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  • I can't stand to live with my parents anymore.



    I'm not really sure where to start with all of this. I've gone through a lot this past year, and a half. Going through tough times changes you, in good ways and bad. I've realized a lot of things have changed. Everything that goes wrong in my parent’s lives, is somehow my fault. For example of something that happens quite frequently, I have a horse. Right now he's injured and he can't go run and be a horse. This makes him very anxious and energetic. If I make one small mistake with him, my dad will embarrass me in front of the workers at my barn, or yell at me in front of the workers/customers. I've come home to my mother wanting to sell my horse, because it happens so often. If something gets misplaced that's not mine, or anything it's automatically my fault. Now of course I'm the child so usually it is the child who will take things and misplace stuff. But can every single thing that goes missing be my fault? my dad once was yelling at me because I "lost one of his tools." later around 10 minutes he found his tool and never apologized for assuming I had something to do with it, when I even tried to help find it. When something happens and we argue, and I turn out to be right, my parents like to pretend nothing happened. I'm not one to hold grudges, but if you yell at me and make me cry then 5 minutes later try to have a normal conversation with me like it never happened? I can't just do that. This stuff happens all the time. I don't tell my parents everything. Of course most parents would love to hear about their child's life and help them out and be there for them, but when I tell them, they get mad at me, or make everything my fault like I can control if I'm sad all the time or not. I dread going home from school, or hanging out with friends because they've made it feel like it's no longer home. My parents say I've changed, and that I'm different in a bad way. But I know I changed for better because I'm stronger. But I can't deal with everything, every day, not with school, and my responsibilities. They want me to be perfect and when I'm not they make me feel bad, like I'm nothing. I’ve cried so many times at night because of things they've done or said to me. I don't want to live at "home" anymore. My best friend has offered me his basement, and he parents have already discussed it and they're okay with it. But with my parents treating me like this they still won't let me go stay elsewhere. I am young, 15. but I have a job, I can buy my own clothes, food, everything I need at this income if I stay at my best friend’s house until I save up enough for when I'm 18. I don't think I can last living at this house until I'm 18. It just doesn't seem realistic at this rate.
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 08-23-2017, 02:02 AM.

  • #2
    Reply: I can't stand to live with my parents anymore.

    Hello,
    Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.

    We appreciate you sharing your story with us.
    It takes a lot of courage to open up and express your feelings about your relationship with your parents.
    It sounds like you have a great deal of responsibility taking care of your horse and it has been frustrating for you having your father take your efforts lightly.
    Some situations can be disappointing and even upsetting thus making things uncertain about what to do or where to turn.

    We understand and we want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. It sounds like you would prefer to move out of your parent’s house and in with a friend and their family. The issue may be getting your parent’s to agree with this idea.
    Maybe it’s something you would want to talk more about.
    We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or www.1800Runaway.org.

    Again tell us what it is you would like us to help you with and we will be happy to explore some options with you.
    NRS is here to listen and here to help.
    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Take care,
    NRS

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    info@1800runaway.org (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      i want to live with my grandfather because hes disabled and i just cant stand it at home my family expects me to pick up after every one my younger sisters mentally abuse me and my mom does nothing about it my moms barley home shes always at work or out with friends so im left to take care of my little sisters its honestly hard i want to be a fourteen year old but my mom gives me a lot of responsibility so i talked to my mom she told me to find a legal way to move out so she dont have to pay for me so that i can be out of her life for good so i need help finding ways

      Comment


      • ccsmod6
        ccsmod6 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi,
        Thanks so much for reaching out. This sounds like a complicated situation. It sounds like you really want to move out, which is totally understandable since your mom is not really letting you act your age, especially because she is giving you so much responsibility. It also sounds like your mom is on board with you living with your grandfather, she just wants to make sure it is legal. We are not legal experts, but typically with a parent’s permission you can live wherever they allow. The only way you would get in trouble is if your mother decided she no longer wanted you to live with your grandfather, and filed a runaway report. Running away is not illegal however, so a runaway repot just means that the police would bring you back to your mother. If your mother thinks it is okay to go to your grandfather’s, then you can do that without getting in trouble. Feel free to call us anytime if you want to talk more specifically about this, or if you have any questions. Our number is 1-800-786-2929, and we are here 24/7.
        Thanks for reaching out,
        NRS

