hello,
i'm a 20-year-old transgender boy who struggles with a learning disability and anxiety/depression (i am in therapy and was improving until recently--i have self-harmed and thought of suicide many times). two years ago i went to college unprepared and quickly spiraled out of control into a depressive episode. i've been told it constitutes legitimate trauma and i feel horrible about it practically every day.
today i found out one of my closest friends has been lying to me and manipulating me, and i'd just never realized it before. i've had to block them almost everywhere just because i'm scared of them now. my parents did not care about this, instead just telling me to move on.
this evening, when i told them i didn't think i could handle making a long car trip in one day, my dad flipped out and yelled at me. yelling is quite a trigger of mine, and he went out of his way to remind me of my trauma because he and mom both think it's my fault i didn't talk to them. they don't understand that i was afraid of them.
i'm not fully "out" to my parents as a boy, but they know i'm gender-neutral. mom doesn't support it very much, and today dad said my birth name is my "real name" and basically kept calling me a girl. he told me he understood, but i guess he was lying. this has been a struggle of mine for over two years at this point.
i'm barricading my bedroom door so they don't come in again. they've never hit me before but i'm afraid they will. in general i'm just scared and i want to leave, but i don't know where i'd go. i'll admit this is a very spur-of-the-moment decision, which is why i haven't gone through with it--i have very few friends outside of the internet to help me with this anyway. but i can't spend forever locked in this room. my mental health has been steadily declining since classes started and now i think it's hit rock bottom.
i can't live like this anymore. i feel trapped and hurt and i don't know what to do.
i'm a 20-year-old transgender boy who struggles with a learning disability and anxiety/depression (i am in therapy and was improving until recently--i have self-harmed and thought of suicide many times). two years ago i went to college unprepared and quickly spiraled out of control into a depressive episode. i've been told it constitutes legitimate trauma and i feel horrible about it practically every day.
today i found out one of my closest friends has been lying to me and manipulating me, and i'd just never realized it before. i've had to block them almost everywhere just because i'm scared of them now. my parents did not care about this, instead just telling me to move on.
this evening, when i told them i didn't think i could handle making a long car trip in one day, my dad flipped out and yelled at me. yelling is quite a trigger of mine, and he went out of his way to remind me of my trauma because he and mom both think it's my fault i didn't talk to them. they don't understand that i was afraid of them.
i'm not fully "out" to my parents as a boy, but they know i'm gender-neutral. mom doesn't support it very much, and today dad said my birth name is my "real name" and basically kept calling me a girl. he told me he understood, but i guess he was lying. this has been a struggle of mine for over two years at this point.
i'm barricading my bedroom door so they don't come in again. they've never hit me before but i'm afraid they will. in general i'm just scared and i want to leave, but i don't know where i'd go. i'll admit this is a very spur-of-the-moment decision, which is why i haven't gone through with it--i have very few friends outside of the internet to help me with this anyway. but i can't spend forever locked in this room. my mental health has been steadily declining since classes started and now i think it's hit rock bottom.
i can't live like this anymore. i feel trapped and hurt and i don't know what to do.
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