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16 yr old. I want to run away

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  • 16 yr old. I want to run away

    I'm 16 (female), turning 17 next month and dealing with a lot within my family. Mostly with my dad and step dad. So my dad newly moved into my grandma's house, his mom, (where I have been living since I was born, though weekly go to my mom's house too) because he recently divorced his wife. (Their relationship was awful. More because my dad did consistent yelling and arguing for the smallest things, and in front of their 5 yr old, 8 yr old and 15 yr old kids. For example: when she had to make 3 dozen tamales for her friend and he was supposed to get some ingredient but didn't, he blamed it on her and said that she could've gone to the store to get it herself but instead she's doing "other bullsh*t" when she was in reality, busy.) Now my dad has been bringing a lot of yelling and misunderstanding unto me (he always has my whole life, its just every day now that he lives in the same house as me). He yells at me or anyone in the house for anything very small or about things that already happened and cannot be changed. For example, my little sister (8 yr old) had given away her backpack to another kid. But she didn't understand that her action was wrong and when my dad found out, he started yelling at her, though, she didn't understand his yelling either. What I said to her was that he should talk to her with comprehension and what she did had been done and tell her with calm words that what she did was wrong and cannot be done again because then she would be getting no back pack. She actually understood me more than our dad. My dad had also argued with me at the beginning of August when I was going to join cross country for the first time in high school, and said that "If you know you aren't good at running and won't get a scholarship for it, then work" so he pressured me on getting a job (while he does not have one) and the previous job I had before, he would actually take my money and then say "Don't worry, it's an emergency. I'll return it to you next week." He actually would return the money an entire month later. But I was getting really tired of him taking my money so I hid it. Unfortunately he found it again and continued to take when he needed. I can't fight it because he will regardless take it by force saying he desperately needs it and that he'll pay me back. There is always yelling when talking to my dad and lots of misunderstanding and talks over me and always says he is correct while everyone else is wrong. (My 15 yr old sister had moved out of my grandma's and into my mom's house for this particular reason. She is a very emotional person and living with my dad was not working for her as she had told me)

    The problem at my mom's house, is with my step dad. He is abusive toward my mom. He's hit her in the face before because my sister (15 yr old) had not washed the dishes and that angered him. He gets extremely angry when we don't do specific chores or small tasks like picking up the hair that gets stuck in the drain after a shower or when my sister had not immediately put her clothes in the dryer, he took her wet clothes and threw them in the back yard for her to pick up. Once, he put my mom's clothes in a trash bag and put it in the garbage. Because she had not immediately put the clothes that she had in her basket, to wash. He also tried to set the house on fire, my mom, two sisters (7 yr old & 15 yr old), and me, walked into the house at about 10pm and the floor was covered in gasoline. He threatened to set the house on fire after an argument him and my mom had which I overheard was about me and my 15 yr old sister. Also, it's funny because what he tells us not to do, he does himself. For example, we always have to clean the plate we eat on after we are done eating. Though he never does it. He always leaves his plate on the table with the left over food on it. And when we tell him about it, he gets extremely pissed off and tries to correct us instead. He says if we see a dirty dish, it means we should clean it. But that's his dish. And usually every time we try to correct him, typically what he corrects us on (my mom, my sister and I) he always gets pissed and throws a tantrum and argues with us or my mom. Except my mom ALWAYS defends him. They have a 2yr old daughter together and she thinks she's in love with him. Even after he has physically and mentally abused her [my mom]. She forgives him. He says degrading things to my mom or my sister and I (not to our face, but says them to our mom). My mom has become a lot more strict with my sister and I, especially about our freedom. If we go out somewhere, for example, if I were to go to my boyfriend's house and come back home at 9pm, (when that is the strict timing to be home. No one can leave the house after 9pm or get back in the house after 9pm) then my step dad will automatically be pissed JUST because I had gone out in general. I don't really understand it, but so my sister and I rarely go out.

    I have become more depressed over this situation and don't know where to look for help. (As me and my family have gotten therapy for about 3 years and my dad and step dad have gotten absolutely nowhere... if anything, they always blame the therapist. My dad had quit therapy with my ex step mom because my dad didn't like what the therapist was saying about his anger and then told my ex step mom that "she [the therapist] only agreed with you [ex step mom] because you both are women." My step dad stopped going to therapy because he thought what the therapist was saying was a bunch of bullsh*t. So now I don't know where to turn or go, especially that I do not have close friends and don't know where to seek help or talk to other close family members as they are not trusted either. I just don't want to live in either house anymore. I'm growing more stressed and school will be starting in 5 days and am wondering how will I get through my normal daily life now that I will be going to school and dealing with people like this that I have to live with..

  • #2
    Thank you so much for reaching out! You certainly do not deserve to be abused verbally or physically. We are so sorry to hear about the stressful living situation you are in both at your mom and at your dad’s houses.
    You have the right to report any abuse if you would like to. A number that can help is Child Help (1-800-422-4453; They can help you make an abuse report or transfer your custody to a safe adult. We can also conference call with you to make an abuse report or make one on your behalf if you call into our hotline (1-800-786-2929). If you are ever in immediate danger, you can also call 911.
    We are so sorry to hear you don’t have supportive friends or family members to help you through this tough situation! Therapy is another option that can sometimes be helpful but it seems it wasn’t productive for your family. That is very frustrating! You are doing the best you can in an incredibly difficult situation! You are very strong for reaching out and not giving up. A lot of other people in your situation may have given up by now.
    Maybe another option would be talking to a guidance counselor or favorite teacher at school now that you are starting back. Just so you know, the staff at school are mandated reporters. That means if you disclose abuse to them, they have to report it for your own safety.
    It is understandable that this all has made you feel depressed. If you would like to talk more about that or get more resources for your depression, feel free to reach out via phone or live chat.
    Thank you again so much for reaching out! If you would like to discuss more options please do not hesitate to call us. We are here 24/7 by phone: 1-800-786-2929 and in the evenings are also available by clicking on the live chat button on our website.
    Stay strong and be safe!
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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