to many problems... and giving up...please help.. trying aga

[Guest]

Im a 15 year old girl from Colorado

i hate my life at home and always will untill the day i'm out of here. I wish i lived in a group home or a foster home. I really to god do. All my parents do is work and if they aren't working they are yelling at me for something i've done wronge which happens just about every day. I talked to a friend of mine about an incadint that happened and he even said that it was verbal or emotional abuse and possible phycial abouse. all they do is cut me down and say how [edited-much of a screw up I am], etc. So then later i feel like ********.

My mom is always saying how she would love to smack [edited]me, threating it to then trys to say she never said it.. i tryed talking to a cop about it but they said they cant do ******** and i have to wait and she if she really does it.. what kid wants to go back home and just wiat and see if it happens?? well i went home and sure enough one day at home i got in fight with my mom, idk what even about but then it go so bad she threatened it. i told her that it was child abuse and if she does i'm gone and leaving. She got about an inch from my face saying you wanna [edited] test me?!?! then i tryed to leave once she called my dad. but she grabbed my arm and through me down. i yelled to get off me but once i got back up she attacked me. As she was doing this i was screaming get [edited]off me then finally I got her off me. (she says she put me in a headlock to keep me from running..[edited]. she fully ment to. but then i was backed up in the corner for over 3 hours tell my dad came home and he did nothing... he toke her side.
I tryed to call child servieces last month after a month went by.. they said they would call back monday but i never got a call and lost the number.
I also have a foster sister and she literally gets to do whatever the hell she wants getting tattoos and piercings and all (shes 15) and i tryed saying how its not fair and my dad just laughed and my mom says it doesn't matter.
life at home got me cutting thinking of suicidal crap and now i've been doing drugs....

these are ALL of my problems... i cut, think about suicide, been really up in drugs, don't really see a point, don't care, [edited-messed] up my school years, my home life is down the drain, can't ever seem to do anything right, always [edited-messing] up, nothing ever stays good, i hate myself and my body included, i cant ever be who i want to be,etc... I'll probably thought of more by the time i send this and wish i didn't so i can add it... but pretty much I'm an over all [edited-screw]up.


extra info:P the cutting helps me relax and calm down.... and the burning with lighters helps me get...that rush...so i feel better.....

Basically i'm not go off here at home.... i need out and away..... Please help Id get emancipated.... but idk how to and i think you have to be 16... and idk if i can wait that long....

[ccsmod2]

Re: to many problems... and giving up...please help.. trying aga

Thanks for contacting us here at NRS. Wow! It seems as if there is truly a lot going on in your family life an that you were able to vent and get a lot of things off of your chest by posting your bulletin. You seem really frustrated by the fact that your parents seem to work an awful lot and that when they are not working, they are yelling at you for lots of reasons that you do not understand. The friend you talked to was correct in the fact that being yelled at and attacked verbally constantlly constitutes as verbal abuse and nobody deserves to go through this. Not only are you being verbally abused, but by the things you have mentioned that your mom does and from the threats you say she gives, it seems you are being physically abused as well. You don't seem to have too much of any support around you at all. It is not fair that your dad took your mom's side during that argument the two of you were having without even knowing fully what was going on. How is your relationship with your dad normally? And what about your foster sister? You seem to be very upset at the fact that your foster sister gets treated differently and has more freedom than you.
Unfortunately, to try to cope with things you have turned to cutting, alcohol and drugs. How long have you been cutting? How does it make you feel? Do you want help with quitting? More seriously though, you have thought about suicide. How often do thoughts about suicide occur to you? Have you come up with a a plan?
You mentioned lots of negatives in this bulletin post. Are there any times in life when you didn't feel like a failure and you felt really helpful? At this point, it seems as if you are interested in emancipation.
We can discuss whatever is important to you because we are here to help you. We are a confidential crisis line and are available 24 hours a day. We are glad that you were brave enough to contact us to get help or either just to talk and vent. Feel free to contact us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or by posting another bulletin. Rember that it is important to keep the language clean as possible because we post bulletins for others to share and respond to. Good luck with things until we hear from you again!

[Guest]

Re: to many problems... and giving up...please help.. trying aga

ive been cutting for about a year now.... and i tryed calling child services at DHS and they said they would call back but never did.
i feel bad because as i'm typing this i am kinda [edited] but idk... thats the thing with it i started to esacpe my life and now
its like i cant go a day without...its weird i try but i can't i always some how end up smoking
and the suicide i've been thinking about over a year but now i'm not as likely to do it because its a opition i can't take back....
i want out of my home. If i call and tell them the same story what will happen?
if i stated some of this to get emanicipated would it work?