    • #4
      I can’t stop thinking about running away , I just can’t take much more . All he does is get high or drink ,he’s okay sometimes but he gets high or drunk or both a lot. My mom , brother and I had to stay at my mothers office because he got so drunk:he calls all of us names he treats us like ******** sometimes

      Comment


      • ccsmod3
        ccsmod3 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,

        Thanks for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline and sharing a little bit about what is going. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and especially in a time where you have a really tough and complex situation at home with how your dad gets high and drinks and how he treats you. We are sorry you are experiencing abuse, no one ever deserves to go through that. You do have the right to report the abuse to Child Help at 1-800-422-4453. You can either do it yourself or call into us directly and we can support you through it. It is hard to say the result of reporting, but if you call in you can ask what the process might look like.

        Also another way you can seek help is reaching out to a friend, teacher, or counselor at school that can help you look for resources. Your mental health is important. You can also look at SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) at samhsa.gov or call them directly at 1-877-726-4727 to help you find the support that you need. Another number that may be helpful in relation to what you experiencing at home is called the Alcohol and Drug Helpline at 206-722-3700. If you do ever feel in direct danger, to yourself, or some else makes you feel that way, please call out to 911 or reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255).

        Since you keep thinking about running away, we aren’t legal experts, but we have general knowledge about running away. In most states, running away isn’t illegal, but what is called a status offense. You can’t get arrested for it but it will mostly likely go on your record until you are 18. The police will only know if you have runaway if your parents/guardians file a police report. We can’t say for sure how the police will respond, but we hear a lot that police will take potential places you might be and will actively search for you. If they come across you, the most likely will return you home to your parents. Sometimes we hear that if you are staying with someone who knows you are a runaway and are not actively trying to return you or finding shelter for you, your guardians/or police can press charges against the people who are housing you, with something that is called harboring. One of our main goals is to make sure you are safe, so if you ever seriously decide to run away and need shelter, resources, or a safe place to go you can find safe locations at nationalsafeplace.org or reach out to us directly and we can find local resources in your area.

        We are here for you and will support you in anyway that we can. Please feel free to call into us directly as we can talk further about your situation and find resources that are best for you in your area. Stay strong and you are not alone in this! Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY we are open 24/7.

        -NRS

        We hope this response was helpful! We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey.

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

    • #5
      I have lived with my mom all my life, but the problem is she likes to control everything I do. I just wanna be in my own, for example my dad went to prison when I was five and now that he’s out, he’s been trying to be in my life. The only way my mom will let me see his is if he pays child support. Then when he doesn’t pay, she blames me. Me and my mom have never been really close, we have had a lot of downs, but not to many ups. Another thing is that she always makes it about herself, she never pays attention to me, and she’s always on her phone. I have to repeat myself at least five times for her to listen, if not I just leave the room because it’s pointless. I honestly don’t know what to do, because i’m sick and tired of living in the same town and i’m tired of being my mom’s personal slave. I just wanna get up and leave.

      Comment


      • ccsmod10
        ccsmod10 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,

        Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runway Safeline. We appreciate you contacting us in your time of need, it was very brave of you.
        It sounds like your parents are putting you in the middle of their issues, which isn’t fair for you and must be really stressful on you. You should have a say when it comes to having a relationship with your dad. It sounds like your mom does not treat you very well. You deserve to be treated with love and feel comfortable at home with her.

        We offer a conference calling service, between youth and their parents. If you ever wanted our help talking to your mom about how you're being treated at home, we're always here to make that call with you. Sometimes just being able to talk can be a way to open up the lines of communication, and see the best way that everyone can compromise.

