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I just dont want to live here.

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  • I just dont want to live here.

    Im 14 years and im a female. I live with my three siblings and i absolutely hate them all. My older brother is fifteen and hes violent. Whenever i get better grades than him or if i take his seat or something stupid like that, he hits and attacks me. He mostly punches my legs but recently hes hit me in the face, threatened to stab me, and even says he'll hurt me even more if i tell my mom or dad (i always tell them). My younger brother also hits me. Today i grabbed the tv remote and he took it back, hit me with it, then kicked me. Instead of hitting back i just grabbed his arm.

    Ive been trying to find a hobby to get my mind off things, but everytime i get good at it, its invaded by my family. First i started singing. My brothers said it sounded like garbage. Then i started drawing. Mom says its bad because it "looks like anime". Sister then started drawing and my mom and dad only praised her, not me.
    then i played instruments. Tenor. Clarinet. Bassoon. Flute. Mom says i have to keep going and play one in colledge. I cant. I dont want to, even though i have to keep quiet and keep playing.
    ive also started to bake. Oldest brother thought he could do it and now i dont get to anymore.

    I just want to die sometimes because theres no escape from them.

  • #2
    Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline.

    It sounds like you are in a very stressful living situation. We are sorry to hear that you are dealing with these difficult family dynamics, and hopefully we can be a source of support during this hard time.

    You deserve to feel safe at home, and all forms of abuse is NOT ok. You noted that you tell your parents when your sibling hit you; does that help de-escalate the attacks? Violence is never the answer, and if you ever feel threatened or unsafe, you have the right to remove yourself from a potentially dangerous situation.

    It’s great that you have so many hobbies! It sounds like you are becoming frustrated that your family is not recognizing your talents or achievements. Are you baking/singing/playing an instrument for your family, or for you? Hobbies should bring you joy and happiness, not sadness and frustration.

    Having strong support system can be helpful when dealing with stress. Friends, teachers, or school counselors, may be able to offer some assistance or advice on how to cope with your home life.

    Your safety is our number one priority. If you are feeling overwhelmed with emotions which lead to thoughts of suicide, you can always reach out for help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-8255 is a great place to call if you’re wanting to talk about those feelings or thoughts.

    We would be happy to discuss your situation further or address any specific questions you may have. Please feel free to call our hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) anytime. We are here 24/7 and are happy to help however we can. Take care.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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