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Why does my step dad hate me so much?

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  • Why does my step dad hate me so much?

    Hey. I'm a 13 or old female teenager looking for some help. My step dad bullies me a lot a calls me the meanest names and even makes fun of my weight. But he loves my other 2 brothers a lot, yet when it comes to me I feel no love at all. He has kicked my family out mutilpe times and he is a drunk. I need help. Is it my fault?

  • #2
    Reply: Why does my step dad hate me so much?

    Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.

    We are sorry to hear that you are being bullied by your stepdad.
    You are not at fault for how others behave.
    Reaching out was a brave thing to do sometimes talking about a situation can open things up to finding a way to cope with things.
    Perhaps you might consider speaking with your mother about the way that he treats you.
    Sometimes it can be helpful to have feel you are being supported.

    We want you to know that NRS is here to listen and here to help.
    If you would like to speak more about your situation contact us at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or

    You did a good job reaching out today and we hope that things get better for you.

    Take care,

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


    • #3
      My stepdad hates me. When my mom is not around or is at work he always has to make rude comments. I have tried to talk to my mom about this but she doesn’t believe me and brushes the situation off. He has made her blind. I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I only have 1 friend and she’s always happy so I feel like I can’t talk to her. My brother moved out so it’s just me, my mom, and my stepdad.


      • ccsmod11
        ccsmod11 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello, Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are having a hard time communicating with your mother about the way your stepdad is treating you. It is understandable that you would feel isolated and guarded with him making rude comment and your mother not doing anything about it. Perhaps you can consider using our conference calling service, this is a service where you would call us and we would hold a conference call between you and your mother to talk about how both sides are feeling. We would serve as mediators, we are not here to necessarily choose sides but rather help come up with a solution that would make the situation at home better. This might be helpful to you if you have concerns about your mother not listening or not being open to hear what you have to say. If you feel like this is a service that you would find useful you can give us a call and one of our trained liner will be happy to assist you.1-800-786-2929
        Best wishes,

    • #4
      my step dad fights with my mom a lot and its all about me he blames everything on me.


      • ccsmod10
        ccsmod10 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like things are tough at home right now. We give you credit for reaching out for some help.

        Here are some important things we want you to know.

        No one deserves to live with someone who makes them feel so bad all the time. It sounds like your stepdad fights a lot with your mom and is often very angry. Most likely he’s angry due to things that are happening out of the house, but when he comes home he takes it out on your mom and you. That’s not fair. Part of being an adult is knowing how to control your emotions and not taking out anger on other people.

        It’s definitely not your fault, or your mom’s fault. If you haven’t yet done this, we’d suggest you find time when you are alone with your mom to talk about this with her. Tell her how it makes you feel when your stepdad is mean to you and your mom. Learn more about how your mom feels. See what you and your mom can figure out as a plan for making this better.

        Think about a strategy for where you can go when your stepdad is upset. While you work with your mom on a better plan for making this better, think about a quieter place at home you can go when your stepdad gets upset -- or a nearby location you can relocate to stay safe and calm.

        Thank you again for reaching out to us. We hope this information above can be helpful for thinking through how to improve your situation at home. Please don’t hesitate to call us at the National Runaway Safeline if you’d like to discuss any of this further. You can reach us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

    • #5
      my stepdad always laghs me and wen i have small breaks from my revision he call me dumb


      • ccsmod7
        ccsmod7 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,

        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. That seems really hurtful that your stepdad laughs at you and calls you dumb. You deserve to be treated with respect.

        We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon. We can talk over your situation and help brainstorm your options, We also have a conference call service if you would like a mediator to help talk to your dad about how you are feeling.

        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929);

        We hope to hear from you soon.

        Be safe,


    • #6
      Hi need some help because I don't know what to do when it comes to my step dad. He hates me with a passion he trys to control my life and when I try to tell my mom what he does is either tell her a lie or she does not believe me he hits me around the head and when we go around family houses he acts really nice plz reply asap because I want him gone