        We have heard in some cases, where the judge will listen to the child’s input on which parent they would rather live with. You may want to ask your dad about that. We also have a database of legal aid resources that help youth for free. If you wanted us to connect you with those resources, don’t hesitate call into our safeline.

        We hope our response is helpful. In addition, talking to school counselors and teachers about what’s going on at home could provide you with great support. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. You are always welcome to call into our 24/7 crisis center, or use our chatting services via our website.

        Be safe, NRS

    • #6
      I am 15 and I can not live in my house anymore. I admit I may not have been the perfect child but certainly not the worst. I have an older sister who is good at school, involved in church, and never gets in trouble. I also have 3 younger, adopted, special needs brothers. Though my sister and I are opposites she is the only person in my family I can talk to, but she is going to college this year. Everyday my mom and I have huge fights and I always leave the fight feeling worse about myself. Whenever I try to talk to her she doesn't answer or starts talking to someone else. My mom also pushes my dad around and gets everything the way she wants it. They are always busy with my brother's and the vibes of the house are always negative I honestly believe if I continue to live here I might not make it.

      Comment


      • ccsmod5
        ccsmod5 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hey, there,
        Thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds like living with your mom is really stressful and home is a negative place for you. While it’s awesome that your sister is going to college this year, we can imagine having her around less often will be really hard for you. You absolutely deserve to be supported and loved! You mention that if you continue to live there you may not make it. Please know that you are not alone in this. If you ever feel like you are in danger of hurting yourself, you can always call us at 1-800-786-2929 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
        One option is to ask your parents for permission to live elsewhere, like with a friend or a family member. If you need help having that conversation with your family, we do offer a conference call feature. We can mediate a call between you to help you have a respectful conversation.
        In the meantime, we encourage you to take care of yourself in whatever way you can. That means different things for different people. Some options could be reading, writing, exercising, making art, listening to music, meditating...whatever helps you destress.
        Thank you again for reaching out. We hope this was helpful and we encourage you to reach out by phone if you need additional resources or need help figuring out your options. Our number is 1-800-786-2929 and our lines are always open. If you have a moment, we'd appreciate your feedback of our crisis services at the following link:
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

    • #7
      I cant stand my parents anymore they are always fighting and when there not yelling at each other there yelling at me my little brother is perfect and cant do anything wrong, they think I'm this happy kid who has no problems but I have severe anxiety and I think i depressed aswell i don't like sharing any emotion so i don't cry in front of people making me really stressed and I got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore and started to cut myself. My parents don't know but my older sister does and she couldn't stand my parents either, she moved out the first chance she got and I want to go live with her because I cant take the stress and anxiety anymore

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello there,

        Thank you for reaching out to NRS and having the strength to share your story with us. We are sorry to hear about your situation and what you’ve been dealing with. Ideally, home would be a place where people feel safe, loved, and valued, and you do not deserve to be treated that way.

        You mentioned self-harming as an outlet. We understand that that coping is an important form of self-care. Other ways of coping are listening to music, engaging in physical activities such as walking, reading, speaking to friends, or doing whatever helps you cope best. If you ever felt that you were in serious danger of harming yourself, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available by phone at 1-800-273-8255 and online at suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

        Additionally, your anxiety and depression are valid and deserve to be addressed. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) can provide counseling and other mental health resources in your area, they are accessible by phone, 1-877-726-4727, or online at samhsa.gov. Another resource is the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 1-800-950-NAMI, and www.nami.org.

        In regards to your desire to live with your sister, we would encourage you to speak with your parents if you haven’t already about this. Some things to consider would be guardianship, school enrollment, how you would take care of your needs (eating, sleeping, healthcare), and how you would care for your safety if something were to happen. If you were interested, we also offer conference-calling as an option, where we would mediate a constructive conversation between your parents and yourself in order to reach an understanding.