[ccsmod2]

Re: to many problems... and giving up...please help.. trying aga

Thanks for replying so fast! We are sorry to hear that you did indeed try to get for yourself and there was no type of follow-up done for you. You have been cutting for a while now. Is there any comfort that this gives you? Does anyone else know this about you? You seem to be dealing with a lot and are relying on this such as alcohol and drugs to help you cope. It is good to hear that you are not considering suicide any longer because your life in truly valuable. If you do call us here and tell us the same story and even mention your interest in emancipation, we would talk things over with you and make sure that you are aware of the different options and alternatives that you would have. We would go over the laws as they pertained to emancipation in the state you are living in. We would try to do the best we could to offer you as many resources you may need and to find out the answers to your questions. We are able to do conference calls with agencies and are therefore able to advocate for you as you anonymous retrieve certain information. How does that sound to you? Does it seem like something you are up for? If so, again we are here 24 hours. If you would like to contact some other agencies, just remember to call us during business hours to be sure you actually get connected with someone to get some assistance from.

[Guest]

Re: to many problems... and giving up...please help.. trying aga

i wish i had a place to go for at least a week to get things straight..My parents dont like any boy i try to get to know. they tell me who i get to date and who i can have as friends. their my parents and i understand that but isnt it my choice. they put me down in all kinds of ways they making me get off here now please reply!! i need help!

[ccsmod8]

Re: to many problems... and giving up...please help.. trying aga

Hello,

We appreciate you writing back to us and giving us more insights into the life you live at home with your parents. The mere fact that you are now supposed to adhere to their rules as you have been before is of no consequence if you are given rationale for those rules. Rules are not always made to be broken but when they are unfair, what rationale are you left with but to disobey. However, we hope that you can still figure out a way to channel your energy into civil and proper talks with your parents about these issues before it reaches the point of meltdown in your life.

It is said that parents do get to have some say with the choices you make and the people you choose to bring around you but this is often times hard to control because they cannot be everywhere you go. Some of the people you see are always your choice and even when you say that it is made difficult or that it is not, we wonder the real motive for why that is the case with your parents. Do you think your parents just want to protect you from harm or people they do not know? Are you able to bring these individuals around to meet with them? It is not that we are taking their side but so much happens to young people that are beyond their control and can lead to much bigger issues down the road. But, this does not rule out your ability to make good choices and prove your parents wrong about choosing wisely the company you keep.

We can be of service to you if you are willing to call us to discuss these things in person over the phone. All of our liners are trained to assist you with resources and can offer you emotional support if you feel you have no one to turn to. We can be reach at 1800RUNAWAY 24 hours a day. If you are looking for a place to go, we have shelters as an option. Have you considered talking to your parents of needing time away to think? Shelters can assist with counseling when you are there and can serve as an escape from home until you are ready to reach out to your parents. We can certainly talk to you and offer tips to distract or even cope with the situation. Please consider these options and we hope to hear from you soon. Good luck

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: to many problems... and giving up...please help.. trying aga

okay..i talk to my mom about this boy just a minute ago..she said i can have him over friday..hopefully she likes him because he is nice and everything. my best friend is going through some tough things with her family and i hate to see her like that because it adds on to my stress because i cant do ANYTHINHG about it. She got on the bus this morning crying about it, so we both decided to call that number and talk to our school consular. She hoped us out alot and got her mother up here to talk and she told her mom she didnt want to live with her anymore and i had to sit in there with her and i couldnt believe the things they said to each other. I didnt call my mom because im scared of my dad, and he would be so mad, but he wont listen to me when i have a problem in my life so i have to have someone to talk to! because i cant keep it bottled up inside. I am one of the kindest people you could know i can make you smile when i cant even smile myself. i can make you laugh when im crying. but im tired of being shut out from my parents because i want to talk to them but if its about something bad r whatever they push me away when i need they advice. i was bullyed for 3 years and it was the worst days of my life i went to school wondering if i would go home early crying r what.. its hard to deal with that because once you hear it its in your head and every time you look in the mirror them voices and names start to replay and everything makes me feel worthless as if i dont even need to be here. why should anyone have to live that way? no one in this world should have to every go through life worrying if they belong there or not?!

[ccsmod1]

Re: to many problems... and giving up...please help.. trying aga

It’s good to hear that your mom is willing to meet the boy. Hopefully he makes a good impression on her! At least she’s willing to give it a shot, right?

It sounds like a lot happened with your friend and her mom at school today. Were you able to talk to the counselor about some of the things you’ve been bottling up inside? Even though it sounds like you’re not ready to have your counselor mediate between your mom and you, it’s probably nice to know that’s an option if you ever need it.

We’re sorry to hear that sometimes you feel worthless because of the things people have said to you. You’re right no one should ever have to live that way. It sounds like you’re really struggling with finding your place. Being shut out by your parents probably doesn’t help this feeling either. It sounds like you’re doing your best to keep your head up and push through all the adversity.

If you want to talk more in depth about how you’re feeling, always remember you’re welcome to call us anytime. Our hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY, is available 24/7.