      it's me or him and I'm 13


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi. Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot right now.
        You mentioned that you believe your stepdad hates you and you feel he is controlling. Is there anyone you can talk to about this? You said your mom doesn’t believe you so perhaps a teacher or school counselor/social worker or a coach or pastor? Do you have any other family members to talk to like a grandparent or aunt or uncle?
        Your step dad’s ability to behave one way around you when you are alone and then present a different personality around others must be frustrating. Other people may not see the side of him that you do when you are alone with him.
        Hitting you around the head must worry you and also hurt. Do you have a pediatrician or school nurse that could see after being hit and to make sure you are ok and that you could also talk to and explain this situation? It is never ok to hit someone and I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. You have the right to call the authorities and can contact Child Help at 1-800-422-4453 when you are abused.
        You said that it is you or him. Do you have any other choices of places to go? Like a grandparent, aunt/uncle, cousin, friend, coach or someone else that would let you live with them or have a spare bed for you to sleep in? Are you close to any of your friend’s parents and perhaps they could help you with a place to stay while you sort this all out.
        You are juggling a lot right now and are in a situation, through no fault of your own, that is very difficult. You deserve a lot of credit for evaluating your feelings and also reaching out and trying to inform others of your experiences with your stepfather. Please think about some of the opportunities that you may be able to reach out to – extended family, school personnel, sports coaches, friend’s families, your doctor and maybe a pastor or priest that will listen to you.
        Our hotline -- 1-800-786-2929 is open 7 days a week and 24 hours a day if you would like to call us and talk more about this as well as receive information on resources that might be available in your area. Best of luck!

    • #7
      Hi I need some help my step dad treats me bad try’s to control me like I’m his slave and when ever my mum isn’t home he talks to me in a rude way and he has hit me a few times and when my mum gets home I would tell her about it and my step dad would lie saying he never hit me but my mum believes me but then she won’t


      • ccsmod1
        ccsmod1 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hey there,

        Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/.

        We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

        Be safe,

    • #8
      Hey, My stepdad hates me. I've known him since I was four, and I am now thirteen. I have two younger half-sisters who I love with all of my heart and a hardworking mother. When my mom is home, my stepdad just doesn't talk to me, unless he has to, or I talk to him. My mom works night shifts a few nights a week, so that means by 5'oclock, my mom is gone. Once she is gone, my stepdad still ignores me... but he starts saying rude comments behind my back. I've heard him say some of these things, and one of my sisters (Who is six) told me once, out of anger, that my stepdad calls me names when I'm gone. My sisters are too young to ask for advice since I am the oldest, My mom might help me feel better if I talk to her, but will use what I said to her against me the next time we argue. I don't trust most of my friends with this information, so they're out of the question. I don't go to a therapist anymore, and the one person who I feel understands me the most in this world (My dad) I only see on weekends... I also don't want him to worry about me more than he already does. I've thought of killing myself, but as much as I hate to admit it... I'm scared of death. That doesn't make life any more bearable though. It just makes me feel more helpless and alone, with no one to talk to. I feel it's my fault, I'm lazy. I'm smart, I just fail at school due to lack of homework... I have no inspiration, My parents yell at me for no reason so many times, so now, when they do actually get mad at me for something was responsible of, I just can't seem to care. I don't use this as an excuse, but I think that's the reason why he hates me so much because I put in so little effort. At least... that has to be ONE reason. I don't know what to do anymore... Please help me.


      • ccsmod2
        ccsmod2 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello and thank you for reaching out to NRS. It sounds like you are going through a lot right now and you have every right to feel the way you do. There is nothing wrong with not having all the answers or expecting to be treated with respect. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your dad and even though you only get to see him on the weekends, speaking to him about how you feel and your thoughts could be beneficial. Sometimes just having that one person you can confide in can be such a weight off our shoulders, allowing you to have relationships with your friends and not feel as though you need to divulge personal information. You mentioned you thought about killing yourself; though it may not seem like it at times, there are people who care and want to support you. A resource that may be able to provide you additional support would be (1-800-950-NAMI) and (1-800-273-8255) Please reach out to us any time, we are here 24hours 7 days a week. 1-800-RUNAWAY or 1800RUNAWAY.ORG – Good Luck.

    • #9
      I got called “over dramatic” for crying because I cried because my step dad said something I could not remember but it hurt so bad....then 2 days later he said that “You don’t pay air for conditioning so why should we keep this door open for you?” I try so hard for him but he isn’t aware of it...And my mom,dad,brother,step mom ,step brother ,and my grandmas are the only ones that love me that they will do anything to make me happy... Except him...


      • ccsmod13
        ccsmod13 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hey there,

        Thank you for reaching out to us. We understand it can be hard to seek help and we are glad you felt comfortable enough to talk to us about what is going on. You are very brave in doing so. It sounds like your step-dad does not seem to pay attention to how these words might have impacted you negatively and ignores to see how hard you are trying for him. You do not deserve to be treated so unfairly where he does not seem to be giving you a chance.