        If you would like to talk about other resources and support, feel free to call our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or use our Live Chat.
        We hope this information was helpful and take care.
        National Runaway Safeline
        info@1800runaway.org (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    • #8
      Hello
      I am a 20 y/o Turkish girl living in Belgium, I came upon this page while searching other cases like mine. There isn’t a single place I can find a way of someone understanding me.. I do have help at school and I can leave my home at any time to live for free in a dorm owned by the school I am in. I am also able to get a little mental help But its not really helping me right now.. my situation is that I have a boyfriend, he is belgian, my parents do NOT approve of this and they’re mentally killing me, I actually got sick because of this. They made me choose between him and family But made it clear that I didn’t have a choice. I still have 4 years of college left (my schools can help me with payments for school,..) right now they are treating me like someone soooo ungrateful someone with no respect what so ever, just because I didn’t just want to give up my relationship. I told them I didn’t want to choose my parents got really angry about that and my dad hit me for the first time... I really love them and I do respect them But I can’t just choose the person I want to spend my life with by their choices.. we already are completely different and I know I would be really unhappy in that situation. After every fight my parents act as if there is nothing wrong and as if we are the happiest family ever. I do not want to hurt them But the things they say to me are breaking me so hard .. I feel like I will become really depressed or I will lose my mind.. But I dont know how to just leave them after everything they did for me in my life. My mom wants me to graduatie and then I can maybe talk about it again But honestly even if my mom accepts it my dad never will and he even says He will devorce my mom if she tries to have contact with me then, which makes me so angry and have a little less respect for him. I still care so much about them and I want to fix this bit the only way is by leaving my boyfriend and honestly I really can not do that. And IF I stay and bear this and act normal like them, I know I will lose him because my parents got even stricter than before, they want to know where I am on paper so I can’t secretly see him anymore like I used to.. as much as we love each other this is in No way a relationship.. it does give my parents the chance to say “I told you so”. How can I just go? How can I just do that to them it will break their heart too and let alone what other people will say about them, they really are great parents and did so much, but I can not let myself get in to this unhappyness for the next years to come.

      Comment


      • ccsmod2
        ccsmod2 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello There,

        Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, it takes a lot of bravery to reach out. It sounds like you are going through a difficult situation. Our organization is based in The United States and unfortunately we do not have much knowledge of laws in other countries. You may want to consider talking to your school counselor about what is going on and they may be able to help you.
        We wish you the best of luck in your situation. And remember you are not alone please stay strong!
        NRS

