely would bring you home. Another option to consider is to talk about what is going on with a therapist or a trusted adult. Sometimes talking to someone about what is going on can help us.
    We hope this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to explore your options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and to provide you with support. We wish you the best of luck!
    NRS
    174.83

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hello. My mother and I have been alone for over 10 years my dad had past away when I was around 4 she had ben working hard and doing what she has to do to supports for me and my sister I am currently 17 and my sister has moved out so it’s just me and her. But he is so controlling and want everything to be his way. And if he doesn’t he gets mad at my mom and that’s the worst feeling in the world is seeing my mom upset or crying. Whenever I do something wrong which is basically everything he doesn’t tell me he tell her to tell me to stop. Or when he does he just yells at me. When he asks something of me I do it and he makes it seem like oh you can’t go anywhere unless whatever I do done. So I get it done and I try to do something he tells me no you didn’t do this or that. But he never told me. I am still in high school I am going to be going into my senior year my birthday is less than a month I just feel like moving out and moving in with my sister but then I would have to move schools. I don’t think I could do this anymore. And if I do move idk how I am going to pay for college cause they are helping me pay but if I move I don’t think they will. I just don’t know what to do anymore

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  • ccsmod2
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello There,
    Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time right now. If you feel unsafe or violated please call the police.
    If you have any other questions or would like to explore your options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to support you and to listen. Best of luck!
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I hate my step dad he tried getting me to be his misses when I am married to my fantastic husband and it's not a nice feeling I cant even go see my mum at her house as I don't trust him

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod1
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there,

    Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It sounds like your mom isn’t listening to you when you are trying to express your thoughts and feelings about your current state of affairs between you, your mom and stepdad. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your mom so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

    If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

    Stay safe,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I hate my stepdad so much, he’s sarcastic and rude to me all the time. May I mention he’s 52 with my mom being 37? Recently I heard them fighting about something, so I listened.It sounded like they were fighting I don’t want to be told that it’s none of my business. I’ve hated him from the beginning. Every single time that I try to voice a concern to my mom AND MY MOM ONLY about how he gets “sensitive” and “rude”, She says that it’s just because he’s never had a daughter before and because he’s an old cop. I just needed something to vent to, if I really wanted to I could just move in with my dad. Sorry if this was long and I know it was probably cliché, but what can I do...
    Last edited by ccsmod1; 07-06-2019, 05:16 AM. Reason: Removed story of parent's sexual happenings

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod2
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are dealing with something very difficult at home with your stepdad. You don’t deserve to be yelled at or threatened with random punishments. Finally, being called a waste of time, money and space -- well, of course that’s not true! You are so strong to deal with this. Just try to remember he doesn’t define your worth, and you won’t be living with him forever.

    It sounds like there has been no physical abuse from him, you don’t fear for your safety and you have are being provided for with what you need, right? We understand that he’s often unfair to you, but your situation could be a lot worse. We often are contacted by individuals your age with much more difficult, unsafe living situations.

    Moving on to what you found, this gets a little trickier. You found out some things about your stepdad that are pretty bad, no lie. But you found them by snooping on him. Think about how you would feel if he was searching your computer and search history.

    Of course, it doesn’t feel good to think about your stepdad cheating on your mom, but telling your mom about this will certainly, in your words, “devastate” everyone. There’s also a chance your mom won’t believe you and your stepdad will likely be very angry about you talking about. You’ll have to think hard about this and determine if it’s worth it. This could be a very explosive situation. Besides, if you have these suspicions and were able to find this out, it’s possible your mom will also find out soon if she hasn’t already.

    Now...getting back to the first issue you mentioned...the shouting, the threats of punishment, the bad things he’s said about you. Aside from trying to not give your stepdad the ability to define you by internalizing it when he makes remarks like this, think about how you can remove yourself from the situation when this happens. Perhaps you can move to another part of the house, or go to a friend’s house. Or maybe there’s somewhere else nearby you can spend more time at until things cool down.

    You are in a tough situation. It can also be a lot worse, and we think it’s a good idea to really think through your next steps before you do anything.