        We are glad your family has been able to provide love and support for you, sometimes it can be frustrating when you have a family member who is not putting in the effort to try and have a positive relationship with you. If you are interested, sometimes talking to the family member about the way that they have been making you feel could help them understand your point of view. It helps to have another family member or friend advocate and be there for you to mediate the conversation that way there is no interrupting or arguing.

        It is also important to make sure you are taking care of yourself. Sometimes being name-called could really hurt your feelings, especially if it comes from someone you care about. Doing things that make you happy, like writing in a journal or drawing, help express those feelings you are having that way you are not holding them in.

        If you want to talk more in depth about what is going on, do not hesitate to give us a call. You can call us at 1-800-786-2929 or start a live chat with us at We are here for you, 24/7 and we are completely confidential. We are here to listen.

        Best of Luck,

    • #10
      Why does my stepdad hate me so much? He always argues with me and blames everything on me. For example, my sister's bike wheel got took off and my bike was outside so he blamed me for doing it. He always yells at me. When my mom and dad get in a argument, he mentions me in it and blames me for it.he has never gotten physical tho so that's good. What do I do?

      Gender: male


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thanks for reaching out to NRS,
        It seems like you are going through a lot of pain at home due to your treatment at the hands of your stepdad. While I can’t say for sure why he may act in ways that make you feel like he hates you, it does seem he is treating you unfairly. Blaming you for any little thing that goes wrong just doesn’t make sense.
        If you know that he listens to someone else in the household you may try convincing them to try and get some family counseling going to work on things. It might be worth trying to get personal counseling for you to help deal with your feelings. We could help you look for counseling resources in your area if you wanted to reach out to our hotline or online chat.
        It may be worth looking into if his actions constitute child abuse or not, for that we recommend for more information. They might have ways of coping, or things that convince you to reach out for other help.
        Hopefully some of these options seem helpful. We encourage you to reach out to others and ask for help that might be outside the situation a bit. If you have other questions or just need someone to talk with you can reach out to our hotline at 1-800-786-2929 or chat with us online at

    • #11
      Hi im 15 yr girl goin on 16 my step dad and mom have been married for 9 years. I have a older step brother( his kid) my sister(same mom and Dad) and a 2 year old sis(Half realated by him)
      I dont know why my step dad hates me. He talks about my weight calls me and my mom crazy but not my other siblings. He brags about my sister and her drawings (which are rlly good), but then tells me "You dont do anything, why cant you do something like your sister" (not mentioning im older than her) He dosent notice my talents at all. I sing to him and play the keyboard by ear also i got my sister started on the idea of doing comics. He brags about my older brother about him being so good at programming, but every time he says i dont do anything, BUT right when i sang a song in front of my aunt and when she posted it on her Face-book page and got alot of ppl watching it, thats when he started sayin oh your rlly talented. He picks on me about my faith (pentecostal apostolic) in what i belive in, discouarges me. He talks bad about my biological dad and his side of the family like he knows them when he literally only met them one time. And he talks bad about my grandmother on my moms side. He threatend to kick me out the house on multiple occasions and claims that i have an attitude with him when i dont agree with what he says. He yells at me and my mom all the time. He threatend me by telling me " all i gotta do is drag you up the stairs into that room and you wont be able to do nothin" I told my mom what he tells me and she obviously cant do anything about it cause she dosent belive in divorce. He thinks everybody thinks like him. He thinks everybody that is NOT of color is racist, so he wants me to marry a black man. Even tho i told him that its not up to you or me to make that choice its up to God. He just treats my mom and I really bad, he dosent know what half the stuff that he has done caused me to do. I almost took my life last year because of all this negativity. Even though all this stuff goes on in the house, him, my mom, and my siblings all put on this perfect family scene for our guest or neighbors when they visit. It hurts me so much.


      • ccsmod7
        ccsmod7 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there, thanks for reaching out today. Sounds like you are going through so much with your stepdad saying hurtful and scary things to you and your mom. You all should be treated with respect. We are worried about your safety with comments like that one about dragging you to your room. Please do not hesitate to call 911 if you feel like you are in immediate danger.

        It sounds like your mom is aware of what is going on, but does not do anything about it because she does not believe in divorce. That cannot be easy for you to deal with. While it is your mom's choice to be with him, it is also her choice in where you stay. So if you haven't already, you might try to talk to her about staying elsewhere because you are feeling unsafe, like with your grandmother or your dad's family. You so deserve a safe place to stay.

        If your mom ever does decide to leave, and needs help due to his emotional abuse, yiou might let her know about the National Domesitic Violence Hotline: Depending on what is going on in the household, you might be able to report the abuse to Child Protective Services to see if they would intervene as well. To learn more about reporting, you might call or chat ChildHelp:

        Please do not hesitate to call or chat us if you you would like to talk through your situation or need local resources. We are always here for you.