    • #9
      I can't live with my guardians anymore. I'm seventeen and I'm so close to being an adult, but I can't take it anymore. My dad and grandfather were arrested when I was three, and my brothers and I lived with our mom for the majority of our childhoods. She passed away when I was twelve and I was separated from my brothers less than a year after her death. Her death broke me and altered me entirely. My older brother went to foster care because no one could take care of him since he requires twenty four hour medical care, and I moved a thousand miles away with my younger brother to live with my aunt and uncle. Less than a year after that, my younger brother moved five hundred miles away to live with my mom's best friend. Fast forward to today, he's moving back to where my brother is, and my grandfather is potentially getting released early due to a compassionate release. I still live with my aunt and uncle, but I can't take it anymore. Everything I do is wrong and they tell me that I'm faking my depression in order to try to avoid getting in trouble, but I'm not. They constantly contradict themselves when telling me what to do or what's right versus what's wrong, and they constantly patronize me. They make me feel like I'm nothing, mock me, and constantly say terrible things to me about myself and my mother. The only time they ever say anything nice about me to me is when they are mean enough to bring me to tears and then insert the "but" comments such as "but you are doing everything you're supposed to do", "but you're not inherently a bad kid", or "but you're balancing everything really well." And then tell me that tomorrow is a new day and that I can start with a clean slate. I feel like that's manipulative because then it makes me unable to be mad at them, since all of that happened yesterday, and they insert the "but comments" because then I'll feel guilty if I am frustrated or upset about the other stuff they said. I can't stand it because I'm taking as many advanced classes at my school as I can, I have two jobs, and I also play multiple sports, but nothing is ever enough for me. I'm exhausted of coming back from work, school or a sport's practice to hear them talk to me for three hours about all the mistakes I've made, and how I'm the most selfish person they've ever met, or how I'm extremely slutty. They also treat me like a kid when it's beneficial to them and give me the same expectations as an adult when it suits them which is unfair. I can't plan my work schedule accordingly if they take my phone away at night and during prime times to communicate with people, and then they get frustrated when I'm unable to work everything out. They also get frustrated with me when I don't ask them if I can go out and do things or if I don't tell them everything that's going on even though I'm scared they'll get mad at me and say hurtful things. I've also gone to therapy where the therapist has told them that they're not treating me in the best way or are contributing to making our relationship harder, but they don't listen to the therapist and get mad at me for putting myself into the "victim role" of the situation once again and telling her a bunch of ******** that isn't true. Then they stopped me from seeing her. Deep down I want to believe that they have good intentions, but are just misguided with those attempts. They also tell me that I'm making their lives miserable, but whenever I offer to try to find somewhere else to live, they tell me that we don't have that option. They're wrong because I know we have that option- they just don't wish to pursue it. And recently I've relapsed in my depression because of it and have self harmed. I've always thought of running away and living in my car or getting emancipated or going back to be with my brothers again. I don't have enough money on my own to afford a lawyer or anything like that. Is there anything I can do on my own?

      Comment


      • ccsmod1
        ccsmod1 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hey there,

        Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It sounds like you’re very hard working and have a lot on your plate. Your situation must be exhausting and frustrating.

        You mentioned that you have self-harmed in the past. We care a lot about your safety, and we can help you find resources that can help you cope with these feelings. You do not have to face this alone, and there is so much help out there for you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, the National Suicide Hotline could be a good resource for you. You can check them out at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, or you can call 1-800-273-8255 for help and support any time.

        It sounds like you’re dealing with some emotional abuse – no one deserves to be treated that way. Everyone should be treated with respect and feel comfortable in their home. Child abuse and emotional abuse can vary from state to state but if could be worthwhile to check with your local Child Protective Service agency. If you’d like, you can find your local CPS agency here: www.childhelp.org.

        If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

        All the best,
        NRS

    • #10
      Hey Soo I'm 18 and I can't stand my parents anymore. I've been abused in many ways, but because it's not physical, it doesn't matter. Not to my parents, nor my sibling, not even my doctor. I also have amental illnees so instead of the abuse being the cause, it is some how the freken resault. Everyday at home is always a battle, and I always have to solve it. No one in the house is emotional excep me, so I'm also sliding into an o so wonderful depression

      Comment


      • ccsmod7
        ccsmod7 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello there,

        Thank you for reaching out to NRS and having the strength to share your story with us. We are sorry to hear about your situation and what you’ve been dealing with. Ideally, home would be a place where people feel safe, loved, and valued, and you do not deserve to be treated that way. You’ve been very courageous to reach out for help and try your best despite the circumstances.

        We are sorry to hear that you are coping with depression and other issues. If you were interested in professional mental health services, a good resource could be the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) at 1-877-726-4727 and online at samhsa.gov. Additionally, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is a resource with support groups among other services, at 1-800-950-NAMI and online at nami.org.

        You may not be able to influence how they respond to you, but you can manage your reactions and not give them control in the situation. If you haven’t already, we would encourage you to write down how you feel for your own sake to vent your emotions, as well as to be able to articulate them in a way that perhaps feels less confrontational to your parents

        We would love to talk more about the details of your situation so that we can work towards a solution that you find acceptable. If you would like to share more, please feel free to call our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or use our Live Chat.

        We hope this information was helpful and take care.
        National Runaway Safeline
        info@1800runaway.org (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
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