I want to leave.....

[Guest]

Hello my name is Giselle, my case is similar to many of these people that are dealing with different types of abuses and stress. My family is very small because most of my family lives out of the country and we do not speak. I only have my sister brother and my mother. In my case my mother is the problem for me. I am very grateful for what shes provided for me, from the food to my table to the clothes that I occasionally get. However my mother is a manipulative liar. Shes borderline psychopath. There have always been things going on at my house. Fights, arguments, yelling because of my mother. Years ago my sister left the house at 18 to live with her father because my mother would physically and verbally abuse my sister because my mother was obviously jealous of her looks and for other reasons unknown i dont understand why if my sister worked around the house and cleaned and was basically playing maid. Now she got pregnant while gone and came back to the house pregnant because her father kicked her out. My sister lived in the house for a while and there was so much mental abuse and many arguments. My sister ended up moving out again with her boyfriend and now 2 children recently. My mother speaks of her kids as we were random people on the street. She bad mouths us and puts us down. Now that my sister is out all the pressure has been put on me. My mother looks for reasons to yell at me and when she does its the worst. People say its tough love but I believe it isnt. My mother is messed up in the head. I have a boyfriend of 3 years and his family loves me, there was a time where me and my mother physically fought for the first time because she got into a bad argument with her boyfriend and she released that anger on me by yelling at me and throwing disgusting words at me and treating me like a dog. It was the first time I ever put my hands on her after all the times she slapped me for little things and yanked my hair constantly. We fought and she ended up with a black eye that weighed heavy on me to see my mother like this but after that the treatment became worse I apologized but all she did was tell me that I need to clean around the house which I always do and she suspected I was having sex with my boyfriend because when we fought she saw a "hickey" on my breast when it was a birth mark that was always there. Which didnt correlate to why we fought because shes crazy. She avoided mending things and she never apologizes. Thisday that I fought with her I was 17 and she kicked me out so I called my boyfriend and told him and I was going to leave however I was 17 and my mothers boyfriend threatened to call the police so I returned home and had to deal with the stress. I am now 18, I will admit I was suicidal and I self harmed for a long time in 7th grade up to 11th grade, I do believe I suffer from depression. I have to relieve myself from this environment because after all these years nothings has changed all my siblings dread the thought of being around my mother. She also verbally and mentally abuses her boyfriend. Shes not mentally stable and she throws all of this bad energy towards us. My mother is the only person that gets me upset very very quickly. My mother should not be like this, I know what a mother should be and shouldn't and my mother isn't one. I grew up with so much mental abuse and I was sexually assaulted at a young age. I hold so many issues within me and I try to bypass everything my mother does because ive been always told "shes your mother" and I dealt with it. I am now at a age where I'm fed up ive wanted to leave since I was 12 counting the years when id be 18 I'm finally 18 working and needing hefty advice. Thank you

[ccsmod16]

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you’ve been going through such a tough time, but you’ve shown a lot of strength by working through these things and reaching out for help. We want you to know that no one deserves to be abused, and you should not have to go through that. You are worth it, and there is hope for you. We are here with you to help and support you in any way we can. That sounds so hurtful and exhausting to be abused and feel stressed in your home. But it sounds like you have some positive supports in your life from your boyfriend and his family.

Only you know when it is no longer safe and need to leave. Since 18 is the legal age to leave in most states, there isn't much risk of you being forced back home. If you decide it would be best for you to leave home, you could consider specifics to make sure you have a solid long term plan in place to make sure you’re safe. You could consider what you would do long term for housing or transportation. You could consider if you’d be financially stable, and if you would have a job. You could consider if you’d have access to food, clothing, school, and other essential things. If you would like help considering these options or if you’re looking for resources to help with any of these things, you could call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929) or chat with us online.

Again, thank you for contacting us. It sounds like you have been going through so many challenges for many years, but you have shown a lot of strength. If you ever need anything in the future, please feel free to call us or chat with us online. We’re always here to listen and here to help.