I am horrible.

[Guest]

I feel like a horrible person. I have insane anger issues, and no one will help me get help, no one will let me talk to them or anything. I'm lazy, depressed, angry (most of the time, really) and I feel like I could never get better. Furthermore, I'm always the bad guy in arguments, I always do something wrong. My sister is a very lazy, hateful person who makes me do everything for her, but yet never admits it and always gets angry when i bring it up. My grandpa is dangerous and owns guns. We have to censor ourselves around him for fear he'll get mad. he's aimed his gun at my mom infront of me once, i hate when he is around and i wish he would just leave and stay gone. i dont see my parents very much; we are trying to get a place (i live with my grandma) and it hasnt happend yet. i always blow things out of proportion, get upset over trivial things, and overall make my families lives absolute HELL. i love them so much but i hate myself for being such an overall douche and having little to no patience. i hate it. i hate me.

[ccsmod16]

Hello,

Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. You have expressed a lot of intense feelings in your Forum message. It is important to highlight your most important feeling; how much you love your family. It is often difficult to feel that love back especially when you do not have a stable living home.

From reading over your post, we can see that there is a lot of hope there. Particularly when you shared that your parents are looking for a new home for your family. That hope is magnified with the promise of once that home is found that you will be able to see more of your parents and see less of your threatening grandfather.

There is even hope when you stated that you tend to blow things out of proportion. This shows your willingness to re-assess even your darkest feelings of anger and fear. You have an understanding on how your over reaction is impacting your other family members. You also have great empathy for your shared circumstance of your family and want things to get better for you all. That really shows a great maturity on your part.

So you wondered how to find someone who will help you get help and are particularly looking for someone to let you talk and listen to your fears. There is nothing lazy or horrible about these requests. We are glad you engaged us in your process to find a path to valuing yourself once again. There are other ways to seek our support if you don’t have a phone right now: the Runaway Safeline Forum that you left this original message to us and using our website (1800runaway.org) to access our crisis email option if you want more personal responses, as well as initiating our live chat with one of our liners most afternoons 4:30PM CST.

Of course, because we do get a large number of emails and forum post, we do have to limit email replies to three individual responses to answer any questions that you have or to provide you with a number of means of support. So it’s certainly not a means to communicate to get the full support that you can get if you called in. So the best opportunity to be heard is by talking one on one. Our phone lines are available 24 hours a day. Our number is 1-800-Runaway or 1-800-786-2929.

No matter which option you use. We will do our best to make you feel valued and listened to. We also once understanding your issues in more detail, can do our best to support you by offering options and local resources that might help you better cope through this family crisis. Thanks again for seeking us out. Our focus is to listen youth in crisis and help find options to help you feel safe.