    • #12
      Hi, this happened like two years ago (I'm 13 turning 14 this year) but it still affects my thinking and attitude. So my mum married my stepdad and at first I was like okay whateverrr (cuz i wanted her to be happy). Then he started judging me for not washing the dishes cuz my boy cousin (from his side so not my literal cousin) was washing the dishes and I was like what the actual hell I do too, he just never sees. And he yells soo much at me and my mum and called her stupid. He's german and we're australian so we don't speak german and this one time my mum's work called (she has two extra phones which are work related) and one of em rang at like 10-ish pm and of course, my mamma picked up. I don't remember what the work lady was saying but my stepdad was pissed and started saying "F*CK YOUU! F*CK YOU!" like multiple times and my mum rushed me out of the house and her and I went to my grandma's house. The next day my mum got fired from her job because of that. She's a nurse so she found another job. I was really scared and stuff like this has happened like sooo many times we had to go out of the house. My mum literally never learnt her lesson. Anyways this other time, she left me alone at our house, it's a unit so it's like pretty small and there's no locks on any of the doors. He started saying that I was lazy and stupid because I wanted to go outside because I'd done like 2 hours of non stop homework. My mum came home and I told her about it but he frickin said that I was lying! My mamma gave me a sympathetic look but did nothing about it. I hated him so much. I know violence is never the answer, butttt, after my stepdad finally hit my mum she learnt her lesson. They were like chatting one night ( I was at my nan's house) and my mum probably said something to rattle him then he hit her and pushed her which resulted on her hitting her eye on the edge of the bedside table. She called the police and then went to hospital. I still don't know how to feel about all this...


      • ccsmod0
        ccsmod0 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and we understand it takes courage to reach out for help. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/.
        We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

    • #13
      Hi I'm 14 year old girl who lives with my sister, mum and step dad. My mum married my stepdad about 4-5 years ago, at first I was okay with it because he acted so nice it was like he was different person. Then, when I went to my dad's house instead of going to someone's party my stepdad started saying that I always defended him and I shouldn't even be going to see him. I used to see my dad every Thursday and every other weekend but when I was looking at football clubs to join, two of them were on Thursdays and my mum said that if I don't join one I won't be able to go to any of my friends parties anymore because if I didn't do something for them they can't do something for me. So now I only see my step dad every other week on the weekend (he lives an hour away). My step dad started getting worse, and he calls me names, comments on my weight and if I get any spots or something he points it out and makes fun of me, he also moans every time I get my guitar out and start singing (my dad said I was really good and took videos of me and sent them to the whole family) he always criticizes my football in front of the whole team and says things to other girls on my team (he the coach now) about their shorts being to tight or says they could jump on other players in match to flatten them. He shouts at me all the time and goes on and on at me so much more than my sister (she rarely ever gets told off) and even though I get great test scores and I'm in the top sets for everything he always says I'm dumb or points out the tiny bad things I did wrong in a test. He favors my sister so much more even though I am smarter, play football (his favorite sport which my sister doesn't like) I also run for my County, play an instrument and I have a sense of humor a bit like him. I cry nearly every night and no one knows how horrible and manipulative he is towards me. I just don't know what to do he always crushes my dreams and goes on and on about soon I'll be leaving home. He also keeps saying that I will get pregnant as soon as I leave school and I'll have to marry someone for money and that they will slap me and stuff but I will stay in an unhappy marriage with them anyway! And he isn't joking he says it seriously. The only thing that makes me feel better is my dad and music and he always stops me from listening to it or moans that maybe I should pay more attention to everything else rather than listening to music all the time! Sorry for such a long paragraph I just needed to tell someone.
      Last edited by ccsmod4; 09-09-2020, 02:17 AM.


      • ccsmod4
        ccsmod4 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS).

        We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things in your life right now.
        It sounds like you’re fearing that the stress from the situation is getting harder and harder to handle.
        We are sorry you are going through a tough emotional time.
        Having your family react the way they do must be upsetting and frustrating.
        You don’t deserve to be talked down to or have your dreams put down. It’s not your fault that your step dad does this. You don’t deserve to be mistreated by anyone.

        Sometimes when things are too stressful it might help to talk with someone about it.
        Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this.
        NRS is here to listen and here to help.
        We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
        If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.

        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); (click on the chat button). You are welcome to discuss your situation and talk about possible options for help. What you did today by reaching out was great. Good job.

        Take care,
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