    Thank you again for reaching out to us and we hope this has been helpful. If you’d like to discuss this anymore, please don’t hesitate to call us at the National Runaway Safeline. You can reach us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I’ve never met my real father. He kinda just bolted when he found out my mom was pregnant. Anyways, six years later of it just being me and my mother, my stepdad came along. He was cool at first, and I really liked him up until my parents marriage, But since then, he’s drastically become worse. He’s constantly threatening punishments, going behind my mothers back with punishments for stupid stuff that don’t deserve punishment, and is always negative and yells a ton. My mom tries to help, but most of the time it just makes it worse. Now all that sounds bad right? Well recently I’ve been noticing that he clears his search history an awful lot. So one day I saw an opportunity and looked at it when he left the room. There I found all sorts of cheap sex ads on Craigslist for women in our area. So here he is, not only being a jerk to me and sometimes my mother, but I am pretty sure he’s having an affair. I’m not sure if I should even bring it up to my mother because I’m afraid of what will happen to me and my 3 year old sister. Not only would I get in a ton of trouble but it would devastate my mom and my sister. On top of all that, he’s spent the last week calling me (in short) a waste of time, money, and space. I just don’t know if I can deal with it any longer. Please help.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod7
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and we understand it takes courage to reach out for help. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/.

    We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hey guys,
    i absolutely hate my so called "step dad" he constantly tells my mum lies about me to make her hate me and threatens to bash me and calls me names. I try to talk to my mum but she doesn't listen and doesn't act like she cares, she says I overreact and he doesn't say all this bad stuff to me. When I was about 10 his kids would call me horrible names over text, I would show him and he would say that I was bullying them, and another time one of them threw rocks at me and he just stood and watched (my mum was at work at this time). He also made us move from my hometown and friends, then tells everyone I'm HIS kid which I am not and that I'm such an awe full kid and will turn out to be a druggo or a runaway when I'm older. My mum forces me to message him even though she knows how much I hate him. Can someone give me a contact name I can give him that might help me when he messages?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello,

    Thanks for reaching out to us. We’re so sorry to hear that things have been so difficult at home, and we’re glad that you felt comfortable reaching out for support. It sounds like the situation at home with your mom & her boyfriend has gotten really complicated in a short amount of time. We can understand how it can be confusing and even a little frustrating when you see your mom struggling to find the right partner, because she’s looking for someone that will fit in with her AND her family. It sounds like you’ve tried to talk to her about the situation, but the conversation got a little heated and you said things that may have hurt her feelings, in addition to having to deal with some friend drama. Sounds like a really overwhelming situation! Thinking about approaching your school counselor is a great idea, and we would encourage you to explore whether there’s a school social worker or a school psychologist that might be able to help as well. From what you described, you’re experiencing a lot of change and that can make things like friend drama feel extra challenging.

    If you don’t feel comfortable reaching out to anyone at school, you can always try giving us a call. We won’t tell you what to do, but we will do our best to listen and help you figure out what you can do to cope with so much going on in your household. Whatever you decide, know that we are here for you. We won’t tell you what to do, but we will do our best to help you stay safe with whatever you decide to do. You can reach out to us 24/7 by phone at 800.RUNAWAY (786.2929). We are also available every day via chat. We’re here to listen, here to help. Stay safe!

    -NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    okay, so my problem is NOT as big as the first their ones I’ve read and I feel like no one else’s story is like mine. I’m very confused. My moms boyfriend has not done anything wrong kind of. I’m eleven and he is only 23 or 24. My mom is 36. Anyway he thinks I’m bratty because I’m sarcastic with a lot of people and I chose to be with him. Bad idea, he thinks I’m being disrespectful. Like one time he asked me a question that wasn’t his business and I answered still with no while walking out he door to greet my mom. Then he said no, come back I asked you a question. And I said “ I know I said no” and not in a rude or mean way. He said okay. But then when me and my mom and my 10 year old sister got inside he said can u speak to you? I said sure not knowing and he basically said I was being very very disrespectful to him. I was so caught in the moment and now I don’t feel comfortable talking to him basically at all and if he talks to me I answer a quick and short response. Now, I’ve tried talking to my mom and she said that I’m just a kid which I get and she also said that her opinion is what matters about her life. Not really sure about that one. In the past a few weeks ago I tried taking to my aunt and my mom got mad and upset. Every time I try to talk to my mom she says I’m being rude or irrational. And I’m not trying to be and don’t really think I am. I also have a 13 year old brother. He just doesn’t really mind anything. Now the really hard part about this is that my mom has been through a lot of boyfriends and she says each one is “the one” but they aren’t. Now with this one specifically she says she’s gonna marry him and I haven’t met his family but my mom has and apparently they told her they were getting married in a few weeks after only have been dating for 2 months. Now my mom decided to say her wedding is this weekend in a few days and I don’t know what to do. I said really hurtful things like I don’t want to go and I hope you don’t get married and say no but she always says that my opinion doesn’t matter. I don’t feel comfortable talking to. Him or her about this anymore. I can’t talk to family or she’ll be upset and I’m starting to think about the school counselor. I really need some advice and quick please. Thank you! Oh and ps I do tend to cry all my feelings out and I do have friend drama and I’m a little overweighted for an eleven year old girl.

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